that gut feeling, the one that had dragged him all the way here despite the possibilities of it being nothing, it rose again. it came almost like a sickness, a hot flush across his body, a churning in his stomach, a feeling that even after centuries he was still incapable of expressing. for a moment, he was incapable of pinpointing why the feeling had arisen, hazel eyes flicking dramatically about the area, his heart rate spiking until he could hear it pounding in his ears. it was a daunting feeling, as though something was coming, as though at any moment he would face death or some other extravagant event, and yet, he was simply greeted with the appearance of another jaguar. this one, funnily enough, contrasted cairos' appearance with his stunning ebony coat, a small part of cairos grew intrigued by the other's appearance. it was when his eyes fell upon the jaguars necklace that he grew cold. the shen. his eyes widened in momentary recognition before it was shaken away, no, no he couldn't get his hopes up after all these years over a necklace. but then he spoke. there was a flutter in his stomach, one that had been lost for so, so long, an anxious skip in the beat of his heart.
it was him. husani, this was husani. the necklace had triggered something in his mind, a vague scratch at his memory, but his voice. it had changed, just a little, it sounded sweeter than he remembered, more uncertain, but he loved it just as he had in the past. there was a moment of nostalgia, a brief image flickering across the back of cairos' eyelids, it was husani, a bright grin slung across his maw, and his laugh. oh, how he longed to hear him laugh again. he'd been worried, he'd been so worried that once he actually found husani that cairos wouldn't recognise him. that he'd walk straight past the man he'd sacrificed everything for like he was just some guy he'd momentarily cross paths with on the street. for this one, blissful moment, he forgot. he forgot what it had meant for husani to be saved, he forgot that husani would not know of him, or his past. unshed tears had gathered in his eyes, his body frozen and unsure of what to do, did he hug him? embrace him in his arms just as he'd been longing to do for all these years? or would they go through that awkward middle stage that sometimes happened when you hadn't seen someone for a while?
of course, those thoughts, those hopeful thoughts, they were quickly reduced to nothing. cairos' mind snapping back to the present. he hadn't heard of anyone called husani? "no," the words were whispered, cairos' posture slumping as realisation washed over him. he didn't remember. no but, surely, surely some part of him recognised his name, recognised cairos' name. he had to. he had to remember because cairos wasn't sure what he'd do if he truly couldn't. to know that he'd risked and lost everything for someone who couldn't even recognise his name anymore... it was gut-wrenching. he felt like screaming. like cursing the heavens and dragging them down to the earth for torturing him like this, for finally allowing him to reach the love of his life only for him to be forgotten. if he could die, he would've died of heartbreak in that very moment, the way his chest ached, it felt as if his heart was ripped in half. this pain, it was something new. even when he'd first lost husani it hadn't been that bad, for he'd held hope, he'd clung to childish visions of their romantic reunion. a warm embrace, a kiss, husani's laugh would ring in his ears and cairos wouldn't be able to wipe the smile from his maw, and they would never leave each other's sides again.
instead, it simply entailed this pain. this incomprehensible ache in his chest. he felt winded, or maybe it was better to say he felt as though he were drowning, gasping for air and reaching for the surface, and for a moment, for a small moment he'd had hope, he was getting closer and closer, but then, he was thrown back into the deep again, the hope ripped from his heart. "please," it was a desperate plea that only he understood, the context forgotten in his desperation. "husani, your name is husani, it's cairos, please remember me, please." it was pitiful, but, he was in love, and that was all the reason he needed to be this way. egypt. did he remember egypt? "we lived in egypt together, remember? you got sick and things went bad but i-i've found you, finally, i've found you... please." he sounded like a madman, rambling on and on, but what more could he do?
this world, this life, it was cruel.
it was him. husani, this was husani. the necklace had triggered something in his mind, a vague scratch at his memory, but his voice. it had changed, just a little, it sounded sweeter than he remembered, more uncertain, but he loved it just as he had in the past. there was a moment of nostalgia, a brief image flickering across the back of cairos' eyelids, it was husani, a bright grin slung across his maw, and his laugh. oh, how he longed to hear him laugh again. he'd been worried, he'd been so worried that once he actually found husani that cairos wouldn't recognise him. that he'd walk straight past the man he'd sacrificed everything for like he was just some guy he'd momentarily cross paths with on the street. for this one, blissful moment, he forgot. he forgot what it had meant for husani to be saved, he forgot that husani would not know of him, or his past. unshed tears had gathered in his eyes, his body frozen and unsure of what to do, did he hug him? embrace him in his arms just as he'd been longing to do for all these years? or would they go through that awkward middle stage that sometimes happened when you hadn't seen someone for a while?
of course, those thoughts, those hopeful thoughts, they were quickly reduced to nothing. cairos' mind snapping back to the present. he hadn't heard of anyone called husani? "no," the words were whispered, cairos' posture slumping as realisation washed over him. he didn't remember. no but, surely, surely some part of him recognised his name, recognised cairos' name. he had to. he had to remember because cairos wasn't sure what he'd do if he truly couldn't. to know that he'd risked and lost everything for someone who couldn't even recognise his name anymore... it was gut-wrenching. he felt like screaming. like cursing the heavens and dragging them down to the earth for torturing him like this, for finally allowing him to reach the love of his life only for him to be forgotten. if he could die, he would've died of heartbreak in that very moment, the way his chest ached, it felt as if his heart was ripped in half. this pain, it was something new. even when he'd first lost husani it hadn't been that bad, for he'd held hope, he'd clung to childish visions of their romantic reunion. a warm embrace, a kiss, husani's laugh would ring in his ears and cairos wouldn't be able to wipe the smile from his maw, and they would never leave each other's sides again.
instead, it simply entailed this pain. this incomprehensible ache in his chest. he felt winded, or maybe it was better to say he felt as though he were drowning, gasping for air and reaching for the surface, and for a moment, for a small moment he'd had hope, he was getting closer and closer, but then, he was thrown back into the deep again, the hope ripped from his heart. "please," it was a desperate plea that only he understood, the context forgotten in his desperation. "husani, your name is husani, it's cairos, please remember me, please." it was pitiful, but, he was in love, and that was all the reason he needed to be this way. egypt. did he remember egypt? "we lived in egypt together, remember? you got sick and things went bad but i-i've found you, finally, i've found you... please." he sounded like a madman, rambling on and on, but what more could he do?
this world, this life, it was cruel.