08-02-2018, 03:25 PM
[align=center][div style="borderwidth=0px; width: 55%; line-height:115%; text-align: justify;font-family: calibri;"]depression / suicidal tendencies / self harm — ( trigger warning )
Despite almost never seeming like it, Des is heavily depressed. He hides it all underneath an easy smile and laugh, underneath honeyed words and clever quips that deflect all of the attention from off of his own problems towards those of others. He almost never engages in conversations about himself, something that anyone that spends enough time with him can easily pick up. No matter what the topic is, he almost urges others to speak about their own experiences rather than question his own, as anything regarding his life and his past bring up memories he doesn't want to speak of and push him closer to the edge that he doesn't want to jump off of. The more he thinks about the past, the more distressed he gets, until he becomes the very thing he doesn't want to be and becomes more void than he is human.
Whenever humor doesn't work, Des either smokes his troubles away or drowns his sorrows in the copious amounts of alcohol he has stashed away. If he does not have any of these on hands, he gets extremely anxious and can be easy to anger to the point of excess violence, especially if the individual questions his motives, or pokes at his issues during that time. Despite his regrets, Des is not above murder when his void and demon part comes out.
Des used to actively self-harm in visible ways, mainly cutting and through fire. Some of the scars on his body are from these instances, although most of them are from other reasons. He has taken to less-obvious means of punishing himself, however, ones that'll once again divert the attention from him. He often takes high risks, taking the bullet for anything or anyone he finds worthy, and flirting just a little bit too close to death to feel the pain without having others worry about him inflicting it upon himself.
Likewise, Des is often constantly in pain through the crosses he wears on his body. Because he is not a full demon, the full influence of holy items does not kill him but still causes extreme discomfort and, at worse times, pain. He purposefully dons them as a result, constantly feeling like he deserves nothing better than it.
Des has already attempted to kill himself multiple times in his life, although each time he either stopped himself or was stopped by someone else. It is not uncommon for him to want to drink himself to death or to simply fade away without having anyone else care about him, but at the same time the constant need to redeem himself causes him to give up the effort at the last moment. He often fantasizes about dying a hero, however, in battle protecting someone worth protecting.
Despite almost never seeming like it, Des is heavily depressed. He hides it all underneath an easy smile and laugh, underneath honeyed words and clever quips that deflect all of the attention from off of his own problems towards those of others. He almost never engages in conversations about himself, something that anyone that spends enough time with him can easily pick up. No matter what the topic is, he almost urges others to speak about their own experiences rather than question his own, as anything regarding his life and his past bring up memories he doesn't want to speak of and push him closer to the edge that he doesn't want to jump off of. The more he thinks about the past, the more distressed he gets, until he becomes the very thing he doesn't want to be and becomes more void than he is human.
Whenever humor doesn't work, Des either smokes his troubles away or drowns his sorrows in the copious amounts of alcohol he has stashed away. If he does not have any of these on hands, he gets extremely anxious and can be easy to anger to the point of excess violence, especially if the individual questions his motives, or pokes at his issues during that time. Despite his regrets, Des is not above murder when his void and demon part comes out.
Des used to actively self-harm in visible ways, mainly cutting and through fire. Some of the scars on his body are from these instances, although most of them are from other reasons. He has taken to less-obvious means of punishing himself, however, ones that'll once again divert the attention from him. He often takes high risks, taking the bullet for anything or anyone he finds worthy, and flirting just a little bit too close to death to feel the pain without having others worry about him inflicting it upon himself.
Likewise, Des is often constantly in pain through the crosses he wears on his body. Because he is not a full demon, the full influence of holy items does not kill him but still causes extreme discomfort and, at worse times, pain. He purposefully dons them as a result, constantly feeling like he deserves nothing better than it.
Des has already attempted to kill himself multiple times in his life, although each time he either stopped himself or was stopped by someone else. It is not uncommon for him to want to drink himself to death or to simply fade away without having anyone else care about him, but at the same time the constant need to redeem himself causes him to give up the effort at the last moment. He often fantasizes about dying a hero, however, in battle protecting someone worth protecting.
♔ — I want brimstone in my garden