01-20-2020, 01:27 AM
[font=trebuchet ms]As Rin fell quiet, she felt an unfamiliar sensation gripping at the back of her mind- faint remnants of tension and confusion, like an afterimage of a once-intense feeling that she had been too caught up in her own issues to notice before. Those feelings hadn't come from her. Perhaps they had come from the other end of the bond, if it worked both ways. The possibility that Rin's musings had caused that uncomfortable tension in her persona's mind... had it been what she said about seeing her as a separate person, or not having a choice, or something else entirely?
Maybe she ought to tread lightly, even if Nemhain hadn't been the source of the tension. Though they shared many of their experiences, Nemhain's own perspective would naturally remember some things much differently from Rin's, and as a result different things would set them off. Perhaps if Rin reached back into her memory she could figure out when the feeling had set in, but...
...Nemhain would still stand by her, even if she'd been given a choice? Why? "Doesn't mean that you deserve to go through everything alone," well, that was easy for Nemhain to say if indeed she manifested from Rin's personality. Self-preservation was a powerful instinct, one that Rin had found herself giving in to time and time again- it was why she was here in the first place. A self-preserving, selfish-
Gritting her teeth, Rin tugged at her scarf. No, she had to listen to Nemhain for now. This... this was a step in the right direction. She was one step closer towards fixing herself, if that was even possible. If it was even worth it. No one else had gotten the chance to repair themselves, and yet here she was- selfish, spoiled-
No. She was leaning over the edge again, and if she fell in there would be no going back. No, this wasn't selfish. She had to take care of herself now, to help the other Elysites. The better off she was mentally, the harder it would be for the gods to strike her down, and the better chances Elysium had of getting out of this entire situation with everyone still alive. Everyone's lives were riding on this, and it started with breaking the habits she'd been stuck in since the beginning.
Yeah, just rationalize it any way you can, Kui. It's what you always do.
Grimacing, Rin heaved a long sigh, focusing on the grains of the floorboards. The patterns were simple, but letting her eyes trace out the rings served as a reminder that this was reality- not some nightmare. Things did not have to get worse. "At least now," she muttered finally, "it doesn't seem like everyone I care about dies as a result anymore." Other than the unfortunate victim of the Anti incident, she hadn't seen someone actually die in a long time. Occasionally people would show up to one assembly and then be gone by the next, but that wasn't as bad as finding actual corpses.
Still, everyone had their own problems, and it would be irresponsible to add to their burdens, even if doing so would help all of them in the long run. If they had a therapist or something, that would be different, but Rin herself was the closest thing they had to one. There was the possibility of contacting Idyllfields, but traveling between Elysium and the Typhoon took time, and if the Typhoon didn't have any other medics...
This would have been a great time for a clear solution to suddenly come to mind, but none appeared. "I don't know," Rin sighed after a few moments, lifting her head and glancing at the far wall. "Who else would I talk to? Sanzu's a child, Finnloch and her granddaughters just moved in, I've hurt both Tena and Lemy, Lavi and Valerian have enough to deal with already..." Playerone and Mistrim might work, but Rin rarely saw Player nowadays, and Mistrim was hard to get a read on.
Maybe she ought to tread lightly, even if Nemhain hadn't been the source of the tension. Though they shared many of their experiences, Nemhain's own perspective would naturally remember some things much differently from Rin's, and as a result different things would set them off. Perhaps if Rin reached back into her memory she could figure out when the feeling had set in, but...
...Nemhain would still stand by her, even if she'd been given a choice? Why? "Doesn't mean that you deserve to go through everything alone," well, that was easy for Nemhain to say if indeed she manifested from Rin's personality. Self-preservation was a powerful instinct, one that Rin had found herself giving in to time and time again- it was why she was here in the first place. A self-preserving, selfish-
Gritting her teeth, Rin tugged at her scarf. No, she had to listen to Nemhain for now. This... this was a step in the right direction. She was one step closer towards fixing herself, if that was even possible. If it was even worth it. No one else had gotten the chance to repair themselves, and yet here she was- selfish, spoiled-
No. She was leaning over the edge again, and if she fell in there would be no going back. No, this wasn't selfish. She had to take care of herself now, to help the other Elysites. The better off she was mentally, the harder it would be for the gods to strike her down, and the better chances Elysium had of getting out of this entire situation with everyone still alive. Everyone's lives were riding on this, and it started with breaking the habits she'd been stuck in since the beginning.
Yeah, just rationalize it any way you can, Kui. It's what you always do.
Grimacing, Rin heaved a long sigh, focusing on the grains of the floorboards. The patterns were simple, but letting her eyes trace out the rings served as a reminder that this was reality- not some nightmare. Things did not have to get worse. "At least now," she muttered finally, "it doesn't seem like everyone I care about dies as a result anymore." Other than the unfortunate victim of the Anti incident, she hadn't seen someone actually die in a long time. Occasionally people would show up to one assembly and then be gone by the next, but that wasn't as bad as finding actual corpses.
Still, everyone had their own problems, and it would be irresponsible to add to their burdens, even if doing so would help all of them in the long run. If they had a therapist or something, that would be different, but Rin herself was the closest thing they had to one. There was the possibility of contacting Idyllfields, but traveling between Elysium and the Typhoon took time, and if the Typhoon didn't have any other medics...
This would have been a great time for a clear solution to suddenly come to mind, but none appeared. "I don't know," Rin sighed after a few moments, lifting her head and glancing at the far wall. "Who else would I talk to? Sanzu's a child, Finnloch and her granddaughters just moved in, I've hurt both Tena and Lemy, Lavi and Valerian have enough to deal with already..." Playerone and Mistrim might work, but Rin rarely saw Player nowadays, and Mistrim was hard to get a read on.
tags (06/13/20):