09-12-2018, 11:15 AM
[align=center][div style="borderwidth=0px; width: 55%; line-height:115%; text-align: justify;font-family: calibri;"]LIRIM
Everyone thinks of the void as this constant, endless, merciless thing; a figureless mass that destroys everything in its path and leaves nothing untouched. They aren’t too far off, but I’ve learned the hard way that there’s more to it than just cold, brutal murder. Beyond the destruction, the void is simply apathy. It takes and gives without a thought of what it will eventually do, and that, beyond all, is what fucked me up the most.
I never expected much from Lirim, not because I didn’t love them but because I figured anyone could be a better parent than a dead one. I was proven wrong quite quickly when Fell died and left me to their whims. It wasn’t that they were abusive... they were just apathetic to a fault, caring very little for what would become of me. South got along with them far better, able to communicate in chaotic ways that made them actually interested in something for once... I couldn’t give two damns about any of it the same way Lirim couldn’t give two damns about me.
A part of me always wondered if they regretted having me. Fell fucked off god knows where and left them alone with three kids who were a constant reminder of his death. I know how bad that could be, but... fuck, I don’t know... it would have been damn nice to have someone care.
They were everything, held the power to do anything... yet they still watched everything that happened to me and never batted an eye. They were omniscient and could stop all the things that fucked me up and over... and instead I was forced to grow up feeling just about as useful as a toy. Fun and great until I was used up and no one wanted me anymore.
You don’t come back from what I went through alright. That shit fucks you up forever, and whereas I could forgive someone who had barely any more power than I had back then... I can’t forgive someone who had no right to just watch while people... while their son suffered.
Everyone thinks of the void as this constant, endless, merciless thing; a figureless mass that destroys everything in its path and leaves nothing untouched. They aren’t too far off, but I’ve learned the hard way that there’s more to it than just cold, brutal murder. Beyond the destruction, the void is simply apathy. It takes and gives without a thought of what it will eventually do, and that, beyond all, is what fucked me up the most.
I never expected much from Lirim, not because I didn’t love them but because I figured anyone could be a better parent than a dead one. I was proven wrong quite quickly when Fell died and left me to their whims. It wasn’t that they were abusive... they were just apathetic to a fault, caring very little for what would become of me. South got along with them far better, able to communicate in chaotic ways that made them actually interested in something for once... I couldn’t give two damns about any of it the same way Lirim couldn’t give two damns about me.
A part of me always wondered if they regretted having me. Fell fucked off god knows where and left them alone with three kids who were a constant reminder of his death. I know how bad that could be, but... fuck, I don’t know... it would have been damn nice to have someone care.
They were everything, held the power to do anything... yet they still watched everything that happened to me and never batted an eye. They were omniscient and could stop all the things that fucked me up and over... and instead I was forced to grow up feeling just about as useful as a toy. Fun and great until I was used up and no one wanted me anymore.
You don’t come back from what I went through alright. That shit fucks you up forever, and whereas I could forgive someone who had barely any more power than I had back then... I can’t forgive someone who had no right to just watch while people... while their son suffered.
♔ — I want brimstone in my garden