death of deep blue | open

[Ivan]

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IVAN
slav. "god is gracious"
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a son
a brother

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ALYOSHA, MY DEAR, MY ONLY SON, I'M AFRAID OF IVAN —

The thought had never really ingrained itself in his mind that he would die. It seemed very far off. He couldn't die, not without his goal being just out of reach. All the same, there was a curious self-destructive nature that preyed on his mind. He didn't know where it came from, and he stayed silent about it. He was alive, and he didn't know why or what for. So he'd find out the answers to those questions, but it proved to be taking quite the toll on him.

At this point, his legs were tiring and his breathing was shallower. If he was aware of Bloodhound leaping in after him, he did not make any notice of it. He still thrashed, the stubborn part of him, so he had missed Bloodhound's first attempt inadvertently. Their jaws closed home on the boy's torso and he immediately let out a startled yelp and a pathetic little mew. He struggled for a moment, and then relaxed. His eyes opened and closed blearily. It was a wolf, and once he got better bearings of himself, he realized it wasn't Caustic.

Exhausted and petrified, he did not say anything and lay limp in their jaws as he was carried back to shore. He thought he saw two figures there, but he couldn't make out who. His skin burned with shame, but he did not know what shame it was for.

— I'M MORE AFRAID OF IVAN THAN THE OTHER ONE.