04-20-2018, 01:36 AM
London would never know what it was like to kill someone she loved, they all seemed to drop like flies on their own. No matter how much she blamed herself for never having been able to stop it, her loved ones simply ceased to remain among the living, one by one. First her brothers to illness, then her mother to a self inflicted death. It had broken the girl's heart back then, and so she chose to focus on the present rather than the past. It was so much simpler that way, no negative thoughts or feelings could take hold of her from a time that should have been forgotten. Dear Mum hadn't even left even a simple note, nor a plate of food or anything. It was like she didn't even care for the little life she'd left behind. She'd moved on to bigger, better things in the afterlife before she'd taken her last breath.
The albino clouded leopard did not wish for much after that, just friends, and an opportunity to learn. Seeing the stars was also nice, as she had learned much about them, but it was a hobby that she could continue to practice almost anywhere. She lived a simple life, with little needs, and she was getting by just fine. There were no particularly strong desires or goals she kept in mind, besides one of course, the one she was so very close to accomplishing. Making a friend. Everything about the way she was, from the way she lived to the way she thought, was utterly basic and boring. She was just a mundane, ordinary person, there was nothing special about her. In her own eyes at least. But Killua saw something within her that her eyes could not even imagine, something worth looking at.
Why else would he take the time to teach her conversational speech, or compliment her on her hot chocolate? She knew that she would have done the same, at least with the compliment, had he been the one to bring the hot chocolate, but surely it stood for something that he would do these things for her. For unlike her, he did not just go around gushing out compliments and trying to be genuinely likable. He seemed to be somewhat like the opposite, seizing the opportunity when it came to insulting others, or something more along those lines. He did not exactly care to be likable, and yet he was in her eyes. The boy stuck out, even with his ivory fur that blended in so well with the snow. The girl could only hope that she stuck out too, even if it was just because of the hot chocolate. "Really? You think so?" she would inquiry, taking a sip from her own mug and feeling the warmth rush over her. He seemed to think pretty highly of her interpretation of a simple beverage, it was cute. Like he was finally acting normal for his age.
But then something rather intriguing occurred, a shift in Killua took place as she confessed that she believed the him to be her friend. London had taken a sip of her hot chocolate, and as soon as she looked back at the boy she had sensed that something was wrong. The girl seemed to hold her breath as she awaited a reply, her heart hammering in her chest. It was a dreadfully familiar feeling, though she knew the outcome would not be as it had the last time she'd felt this way. There was no way Killua would die just because she believed him to be her friend, the notion was absurd, and yet she could not help it. She'd lost everything the last time this sensation came over her, and now that she finally had someone she was starting to feel a little bit close to, she couldn't bear the thought of losing him too.
The longer the silence stretched on, the more anxious she got, but she couldn't look away either. She could almost hear him rejecting her friendship, but when he finally did speak, it was not a "no" at all. Why? Had it not been for that strange tone of voice, the clouded leopard would have found a bright smile once again shining on her features. But no, there was this affliction in that singular word he'd said that made her realize that something else was going on inside Killua's head. Perhaps some childhood trauma, similar to that which she seemed to be facing. Then the serval would speak again, and she felt herself relating to the self-hatred the boy also seemed to feel. Maybe they weren't so different after all. "I don't believe you're horrible, there are so many other, much more pleasant words I would use to describe you. And I don't know your past, so I won't judge you based on that. Actually I'd rather forget about the past altogether, it doesn't seem like it was all that lovely a place for either of us." the girl remarked, voice as kindly as she could make it.
There seemed to be some kind of demons eating away at the Snowseeker's heart. She could see it in the way he seemed to collapse in on himself, and although this whole situation left her feeling a little unsettled, she wanted to be a light to help Killua through this. She owed him at least that much, especially since she seemed to be the cause of his internal pandemonium. However, as he began inflicting those minor injuries on himself, enough to draw blood, she became a little more worried. Oh dear this surely wasn't good. Perhaps she should have just kept her thoughts to herself, but this would likely have happened eventually. London wasn't all that great when it came to concealing something so important to her. "You should really be more careful." she advised, conjuring up some bandages. The girl was just beginning to reach out for his paw to wrap it, but then he spoke again.
Here it was, the outburst she had been expecting. Surely some emotion would have come from the boy after he had killed those two unfortunate souls. He was afraid. He was worried of what others would think. Afraid that he might hurt someone if they got too close, she knew this same feeling all too well. Words reached the tip of her tongue, but it seemed he wasn't finished yet. And yet it seemed as if her own unspoken words had somehow reached him before they had even fully formed. He'd noticed. She'd been more worried about him at that moment too, knowing that she couldn't really help those who were deceased. And he wanted something, but it seemed he couldn't finish the thought. Fear was once again reflected in those alluring blue hues. It almost seemed as though he was slipping away, but the girl couldn't allow that to happen. She wanted to be there for him, as a clanmate, and as a friend. "Why should I be afraid? It's not like those dead bodies could have done anything to make me dislike you. I just wish I could have helped. And I'm sure they aren't all afraid of you, not even Ivylee. She was just scared by the dead bodies." the girl said, hoping to answer his questions, although she seemed to be blissfully ignorant of what he desired to know.
The albino serval's last words were likely the most confusing of them all. The truth... what truth? And besides, did it even matter if whatever this revelation was, was something he did not wish to be anymore? The clouded leopard did not believe that the past should control the present, but it appeared as though Killua was stuck in the world of yesterday's. "I'm still here now, that has to count for something, right? And you don't have to tell me your whole life story or anything if you don't want to, I'm just hoping that we could be friends. I've never really had a friend before." she stated, wondering if he had finally calmed down a little. It seemed so, now she would just have to wait for the inevitable question to be answered. How ironic that they were both afraid of rejection right now. They both had a desire for closeness with another, any yet they did not realize that their hopes and fears aligned.
The albino clouded leopard did not wish for much after that, just friends, and an opportunity to learn. Seeing the stars was also nice, as she had learned much about them, but it was a hobby that she could continue to practice almost anywhere. She lived a simple life, with little needs, and she was getting by just fine. There were no particularly strong desires or goals she kept in mind, besides one of course, the one she was so very close to accomplishing. Making a friend. Everything about the way she was, from the way she lived to the way she thought, was utterly basic and boring. She was just a mundane, ordinary person, there was nothing special about her. In her own eyes at least. But Killua saw something within her that her eyes could not even imagine, something worth looking at.
Why else would he take the time to teach her conversational speech, or compliment her on her hot chocolate? She knew that she would have done the same, at least with the compliment, had he been the one to bring the hot chocolate, but surely it stood for something that he would do these things for her. For unlike her, he did not just go around gushing out compliments and trying to be genuinely likable. He seemed to be somewhat like the opposite, seizing the opportunity when it came to insulting others, or something more along those lines. He did not exactly care to be likable, and yet he was in her eyes. The boy stuck out, even with his ivory fur that blended in so well with the snow. The girl could only hope that she stuck out too, even if it was just because of the hot chocolate. "Really? You think so?" she would inquiry, taking a sip from her own mug and feeling the warmth rush over her. He seemed to think pretty highly of her interpretation of a simple beverage, it was cute. Like he was finally acting normal for his age.
But then something rather intriguing occurred, a shift in Killua took place as she confessed that she believed the him to be her friend. London had taken a sip of her hot chocolate, and as soon as she looked back at the boy she had sensed that something was wrong. The girl seemed to hold her breath as she awaited a reply, her heart hammering in her chest. It was a dreadfully familiar feeling, though she knew the outcome would not be as it had the last time she'd felt this way. There was no way Killua would die just because she believed him to be her friend, the notion was absurd, and yet she could not help it. She'd lost everything the last time this sensation came over her, and now that she finally had someone she was starting to feel a little bit close to, she couldn't bear the thought of losing him too.
The longer the silence stretched on, the more anxious she got, but she couldn't look away either. She could almost hear him rejecting her friendship, but when he finally did speak, it was not a "no" at all. Why? Had it not been for that strange tone of voice, the clouded leopard would have found a bright smile once again shining on her features. But no, there was this affliction in that singular word he'd said that made her realize that something else was going on inside Killua's head. Perhaps some childhood trauma, similar to that which she seemed to be facing. Then the serval would speak again, and she felt herself relating to the self-hatred the boy also seemed to feel. Maybe they weren't so different after all. "I don't believe you're horrible, there are so many other, much more pleasant words I would use to describe you. And I don't know your past, so I won't judge you based on that. Actually I'd rather forget about the past altogether, it doesn't seem like it was all that lovely a place for either of us." the girl remarked, voice as kindly as she could make it.
There seemed to be some kind of demons eating away at the Snowseeker's heart. She could see it in the way he seemed to collapse in on himself, and although this whole situation left her feeling a little unsettled, she wanted to be a light to help Killua through this. She owed him at least that much, especially since she seemed to be the cause of his internal pandemonium. However, as he began inflicting those minor injuries on himself, enough to draw blood, she became a little more worried. Oh dear this surely wasn't good. Perhaps she should have just kept her thoughts to herself, but this would likely have happened eventually. London wasn't all that great when it came to concealing something so important to her. "You should really be more careful." she advised, conjuring up some bandages. The girl was just beginning to reach out for his paw to wrap it, but then he spoke again.
Here it was, the outburst she had been expecting. Surely some emotion would have come from the boy after he had killed those two unfortunate souls. He was afraid. He was worried of what others would think. Afraid that he might hurt someone if they got too close, she knew this same feeling all too well. Words reached the tip of her tongue, but it seemed he wasn't finished yet. And yet it seemed as if her own unspoken words had somehow reached him before they had even fully formed. He'd noticed. She'd been more worried about him at that moment too, knowing that she couldn't really help those who were deceased. And he wanted something, but it seemed he couldn't finish the thought. Fear was once again reflected in those alluring blue hues. It almost seemed as though he was slipping away, but the girl couldn't allow that to happen. She wanted to be there for him, as a clanmate, and as a friend. "Why should I be afraid? It's not like those dead bodies could have done anything to make me dislike you. I just wish I could have helped. And I'm sure they aren't all afraid of you, not even Ivylee. She was just scared by the dead bodies." the girl said, hoping to answer his questions, although she seemed to be blissfully ignorant of what he desired to know.
The albino serval's last words were likely the most confusing of them all. The truth... what truth? And besides, did it even matter if whatever this revelation was, was something he did not wish to be anymore? The clouded leopard did not believe that the past should control the present, but it appeared as though Killua was stuck in the world of yesterday's. "I'm still here now, that has to count for something, right? And you don't have to tell me your whole life story or anything if you don't want to, I'm just hoping that we could be friends. I've never really had a friend before." she stated, wondering if he had finally calmed down a little. It seemed so, now she would just have to wait for the inevitable question to be answered. How ironic that they were both afraid of rejection right now. They both had a desire for closeness with another, any yet they did not realize that their hopes and fears aligned.
just being next to you
I WAS HAPPY ✧・゚
✧ elysium ✧ [member=163]array[/member] ✧
✧ elysium ✧ [member=163]array[/member] ✧