11-23-2018, 11:11 PM
[align=center][div style="borderwidth=0px; width: 55%; line-height:115%; text-align: justify;font-family: calibri;"]If someone were to tell her that with each step she took, a second of her past faded away from her memory, she would have believed them. It was the only viable explanation as to why each time she tried to reach back into her mind there seemed to be nothing but fuzzy static that dissolved into frustration the longer that Thea attempted to stay in her subconscious. There was nothing there for her to pick up on as if her past was erased from the very history of the world itself, like she had been shaped from nothing itself and released onto the mortal realm on a whim. She could not remember having any parents, nor any siblings or friends or *anyone* that had shaped her into what she was today, but there was still a tug at her core that seemed only explainable by some invisible connections she could not fathom. She was tethered to emotional reactions she could not explain, constantly pulled one direction or another simply because there was no other path for her to follow.
Some days she felt alive, others she felt like nothing more than a dream, as faint and ephemeral as the smell of flowers at the end of spring. She felt *fragile* like them, surely, constantly one step away from breaking. It took only the weight of something strong enough to crush something so beautiful and to watch it die, and her memories (or lack thereof, in this case) seemed closer and closer to this burden with each day. There was nothing there for her to remember but the sky, the plains, the flowers and rocks that all carried her to where she stood at this present moment, living in it simply because she could not live in any other. Other moments didn't exist. She was starting to fear they never *had*, although something inside of her chest urged otherwise. She had lost something, or someone, sometime before... but Thea had no ways of knowing what that was or when it had happened. Or if it ever had.
All she knew was that all this theoretical thinking only ever led to headaches, and she wasn't sure why she was still doing it when it hadn't changed for a long while now. The more she thought back onto memories that didn't exist, the worse the migraines always got, until it took a lot of self-restraint and patience to simply continue on (and to try and cure the headaches whenever they arose when she conveniently forgot the one rule that helped her survive. Don't think. Don't *wish*. Simply be, and things would go alright.) Being was hard, though, when you weren't sure *how* to be... but Thea had gotten along alright enough. For now. Maybe the plan was only a short term one, but it was better than nothing.
Sadly she was still getting a hang of following that particular rule, and today seemed to be a far more introspective day than usual. The headaches started almost instantly, not even halfway through on her travels to some undetermined destination, and it had caused her to come to an untimely halt just outside of the Sunhaven border, unaware of their presence. It was just her luck that she managed to stop *before* trespassing, though, although it was almost a guarantee someone would see her nevertheless, quite obviously in pain.
Some days she felt alive, others she felt like nothing more than a dream, as faint and ephemeral as the smell of flowers at the end of spring. She felt *fragile* like them, surely, constantly one step away from breaking. It took only the weight of something strong enough to crush something so beautiful and to watch it die, and her memories (or lack thereof, in this case) seemed closer and closer to this burden with each day. There was nothing there for her to remember but the sky, the plains, the flowers and rocks that all carried her to where she stood at this present moment, living in it simply because she could not live in any other. Other moments didn't exist. She was starting to fear they never *had*, although something inside of her chest urged otherwise. She had lost something, or someone, sometime before... but Thea had no ways of knowing what that was or when it had happened. Or if it ever had.
All she knew was that all this theoretical thinking only ever led to headaches, and she wasn't sure why she was still doing it when it hadn't changed for a long while now. The more she thought back onto memories that didn't exist, the worse the migraines always got, until it took a lot of self-restraint and patience to simply continue on (and to try and cure the headaches whenever they arose when she conveniently forgot the one rule that helped her survive. Don't think. Don't *wish*. Simply be, and things would go alright.) Being was hard, though, when you weren't sure *how* to be... but Thea had gotten along alright enough. For now. Maybe the plan was only a short term one, but it was better than nothing.
Sadly she was still getting a hang of following that particular rule, and today seemed to be a far more introspective day than usual. The headaches started almost instantly, not even halfway through on her travels to some undetermined destination, and it had caused her to come to an untimely halt just outside of the Sunhaven border, unaware of their presence. It was just her luck that she managed to stop *before* trespassing, though, although it was almost a guarantee someone would see her nevertheless, quite obviously in pain.
♔ — I want brimstone in my garden