A daydream // private, pincher // in the nightmare

[jacob w.c.]

Jacob flinched when he felt the other man bump into him, ever muscle tensing. Even while he saw the man as an angel, it seemed he hadn't let go of the fear that someone would come to hurt him or take him away again. He only nodded in response to the man when he told to sit down and take deep breaths. Yes, that'd help. His legs were trembling horribly and he was worried they'd give in at any moment. If he sat, that'd release the pressure and his damaged muscles and nerves wouldn't have to work so hard. So, he sat and tried to control his breathing. He knew if he didn't that, it'd turn back into hyperventilation and he could pass out from that. He couldn't pass out here, especially not like this when everyone could see what he was. He had noticed the glances that the man spared him on the way to this and, while the image of Guru's disgusted features burned in his memory, he noticed that these looks weren't like that. He didn't look afraid or disgusted. Jacob wasn't sure what he looked like but he found himself occasionally meeting it, looking into the blue eyes that stared back at him. Maybe under other circumstances he would've even smiled. But not tonight.

As he sat in the little room now, taking deep breaths, he was able to slow the trembling and wrap the bandages as well as he could around his forelegs and his torso. In what looked like a nearly impossible maneuver, he wrapped his hind right leg, where there were some burns that wouldn't be covered by the sweater. He glanced up when the captain asked what he was sorry for and he froze for a moment, unsure of how to respond. "Uh, well, jus'... ya' know... I usually got all this mess covered," he finally managed, unable to lift his eyes even to the doberman's back as he spoke the words. How could he? It was like confessing how afraid he was to a complete stranger. Yet this man didn't feel like a stranger. He'd saved him, he looked at him without any fear or disgust or pity. He just looked at Jacob like he'd look at any other person. Jacob wasn't an idiot. He saw the way people's eyes lingered on his bandages, on the one that covered his face. If they stared in such ways at his coverings, what would they think of the bare skin beneath it? He never wanted to find out.

He pulled on his sweater and added, "'M 'bout done, but I dunno' if the bandage I gotta' use for my face'll go on. I usually gotta' have a clean one for it ta' stay. S-S-Sorry that ya' gotta... ya' know..." When he looked up, he saw the man had come even closer to him. They were mere centimeters away from each other and he found his eyes drawn to the other. His guardian angel. There was a part of him that knew that was a hopeless fantasy designed by his desperate mind to find anyone here that would care for him. But he ignored that part. Sometimes fantasy was better than reality. Confusion swam in the wolf dog's gaze when the man began to lean forward and then pressed his muzzle against the side of his face. Usually he would have recoiled immediately, especially from such contact on one of his scars but he didn't move. This stranger, this angel, didn't make any sense to him. Guru had looked at him with such disgust and he had viewed himself as vile for so long. Could anything but an angel care for the way he looked and simply say it didn't look too bad? Usually he would've tried to argue that he hadn't seen the entire thing but he had and he still hadn't looked at him that way. "N-No, sir, they weren' infected ever. I took care ah' 'em myself as soon as I could," he hesitated for a moment before adding, "Uh, I was in a fire. My Pa was there. He was real sick; had lung cancer from smokin'-" his eyes drifted briefly to the unlit cigarette. Now wasn't the time to talk about that. "He wasn' my real dad n' he was a horse so I couldn' really move 'im. I tried but, uh, I stayed a li'l too long n' some beams fell between me n' 'im. I had ta' leave." He wasn't sure why he was saying all this. He didn't owe this man any sort of explanation. "That was what she was showin' me." What he didn't bother to add was those visions were frequent in his nightmares and hallucinations.

Jacob suddenly flattened his ears and added in a rushed tone, "Sorry, ya' probably didn' wanna' know none ah' that. I talk a whole lot when 'm... uh, well when I get like... like this. Anxious n' all that. At least sometimes I do, when I don' got nothin' else ta' focus on. Otherwise it jus' gets worse. Sorry." He stopped once again before, after a moment of silence, he spoke, "'M name's Jacob, by the way. Jacob Wickliff Corleone." He wasn't sure why he gave his full name. He supposed he knew that the likelihood of this man being familiar with any of his names was low so it was safe.
 

★ though the scars remain and tears will never dry, i'll bless my homeland til i die ━