Poe's masquerade -- Nemhain

[nemhain.]

Truly, Nemhain had always thought little of her own existence. She had tried especially hard not to think of the emotions that came freely to her, without Rin ever experiencing them beforehand. She tried not to think of the strong thoughts that she occasionally had, opinionated and pointed in a way that Rin's weren't. Her reasoning was that... well, it was unbecoming of a persona. She was meant to be an extension of Rin. A watchful eye, a guardian, nothing more than a mask. She wasn't meant to hage her own motivations, or her own feelings, or her own opinions. The most she could be granted was having her own personality, and even that was originally an extension of Rin, just meant to bring out the best traits that the female had hidden. To say it was a miracle that Nemhain wasn't broken, from the constant watching and waiting, and the constant doubting of the purpose of even her own existence... well, perhaps she wasn't broken, but she was far from pristine either. She had cracks, at the edge of her mind, seams pulling apart thanks to the months and months of waiting, of thinking her own thoughts. She was becoming too real, too aware, too... everything. Just thinking of herself as her own person made her sick, because if she was her own person, then she had broken the cardinal rules she had been created by. If she was her own person... what was her purpose in life? She shoved the thoughts deep, deep down, below waves upon waves of repression, just so that those pulling seams wouldn't finally burst.

However, not for the first time, Rin was pulling at that thread, yanking and twisting her claws against the seams and tearing until the fenghuang's chest felt tight and it was difficult for her to get words out. Just the simple utterance of the phrase "I'm sorry" from the Magna made Nemhain tense, confusion appearing in her beady eyes. Rin was apologizing? To her? Why? Nemhain opened her beak, words unsaid curling upon her tongue, but the feline wasn't done, continuing with her words that made Nemhain's feathers faintly stand up, and that familiar feeling of panic begin to shift beneath the waves. She tried to shove it away, not wanting Rin to feel it as well. After all, Nem was supposed to be helping Rin, not shoving her existential woes upon the female. When Rin finally fell silent, Nemhain croaked out, taking a moment to regain her voice, and her ability to speak confidently, "I... I am flattered to hear that you think of me that way, lady Rin. I have never thought of myself in such a kind way, truly..." Nemhain's eyes focused downwards for a moment, seeming thoughtful before she continued, "I think... I think that, while what you have gone through has been hard... even agonizing at some points... if I had been given the choice, I still would've been your persona. Even though things can hurt me just as they do you... that doesn't mean that you deserve to go through everything alone either. After all, the whole reason I was awakened was to help you ask for help more." She offered a bit of a weak smile, her insides seeming to churn with uncertainty, even at her own words. It was an unpleasant feeling, and one that Nemhain had not experienced often, or perhaps ever.

Noticing the faint gleam that Rin's eyes took on, the large bird wanted to step forward, and reassure Rin that it was alright if she needed the release, but already Rin was steeling herself, as stubborn as Nem had come to know her as. The fenghuang tried not to sigh, before nodding a little at the feline's next comment. She said softly, her voice a soft caring chirp in the quiet of Rin's home, "It's... this is good. You know. You should be opening up. Learning to open up to anyone, even if it's only someone who already knows what you feel. That's a step in the right direction, you know?" She knew that perhaps Rin was still clinging onto the notion that she didn't need help, but she wanted to make it clear to the Magna that help was good, and that this was a good change.