04-28-2018, 04:22 PM
//sorry I was really busy this past week!
Fear was an emotion London was more than familiar with, she'd seen so much of it in her life. The fear of her brothers was like a scar in her mind. It had been so long ago she should have forgotten, but she could still remember those cries. She had just had her eyes open for the first time, just an hour or so of bright lights and fascinating colors when it had started. One of her brothers had been crying. He kept opening and closing his eyes, as if trying to get them to work. Four of them were marveling at the sights of the world around them, but the last one, Lincoln, had been left behind. Maria had done the best she could, patiently explaining to him that he would never be able to see anything, and her brother broke. Anguished wails shattered the air, and London and the others ran back into the gas station to see what had happened. They had not been all that worried, just confused, except for Bennett who had always been on the fearful one, even then. The condition of their brother had left them all afraid though, it was as if blinking could make the visual world fade away forever, but they soon learned that was not the case.
Bennett was the one who struggled the most though. London's disability had been rather quickly discovered as she'd been quite adventurous by nature, and Lincoln blindness had been a catastrophic discovery, but he had managed to accept it eventually. Bennett's illness was not as physical though. It was not as easy to spot, but it had always been there. It was as if the moment he was born, the whole world had declared him it's enemy. Anything at all would terrify that poor pure soul, for schizophrenia controlled his very being. He did his best to follow around the more rambunctious of the bunch, but even his own shadow would scare him. They did their best to play with him still, especially Alexis, who seemed to understand the demons in Bennett's mind because he had some of his own. It seemed each of them had some disability, all except for Harvey. But oh, there had always been special about him as well, just as the rest of them, it was more flamboyant, but just as dramatic. An outrageous temper. For one so pretty, Harvey's tongue cut like a knife when anything at all did not go his way, it was almost funny as long as you weren't the target of his wrath. Which happened to be London on quite a few occasions. Though the relationship all five of them had was special, and they could never stay angry for too long.
It was such a pity that it all had to end so fast. Just before their six month birthday, and each of them had fallen ill, one by one, starting with poor Alexis. Somehow it never came to her though, she had cheated death, but the others were not so lucky. They had all been afraid of that strange illness that had torn their family away. That fear never had a chance to shrink, festering and growing as the conditions of her littermates worsened. They grew so sick, and London could do nothing to help them. Eventually, Maria had forbidden her from visiting her brothers in their condition, as she could see the girl's self destructive nature forming. It had been her fault, at least, that was what the albino had believed. It had to be, though she did not know what she could possibly have done to make them so gravely ill, but it was all her fault. And it was also her fault that they could not find a cure, she could have helped look but she never did.
She had become pretty moody around that time, often finding herself bored back then without her brothers, but Maria had always cared for her children. She would distract the girl with stories and novels and songs to keep her mind occupied with other thoughts. Now they were all dead, and she had not been able to do anything to stop it. Even her mother had died, but she had managed not to stay too depressed for long. That was why she could often be found humming, because music was the medium she used to lessen the sorrow in her heart. She was not special, she had caused so much sorrow to her family, but she found a way to push past that. Death did not scare the girl, neither that of others or the prospect of her own seemed to have that effect on her. It was unnecessary and it did toy with her emotions for just a short moment, but the girl had already caused death. At least she believed she did, even if it may seem impossible for anyone to believe that those deaths had been her fault. She was of the opinion that she was to be blamed not only for the deaths of her brothers, but also for that of her mother. Sure, the woman had poisoned herself, but perhaps if she'd been a better daughter London could have made her reconsider taking her own life. Perhaps if she'd realized that something was off, she could have changed the way things had turned out to be.
But perhaps things were better this way. For had it not been for those deaths, there was no way London would have ever come to the Snowbound. She would never have had the opportunity to meet Killua, or really anyone who she would consider to a friend. Though she also would not have been attacked by Guru, though someone else would have likely been struck with that fate instead, and she would not have been exposed to the deaths that had stained the snow crimson. Though the deaths had occupied only a minuscule fraction of the clouded leopard's mind when they had happened, she'd been more worried about Killua. "Well, it seems rude just to stare, even the dead would probably still want some privacy." the girl remarked, laughing at how ridiculous that sounded. It made sense in her mind, but saying the words aloud was different somehow.
She would never have experienced any of these experiences, at least not at her current age, unless Maria ever decided to take her daughter with her wherever she disappeared to some days. Though after having followed her mother on one of these trips, the girl doubted that would ever have happened. Perhaps if she hadn't done that, her mother would still be alive. After all it changed how she perceived her own mother, and as a young kid she did not know any better than to distance herself from Maria just slightly. But the clouded leopard preferred not to think such thoughts. It was no use, they were utterly pointless. Not only was it impossible to go back in time, and even if it wasn't, there were too many other factors to even consider if one could meddle with the past. So she focused on the present, and perhaps it was better that way. It meant she knew not to judge anyone by their past, as she would rather not be judged for her's either.
Which is why, as Killua opened up to her about his past, London would keep a gentle smile on her visage. She was surprised, but his history did not define him, at least not in the girl's eyes. Perhaps it gave her a bit of a better understanding of what he had been through up until this point, and how he had gotten to be so skilled at fighting, but in a sense it was all just excess information. Details she did not need to know to consider him her friend, as the time they had spent here in Snowbound had already proved to her that he was someone she enjoyed being around. Nothing he said would change that, though perhaps not everyone had the same mentality as London when it came to those things. The clouded leopard was rather peculiar in that way. She was accepting even if others would cower or run and hide.
Fear made people stupid in that sense. If Killua did decide to kill her after exposing all this information about himself, there was no way she could ever dream of stopping him, he has certainly proven that he was capable of doing so. But even if such reactions seemed tempting, she knew not to be afraid. Not only because she considered him a friend, but also because this would be a good way for her life to end. It would not be too long or painful, like the deaths of her family, for even if he left her to bleed out, it would not take nearly as long as illness or even poison. Though she supposed she would rather appreciate staying alive a little longer, there were still so many things she had yet to experience in her short life that she wished she could do before the end.
Even as the boy discarded his bandages and told the truth about the supposed act of self defense, the girl could not find herself suddenly more frightened of the kid she saw in front of her. She had a plethora of reasons to feel that way, especially after he'd exposed himself to her, but at the moment she would much rather give him a hug than take back the feelings of friendship she had exposed. He had entrusted her with all of this knowledge, left himself vulnerable to her opinions, the least she could do was be genuine in return. "That's what I want too." the girl would say, a smile continuing to rest upon her features. "That's why I came here." She seemed to be debating whether or not to share her the story of her own mundane life, seeing as it would only be fair to do so after he had just done the same thing, but there really wasn't anything especially concerning about her upbringing, nothing that she felt she had to mention so that he knew what he was getting into by befriending her.
"Thank you." she continued. "As I said, I won't judge you for your past. It doesn't matter to me that you were an assassin, or that you lied about how those two at the border died. It doesn't change that I want to be your friend. But thank you for sharing all that with me, it means a lot." The words did not seem to be enough, but they carried the message the girl had been hoping to convey. The albino clouded leopard was unsure how to continue, she did not exactly have much practice with conversing with anyone seeing as most of her life had been lived in isolation, but that was probably obvious. Someone as gentle as she was was bound to have had some friends in the seemingly long while that she had been alive before coming here, had she been coexisting with others prior to joining Snowbound.
Fear was an emotion London was more than familiar with, she'd seen so much of it in her life. The fear of her brothers was like a scar in her mind. It had been so long ago she should have forgotten, but she could still remember those cries. She had just had her eyes open for the first time, just an hour or so of bright lights and fascinating colors when it had started. One of her brothers had been crying. He kept opening and closing his eyes, as if trying to get them to work. Four of them were marveling at the sights of the world around them, but the last one, Lincoln, had been left behind. Maria had done the best she could, patiently explaining to him that he would never be able to see anything, and her brother broke. Anguished wails shattered the air, and London and the others ran back into the gas station to see what had happened. They had not been all that worried, just confused, except for Bennett who had always been on the fearful one, even then. The condition of their brother had left them all afraid though, it was as if blinking could make the visual world fade away forever, but they soon learned that was not the case.
Bennett was the one who struggled the most though. London's disability had been rather quickly discovered as she'd been quite adventurous by nature, and Lincoln blindness had been a catastrophic discovery, but he had managed to accept it eventually. Bennett's illness was not as physical though. It was not as easy to spot, but it had always been there. It was as if the moment he was born, the whole world had declared him it's enemy. Anything at all would terrify that poor pure soul, for schizophrenia controlled his very being. He did his best to follow around the more rambunctious of the bunch, but even his own shadow would scare him. They did their best to play with him still, especially Alexis, who seemed to understand the demons in Bennett's mind because he had some of his own. It seemed each of them had some disability, all except for Harvey. But oh, there had always been special about him as well, just as the rest of them, it was more flamboyant, but just as dramatic. An outrageous temper. For one so pretty, Harvey's tongue cut like a knife when anything at all did not go his way, it was almost funny as long as you weren't the target of his wrath. Which happened to be London on quite a few occasions. Though the relationship all five of them had was special, and they could never stay angry for too long.
It was such a pity that it all had to end so fast. Just before their six month birthday, and each of them had fallen ill, one by one, starting with poor Alexis. Somehow it never came to her though, she had cheated death, but the others were not so lucky. They had all been afraid of that strange illness that had torn their family away. That fear never had a chance to shrink, festering and growing as the conditions of her littermates worsened. They grew so sick, and London could do nothing to help them. Eventually, Maria had forbidden her from visiting her brothers in their condition, as she could see the girl's self destructive nature forming. It had been her fault, at least, that was what the albino had believed. It had to be, though she did not know what she could possibly have done to make them so gravely ill, but it was all her fault. And it was also her fault that they could not find a cure, she could have helped look but she never did.
She had become pretty moody around that time, often finding herself bored back then without her brothers, but Maria had always cared for her children. She would distract the girl with stories and novels and songs to keep her mind occupied with other thoughts. Now they were all dead, and she had not been able to do anything to stop it. Even her mother had died, but she had managed not to stay too depressed for long. That was why she could often be found humming, because music was the medium she used to lessen the sorrow in her heart. She was not special, she had caused so much sorrow to her family, but she found a way to push past that. Death did not scare the girl, neither that of others or the prospect of her own seemed to have that effect on her. It was unnecessary and it did toy with her emotions for just a short moment, but the girl had already caused death. At least she believed she did, even if it may seem impossible for anyone to believe that those deaths had been her fault. She was of the opinion that she was to be blamed not only for the deaths of her brothers, but also for that of her mother. Sure, the woman had poisoned herself, but perhaps if she'd been a better daughter London could have made her reconsider taking her own life. Perhaps if she'd realized that something was off, she could have changed the way things had turned out to be.
But perhaps things were better this way. For had it not been for those deaths, there was no way London would have ever come to the Snowbound. She would never have had the opportunity to meet Killua, or really anyone who she would consider to a friend. Though she also would not have been attacked by Guru, though someone else would have likely been struck with that fate instead, and she would not have been exposed to the deaths that had stained the snow crimson. Though the deaths had occupied only a minuscule fraction of the clouded leopard's mind when they had happened, she'd been more worried about Killua. "Well, it seems rude just to stare, even the dead would probably still want some privacy." the girl remarked, laughing at how ridiculous that sounded. It made sense in her mind, but saying the words aloud was different somehow.
She would never have experienced any of these experiences, at least not at her current age, unless Maria ever decided to take her daughter with her wherever she disappeared to some days. Though after having followed her mother on one of these trips, the girl doubted that would ever have happened. Perhaps if she hadn't done that, her mother would still be alive. After all it changed how she perceived her own mother, and as a young kid she did not know any better than to distance herself from Maria just slightly. But the clouded leopard preferred not to think such thoughts. It was no use, they were utterly pointless. Not only was it impossible to go back in time, and even if it wasn't, there were too many other factors to even consider if one could meddle with the past. So she focused on the present, and perhaps it was better that way. It meant she knew not to judge anyone by their past, as she would rather not be judged for her's either.
Which is why, as Killua opened up to her about his past, London would keep a gentle smile on her visage. She was surprised, but his history did not define him, at least not in the girl's eyes. Perhaps it gave her a bit of a better understanding of what he had been through up until this point, and how he had gotten to be so skilled at fighting, but in a sense it was all just excess information. Details she did not need to know to consider him her friend, as the time they had spent here in Snowbound had already proved to her that he was someone she enjoyed being around. Nothing he said would change that, though perhaps not everyone had the same mentality as London when it came to those things. The clouded leopard was rather peculiar in that way. She was accepting even if others would cower or run and hide.
Fear made people stupid in that sense. If Killua did decide to kill her after exposing all this information about himself, there was no way she could ever dream of stopping him, he has certainly proven that he was capable of doing so. But even if such reactions seemed tempting, she knew not to be afraid. Not only because she considered him a friend, but also because this would be a good way for her life to end. It would not be too long or painful, like the deaths of her family, for even if he left her to bleed out, it would not take nearly as long as illness or even poison. Though she supposed she would rather appreciate staying alive a little longer, there were still so many things she had yet to experience in her short life that she wished she could do before the end.
Even as the boy discarded his bandages and told the truth about the supposed act of self defense, the girl could not find herself suddenly more frightened of the kid she saw in front of her. She had a plethora of reasons to feel that way, especially after he'd exposed himself to her, but at the moment she would much rather give him a hug than take back the feelings of friendship she had exposed. He had entrusted her with all of this knowledge, left himself vulnerable to her opinions, the least she could do was be genuine in return. "That's what I want too." the girl would say, a smile continuing to rest upon her features. "That's why I came here." She seemed to be debating whether or not to share her the story of her own mundane life, seeing as it would only be fair to do so after he had just done the same thing, but there really wasn't anything especially concerning about her upbringing, nothing that she felt she had to mention so that he knew what he was getting into by befriending her.
"Thank you." she continued. "As I said, I won't judge you for your past. It doesn't matter to me that you were an assassin, or that you lied about how those two at the border died. It doesn't change that I want to be your friend. But thank you for sharing all that with me, it means a lot." The words did not seem to be enough, but they carried the message the girl had been hoping to convey. The albino clouded leopard was unsure how to continue, she did not exactly have much practice with conversing with anyone seeing as most of her life had been lived in isolation, but that was probably obvious. Someone as gentle as she was was bound to have had some friends in the seemingly long while that she had been alive before coming here, had she been coexisting with others prior to joining Snowbound.
just being next to you
I WAS HAPPY ✧・゚
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