04-30-2018, 11:40 PM
There are many names in history
but none of them are ours.
lilyspoise ♕ the typhoon ♕ budding flower ♕ tags
Sometimes Lilyspoise felt like more of the adult when dealing with Margaery. When Eli and Marg fought, the cream tabby pinned it on Eli instigated, and she supposed that she was too, to an extend, but Margaery seemed to be very keen on not listening to reason. Her tail flicked in agitation, and she sighed.
"Margaery, you nor Suiteheart never once asked if any of us were comfortable being your daughters. You just took us in, and it was a kind, kind gesture, but my entire life I've never had a stable family. Every family I've been in fell to pieces, so forgive me for wanting to spare you from the bad luck that follows me like a plague." Lil said, clenching her eyes shut to prevent herself from seeing Margaery's reaction. It was something she never opened up about, not in their old residence, not when they traveled together, not ever. Only now. Only now and she didn't even mean to, but Margaery wasn't listening so what else was she supposed to do?
Lil felt her heart beat with pain in it's veins, pain spreading through her body, pain consuming her. Everything was simultaneously for better and for worse when she just didn't know where Margaery or Suite were. At least back then she could believe that she hadn't been the cause for Margaery's degrading health. At least back then she could believe that even if Margaery and Suiteheart had been looking for her, at least they had each other and none of the pain Lil brought with her everywhere she went.
"I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted you to get involved in my mess of a life. I never wanted to spread this pain and hurt to you-- to you or to Suiteheart. This was never your burden to bear and I'm sorry that it's been thrust upon you. I'm sorry." Lil coughed a bit, trying to hold back tears by force of will alone. "I never wanted this, and I'm sorry that I'm destroying you, too."
For a moment, she bitterly thought about how she was supposed to be a healer, and yet she seemed to excel at causing pain. She hurt Margaery, she'd killed people as the Lilies, she'd ran away from her old home, and now she had finally found a place where she could be as terrible as she truly was and she would not only be accepted, but welcomed nonetheless.
It was a comfortable place to call home.
As Margaery's fury returned in full force, Lil could've sworn for a moment she'd been consumed by the flames. Lissa used to be advanced in the use of fire and Lilyspoise grew used to the heat, and yet this fire was hotter than anything she'd ever seen. It burned in a way that left marks she couldn't treat; injuries she couldn't soothe.
"She was selfish and terrible and even when I broke before her, she didn't care."
"I am breaking before you now! Do my emotions mean nothing to you in comparison to your own search for love-- your search to be loved and to love someone who cannot be loved! You cannot fix me, Margaery! I want to love, I want to be a part of a family, but all I can do is tear everything apart! Can't you see, Margaery? You're trying so hard for a moot cause! You're trying so hard to save something that is beyond help. I'm a healer, remember? I know when things cannot be saved!" Lil was yelling -- screeching, practically -- and tears flowed freely from her formerly closed eyes, which now shot open in fury and--
"Margaery-- Margaery get up! No, no, no!" Lil said, thinking for just a moment that Margaery was dying before her eyes. But the simple words she was able to convey gave her enough to work from. "Focus on breathing, I'm going to get some herbs. I can fix this-- I can put this back together. I'm a healer, remember?"
Lil bolted off, remembering the locations of herbs she had found on the island. Juniper Berries were scarcer on the mainland, but grew like weeds here. It wasn't hard to find a bush of them, and she was quick to bite off a large branch. She held it firm in her mouth despite the discomfort and moved in the direction she remembered some resting rocks were in. Thyme-- it grew it hot and sunny areas, and an area to sunbathe on an island that went relatively unused made for pretty good breeding grounds.
Juniper berries? Check. Thyme? Check. Ragwort leaves were safely stored in one of her necklace's pouches. Chamomile-- yes, oh thank god she found it just a few days ago. She had planted some in her garden on the mainland due to how hard it could be to find in the wild, but she kept a couple of them on her due to their anxiety soothing properties. Thank god she did. She grabbed a dock leaf, too, just so she didn't place the herbs on the dirt.
Gathering up her supplies, and slipping her necklace back on before grabbing the branch once more (and for a small moment she tasted copper, but couldn't care less about the new cut on the roof of her mouth because Margaery was more important) and running. Lil didn't even know she could run this fast, but tough time called for extreme measures.
"'M hea to 'elp." Lil assured, placing the branch of juniper berries down and spitting out some of the blood that had collected in her mouth. She'd treat that later -- if she even could, but that wasn't her main concern right now -- but right now she had already begun to work. Necklace off and pouches barely not ripped at the speed at which she opened them. She plucked berries from the branches, pulled leaves off of the thyme plant and the ragwort, and placed them all, alongside the chamomile, on the large dock leaf. "Eat these, it'll help."
"Margaery, you nor Suiteheart never once asked if any of us were comfortable being your daughters. You just took us in, and it was a kind, kind gesture, but my entire life I've never had a stable family. Every family I've been in fell to pieces, so forgive me for wanting to spare you from the bad luck that follows me like a plague." Lil said, clenching her eyes shut to prevent herself from seeing Margaery's reaction. It was something she never opened up about, not in their old residence, not when they traveled together, not ever. Only now. Only now and she didn't even mean to, but Margaery wasn't listening so what else was she supposed to do?
Lil felt her heart beat with pain in it's veins, pain spreading through her body, pain consuming her. Everything was simultaneously for better and for worse when she just didn't know where Margaery or Suite were. At least back then she could believe that she hadn't been the cause for Margaery's degrading health. At least back then she could believe that even if Margaery and Suiteheart had been looking for her, at least they had each other and none of the pain Lil brought with her everywhere she went.
"I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted you to get involved in my mess of a life. I never wanted to spread this pain and hurt to you-- to you or to Suiteheart. This was never your burden to bear and I'm sorry that it's been thrust upon you. I'm sorry." Lil coughed a bit, trying to hold back tears by force of will alone. "I never wanted this, and I'm sorry that I'm destroying you, too."
For a moment, she bitterly thought about how she was supposed to be a healer, and yet she seemed to excel at causing pain. She hurt Margaery, she'd killed people as the Lilies, she'd ran away from her old home, and now she had finally found a place where she could be as terrible as she truly was and she would not only be accepted, but welcomed nonetheless.
It was a comfortable place to call home.
As Margaery's fury returned in full force, Lil could've sworn for a moment she'd been consumed by the flames. Lissa used to be advanced in the use of fire and Lilyspoise grew used to the heat, and yet this fire was hotter than anything she'd ever seen. It burned in a way that left marks she couldn't treat; injuries she couldn't soothe.
"She was selfish and terrible and even when I broke before her, she didn't care."
"I am breaking before you now! Do my emotions mean nothing to you in comparison to your own search for love-- your search to be loved and to love someone who cannot be loved! You cannot fix me, Margaery! I want to love, I want to be a part of a family, but all I can do is tear everything apart! Can't you see, Margaery? You're trying so hard for a moot cause! You're trying so hard to save something that is beyond help. I'm a healer, remember? I know when things cannot be saved!" Lil was yelling -- screeching, practically -- and tears flowed freely from her formerly closed eyes, which now shot open in fury and--
"Margaery-- Margaery get up! No, no, no!" Lil said, thinking for just a moment that Margaery was dying before her eyes. But the simple words she was able to convey gave her enough to work from. "Focus on breathing, I'm going to get some herbs. I can fix this-- I can put this back together. I'm a healer, remember?"
Lil bolted off, remembering the locations of herbs she had found on the island. Juniper Berries were scarcer on the mainland, but grew like weeds here. It wasn't hard to find a bush of them, and she was quick to bite off a large branch. She held it firm in her mouth despite the discomfort and moved in the direction she remembered some resting rocks were in. Thyme-- it grew it hot and sunny areas, and an area to sunbathe on an island that went relatively unused made for pretty good breeding grounds.
Juniper berries? Check. Thyme? Check. Ragwort leaves were safely stored in one of her necklace's pouches. Chamomile-- yes, oh thank god she found it just a few days ago. She had planted some in her garden on the mainland due to how hard it could be to find in the wild, but she kept a couple of them on her due to their anxiety soothing properties. Thank god she did. She grabbed a dock leaf, too, just so she didn't place the herbs on the dirt.
Gathering up her supplies, and slipping her necklace back on before grabbing the branch once more (and for a small moment she tasted copper, but couldn't care less about the new cut on the roof of her mouth because Margaery was more important) and running. Lil didn't even know she could run this fast, but tough time called for extreme measures.
"'M hea to 'elp." Lil assured, placing the branch of juniper berries down and spitting out some of the blood that had collected in her mouth. She'd treat that later -- if she even could, but that wasn't her main concern right now -- but right now she had already begun to work. Necklace off and pouches barely not ripped at the speed at which she opened them. She plucked berries from the branches, pulled leaves off of the thyme plant and the ragwort, and placed them all, alongside the chamomile, on the large dock leaf. "Eat these, it'll help."
[table]
[tr]
[td]
[/tr]
[/table]
[tr]
[td]
[/td]
[td]
[/td][td]
[div style="letter-spacing: -1px; font-size: 16pt; font-family: arial; text-transform: uppercase; color: #353E84;"]II. THE HIGH PRIESTESS
this card in the upright position indicates quiet knowledge and wisdom of the unknowable. the high priestess’s inaction is a result of having done all that they can and knowing that the rest is in the universe’s hands. In the reversed position, this card indicates one whose judgement is clouded by stress and uncertainty, always concerned with the lives of others around them.
[/tr]
[/table]
lilyspoise ♕ the typhoon ♕ tri-souled ♕ tags