elio and the giant peach + o, sex ed

[MOONMADE]

[size=9pt]"Alright, Assendants." Comes Moon's voice, echoing off the Observatory roof and bouncing through the halls. He's sat, head lifted high and peering with a growing smirk at the gathering animals like he's about to tell the world's most shit-your-pants worthy campfire story. It's pouring outside, the rain battering off the roof, and most of the Clan is inside. He pats himself on the back for his timing. He's got them exactly where he wants them. "Before Gabe fucking corrects me-- I know it's Ascendants, I know y'all like your star aesthetic bullshit-- I'm just... Taking advantage of my creative freedom to adjust it to fit Today's topic." There's some suspiciously phallic-resembling fruit and veg surrounding his feet, and the only reason he's managing to talk without breaking into vicious laughter is because he's literally trained for this. He'd spent the last 2 hours sorting through his herbs with the eggplant, banana, cucumber, and others, nearby, and so, at this point, he's completely desensitized to the veggie dicks. Thank fuck for that.

"I figured it was my duty as a Halo to make sure you all understand the in's and out's-- hah-- of all topics of Health. So today we're gonna' be discussing something I think is fair to say is more my thing than the other Medics'. No offense, Peri, Roman, etc. I'm sure you're all into some nasty shit, respectfully, I just beat you to it." He grins, a mirthful thing. He's clearly milking this for all its worth. "Fornicate. Copulate. To get some. Bone, ride, nail. You get the gist. Today's topic is-- and, listen, it rhymes-- how to put the P in the V, Safely."