DO YOU UNDERSTAND | joining, open

[vellichor]

Amun noticed the tears gathering in the other man's eyes and glanced towards Fenrisulfer, clearly unsure of how to handle the situation. He'd only really dealt with Amunet's emotions and he didn't even know how to go about comforting someone he didn't know. He wished his sister was here, he was sure she'd know what to do. She understood emotion so much better than he did. Why was this man crying? Well, even Amun could answer that question. It was because they'd just told him there wasn't anyone here named Husani. He'd probably come a long way to look for someone who wasn't even here. "I'm very sorry, perhaps we could help you look," he finally said. He wasn't sure if he sounded genuine in his offer but he did want to help. Even for all the confusion this world brought him since his separation from Amunet, he never intended to cause anyone any sort of distress. His entire purpose was the opposite of that. He was supposed to listen and to give Amunet a shoulder to cry on. Understanding wasn't necessary for that, although he knew his sister grew frustrated sometimes with his confusion. He couldn't help the fact he'd been restricted to existing in her mind until this moment, though. She was the one who decided to keep him from the rest of the world. He hadn't thought much of it until he arrived here and realized how much there was that made no sense to him.

Amunet understood his confusion, though. She knew why he didn't always offer the best advice, why he questioned the importance of other people when they always had each other. What else mattered? But a stranger wouldn't understand that, wouldn't understand him. Then came his words. He heard the soft 'no' and tried to think of something comforting to say. "I'm sure-" he began but soon fell silent when Cairos began to plead with him, insisting that he was the man named Husani. Amun wanted to correct him, tell him his name but he hesitated. He wasn't sure why. He knew he didn't recognize the names Cairos or Husani yet he found himself hesitant to say he wasn't the man Cairos wished him to be. His heart began to race and his entire body was tense as he took shivering breaths. What was happening to him? He hadn't had a physical form in so long, he wasn't sure why his body was reacting to his mind. Shouldn't they be separate? Then the man continued on to say that they'd lived in Egypt together but he knew he didn't remember living with anyone other than Amunet. You got sick. Those words struck him. While he had no real memories of being sick, he could remember the terrors and visions that came to him, even when he was still in Amunet's mind. That was why he was always so neat and clean. He knew that, as a god, he couldn't get sick but the thought of it terrified him because of the many visions of laying in a bed, hot, sweating, and gasping for air and choking out blood.

When Cairos finished what he had to say, Amun was quiet, staring at the stranger in desperation. He wish he could remember whatever he spoke about. "I was sick?" He murmured the words. He'd had other visions too, more pleasant ones. Ones where he woke up in the morning and walked out of a quaint little home to see Ra's power just starting to shine over endless dunes. He had no real memories of the outdoors when he had been in Egypy, he wasn't even sure if that's really where and Amunet had spent their childhood, but he'd dreamed of the stone monuments and shifting sands. Sometimes there was another person present, coming beside him. He'd always assumed that person was Amunet but what if it'd all been wrong?

Stranger things had happened to other gods but the idea that he had an entire life, an entire identity, that he knew nothing about was difficult to wrap his mind around. "I don't understand. The words were flat and filled with confusion. "Amunet told me I couldn't get sick. I've had nightmares and visions but she said I didn't have anything to worry about. She promised me I couldn't get sick," he added, his voice growing hoarse. His ears were pressed against his head. The mere idea of being sick was enough to send his broken mind spiraling back to the horrible visions of coughing up blood, gasping for air, the pains in his chest and his mind too much to bear that he wished he'd just die. But that was all just a dream. He woke up later on or his spirit drifted off to the peaceful dunes and it was all over. It'd never really happened. "My name is Amun." The words weren't poised as a threat or even a contradiction. His voice didn't hold an edge or any sort of weight. If anything, it almost seemed to be a question. He just wanted to understand all that was before him. If this was all true, though, wouldn't his sister know? She knew everything about him, surely she'd be able to detect any weaknesses or inconsistencies in his spirit. What reason would she have to hide that from him?

★ a new wind blows and soon it will be spring━