01-31-2020, 10:56 AM
[font=trebuchet ms]/maybe tw: slight implication of suicidal ideation in paragraph 6
The first night of the semi-lockdown at the mountain camp, Rin had decided to stay at the mountain camp as well. The entire point of her plan was to keep the Captain's main target away from the docks, and ideally as far away as possible. Besides, if she kept up with the "do as I say, not as I do" mentality, asking the Elysites to do things she wouldn't do herself, they might eventually get tired of her and depose her even before the curse was broken. As such, she had taken her herb stores up to the mountains, and had settled down in one of the connected caves for the night- big enough to fit Nemhain, but not so large that she couldn't see the ceiling.
And immediately, she was reminded of why she never liked sleeping in the mountain camp.
As shallow as the caves near the camp were, if they started to collapse, she could probably save everyone- the open-air area wasn't far from any given cave- but only if she was awake. Going to sleep in them, to her, was emotionally like going to sleep in an open bear trap. Logically, she knew the likelihood of a cave-in was a tiny fraction of a percent, but all she could think of was-
No, don't think about that. If she thought about it, she ran the risk of waking up Nemhain. Nemhain had already sacrificed more than enough sleep for her.
With a heavy sigh, she stood up and exited the cave, then went out onto the mountainside. Breathing in the frigid air, she could feel the cold numbing the edges of her mind where her fears ran most rampant. There was nothing that could collapse on her and kill her out here. Really, the Captain couldn't make the caves collapse either- he was a god of the sea, not a god of the mountain. Everything was fine.
Standing out in the snow for a few moments, Rin let the wind ruffle her fur, sting against her face. Any reminder that she was still alive was welcome. Some other days that wouldn't be much comfort, but today she needed something to ground her.
Just a little longer, and she would go back in-
-then her eyes fell upon Tena, out patrolling, in the middle of the night.
Any calmness her mind had found was gone, burned away by her inner thoughts turning on themselves. If Tena was out here on such a potentially-dangerous night, Rin had to follow her. Yet Tena probably wouldn't want her to follow, and really after the events of the past month and a half, she should probably leave Tena alone. But if she did, Tena might be attacked- unless she stayed away from the dock, in which case she would probably be fine- but Rin should probably follow anyway, in case this ended up like the last time- but last time was six months ago-
-she would want a choice.
Actually having some agency in what happened to her... Rin had understood the craving for it, not so long ago. Had she forgotten, now that she had that power, now that she could control the direction of her life on some level? It was addicting, the feeling that she could actually stop the ones around her from dying.
But that feeling was false. If it had any truth, it was because she had tried to deny them their own agency.
Feeling herself sink down, she shook her head. Tena was going to patrol whether Rin liked it or not. She might as well accept her defeat with grace. But she could die if you do. Then she would just have to live with that discomfort and paranoia and guilt. That was a mercifully-light punishment for what she'd failed to prevent so many years ago.
"...May I come with you?" Rin asked finally, walking down the mountainside until she was roughly level with the hill Tena stood on. "If you want me to stay here, I will." She was giving Tena the choice directly, much as it hurt to do so.
The first night of the semi-lockdown at the mountain camp, Rin had decided to stay at the mountain camp as well. The entire point of her plan was to keep the Captain's main target away from the docks, and ideally as far away as possible. Besides, if she kept up with the "do as I say, not as I do" mentality, asking the Elysites to do things she wouldn't do herself, they might eventually get tired of her and depose her even before the curse was broken. As such, she had taken her herb stores up to the mountains, and had settled down in one of the connected caves for the night- big enough to fit Nemhain, but not so large that she couldn't see the ceiling.
And immediately, she was reminded of why she never liked sleeping in the mountain camp.
As shallow as the caves near the camp were, if they started to collapse, she could probably save everyone- the open-air area wasn't far from any given cave- but only if she was awake. Going to sleep in them, to her, was emotionally like going to sleep in an open bear trap. Logically, she knew the likelihood of a cave-in was a tiny fraction of a percent, but all she could think of was-
No, don't think about that. If she thought about it, she ran the risk of waking up Nemhain. Nemhain had already sacrificed more than enough sleep for her.
With a heavy sigh, she stood up and exited the cave, then went out onto the mountainside. Breathing in the frigid air, she could feel the cold numbing the edges of her mind where her fears ran most rampant. There was nothing that could collapse on her and kill her out here. Really, the Captain couldn't make the caves collapse either- he was a god of the sea, not a god of the mountain. Everything was fine.
Standing out in the snow for a few moments, Rin let the wind ruffle her fur, sting against her face. Any reminder that she was still alive was welcome. Some other days that wouldn't be much comfort, but today she needed something to ground her.
Just a little longer, and she would go back in-
-then her eyes fell upon Tena, out patrolling, in the middle of the night.
Any calmness her mind had found was gone, burned away by her inner thoughts turning on themselves. If Tena was out here on such a potentially-dangerous night, Rin had to follow her. Yet Tena probably wouldn't want her to follow, and really after the events of the past month and a half, she should probably leave Tena alone. But if she did, Tena might be attacked- unless she stayed away from the dock, in which case she would probably be fine- but Rin should probably follow anyway, in case this ended up like the last time- but last time was six months ago-
-she would want a choice.
Actually having some agency in what happened to her... Rin had understood the craving for it, not so long ago. Had she forgotten, now that she had that power, now that she could control the direction of her life on some level? It was addicting, the feeling that she could actually stop the ones around her from dying.
But that feeling was false. If it had any truth, it was because she had tried to deny them their own agency.
Feeling herself sink down, she shook her head. Tena was going to patrol whether Rin liked it or not. She might as well accept her defeat with grace. But she could die if you do. Then she would just have to live with that discomfort and paranoia and guilt. That was a mercifully-light punishment for what she'd failed to prevent so many years ago.
"...May I come with you?" Rin asked finally, walking down the mountainside until she was roughly level with the hill Tena stood on. "If you want me to stay here, I will." She was giving Tena the choice directly, much as it hurt to do so.
tags (06/13/20):