sunrise : death

[GABRIEL]

[align=center][div style="width: 500px; text-align: justify; font-size: 9.4pt; line-height: 1.4;"]The dirt was still settling on Lazarus' grave, an ugly mound of a reminder, though he was losing more and more time. Couldn't think straight most of the time, kept seeing corpses around every corner, broken bodies he couldn't recognize but knew somehow- it was safe to say his life was worse than it'd been back when he'd burned out. It was like extinguishing the desperate stuttering of a flame that had already gone out before, depriving oxygen a second time. He'd thought the next worst thing that could await him was death, his body caving under the stress, that a couple more feathers lost and he'd go, too. It wasn't even an awful thought, which he knew was selfish. Gabe couldn't leave Moon, couldn't give up when the kid was still going, no matter how much he wanted to crawl six feet under with Laz and stay there.

He was tired, sanded into bones bleached from exposure, but if there was one thing Gabe could do, it was limp on out of pure habit, not will. He didn't have it in him to care much about what happened to him, but he did care about Moon, about the rest of the kids wandering The Ascendants. If he couldn't walk for himself, he'd walk for Moon, for everyone else, because he'd always, always measured his life by how it could serve other people. Just wasn't so bad until he gave too much.

Maybe he hadn't given enough, though. Maybe he should have tried harder, fought longer, pulled himself together by sheer fucking determination instead of staggering around like some kind of ill drunkard. Instead of hanging like dead weight around Moon's neck, more effective than any skillfully knotted noose. There was always something he could have done better.

He could have thanked Moon for taking care of Laz while he was in The Typhoon. Could have apologized until the words wore his tongue into bits for failing to keep Moon safe when they took him. Could have worked more at keeping Sunhaven from drawing those shit conclusions, even if it meant dragging the kid off by his ear. Could have knocked him out at some point to get sleep into him, force feed him if he had to, because nothing would change that Moon deserved to be sorting herbs and working on his smartass remarks, not shouldering the responsibilities of a clan with no real support system to keep him from buckling. Gabe hadn't been able to work past his own shit.

Still wasn't, but he was around regardless in all his pathetic glory. He headed for Moon's room to check in on him, because there was this writhing discomfort in his gut, which froze and dropped to splinter his insides when he saw the grim faces at the door. Lungs drawing no breath, the hybrid shoved his way inside, heading for the motionless body in a swimming daze. "Moon." The last bit of oxygen in his chest bled out of him, taking with it whatever mindless energy had kept him on his paws. Gabriel dropped over the larger figure, wings spread in a molting, inky blanket.

Gentle, so painfully gentle, he rested talons against the side of the slack face. He had not looked peaceful in so long, but it wasn't fair that he should have to find rest in death, that the fire Gabriel had envied choked and took Moon with it.

"Lo siento, mi luz. Te he fallado como papá." His voice could hardly be called that. Gabriel pressed his forehead to a stiff cheek, the breath shuddering out of him. "Te amo. Siento que no te lo dijera antes." Always something.

[align=right][i]——INFO