the lived life is living death - tinsel hats

[fulzanin]

WE'LL MAKE A WAY WHERE YOU CAN FIND YOUR PLACE
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"I- I- I do think," Feza sniffled, her trembling worsening for a moment. "I do think! I do! Everyone here is- they're- everyone's sad, yea? Gettin- gettin'- they get kidnapped and tortured and it's all awful! I'm just trying to- I'm trying to make everyone happy, okay? Everyone's just fine to sit and wallow in the- the bad stuff. If I ask them if it's okay for me to, to, to do this stuff, they're just gonna say no. Because in- in the moment they don't wanna be cheered up." Her voice was getting a little stronger, a little less than absolutely petrified. It was still present in her fearful and exhausted blue eyes, another tremble shaking her small form. "They don't wanna be cheered up, they- you just get stuck. And- and- and then it all gets worse, yea? 'If you cry I'm gonna cry', that saying, right? Then no one's happy and never gonna be happy because if you ask then- then no one will say yes because they're sad and- and- and it- it- and- and they're sad and don't wanna be cheered up and so they won't be- they won't take being cheered up at all."

Her hyperventilating had slowed down in her rambling, her blue eyes refusing to leave where they were concentrated on the floor. She knew how it was to stagnate in that sort of sorrow. She was dipping into it again right now. She couldn't ask the boxes if they were okay with her making tinsel hats, because then they would get angry with her, wouldn't they? She had to do it without asking, without giving herself a moment to doubt her ambitions. Feza shuddered, her wings finally growing tired from how tenses they were. They had been pressing almost into her ribs, and it had strained the fluffy limbs far more than flight usually did. They slowly fell from her sides, a weak sob coming from the vibrant snow leopard. "And if I can't ask, then how am I supposed to know what's annoying? There's- there's- there's so many different kinds of annoying and I..I don't understand what's s-so wrong with this and me. How'm I supposed to- to know what considerate is? No one's told me! I just keep getting yelled at!" Her words ended in a wail, shaking and sputtering for a moment more.

Her blue gaze turned to watch the other's paw nudging at the tinsel hat. It was no where near complete, and looked messy and illformed. She took a deep breath, and then another. Wasn't she just proving her own point, by getting so upset? It was a silly nightmare. So what. She lifted her paw and rubbed her face clear of any of the tears that had formed and darkened her vibrant pink fur. Feza stilled herself far too quickly, and presented a smile on her face. It hurt to smile so soon after bawling her eyes out, and it was so dreadfully fake that even Feza supposed that she was trying too hard to make it seem genuine. "You shouldn't get w-worried about little me. I'll..I'll figure out how t-to..be more considerate and ask. Even if it ruins the- the surprise an' everything." Her paw hesitantly lifted away from her face to nudge Wormwood's extended paw. Feza flinched back a little, the fluff of her tail sticking up for a few moments, for a moment the nightmare returning to her mind. No matter how silly she could say it was, the terror it had left her with had been real.

She weakly laughed and dropped her head, wings hanging limp by her sides. Feza knew she was tired, her blue gaze slowly lowering down to the one tinsel hat that she had been working on. "I don't suppose you'd want to- to help with this, because it isn't annoying," she asked, one of her ears lifting from where previously they had been pressed firm to her head. Yes, change the conversation in the slightest bit. Feza didn't like how the conversation had been on her for such a long time. How selfish. How terrible of her. The snow leopard thought bad of her self pity, of how distraught and deathly afraid she had been a moment prior. Her breathing was still shaky, and her eyes still had the water of tears ready to fall contained only barely. Feza's mentality suggested that she had to make up for her episode in some way, and so offer the activity of crafting the tinsel hats she did.

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THE EMPTY CHAIRS WILL BE RESERVED FOR OUR PITY