Watching birds // open // watching me here all alone

[jacob w.c.]

WHAT A PRIVILEGE IT IS TO LOVE — Jacob couldn't see the herbs he was using. Usually, this wasn't as much of a problem as one might expect. He knew enough to identify them by texture, smell, and general shape if he brought them close enough to his face but he couldn't rely on that right now. With the infected herbs going around, he had to be able to notice slight coloration variations and anything that was unusal in general. He knew what he had to do but that didn't change the fact he didn't want to do it. The last time he'd tried to do this, he hadn't heard the end of it from Jersey and the friends he brought around. After that, his glasses mysteriously disappeared despite his obvious need for them. Even before his legs had gone out, he'd been horribly clumsy, often misjudging the width of a door and ramming into the side of it or tripping over small objects. To most, it was just one more thing to poke fun of him for and he thought those situational circumstances were easier to handle than the constant comments he got from his other option. He knew it was silly. He was an adult now, things that people had said when he was a kid shouldn't bother him. He could handle himself and he could make his own decisions. Yet here he was. The fate of the clan practically was embodied in these glasses and he still dreaded putting them on. At least he'd had enough sense to get some in a few different sizes in case he ever decided to wear them.

Finally, he let out a sigh and slowly selected one of the bigger pairs that were simple, large, round, black frames. They were simple enough and, despite their size, he felt they were more inconspicuous than some of the other colors. Besides, they'd always match whatever bandages or sweaters he chose to wear. He gathered up the herbs he'd gotten from the days before, taking them out into the sunlight so he'd be able to see them as clear as he possibly could. He could barely keep his mind on the herbs as he glanced around, hoping not many people would pass by. Mainly, he hoped that Jersey didn't see him. He'd just use them for this particular task and then he'd put them back and go back to seeing everything as one massive blob. Yes, of course that was better than constantly feeling self-conscious. He knew he was only making his eyes worse by doing that but his entire life involved studying medical facts, giving advice to other people, and then not following any of it himself. If he ever followed any of his own advice, he wouldn't have a diet that consisted primarily of pasta and baked goods that had a high sugar content. Yet here he was. —A GREAT HONOR TO HOLD YOU UP

"SPEECH"

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