izuku's august cdc tracker

[arcy]

[div style="0px; width:500px; height:auto; text-align: justify; font-size: 8pt; line-height:13px;"][align=center]HURT
[863 words]

Izuku's life was always made up of hurt. Of course it was. One misery after the other, he was always beaten down mercilessly. There'd been days when he'd wondered if it'd ever get better, if there'd ever be a day he'd be safe. .. Izuku knew better, now. Knew that there'd never be a day where everything felt good and safe and protected. It'd taken a long time for him to let go of that hope, but .. Izuku supposes you can't fault him for wanting that much.
The first hurt, of course, starts when he's a kid. He was diagnosed as quirkless -- that was the first one. And then .. his life just crashed around him. He was just four years old, and his father leaves because his son is a disappointment. Izuku can't remember his father's face, or anything about him. He remembers their family still got funds from him, but he never came back. And then Kacchan started hurting him. It was just little things, at first. His friend would shove him or tease him and it hurt. And then Kacchan dubbed him Deku and then those little shoves became sparking palms and burning skin. .. Somehow, despite the transition, Izuku maintained those scars, right under messy green fur. At least they were hard to tell apart from all the rest of his faded scars, besides the sheer age of them.
Izuku grew up without friends, after that. That hurt. Kacchan wouldn't let him have friends, would chase away the ones who were nice to him at all. And the ones who tried to be nice were a minority, anyways. A good majority of the school either pretended he didn't exist, or joined the crowd of faceless .. bullies. Bullies. What a strange word. He hadn't really considered them bullies, before. But, then again, he'd considered Kacchan a reluctant friend for a long time. 'Childhood friend' .. Izuku didn't even remember when he was friends with him. All he'd known was hurt.
.. It'd gotten worse over time, of course. Kacchan had thrown his journal out the window. Izuku had gotten attacked by a villain and he'd been powerless. .. And then All Might told him he couldn't be a hero. That'd hurt a lot. But he'd known it'd been coming, anyways. He'd just been denying the truth all along. .. Later, after throwing himself out to save Kacchan, All Might changed his mind, of course, but it'd still hurt. The training he'd endured had hurt too, of course, but it was a different type of hurt. He'd always felt lighter, if sore, afterwards, because he was getting better. Closer to being a hero.
UA was better. Training there hurt, but there were less emotional wounds. Except, uh. A lot of things. USJ, for one. The Hero Killer. Training Camp. Kamino Ward. .. Other things. Those were all pretty bad, and he kept on breaking his bones. But at least he'd felt content. Lighter. Happy.
.. Things, of course, changed, when he'd died. He'd woken up in a pool of his own blood as a cat, and he'd been alone and scared. After that, the hurt just hadn't stopped. One mishap after the other, it just didn't end. It was like the bullying, except this was real and uncontrolled and they were trying to kill him. Hurt him for reason he could discern. More than a few times he'd almost bled out and died just because he couldn't treat his wounds. He knows the focus and fear and blood of battle, and ever after battle, better than anything else. The crackle of electricity as he snaps back and maybe that's why Izuku defaults to aggression, these days. If kind, soft words or assurances fail him, then it must be because he's not good at it. But what was Izuku good at, anymore? Nothing. Nothing except for snapping back with witty words meant to aggravate somebody. He doesn't mean to snap at people or upset them, he really doesn't. But he does anyways, and the lack of control? That hurts, too. He's not good enough.
Physical hurt? He'd gotten a lot of that since he'd joined the clans. In less doses, but the doses were pretty large. He ruined both of his legs and his fights had bigger repercussions because people had more powers here. He had powers, too, of course. That didn't mean Izuku had practiced them -- he hadn't had time to risk it, before. And now his practice just got him hurt. Sad how most of his hurt, here, came from his history and himself.
.. He'd lost friends, since joining clans. Not to death. Not to anything. Just to time. It'd only been a few months. .. He'd left behind a friend in his old group. He only had one friend there, luckily. But here .. well, they were the ones leaving him, because Izuku was here to stay. Like .. Harrison, or Natasha. Or .. maybe even Locket, before he'd joined the clans. But .. he'd gotten used to seeing people one day and then never seeing them again, even though it'd hurt. He misses them. Of course he does. Izuku isn't sure if he could just .. not miss them, even if he tried.