09-02-2019, 05:29 AM
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Better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie -
♕tags-powers♕
[OOC: ]
During their time, Kydobi would remain quiet. Soaking in every word they had to say. Bai was nothing if not truthful to him. He allowed their sea of words to calm his storm, gently did he come down. His heart slowed after that confession.
Finally when they were finished Ky would dare speak. There would be a brief moment of silence as he mulled over everything.
"Yes. We fear him, no better than everyone else. I'm afraid my words are bigger than my heart. And this is fine. Perhaps I'll get the courage to leave someday."
He swallowed, looking at the fellow cat. Kydobi loved watching his own species. Jaguars, leopards, lions, tigers, and everything in between. They were all so unique. But he had a special fondness for jaguars. Sure leopards were similar but their was something.... divine about jaguars. Just being around his own kind comforted him.
It reminded him of home. Before things were uprooted. The quiet when the world was kind and calm to him and his brother.
Eyes would shift over to Bai, a hesitant step closer and then he would move all at once to nuzzle his nose in their ear. Eyes closed, he would seek comfort in the warmth. Inhaling the familiar scent and exhaling shakily. His nose would move down their ear to their cheek bone, lightly tracing their muzzle before he pushed his own cheek softly against their face.
He pulled away. It would always be this way. He would yearn to feel affection, to give and receive love. And when he attempted such, he would feel himself liking it too much. It would conjure memories of betrayal and he would stop himself. For fear of becoming too attached. Because everyone he loved, he had lost or been shown a different side of.
Clearing his throat he would look at his paws and then back up at them when he remembered they could not see.
"But I don't want to be alone anymore. Since I was a yearling I grew up in isolation. Having spent my youth in exile, I don't want to feel that way anymore. At least here... Even if among the thieves and murderers, I know I am apart of something... No matter how terrible. No matter how bad I want to leave it."
Kydobi licked his shoulder nervously, trying to snap shut the open chest of buried memories and pains. He would instead focus on who and just what was in front of him. While he wasn't sure who Lynn was internally, he was awfully familiar with the form they took externally. He liked it. It was home.
"Let's find a good spot to relax in privacy. I prefer the deepest of the jungle, away from buildings and people.", he knew he contradicted himself in a way. But even when he hid in the trees, he still was... somewhere where people knew who he was and valued him.
The jaguar was exhausted, he yearned for Bai's affection. Remembering how good it felt to be coiled in the golden dragons warmth. How good he felt providing a protective shelter with his body for the sorrowful fox with silver tears. But these were things he would never admit. He had missed the jungle gym phase where he learned how to cut roses and confess kindergarten love. Prior to meeting Bai he had never ever known what it was like to embrace another in a way other than sexual. It was romantic. It was a feeling he did not know and therefore feared because he didn't know how to manage it. But now he had a taste of the soft feeling of another's body. He had lain with another, only once. But it was pure lust. No emotions.
His heart had never reached out for someone before.
"I think we both need to feel the embrace of a friend.", he said his words carefully, not trying to give away that he desired to hold them in a way more than platonic. But he wanted to let them know his intentions were of the sort that require touch. But he would throw it in the air in case Bai Shi didn't desire the same. If so he braced himself for that denial.
But if they agreed he was also praying they wouldn't speak of feelings. When mentioned, Kydobi shuts them out. He gets defensive and quickly closes his books.
[sub][W]isker[/sub]
♕tags-powers♕
[OOC: ]
During their time, Kydobi would remain quiet. Soaking in every word they had to say. Bai was nothing if not truthful to him. He allowed their sea of words to calm his storm, gently did he come down. His heart slowed after that confession.
Finally when they were finished Ky would dare speak. There would be a brief moment of silence as he mulled over everything.
"Yes. We fear him, no better than everyone else. I'm afraid my words are bigger than my heart. And this is fine. Perhaps I'll get the courage to leave someday."
He swallowed, looking at the fellow cat. Kydobi loved watching his own species. Jaguars, leopards, lions, tigers, and everything in between. They were all so unique. But he had a special fondness for jaguars. Sure leopards were similar but their was something.... divine about jaguars. Just being around his own kind comforted him.
It reminded him of home. Before things were uprooted. The quiet when the world was kind and calm to him and his brother.
Eyes would shift over to Bai, a hesitant step closer and then he would move all at once to nuzzle his nose in their ear. Eyes closed, he would seek comfort in the warmth. Inhaling the familiar scent and exhaling shakily. His nose would move down their ear to their cheek bone, lightly tracing their muzzle before he pushed his own cheek softly against their face.
He pulled away. It would always be this way. He would yearn to feel affection, to give and receive love. And when he attempted such, he would feel himself liking it too much. It would conjure memories of betrayal and he would stop himself. For fear of becoming too attached. Because everyone he loved, he had lost or been shown a different side of.
Clearing his throat he would look at his paws and then back up at them when he remembered they could not see.
"But I don't want to be alone anymore. Since I was a yearling I grew up in isolation. Having spent my youth in exile, I don't want to feel that way anymore. At least here... Even if among the thieves and murderers, I know I am apart of something... No matter how terrible. No matter how bad I want to leave it."
Kydobi licked his shoulder nervously, trying to snap shut the open chest of buried memories and pains. He would instead focus on who and just what was in front of him. While he wasn't sure who Lynn was internally, he was awfully familiar with the form they took externally. He liked it. It was home.
"Let's find a good spot to relax in privacy. I prefer the deepest of the jungle, away from buildings and people.", he knew he contradicted himself in a way. But even when he hid in the trees, he still was... somewhere where people knew who he was and valued him.
The jaguar was exhausted, he yearned for Bai's affection. Remembering how good it felt to be coiled in the golden dragons warmth. How good he felt providing a protective shelter with his body for the sorrowful fox with silver tears. But these were things he would never admit. He had missed the jungle gym phase where he learned how to cut roses and confess kindergarten love. Prior to meeting Bai he had never ever known what it was like to embrace another in a way other than sexual. It was romantic. It was a feeling he did not know and therefore feared because he didn't know how to manage it. But now he had a taste of the soft feeling of another's body. He had lain with another, only once. But it was pure lust. No emotions.
His heart had never reached out for someone before.
"I think we both need to feel the embrace of a friend.", he said his words carefully, not trying to give away that he desired to hold them in a way more than platonic. But he wanted to let them know his intentions were of the sort that require touch. But he would throw it in the air in case Bai Shi didn't desire the same. If so he braced himself for that denial.
But if they agreed he was also praying they wouldn't speak of feelings. When mentioned, Kydobi shuts them out. He gets defensive and quickly closes his books.