12-21-2019, 01:37 AM
[font=trebuchet ms]/tw for paragraph 6: references to gore
On some level, Rin had expected Tena to be angry. Tena was a stubborn, strong-willed individual- both of those traits that had served her well as Magna, and both of those providing plenty of cause for Tena not to be fond of Rin keeping secrets from her. Even if she believed everything Rin said... no one would appreciate being lied to and removed from power, especially since keeping the threat a secret had been a terrible idea.
So when she noticed Tena digging her claws into the dirt in what had to be barely-contained fury, she wasn't surprised. Even when Tena opened her mouth, undoubtedly to rake her over the coals for not telling anyone about the Ferryman before, Rin was ready, watching with solemn but calm eyes. Tena had every right to be angry.
"You don't get to decide if I can't protect myself from some god I don't believe in."
Rin blinked, her eyes switching on a dime from calm to taken aback. That was what Tena was angry about? It wasn't lying, or secret-keeping, but trying to protect her that she felt the greatest need to object to?
"No one. Especially not you."
She saw it again. A hanging corpse, dripping with blood. Crimson words on the floor. A decapitated head on a pole. Broken bodies buried by stones. A bystander impaled on rebar. Gashes through the throat. She blinked, and Tena still stood before her. She blinked, and Tena's neck was matted with blood, her eyes burning with spite.
"You are not my protector," she heard her say.
"Aren't you kind of selfish?" she heard Lemy say, blankly, yet cutting directly into her.
"I'd be dead."
"You almost got them all killed!" she heard them screech from down below, loudly enough to make her jump in fright-
-and she bit back a yelp at the sudden pain in her chest, returning her to reality. No, this couldn't stand. Not bothering to wait until the pain subsided, Rin fixed a pointed gaze on Tena, and shook her head. "You think this is about what you believe?" she hissed through her gritted teeth, the physical discomfort slowly giving way to anger. "Or whether or not you can protect yourself?"
She hesitated for only a moment. This was her burden to bear alone... she could not force anyone to carry it alongside her. She couldn't tell them. She couldn't.
But she had to.
"Those gods destroyed my old home," Rin snarled, feeling her claws gripping the dirt once more, to ground herself. "I knew people just as strong as you who died- gruesomely- because of them." She thought she could smell smoke, feel an uncomfortable heat growing around her wounds. Straightening up as much as she could while favoring one side, she hissed, "Powers? Size? Skill? Whether or not they believed? It didn't matter, they all ended up dead anyway."
Taking a shaky breath, she narrowed her eyes. "You can't seriously think I was willing to take that chance with you," she said, "not after everything you did, both for myself and for Elysium." With a low, wheezing chuckle, she growled, "Yeah, maybe nothing would've happened, or maybe you would've managed to protect yourself where everyone else failed."
It took all she had not to bare her teeth, her face contorting in rage, smoke pouring out between her bandages. "But if I'd gambled your life, right on the eve of the Pitt raid, and lost," she spat, "and you'd died, whose fault would that have been?"
She could feel the familiar burning behind her eyes, the constriction in her throat. Just this once, she didn't waste energy trying to fight it. "I already have two destroyed clans and dozens of dead people on my conscience, because I couldn't protect them," Rin rasped, her voice cracking. "I can't take any more."
The words rang, the silence afterwards lasting just long enough for her to fully realize what she'd done.
No one was supposed to know about this. She wasn't supposed to bring it up- why would she? All it would accomplish was, at best, making others pity her. She didn't deserve pity. She didn't deserve to have others look at her like she'd suffered, because she hadn't. Everyone else had suffered; she'd simply observed.
Rubbing with one paw at the corners of her eyes, quickly enough that she could pass it off as an allergic reaction, she lowered her head. In her peripheral vision, she could see charred scraps of bandages fluttering to the ground, sparks still gleaming from the embers. "You're right to be angry at me for not saying anything," she said, shutting her eyes. "Be angry about that. Be angry about my leaving you all in the dark, or all the other ways that I could've gotten people hurt. Be angry that I was selfish, and still am."
Letting out a shaky breath through gritted teeth, she continued, "But I swore to protect Elysium. Every member of Elysium, with everything I have. That includes you, Tena."
The words rang hollow. What good was a promise when she'd almost gotten someone killed? Her oversight could have caused disaster. Every time, she made all the same mistakes, and everyone else suffered for it while she somehow survived.
Feeling exhaustion creep into her form, Rin shut her mouth. There was nothing more she could say without making everything worse.
[member=9480]nemhain.[/member]
/+ hey, new power discovery
On some level, Rin had expected Tena to be angry. Tena was a stubborn, strong-willed individual- both of those traits that had served her well as Magna, and both of those providing plenty of cause for Tena not to be fond of Rin keeping secrets from her. Even if she believed everything Rin said... no one would appreciate being lied to and removed from power, especially since keeping the threat a secret had been a terrible idea.
So when she noticed Tena digging her claws into the dirt in what had to be barely-contained fury, she wasn't surprised. Even when Tena opened her mouth, undoubtedly to rake her over the coals for not telling anyone about the Ferryman before, Rin was ready, watching with solemn but calm eyes. Tena had every right to be angry.
"You don't get to decide if I can't protect myself from some god I don't believe in."
Rin blinked, her eyes switching on a dime from calm to taken aback. That was what Tena was angry about? It wasn't lying, or secret-keeping, but trying to protect her that she felt the greatest need to object to?
"No one. Especially not you."
She saw it again. A hanging corpse, dripping with blood. Crimson words on the floor. A decapitated head on a pole. Broken bodies buried by stones. A bystander impaled on rebar. Gashes through the throat. She blinked, and Tena still stood before her. She blinked, and Tena's neck was matted with blood, her eyes burning with spite.
"You are not my protector," she heard her say.
"Aren't you kind of selfish?" she heard Lemy say, blankly, yet cutting directly into her.
"I'd be dead."
"You almost got them all killed!" she heard them screech from down below, loudly enough to make her jump in fright-
-and she bit back a yelp at the sudden pain in her chest, returning her to reality. No, this couldn't stand. Not bothering to wait until the pain subsided, Rin fixed a pointed gaze on Tena, and shook her head. "You think this is about what you believe?" she hissed through her gritted teeth, the physical discomfort slowly giving way to anger. "Or whether or not you can protect yourself?"
She hesitated for only a moment. This was her burden to bear alone... she could not force anyone to carry it alongside her. She couldn't tell them. She couldn't.
But she had to.
"Those gods destroyed my old home," Rin snarled, feeling her claws gripping the dirt once more, to ground herself. "I knew people just as strong as you who died- gruesomely- because of them." She thought she could smell smoke, feel an uncomfortable heat growing around her wounds. Straightening up as much as she could while favoring one side, she hissed, "Powers? Size? Skill? Whether or not they believed? It didn't matter, they all ended up dead anyway."
Taking a shaky breath, she narrowed her eyes. "You can't seriously think I was willing to take that chance with you," she said, "not after everything you did, both for myself and for Elysium." With a low, wheezing chuckle, she growled, "Yeah, maybe nothing would've happened, or maybe you would've managed to protect yourself where everyone else failed."
It took all she had not to bare her teeth, her face contorting in rage, smoke pouring out between her bandages. "But if I'd gambled your life, right on the eve of the Pitt raid, and lost," she spat, "and you'd died, whose fault would that have been?"
She could feel the familiar burning behind her eyes, the constriction in her throat. Just this once, she didn't waste energy trying to fight it. "I already have two destroyed clans and dozens of dead people on my conscience, because I couldn't protect them," Rin rasped, her voice cracking. "I can't take any more."
The words rang, the silence afterwards lasting just long enough for her to fully realize what she'd done.
No one was supposed to know about this. She wasn't supposed to bring it up- why would she? All it would accomplish was, at best, making others pity her. She didn't deserve pity. She didn't deserve to have others look at her like she'd suffered, because she hadn't. Everyone else had suffered; she'd simply observed.
Rubbing with one paw at the corners of her eyes, quickly enough that she could pass it off as an allergic reaction, she lowered her head. In her peripheral vision, she could see charred scraps of bandages fluttering to the ground, sparks still gleaming from the embers. "You're right to be angry at me for not saying anything," she said, shutting her eyes. "Be angry about that. Be angry about my leaving you all in the dark, or all the other ways that I could've gotten people hurt. Be angry that I was selfish, and still am."
Letting out a shaky breath through gritted teeth, she continued, "But I swore to protect Elysium. Every member of Elysium, with everything I have. That includes you, Tena."
The words rang hollow. What good was a promise when she'd almost gotten someone killed? Her oversight could have caused disaster. Every time, she made all the same mistakes, and everyone else suffered for it while she somehow survived.
Feeling exhaustion creep into her form, Rin shut her mouth. There was nothing more she could say without making everything worse.
[member=9480]nemhain.[/member]
/+ hey, new power discovery
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