01-26-2020, 11:35 PM
[font=trebuchet ms]She could sense the nausea, the feeling of two desires at odds with one another as Rin's thoughts whirled- a feeling coming from the other end of the bond. Was this distressing Nemhain? Did they need to stop? Maybe they needed to stop, just to let both of them take stock of whatever pieces of themselves had fallen onto the floor. She didn't have to repress these things, but there was only so much introspection the two of them could take before-
Nemhain's words temporarily disrupted Rin's train of thought, and she turned to look at her persona. The drop in her voice as she trailed off, the words plummeting over the edge of a cliff, like there was supposed to be more... something went unsaid, something that Rin could tell was there but didn't have the strength to acknowledge the nature of.
As she ended her rambling about each of the Elysites, Rin once again felt a progression of afterimages- some of them idyllic and peaceful, some of them... decidedly not. The feeling of crushing loneliness, of desperation, of not wanting to inflict either of those on another. The feeling of watching someone sink into the water, unable to keep themselves afloat.
A shiver ran through her.
As Nemhain continued, Rin felt her gaze drift to the floorboards again. She had to reach out, even to those she'd hurt? ...was that not an insult, to ask those you'd hurt to help you? There were so many debts she had to pay off before she could even think of-
No, she couldn't... she couldn't subject Nemhain to that cycle of self-destructive thoughts again.
The exhaustion threatened to melt her away like a lone snowflake under the sun's rays.
"...maybe I will," Rin muttered finally, closing her eyes. "Maybe... I'll ask Play." Play already knew about what had happened with the Ascendants, anyway. She wouldn't be adding much to Play's burdens by confiding in her about that, at least.
...what was her end goal, anyway? What was the point? Holding it together long enough to break the gods' curse was a given, but after that... did she really think she could be fixed? Would there ever be a point where the past wasn't constantly a step behind her, ready to tear into her as soon as it caught her?
No, don't think about that. It would just hurt both of them to think about the futility of it all.
If it weren't for the likelihood that she'd have nightmares, especially considering what she'd just seen, sleep would sound wonderful right now. "Probably better that I don't want to sleep," she mumbled. "Someone's gotta... gotta watch the ocean." Next meeting, maybe she could... assign shifts, or something.
Maybe she'd just sleep during the day.
Leaning against the wall, she forced her eyes open, shaking her head. It was just going to be this, over and over again, huh? Forget it. "Drench me," she said, turning her head to fix her eyes on Nemhain. If she stared intently, she could pay attention. "Cold water'll keep me up. Gotta stay up."
Nemhain's words temporarily disrupted Rin's train of thought, and she turned to look at her persona. The drop in her voice as she trailed off, the words plummeting over the edge of a cliff, like there was supposed to be more... something went unsaid, something that Rin could tell was there but didn't have the strength to acknowledge the nature of.
As she ended her rambling about each of the Elysites, Rin once again felt a progression of afterimages- some of them idyllic and peaceful, some of them... decidedly not. The feeling of crushing loneliness, of desperation, of not wanting to inflict either of those on another. The feeling of watching someone sink into the water, unable to keep themselves afloat.
A shiver ran through her.
As Nemhain continued, Rin felt her gaze drift to the floorboards again. She had to reach out, even to those she'd hurt? ...was that not an insult, to ask those you'd hurt to help you? There were so many debts she had to pay off before she could even think of-
No, she couldn't... she couldn't subject Nemhain to that cycle of self-destructive thoughts again.
The exhaustion threatened to melt her away like a lone snowflake under the sun's rays.
"...maybe I will," Rin muttered finally, closing her eyes. "Maybe... I'll ask Play." Play already knew about what had happened with the Ascendants, anyway. She wouldn't be adding much to Play's burdens by confiding in her about that, at least.
...what was her end goal, anyway? What was the point? Holding it together long enough to break the gods' curse was a given, but after that... did she really think she could be fixed? Would there ever be a point where the past wasn't constantly a step behind her, ready to tear into her as soon as it caught her?
No, don't think about that. It would just hurt both of them to think about the futility of it all.
If it weren't for the likelihood that she'd have nightmares, especially considering what she'd just seen, sleep would sound wonderful right now. "Probably better that I don't want to sleep," she mumbled. "Someone's gotta... gotta watch the ocean." Next meeting, maybe she could... assign shifts, or something.
Maybe she'd just sleep during the day.
Leaning against the wall, she forced her eyes open, shaking her head. It was just going to be this, over and over again, huh? Forget it. "Drench me," she said, turning her head to fix her eyes on Nemhain. If she stared intently, she could pay attention. "Cold water'll keep me up. Gotta stay up."
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