a battery of guilt | weekly task

[Ivan]

[table][tr][td]

pixel by tricky

[/td][td]

[div style="width: 300px; max-height: 100px; height: overflow; overflow: scroll; padding-bottom: 5px; margin-top: -5px; font-family: georgia; font-size: 8pt; color: #152232; letter-spacing: 0px; text-align: justify;"]He kept fancying that Ivan was absorbed in something — something inward and important — that he was striving toward some goal, perhaps very hard to attain.

— Бра́тья Карама́зовы

[/td][/tr][/table]

Ivan did not think of the eagle as a pet, much less a friend or a companion. He was strictly a caretaker by a freak accident. The dominoes had fallen into place, the die was cast, and now Ivan was given responsibility of a mutant. At her birth, the eaglet had committed a crime against Ivan's morality, the killing of her siblings. But, prompted by his uncle and father, he reluctantly decided to take the responsibility of her after learning that she imprinted on him. It was his own fault, and he couldn't kill something else for something he did. There was also that nagging to live up to his father, but Ivan tried to explain his motives based on logic and rationality, not emotions.

He was reminded of this when Aurum approached, recognizing how far he'd gone. He flicked his tail in a friendly greeting. "I didn't really teach her anything, I just tried to draw out her instinct." Though he wondered just how much of that had been damaged. Vingere sort of voiced those concerns. Ivan's circular ears went flat against his head, feeling that he was being lectured.

"You have no idea how much I wanted her to live with her own kind." He let out a deep exhale, reminding himself that Vingere, though a veteran, was new to the current Tanglewood society and news. "But it's not reasonable. She thinks she's a feline — it's why I had to teach her to fly. She imprinted on me, accidentally. Her parents are nowhere to be found and she killed her siblings. There's also the issue of her double-headedness. They're not doing it now, but they fight and argue. A lot." The bird never responded to golden eagle caws and her own vocalizations strangely resembled purring. Ivan felt bad about it occasionally, and he wasn't well-versed in birds, but he understood this bird particularly well. She was an anomaly and he tried to not compare her to regular birds. She might never be able to be on her own. He hoped that one day her mind would develop as fast as her body did. Perhaps she was rational, but instinct guided her so far.

He noticeably brightened up when his father arrived, the warmth returning to his chest as he was praised. He averted his eyes slightly. It was a bittersweet feeling, one that made him want to run away, but he willed his paws to anchor to the ground. He purred at the touch, but faltered at the idea of her name.

Alaric tagged on to it, there was no way for him to avoid it. "She doesn't have one." Don't want to get attached. He remembered Beck speaking about his own little friend. He had named it. Why couldn't Ivan? The young cat started, feeling awkward. He quickly added, without thinking, "I just haven't come up with anything good yet. She's not a pet." Of course, they'd think that he was weird in refusing to name her. Maybe someday he could fully accept her. This bonding was a baby step. He tipped his head to watch her glide in the air above him. She could never reach space, but she was closer to it than he would ever be.