04-12-2020, 12:28 AM
[table][tr][td]![[Image: b94dbd8a-65a5-11ea-af51-45358cb49cc4.gif]](https://piskel-imgstore-b.appspot.com/img/b94dbd8a-65a5-11ea-af51-45358cb49cc4.gif)
[div style="width: 300px; max-height: 100px; height: overflow; overflow: scroll; padding-bottom: 5px; margin-top: -5px; font-family: georgia; font-size: 8pt; color: #152232; letter-spacing: 0px; text-align: justify;"]He kept fancying that Ivan was absorbed in something — something inward and important — that he was striving toward some goal, perhaps very hard to attain.
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[/td][td][div style="width: 300px; max-height: 100px; height: overflow; overflow: scroll; padding-bottom: 5px; margin-top: -5px; font-family: georgia; font-size: 8pt; color: #152232; letter-spacing: 0px; text-align: justify;"]He kept fancying that Ivan was absorbed in something — something inward and important — that he was striving toward some goal, perhaps very hard to attain.
— Бра́тья Карама́зовы
Of course, Ivan had no qualms or insecurities about his body, much less eating. He was different in being a feline for all of his waking life. He had read a story in which souls reincarnated into various different forms based on the merits of their previous life. While Ivan himself did not really see reincarnation as a logical account of after death, he wouldn't deny that the thought experiment was a nice one.
His mind, he was beginning to realize, was a very lonesome place and he'd easily get lost in it if he didn't think to leave a little trail of breadcrumbs for him to follow out. Or perhaps it was more like the labyrinth in the Greek story of Theseus. His heart beat coldly thinking of what his mental Minotaur would be — the amalgamation of all that was deadly. Reason was deadly. Perhaps he'd happily get rid of his rationality to be a dead-eyed cow, simply living in the moment. It was scary that he thought too much. He was beginning to find himself less closer to the truth and more close to despair.
At least, Caustic understood, he thought, aligning his head to glance at him for a moment. Even if he didn't agree, or didn't fully understood, he listened. That was more than enough, to just be validated. Ivan wanted to feel like he mattered.
"Fair enough." He consented. Staring while eating wasn't considered good table manners anyway.
Ivan sighed, setting to work of unraveling the strings of wool that clouded his mind. "I mean that its not fair to change forms for the sake of some simple pleasure. I find it almost to be a slap in the face to those who suffer with deformities. Why can't they slip into a body? If one can change one's reproductive parts, why can't others change to a body with a better set of lungs?" He thought of poor Alice as he said this. He did not think illnesses should be normalized. Nobody should have to live with something they didn't ask for. Alas, he was discovering that the world was throwing a massive middle finger to all of them.
His mind, he was beginning to realize, was a very lonesome place and he'd easily get lost in it if he didn't think to leave a little trail of breadcrumbs for him to follow out. Or perhaps it was more like the labyrinth in the Greek story of Theseus. His heart beat coldly thinking of what his mental Minotaur would be — the amalgamation of all that was deadly. Reason was deadly. Perhaps he'd happily get rid of his rationality to be a dead-eyed cow, simply living in the moment. It was scary that he thought too much. He was beginning to find himself less closer to the truth and more close to despair.
At least, Caustic understood, he thought, aligning his head to glance at him for a moment. Even if he didn't agree, or didn't fully understood, he listened. That was more than enough, to just be validated. Ivan wanted to feel like he mattered.
"Fair enough." He consented. Staring while eating wasn't considered good table manners anyway.
Ivan sighed, setting to work of unraveling the strings of wool that clouded his mind. "I mean that its not fair to change forms for the sake of some simple pleasure. I find it almost to be a slap in the face to those who suffer with deformities. Why can't they slip into a body? If one can change one's reproductive parts, why can't others change to a body with a better set of lungs?" He thought of poor Alice as he said this. He did not think illnesses should be normalized. Nobody should have to live with something they didn't ask for. Alas, he was discovering that the world was throwing a massive middle finger to all of them.