Flowers for a ghost // open+visiting

[jacob w.c.]

WHAT A PRIVILEGE IT IS TO LOVE — He wasn't sure what it was about the situation that didn't make him realize 'gone' had meant Pincher's death. He supposed he'd already known that, even before all the clarification but he didn't want to believe it. Pincher was all he had left. He hadn't seen Jersey for weeks, his Babbo barely even wrote anymore, and his Ma and Pa had died a long time ago. Pincher was his best friend. He was the one person that Jacob knew he could go to where he didn't have any expectations of him and he could just speak honestly. Deniz had seen him at the lowest point in his entire life other than the day the fire initially happened and he hadn't run away. Instead, he'd stayed and helped him get better. When questioned about it, he hadn't told anyone the details of what'd occurred or why Jacob had been so shaken and most of Snowbound went on believing Jacob was generally fairly healthy. He didn't have to do that. He didn't have to protect Jacob or take care of him or even talk to him. But he did.

His first thought was that he should've been here. He knew it was ridiculous but he wished he'd have somehow known about it all and then he could've come and stitched the wound and all would be well. He felt teras building up in his eyes and a lump in his throat. He didn't want to break down in front of all these people but suddenly he was faced with everything he never said to Pincher and regretted all of it. "I-I'm sorry, Goldie, 'm so, so sorry..." the husky murmured, gently running his paw over her head and fur as she still clung to him. When he heard Caesar's voice, the man pinned his ears to his head and anger immediately swelled in him. However, before he could react, both Roxanne and Goldie did that for him. As the kitten spoke to the yellow feline with such authority, Jacob found himself nodding with her words. That was a decent response. That was a good way to tell him off. He was only looking to get a rise out of him. It was better to remain calm.

Jacob took a deep breath and turned away briefly, trying to compose himself more before he suddenly spun around and attempted to punch Caesar in the face. "Who il cazzo do ya' think you are? 'E was my best friend n' I ain't gonna' stand 'ere n' let you, ah' all people, tell me how ta' do my damn job! Ya' don' think I woulda' been 'ere if I knew? Ya' think I woulda' jus' let 'im bleed out if I was standin' right there? There was no way I coulda' known 'bout all this n' been 'ere with him. You're a stronzo tha' attacks your own sister so if anyone should be ridiculin' me for not bein' 'ere, it sure ain't gonna' be you. So watch your mouth 'fore you try tellin' me what I shoulda' done when ya' know jus' as well as I do tha' there ain't no way I was ever gonna' stop this from happenin'," he snapped, anger and grief poured into each word as tears streamed down his face. Despite his words, he felt guilt and grief eating away at him but it was easier to just be angry at Caesar than it was to confront his true feelings about the situation.  —A GREAT HONOR TO HOLD YOU UP

"SPEECH"

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