YOU CAN'T HIDE | MARINA

[buckingham barnes]

Bucky didn't blame her for asking with a bit of caution- she has no idea what she's about to hear. It was probably confusing to witness the Soldier, especially when you had no idea of it's existence. She can only make so many assumptions about the Soldier. With assumptions alone, she'd never know what the Asset was, how it came to be, how dangerous it truly is. He has to tell her, it's not going to be easy, but at least he's telling someone he trusts. As he padded in, his gaze quickly fell onto her, locking. He sat himself down on the ground, his tail wrapping around his paws. "I need to tell you about the... other side of me that you witnessed," He began to explain, his tufted ears drawing back to his skull, hating that he had to describe the Asset as apart of himself. While he wished he and the Soldier were two different people, just sharing the same body, that's not the case. Bucky was once the Soldier, and when he relapses he goes back to that cold persona. When he relapses, everything goes dark and 'peacefully' silent, but that's just the Asset taking control of the reigns. Once it's in control, Buckingham Barnes is gone for the meantime. Marina witnessed that, and had to deal with it all the way back from the Ascendants. "You already know one name it goes by- the Winter Soldier. It also goes by the Asset. What you saw was one hundred percent me, relapsing back to that machine."

In order for this to make sense, Bucky has to explain himself further. If he stopped now, he would leave Marina with numerous questions. She might still have questions for him when he's done explaining entirely, but surely it won't be as bad if he stopped now. "A long time before I joined Sunhaven, I was stolen from my home by a clan similar to the Pitt," He began to explain in further detail, "My kidnapper wanted to get in my head. He tore my leg off to distract me, and when I was focused on my pain, his dirty paws got into my memories and tore everything apart." He was sure Marina will understand why he told Bastilleprisoner no originally now. "With a blank slate, he reworked me into his perfect weapon."

"He filled me up with lies, convincing me to swear my loyalty to his clan and later on, him." He meowed as he forced himself to keep his claws from etching into Marina's floor, "He became my handler, I quickly became his living weapon that went through with any orders he handed to me. I've killed numerous people for him, tested loyalties, and threatened lives."

"When I began to remember the memories he stole, and when his claims he made began to seem like lies, he nearly killed me. He tried to damage my memories again, and when I fought back, he ended up leaving the group he forced me to call home."

"He only had control of me for a couple weeks, but it was enough to damage me in the long run. I made the stupid decision to continue living in the group he dragged me to, and continued to be an assassin, but for myself. I thought there was no way to get rid of the person he forced me to become." He admitted, feeling shameful that his friend now knows how dirty his paws really are. She trusts him, someone who has killed innocent after innocent, will she look the same way at him anymore? "Not only that, but I've had episodes much like you witnessed, where the Soldier takes control again," He mentioned with a frown, "And during those incidents, there was no handler to control it, or me. All it knew what to do was kill." Bucky remembered times where the Soldier took over, and it targeted his best friends. Not everyone in this group was like his handler, they didn't treat him like a weapon after his handler ran off. They treated him like a person. He nearly killed people he cared about thanks to relapses.

"I left the group, maybe four or five months before I ran across Sunhaven. I decided I wanted a second chance, I was tired of the guilt and shame from the murders I committed. I haven't had an incident with the Soldier in months, and I didn't see it coming with Bastilleprisoner."

"The whole reason I decided to tell you all of that is that relapse might not be the last," He said with a grim frown. "I don't want to be triggered back into the Soldier, but you must know that it's dangerous. It will kill anyone if it deems them to be a threat, and anyone who tries to get into the way." While the Asset might think it has a handler now, it's not a perfect machine. It malfunctions like any other, which means attacking without given orders to speaking for itself. It's 'malfunctions' can vary.

"Some ways to trigger me into the Soldier happen to be going in my head without consent, extreme paranoia, and surprise attack/ambush." There are probably more ways to trigger the Asset, but unfortunately he can't remember each and every one. Which is why he's also warning Marina about the danger of the Soldier, he has no idea if someone will trigger him with something he didn't remember.

"But, you can prevent the Soldier from inflicting any damage- it believes you are it's new handler. If I ever relapse again, promise me you will act like it's handler- you'll be able to neutralize a lot of threats before they even happen."