06-26-2018, 02:28 AM
[align=center][div style=" background-color: transparent; border: 0px solid black; width: 530px; min-height: 9px; font-family:; line-height: 110%; text-align: justify; padding: 20px"]Bitterness. Anger.
Those were the first two emotions she felt, and Suiteheart almost flinched at how powerful they both were in that first moment. Before Margaery could toss aside those feelings, the Ecliptic Admiral wanted to call her wife a hypocrite. Time and time again, Margaery had shut off the bond they shared. She had looked Suiteheart dead in the eyes and severed what held them so closely together. She had cut and hacked and sliced at the mental connection on countless occasions. Never once did Suite get angry, only curious as to why she felt the need for it, and Margaery often got angry at her questioning. It fucking pained her almost more than the nightmares to know how hypocritical her wife was being in that moment.
She sighed and bit back her own feelings of anger that were bubbling just underneath her skin. She had come looking for answers not fights. The last thing she wanted to do was plunge headfirst into another fight with the Lunar Lieutenant. A pang of sadness ripped through her as she realized that, as of late, most of their discussions had ended in arguments - their last argument had resulted in Suiteheart taking leave.
She shut her eyes tightly, before another strange vision could assault her. The forest she had been seeing was closing in on her, and it was so difficult the breathe. She felt so hopelessly lost and confused, and she hated for Margaery to feel that. She so often tried to be strong in the face of things such as this, but these visions were overwhelming... How could her wife not see that? How could she not feel that? For over a month, her life had been an absolute living hell, and Margaery offered nothing but silence, excuses, and saddened looks.
Suiteheart was sad, but she tried not to be. Not now. No, now, she needed fucking answers. If Margaery could not offer them, then she would leave again. She would vanish. She would shut off the bond and hope and pray to find the solution to her problems away from her wife, away from the Ascendants, because being haunted by her own unknown memories was too much.
Before she could make any totally rash decisions, Margaery was slipping in the door. Baby blue eyes opened to see the chocolate point making sure the door would remain closed. The voice of Margaery presented her with some relief, but that was short-lived. The wave of pain she felt on Margaery's end began to wash away her tranquility, and the words her wife spoke completely shattered it.
"No," she began, feeling her anger rise up once more. "I don't care if shit should remain a secret, Margaery! I deserve to know." Her words were harsh, desperate, and it sounded as if she were on the verge of tears. "You can't keep shutting me out. Not about this. Look at me. Look at me!" She seemed smaller than normal, a shell of what she was supposed to be. Lack of sleep had robbed her of her bravado, and her eyes were dimmed. She looked and felt awful.
She opened her mouth to say more, but her ears caught the names and would not let go.
Maarit. Erlend.
The answer to Margaery's question was on the tip of her tongue. She closed her mouth, trying to find the words. Her mind was working overtime. Sights and sounds assaulted her, and she squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head. She knew those names, but she did not know those names. A large chunk of her being felt rattled by the names, and her head felt like it was about to explode. She placed a paw to the side of her head in an attempt to settle her warring mind, but it was of no use. Her speech failed her for a brief moment, and she was left stumbling and stuttering.
The image of a smiling feline passed over her mind's eye, and she knew that face. She knew that ragdoll. She knew those eyes. Her head was screaming and spinning, and she felt as though she were about to pass out. All at once, she was reminded of the dream she had had after Margaery's death. She had been sat in a clearing of wildflowers, and that ragdoll had called her Erlend.
Suiteheart gritted her teeth, and her face contorted in pain and confusion. What the fuck was this? What was her brain trying to tell her? "I don't know. I don't - I - ... don't," she tried, voice sounding strained. She felt something growing stronger just underneath the surface of her being. She could feel its power surging through her, and the temptation to give in was overwhelming. However, she pushed that as far down as she could in her weakened state. She could still hear its whispers, but it was so strange... It sounded like nine different individuals. She shook her head quickly, dismissing her odds thoughts.
"I-I don't..."
Her head hurt too much to speak.
She inhaled, growing agitated with herself. This was fucking stupid. She never should have done this. She should have backed off and asked Radeken for pills to make her forget. She should have just run away from her problems like she did with everything else. Maybe then things would be fine. Maybe then none of this would be happening. "Just fucking tell me! Stop beating around the bush!" she finally screamed as tears pricked her eyes, but she could barely her herself over the roaring in her ears. Both paws were now covering her ears, but she couldn't escape the lifetimes she was hearing. Her eyes were closed so tightly, but she could not run from the nightmarish visions. She wanted it to stop. She needed it all to stop. Her heart was pounding.
Maarit and Erlend. Erlend and Maarit.
Why wouldn't it all just be silent?
Those were the first two emotions she felt, and Suiteheart almost flinched at how powerful they both were in that first moment. Before Margaery could toss aside those feelings, the Ecliptic Admiral wanted to call her wife a hypocrite. Time and time again, Margaery had shut off the bond they shared. She had looked Suiteheart dead in the eyes and severed what held them so closely together. She had cut and hacked and sliced at the mental connection on countless occasions. Never once did Suite get angry, only curious as to why she felt the need for it, and Margaery often got angry at her questioning. It fucking pained her almost more than the nightmares to know how hypocritical her wife was being in that moment.
She sighed and bit back her own feelings of anger that were bubbling just underneath her skin. She had come looking for answers not fights. The last thing she wanted to do was plunge headfirst into another fight with the Lunar Lieutenant. A pang of sadness ripped through her as she realized that, as of late, most of their discussions had ended in arguments - their last argument had resulted in Suiteheart taking leave.
She shut her eyes tightly, before another strange vision could assault her. The forest she had been seeing was closing in on her, and it was so difficult the breathe. She felt so hopelessly lost and confused, and she hated for Margaery to feel that. She so often tried to be strong in the face of things such as this, but these visions were overwhelming... How could her wife not see that? How could she not feel that? For over a month, her life had been an absolute living hell, and Margaery offered nothing but silence, excuses, and saddened looks.
Suiteheart was sad, but she tried not to be. Not now. No, now, she needed fucking answers. If Margaery could not offer them, then she would leave again. She would vanish. She would shut off the bond and hope and pray to find the solution to her problems away from her wife, away from the Ascendants, because being haunted by her own unknown memories was too much.
Before she could make any totally rash decisions, Margaery was slipping in the door. Baby blue eyes opened to see the chocolate point making sure the door would remain closed. The voice of Margaery presented her with some relief, but that was short-lived. The wave of pain she felt on Margaery's end began to wash away her tranquility, and the words her wife spoke completely shattered it.
"No," she began, feeling her anger rise up once more. "I don't care if shit should remain a secret, Margaery! I deserve to know." Her words were harsh, desperate, and it sounded as if she were on the verge of tears. "You can't keep shutting me out. Not about this. Look at me. Look at me!" She seemed smaller than normal, a shell of what she was supposed to be. Lack of sleep had robbed her of her bravado, and her eyes were dimmed. She looked and felt awful.
She opened her mouth to say more, but her ears caught the names and would not let go.
Maarit. Erlend.
The answer to Margaery's question was on the tip of her tongue. She closed her mouth, trying to find the words. Her mind was working overtime. Sights and sounds assaulted her, and she squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head. She knew those names, but she did not know those names. A large chunk of her being felt rattled by the names, and her head felt like it was about to explode. She placed a paw to the side of her head in an attempt to settle her warring mind, but it was of no use. Her speech failed her for a brief moment, and she was left stumbling and stuttering.
The image of a smiling feline passed over her mind's eye, and she knew that face. She knew that ragdoll. She knew those eyes. Her head was screaming and spinning, and she felt as though she were about to pass out. All at once, she was reminded of the dream she had had after Margaery's death. She had been sat in a clearing of wildflowers, and that ragdoll had called her Erlend.
Suiteheart gritted her teeth, and her face contorted in pain and confusion. What the fuck was this? What was her brain trying to tell her? "I don't know. I don't - I - ... don't," she tried, voice sounding strained. She felt something growing stronger just underneath the surface of her being. She could feel its power surging through her, and the temptation to give in was overwhelming. However, she pushed that as far down as she could in her weakened state. She could still hear its whispers, but it was so strange... It sounded like nine different individuals. She shook her head quickly, dismissing her odds thoughts.
"I-I don't..."
Her head hurt too much to speak.
She inhaled, growing agitated with herself. This was fucking stupid. She never should have done this. She should have backed off and asked Radeken for pills to make her forget. She should have just run away from her problems like she did with everything else. Maybe then things would be fine. Maybe then none of this would be happening. "Just fucking tell me! Stop beating around the bush!" she finally screamed as tears pricked her eyes, but she could barely her herself over the roaring in her ears. Both paws were now covering her ears, but she couldn't escape the lifetimes she was hearing. Her eyes were closed so tightly, but she could not run from the nightmarish visions. She wanted it to stop. She needed it all to stop. Her heart was pounding.
Maarit and Erlend. Erlend and Maarit.
Why wouldn't it all just be silent?
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[glow=black,10,100]GOT MY DEGREE IN THE GUTTER,[/glow]
[glow=black,1,100]MY HEART BROKEN IN THE DORMS OF THE IVY LEAGUE