Atbash's August CDC Tracker

[ATBASH CIPHER.]

Fear / What Does Your Character Fear Most?

    Oh, what a simple concept and a simple question these are. It wasn't hard to see that Atbash had been through a lot of things, and she was bound to have fears because of that. Perhaps some were justified and others? Not so much. It wasn't hard to guess that her biggest fear is Caesar, her brother, but what many people don't know is that Atbash has a fear of being rejected. The thought of being rejected as a leader was her biggest fear and what constantly plagued her thoughts, even though she didn't outright show it or brought it up. Being rejected as Snowbound's leader is a huge failure, even though Atbash was worried over nothing.

    Atbash always had a sinking feeling that nobody liked her and was only listening to her words just because she was their Hailcaller. After all, she was raised into a society that constantly berated females and thought of them as property and not as a person. The she-cat couldn't help but feel the same way about Snowbound; what if they were only pretending to love her just because they had to deal with her for the time being? She was useless, a massive pacifist, and she couldn't fight. What kind of leader was like that? Atbash obviously, but what kind of successful leader was like her? She certainly couldn't think of any, and in fact, believed that Aizawa or Izuku deserved the honor of being Hailcaller in her place. After all, at least they had a drive to fight others when Atbash wallowed in self-pity during the whole Typhoon outbreak. What sort of leader did that?

    It was pathetic - disgusting, even. Atbash should have been aware about Kirishima's capturing, but she instead choose to be in her den and cry about how weak she was for letting herself be beaten up by her brother. She should have gone with Izuku and Tsuyu when they went to rescue Kirishima, but then again, they hadn't exactly made that public, did they? Atbash still appreciated their bravery nonetheless though; they deserved the Blizzard title for doing what they did. But her? She barely even deserved the Snowflake title anymore. All she did was lay in her den and worry about Caesar showing up every moment of the day. And sure, she had gotten better at leaving her cabin, but that still didn't stop the fact that she was hiding herself away. All because of what, some fear?

    Perhaps its was dumb that she feared her own damn sibling. But then again, what Caesar did was horrible and Atbash couldn't bring herself to forgive him. Sure, she still loved him dearly, but what he did to their Dimension - what he did to her, to their family - was inexcusable. Downright disgusting. Atbash had never believed the rumors that floated around the Dimension about Caesar's ability to destroy it, and yet that's exactly what he did, just as the Shaman pretended. Atbash had been utterly horrified. What kind of monster did that? But that wasn't the worst of it; Caesar almost looked proud of what he had done. Atbash scared him because he seemed to enjoy the chaos he created and he didn't care what it took to achieve those means.

  Caesar would murder an entire Dimension just to be King, and Atbash was certainly at his mercy whenever he attacked. The first time he attacked, he held her underwater in an attempt to drown her. Atbash remembered the suffocating feeling of that, but nothing - nothing compared to the sound of your fur sizzling and smoke being so damn thick it practically burned your lungs. Atbash had a reason to fear fire like she did, and her brother was the case of that. Atbash had jumped through flames to try and save their parents, ending up burned in the process. But despite that, their parents refused to leave and Vigenere had to pull Atbash out of their collapsing den, right before it crushed their mother and father. Atbash barely remembered what happened after that, if she was honest. She didn't know if she wanted to.

    The memories of their Home Dimension burning was what caused the fear of flames. Atbash remembered discovering the flames as a small spark, but thought nothing of it until they spread, covering the entire Dimension if Caesar had succeeded in killing the King. So she found Vigenere as fast as she could since he had gone off to confront Caesar, and he told her that Caesar did indeed succeed and they had to go find their parents. So Vigenere and Atbash had ran off, towards the outer reaches of the Dimension, only to find their den in flames. Atbash remembered the sound of the flames cackling as it ate at the wooden den, and how thick the smoke was. It suffocated her, made her choke, but she wasn't going to let her parents die. Without warning, Atbash had thrust herself into the den, burning her body in the process. Pain exploded over her as she felt the burns on her body, but what hurt the most was the fact that their parents refused to listen to her. They didn't want to be saved and claimed her life mattered more. Of course Atbash couldn't argue with them, because by the time she wanted to, their home was going to crash and burn - literally - and Vigenere pushed himself through the entryway and pulled Atbash out of then den, just before it crashed.

    Some people say fear is a state of the mind, an illusion. Caesar was one of those people, but Atbash believed that fears are learned, they were taught. It was the reason why she feared fire, why she feared her own damn brother, and why she feared being rejected. She had been raised in a society that had always treated her gender like shit, so of course she would always be constantly second-guessing herself and looking for validation - but unfortunately being Hailcaller meant that you probably weren't going to get a lot of validation, since you were the highest rank you could be. That was why everybodies' opinion mattered to her so damn much; she was afraid of not being accepted as Snowbound's leader. Atbash learned to fear fire from nearly dying from it (albeit it was her own fault for jumping into the flames), and that's exactly what started the fear of Caesar. But him attacking her while on Earth only made that fear more, since it showed Caesar would do anything for fame and power.

    Even if it meant hurting his own sister.

Word count: 1,113