07-25-2018, 11:03 PM
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HEART
HEART
Shay wanted to take back her words, to take back everything, as she felt the laughter bubbling inside of Margaery. Through the bond, she experienced it, as if it were growing inside of herself. It was sickening, and the thoughts that accompanied it were worse. Margaery truly thought she deserved to be alone - to break alone, to suffer alone, to rebuild alone. Shay hadn't meant to insinuate that that should happen. She wanted to stand by her wife...
The blonde woman watched as the tears manifested in Margaery's eyes. Worse yet, they began to accumulate in Shay's. She could sense the frustration and anger clawing its way towards the surface of Margaery's being. The Admiral took a small step backwards for a moment, fearful of what was coming next. And then, the thoughts that circulated in Margaery's head rang out in her own, and Shay stood her ground.
So, Margaery was bitter over not getting a thank you for "saving" her life? Selene might have ended the curse laid upon Shay, but the goddess of the moon had done little to save her from anything. Shay hadn't asked to be made into a vampire. Shay hadn't asked to be "saved." Shay hadn't asked for any of this. No, instead, it was forced upon her... Her hands were shaking again. She knew the hadn't wanted to leave Margaery's side, to be forced into another segment of her terrible life cycle. But not like this - not when she craved the blood of the innocent and her horrendous, ugly scar was the first thing to greet everyone.
Maybe she was being ungrateful. Her immortal soul had been transformed into an immortal life. Perhaps she should be thankful for the lengths her wife had gone to. But what did she have to be thankful for when her life was crumbling yet again? Maybe Shay was just being a bitch. The words "thank you" were just beginning to form on her lips (alongside an apology) when Margaery spoke.
"How am I invalidating your feelings?" she asked, voice quiet. She hadn't meant that. She, in all honesty, was taken aback by the accusation. Had she really been that cruel to her wife? "I just wanted -" 'you to know how I badly I was hurting.' And then, there was the Genevieve comment.
Shay tensed. If tears hadn't been present before, they were now. The prospect of losing Margaery (while now on the table), was all too real now. Genevieve was nothing to joke about. "No..." she pleaded. The blonde was fighting back her tears and trembling. "Why do you think leaving is always the answer?" Her voice was breathy, and she dragged the heel of her palm over her eyes to rid them of tears. Margaery giving up control and allowing Genevieve access to everything for the rest of eternity was unacceptable. If Margaery did that, Shay would never forgive her.
As much as everything hurt, she could never forgive Margaery for that.
"I just want to go home..."
In an instant, Shay was searching the bond they shared for the meaning behind these words. Fear ignited in her heart because she knew her wife did not mean what she wished it to. When she found the 'home' Margaery was referring to, a single tear rolled down Shay's pale face.
Margaery wasn't referring to the Observatory, which was their new home. Margaery wasn't referring to the Islands, where they met and fell in love. She was not talking about the two places they had spent so much time together. Margaery wasn't talking about the only two places Shay had ever truly felt at home in other than in Margaery's arms. Margaery was talking about her original home, with her mother, her aunts, her uncles... and with her father - the man that her murder her; the man who had caused so much pain and strife.
She visibly flinched at the realization. And then, she became angry and upset. Nik had killed her - has killed her many times - and Margy wanted to go crawling back to him? Just like that? "I-If you want to go be with him, then go. I'm not - I won't stop you since I keep fucking things up - since I cause you so much pain. And don't fucking deny that because I can feel it, my love... Go be with Nik so you never have to be reminded of me again. Go be with him so you never have to look at the scar he gave me. Go be with him so you can finally, finally, get rid of me."
She regretted the words as soon as they flew from her lips; maybe Shay really was worse than Niklaus Mikaelson. Maybe Shay Folie was worse kind of monster there was.
"No, I didn't - I didn't mean - I -" And she wept. She cried at the idea of losing her wife for the rest of her eternity on this earth. She cried at the idea of losing the only person who knew her best. She cried at the idea of losing the person her soul returned for each and every century for one thousand years.
When Margaery's eyes finally landed upon her scar, Shay instinctively covered it with her hands. She was the cause of so much hurt in this moment; she couldn't allow Margaery to be hurt any worse. Shaking fingers hovered over her former mortally-wounding mark. She wished she could take off the necklace-like blemish so that her wife never had to see it again.
"I wish you didn't care so much about me!"
Shay's body straightened out and was no longer partially hunched over from sobbing. Molten amber began to leak into her gaze, slowly, before shielding the brightest blue hue. The tears she cried stopped at once. The pain, anger, and loss she wore on her face exited until there was nothing. A flurry of thoughts screamed in her mind, but the loudest was a simple whisper: Let go.
And so she did, per Margaery's request.
Unfeeling, hazy, yellow eyes watched Margaery coolly as she continued to speak. She knew Margaery's words were false: she had chosen to be with Margaery all those centuries ago. Erlend had chosen to be with Maarit. The balance and all the needs Margaery was hoping to pin on Erlend had already been achieved: Maarit had been the huntress' balance, her most honorable, most wonderful part of her life.
The only choice that hadn't been hers was being turned. Even so, had their roles been reversed, Shay would have done the same.
Shay didn't speak. Why alleviate the pain Margaery was feeling? It didn't matter what her wife is saying anymore - because that was what Margaery wanted. Nothing mattered anymore because Margaery had locked away her feelings... Was this how Margaery felt every time she shut her emotions away? Perhaps Shay could get used to the powerful feeling of feeling nothing.
The woman remained still. She didn't move at the mention of Erlend, but something within her shifted. Erlend. She shut her eyes. Erlend. A sharp pain burned behind her eyes and near the back of her head. Erlend. Something ancient stirred within her, causing her to finally move. Erlend.
Her body contorted for the briefest of seconds. Her edges became sharper. Something about her posture seemed archaic. The way she held herself was vastly different than seconds ago. Erlend had risen, and with it, she shut out Shay completely (against her own will). She pushed Shay so far down that there was perhaps no hope of returning. Shay felt herself being cast aside in favor of Erlend, but maybe it was for the best. Maybe it should have been this way all along.
"My pearl. My sweet pearl. What as the world done to you?" When she speaks, it's as if the gods of old are channeled through her voice. Her tone is like swords crashing together. It speech sounds like waves breaking against cliff sides. Her tone is warm and husky and made of the smoothest liquor. Erlend, the ancient being, the first lifetime, was finally present.
The blonde woman watched as the tears manifested in Margaery's eyes. Worse yet, they began to accumulate in Shay's. She could sense the frustration and anger clawing its way towards the surface of Margaery's being. The Admiral took a small step backwards for a moment, fearful of what was coming next. And then, the thoughts that circulated in Margaery's head rang out in her own, and Shay stood her ground.
So, Margaery was bitter over not getting a thank you for "saving" her life? Selene might have ended the curse laid upon Shay, but the goddess of the moon had done little to save her from anything. Shay hadn't asked to be made into a vampire. Shay hadn't asked to be "saved." Shay hadn't asked for any of this. No, instead, it was forced upon her... Her hands were shaking again. She knew the hadn't wanted to leave Margaery's side, to be forced into another segment of her terrible life cycle. But not like this - not when she craved the blood of the innocent and her horrendous, ugly scar was the first thing to greet everyone.
Maybe she was being ungrateful. Her immortal soul had been transformed into an immortal life. Perhaps she should be thankful for the lengths her wife had gone to. But what did she have to be thankful for when her life was crumbling yet again? Maybe Shay was just being a bitch. The words "thank you" were just beginning to form on her lips (alongside an apology) when Margaery spoke.
"How am I invalidating your feelings?" she asked, voice quiet. She hadn't meant that. She, in all honesty, was taken aback by the accusation. Had she really been that cruel to her wife? "I just wanted -" 'you to know how I badly I was hurting.' And then, there was the Genevieve comment.
Shay tensed. If tears hadn't been present before, they were now. The prospect of losing Margaery (while now on the table), was all too real now. Genevieve was nothing to joke about. "No..." she pleaded. The blonde was fighting back her tears and trembling. "Why do you think leaving is always the answer?" Her voice was breathy, and she dragged the heel of her palm over her eyes to rid them of tears. Margaery giving up control and allowing Genevieve access to everything for the rest of eternity was unacceptable. If Margaery did that, Shay would never forgive her.
As much as everything hurt, she could never forgive Margaery for that.
"I just want to go home..."
In an instant, Shay was searching the bond they shared for the meaning behind these words. Fear ignited in her heart because she knew her wife did not mean what she wished it to. When she found the 'home' Margaery was referring to, a single tear rolled down Shay's pale face.
Margaery wasn't referring to the Observatory, which was their new home. Margaery wasn't referring to the Islands, where they met and fell in love. She was not talking about the two places they had spent so much time together. Margaery wasn't talking about the only two places Shay had ever truly felt at home in other than in Margaery's arms. Margaery was talking about her original home, with her mother, her aunts, her uncles... and with her father - the man that her murder her; the man who had caused so much pain and strife.
She visibly flinched at the realization. And then, she became angry and upset. Nik had killed her - has killed her many times - and Margy wanted to go crawling back to him? Just like that? "I-If you want to go be with him, then go. I'm not - I won't stop you since I keep fucking things up - since I cause you so much pain. And don't fucking deny that because I can feel it, my love... Go be with Nik so you never have to be reminded of me again. Go be with him so you never have to look at the scar he gave me. Go be with him so you can finally, finally, get rid of me."
She regretted the words as soon as they flew from her lips; maybe Shay really was worse than Niklaus Mikaelson. Maybe Shay Folie was worse kind of monster there was.
"No, I didn't - I didn't mean - I -" And she wept. She cried at the idea of losing her wife for the rest of her eternity on this earth. She cried at the idea of losing the only person who knew her best. She cried at the idea of losing the person her soul returned for each and every century for one thousand years.
When Margaery's eyes finally landed upon her scar, Shay instinctively covered it with her hands. She was the cause of so much hurt in this moment; she couldn't allow Margaery to be hurt any worse. Shaking fingers hovered over her former mortally-wounding mark. She wished she could take off the necklace-like blemish so that her wife never had to see it again.
"I wish you didn't care so much about me!"
Shay's body straightened out and was no longer partially hunched over from sobbing. Molten amber began to leak into her gaze, slowly, before shielding the brightest blue hue. The tears she cried stopped at once. The pain, anger, and loss she wore on her face exited until there was nothing. A flurry of thoughts screamed in her mind, but the loudest was a simple whisper: Let go.
And so she did, per Margaery's request.
Unfeeling, hazy, yellow eyes watched Margaery coolly as she continued to speak. She knew Margaery's words were false: she had chosen to be with Margaery all those centuries ago. Erlend had chosen to be with Maarit. The balance and all the needs Margaery was hoping to pin on Erlend had already been achieved: Maarit had been the huntress' balance, her most honorable, most wonderful part of her life.
The only choice that hadn't been hers was being turned. Even so, had their roles been reversed, Shay would have done the same.
Shay didn't speak. Why alleviate the pain Margaery was feeling? It didn't matter what her wife is saying anymore - because that was what Margaery wanted. Nothing mattered anymore because Margaery had locked away her feelings... Was this how Margaery felt every time she shut her emotions away? Perhaps Shay could get used to the powerful feeling of feeling nothing.
The woman remained still. She didn't move at the mention of Erlend, but something within her shifted. Erlend. She shut her eyes. Erlend. A sharp pain burned behind her eyes and near the back of her head. Erlend. Something ancient stirred within her, causing her to finally move. Erlend.
Her body contorted for the briefest of seconds. Her edges became sharper. Something about her posture seemed archaic. The way she held herself was vastly different than seconds ago. Erlend had risen, and with it, she shut out Shay completely (against her own will). She pushed Shay so far down that there was perhaps no hope of returning. Shay felt herself being cast aside in favor of Erlend, but maybe it was for the best. Maybe it should have been this way all along.
"My pearl. My sweet pearl. What as the world done to you?" When she speaks, it's as if the gods of old are channeled through her voice. Her tone is like swords crashing together. It speech sounds like waves breaking against cliff sides. Her tone is warm and husky and made of the smoothest liquor. Erlend, the ancient being, the first lifetime, was finally present.
[b]suiteheart folie-mikaelson . ecliptic admiral . the ascendants . tags
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[glow=black,10,100]GOT MY DEGREE IN THE GUTTER,[/glow]
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