01-17-2020, 11:26 PM
[font=trebuchet ms]The persona being able to live on as little as three hours was little comfort- Rin could technically live on that little too, but getting by on minimum rest did no favors for one's sanity. That she had chosen to wake up from her slumber upon sensing Rin's fear... yes, trying to solve it would probably help Nemhain sleep better afterwards, but the thought still hung in the back of Rin's mind. There was something deeply wrong about all this, compounded by being called a "user"- like Nemhain thought herself little more than a tool. If Rin could look at the persona as an extension of herself, maybe it wouldn't disturb her so, but...
...well, certainly the figures had seemed hostile. It was possible they had all been figments of her imagination, and she hadn't actually seen the underworld, but that was no better. There was too much at stake for her to be seeing things that weren't there.
A "manifestation," a "mask," Nemhain called herself. She did best when she could actually fight the negativity- and Rin had never let her do so until now. That could only mean that... she had put Nemhain through everything she had gone through, and unlike her Nemhain genuinely couldn't do anything. At least Rin could fight within her limited means, at least she had a voice- neither of which had been afforded to her persona.
An existence confined in silence, pain inflicted from all sides, and the one creature who could free you completely unaware of your existence- gods, that was horrifying. It was a wonder Nemhain wasn't utterly broken at this point, and all of that suffering had been brought about by the one she'd sworn to protect.
Leaning against the wall, Rin stared down at the floor. "I'm sorry," she rasped, her ears flattening back. Nothing she could say was adequate for this situation, but... she couldn't just stay silent. "I... I always thought it was just me suffering, but it's- it's both of us, isn't it?"
Feeling a shiver run through her bones, she swallowed. "I just- it feels like..." She trailed off, her words briefly failing her, because of course they would. Her grasp of the language had failed her countless times before. Your records won't bring them back. Shrinking back, feeling her muscles tense in discomfort, she shook her head. "It feels like you're your own person. I look at you," she lifted her head to gaze at Nemhain, "and I just see strength. I see you, loyal, confident, kind, brave-" -everything I'm not.
Biting the inside of her cheek, she lowered her head. No need to get into self-pity now. "I guess I just... see you as someone else, not just some extension of myself. And no one else deserves to go through what I went through." Feeling her claws sink into the floorboards, she insisted, "Least of all you. You didn't ask for this. You weren't given a choice but to be stuck with-"
Her voice cracked, the rest of the words dying in her throat. She shivered again, feeling- blood?- no, just droplets of water cascading down her frame. Leftover rain, from the mourning of the past. Looking back up at Nemhain, she stared in silence for a few moments. What should she say? What could she say?
Blinking, she became aware of the familiar burning feeling behind her eyes. Steeling herself and forcing herself to adopt a stoic expression, Rin said lowly, "I don't know why I'm telling you this... maybe it's because you already know, so... I'm not adding to your burdens, or anything, by telling you."
...well, certainly the figures had seemed hostile. It was possible they had all been figments of her imagination, and she hadn't actually seen the underworld, but that was no better. There was too much at stake for her to be seeing things that weren't there.
A "manifestation," a "mask," Nemhain called herself. She did best when she could actually fight the negativity- and Rin had never let her do so until now. That could only mean that... she had put Nemhain through everything she had gone through, and unlike her Nemhain genuinely couldn't do anything. At least Rin could fight within her limited means, at least she had a voice- neither of which had been afforded to her persona.
An existence confined in silence, pain inflicted from all sides, and the one creature who could free you completely unaware of your existence- gods, that was horrifying. It was a wonder Nemhain wasn't utterly broken at this point, and all of that suffering had been brought about by the one she'd sworn to protect.
Leaning against the wall, Rin stared down at the floor. "I'm sorry," she rasped, her ears flattening back. Nothing she could say was adequate for this situation, but... she couldn't just stay silent. "I... I always thought it was just me suffering, but it's- it's both of us, isn't it?"
Feeling a shiver run through her bones, she swallowed. "I just- it feels like..." She trailed off, her words briefly failing her, because of course they would. Her grasp of the language had failed her countless times before. Your records won't bring them back. Shrinking back, feeling her muscles tense in discomfort, she shook her head. "It feels like you're your own person. I look at you," she lifted her head to gaze at Nemhain, "and I just see strength. I see you, loyal, confident, kind, brave-" -everything I'm not.
Biting the inside of her cheek, she lowered her head. No need to get into self-pity now. "I guess I just... see you as someone else, not just some extension of myself. And no one else deserves to go through what I went through." Feeling her claws sink into the floorboards, she insisted, "Least of all you. You didn't ask for this. You weren't given a choice but to be stuck with-"
Her voice cracked, the rest of the words dying in her throat. She shivered again, feeling- blood?- no, just droplets of water cascading down her frame. Leftover rain, from the mourning of the past. Looking back up at Nemhain, she stared in silence for a few moments. What should she say? What could she say?
Blinking, she became aware of the familiar burning feeling behind her eyes. Steeling herself and forcing herself to adopt a stoic expression, Rin said lowly, "I don't know why I'm telling you this... maybe it's because you already know, so... I'm not adding to your burdens, or anything, by telling you."
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