&& BLOOD CLEARING - NEW BEGINNINGS!
//I have no clue. It seemed like a good idea at the time?//
Argus had a mixed feeling about most mortals. A bitter resentment for their ability to value things. To put values like love and hope into every walking step towards a goal that some would never live to see. She hates that she was born with these feelings with a human's sense to feel and the curse of immortality did nothing to strip it off of her. She feared attachment, she loved few but deeply, she had raged at a loss and betrayal both. It would be better to be emotionless, it would be easier if she were a distant god watching some speck of a world and weave power through their veins, but it was hard to walk the earth forever and gain friendships like spare change. Interchangeable and never permanent. Hard to love and allow herself to love anyone when she knew they were but a day in her ever-expanding life. It was a fruitless endeavor, but she caught love like a disease on occasion, and she threw herself into each wholely and laughed when it was thrown all back into her face. It was Tireing and useless, a fickle struggle like a bug under a boot. Unable to move and frozen in fear, unable to move on and allow herself to move on.
It was easy to fake interest, easy to fake anything but hard to conceal. Hard to contain her emotions. She was interested in mortals, in their little lives and ability to prioritize others before themselves. But that interest concealed a green jealousy that could only be expressed by making them like her. She had, she had turned other's into emotionless husks and made them feel as vividly at her and screamed- screamed with them at the injustice except at least they had someone to blame. They could point a finger at her and be saved from the hell she would give them. But she was forever stuck in the stasis. She was the atlas to her story and in her darkest moments, she struggled to remember how to cry for herself in pity. She would clutch at the living with a desperate keen and try to push away the vividly of her memories. Never able to forget what she had lived through, all the happy and all the insanity. It wasn't so much the ghosts of the dead that haunted her as much as it was the living, and it was still the living that terrified her. THe living that killed her without an ounce of pity and the living that she cried for. It was the living. It was the living.
Because once there was a little wolf, without a family and a clan to call home. She was lonely and no one bothered to care for her, no one bothered to know her and she thought the afterlife would be better, she thought it time to meet her parents on the other side of life and she was wrong.
It was with great strides that the little wolf rose again- she learned to live for others. She learned to live a life and be happy until she outlived them. Each meeting an end before her, and again- and again, and a g a i n.
Mortality was so fragile, she marveled at their own fear for death. Marveled how they sacrificed themselves while still blindly afraid of it. And in some cases chase death until it too caught up with them. Marveled as some turned their fear into a job, a mission to make a legacy as a killer. Ending other's fears before finally succumbing to their own. It was interesting and so so very sad.
She watched with pity, with anger and remorse and every emotion under the sun. She lived to feel and lived to kill because there was nothing else for her, there was no end to her.
There were times when Gus would enjoy her life, allow herself to socialize and find a new home. Settle for a moment and pretend she didn't fear their deaths. Times she would stumble across a stranger in her new life, but an enemy, a friend, a lover in another. Time and time again she wondered what they would do if they knew. If they knew what it meant to suffer through life as she. Constantly she wondered why they were aging, living, breeding- when it all proved fruitless in the end. There were seldom few times she would indulge, would meet them in her new lives and pretend she never knew them, and indulge for a minute, a breath- that she was meeting them for the first time.
It was the same process here. So very similar and so very different. Killula had disappeared last she had seen, and to see him again was a breath of fresh air. It was the ability to pretend again. Maybe this time, maybe for once- she could do good on her son's dying memory. On the Apprentice that never wanted to hurt her son, but was too much of a coward to stand up against his mentor. That took to bring her son back to his home breathing, and face the wrath of a grieving mother and struggle not to cry as kanato died on the border.
So, she was interested in this little one's life, she had given up living for the sake of her ghosts. She was tired of trying to pretend everything was fine and maybe, this time around there would be an end for her. One she could accept and rest with. Maa, I haven't a clue if it's because I've been fighting since before the leader has been alive or just my own special rebelliousness. She did good hiding her emotions, playing interest like she always did, but there was a spark of something. A coo of warmth that Argus would cradle with reverence. Hope was so often snuffed, maybe once she would allow it to grow.
If yah were joining, you'd offer a name before asking for one, and stop hiding your scent. She kept her tone bland, and damn, she wanted her own little sweet at the moment. Marshmallows would've been great. But she'd have to suffer through it for now. The wind current in this area was odd enough, but next to killua it was almost nonexistent. Argus was well aware of people's ability to hide away their scents, She'd used a few back in the day, but Wind manipulation to cover it? It wasn't tacky, it was good for on the job but social interactions it was very un-clever.
"Information for information. Why are you trying to hide from me, Killua?" Well, not her especially, but the clan- why was he hiding his scent so close to the border? Maybe he was part of the Tanglewood, but the other two clans they were working on alliancing. Maybe she'd meet him on the battlefield, and maybe she'd meet him at a friendly event. It would be interesting to see which.
Argus had a mixed feeling about most mortals. A bitter resentment for their ability to value things. To put values like love and hope into every walking step towards a goal that some would never live to see. She hates that she was born with these feelings with a human's sense to feel and the curse of immortality did nothing to strip it off of her. She feared attachment, she loved few but deeply, she had raged at a loss and betrayal both. It would be better to be emotionless, it would be easier if she were a distant god watching some speck of a world and weave power through their veins, but it was hard to walk the earth forever and gain friendships like spare change. Interchangeable and never permanent. Hard to love and allow herself to love anyone when she knew they were but a day in her ever-expanding life. It was a fruitless endeavor, but she caught love like a disease on occasion, and she threw herself into each wholely and laughed when it was thrown all back into her face. It was Tireing and useless, a fickle struggle like a bug under a boot. Unable to move and frozen in fear, unable to move on and allow herself to move on.
It was easy to fake interest, easy to fake anything but hard to conceal. Hard to contain her emotions. She was interested in mortals, in their little lives and ability to prioritize others before themselves. But that interest concealed a green jealousy that could only be expressed by making them like her. She had, she had turned other's into emotionless husks and made them feel as vividly at her and screamed- screamed with them at the injustice except at least they had someone to blame. They could point a finger at her and be saved from the hell she would give them. But she was forever stuck in the stasis. She was the atlas to her story and in her darkest moments, she struggled to remember how to cry for herself in pity. She would clutch at the living with a desperate keen and try to push away the vividly of her memories. Never able to forget what she had lived through, all the happy and all the insanity. It wasn't so much the ghosts of the dead that haunted her as much as it was the living, and it was still the living that terrified her. THe living that killed her without an ounce of pity and the living that she cried for. It was the living. It was the living.
Because once there was a little wolf, without a family and a clan to call home. She was lonely and no one bothered to care for her, no one bothered to know her and she thought the afterlife would be better, she thought it time to meet her parents on the other side of life and she was wrong.
It was with great strides that the little wolf rose again- she learned to live for others. She learned to live a life and be happy until she outlived them. Each meeting an end before her, and again- and again, and a g a i n.
Mortality was so fragile, she marveled at their own fear for death. Marveled how they sacrificed themselves while still blindly afraid of it. And in some cases chase death until it too caught up with them. Marveled as some turned their fear into a job, a mission to make a legacy as a killer. Ending other's fears before finally succumbing to their own. It was interesting and so so very sad.
She watched with pity, with anger and remorse and every emotion under the sun. She lived to feel and lived to kill because there was nothing else for her, there was no end to her.
There were times when Gus would enjoy her life, allow herself to socialize and find a new home. Settle for a moment and pretend she didn't fear their deaths. Times she would stumble across a stranger in her new life, but an enemy, a friend, a lover in another. Time and time again she wondered what they would do if they knew. If they knew what it meant to suffer through life as she. Constantly she wondered why they were aging, living, breeding- when it all proved fruitless in the end. There were seldom few times she would indulge, would meet them in her new lives and pretend she never knew them, and indulge for a minute, a breath- that she was meeting them for the first time.
It was the same process here. So very similar and so very different. Killula had disappeared last she had seen, and to see him again was a breath of fresh air. It was the ability to pretend again. Maybe this time, maybe for once- she could do good on her son's dying memory. On the Apprentice that never wanted to hurt her son, but was too much of a coward to stand up against his mentor. That took to bring her son back to his home breathing, and face the wrath of a grieving mother and struggle not to cry as kanato died on the border.
So, she was interested in this little one's life, she had given up living for the sake of her ghosts. She was tired of trying to pretend everything was fine and maybe, this time around there would be an end for her. One she could accept and rest with. Maa, I haven't a clue if it's because I've been fighting since before the leader has been alive or just my own special rebelliousness. She did good hiding her emotions, playing interest like she always did, but there was a spark of something. A coo of warmth that Argus would cradle with reverence. Hope was so often snuffed, maybe once she would allow it to grow.
If yah were joining, you'd offer a name before asking for one, and stop hiding your scent. She kept her tone bland, and damn, she wanted her own little sweet at the moment. Marshmallows would've been great. But she'd have to suffer through it for now. The wind current in this area was odd enough, but next to killua it was almost nonexistent. Argus was well aware of people's ability to hide away their scents, She'd used a few back in the day, but Wind manipulation to cover it? It wasn't tacky, it was good for on the job but social interactions it was very un-clever.
"Information for information. Why are you trying to hide from me, Killua?" Well, not her especially, but the clan- why was he hiding his scent so close to the border? Maybe he was part of the Tanglewood, but the other two clans they were working on alliancing. Maybe she'd meet him on the battlefield, and maybe she'd meet him at a friendly event. It would be interesting to see which.