but she felt nothing and that’s all she needed, to finally feel nothing | p

[Suiteheart]

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Suiteheart was, by all accounts, born evil. She was the love child of discord and strife. She was full of a red-hot, flaming rage. Her inner fire had burned so strongly and wildly that anything and everything that neared her simply burnt. She was distruction, unable to contain her fury. She had been so young, so inexperienced with the world. These factors only added to her deep descent into indignation. Resentment. Pain. And more anger grew from these seeds of her childhood.

Her parents once held the keys to her rage. Their lack of love for the young monster only worsened the issue; had they just presented her love and care, her antagonistic rage would have evaporated as easily as water in the sun. However, they refused. Dark clouds hovered over young Suiteheart, covering her heart and clouding her head. She could not understand why she was so angry, so ruinous. At times, it saddened her, but the older she grew, the more she accepted her fury.

It took several months and a rag-tag group of individuals to lock away her true personality. They had done it on the sly, telling her they would help her forget her horrible family, but that also meant she would forget everything else. Her anger melted into kindness, but it was not truly gone. No, it lay dormant for a year before rearing its ugly head.

Despite everything, she could not escape it. The wrath of a forgotten childhood was not easily resolved. And perhaps the worst part of all of this was that this side of Suite -- her true personality --, had morphed into a shield of the worst kind. It stayed within her soul, guarding her against all that threatened though it only appeared when the situation was completely dire.

Somewhat confusing, yes, but nevertheless true. It was self preservation at work.

This primal instinct-driven girl knew Margaery worked the same way. Everyone did, didn't they? Everyone was fighting. Whether one wanted to admit it or not, at the end of the day, they were always fighting for themselves. They wanted to keep their own physical and mental forms as in tact as they could. Selflessness was a made up concept; selfishness was the only real mode with which the world operated.

Or so Suite's feral personality believed. She was preserving she and Suite's lives. She was keeping them both safe so that they might co-exist or something kin to that. Protection was a priority, and anyone that got in the way had to be eliminated. It was a dog eat dog world. It was kill or be killed.

In this world, you lived or you died. No one simply existed. You just survived. That was what both sides of Suiteheart were trying to do - even if it were only actually seen from the furious protector. "Not killing you isn't an option at the moment. All you do is take. It's time you started to give something." Her eyes glinted in shadow. "Bastille, Hazel, and Lil. Perhaps they don't like monsters, but what of you? They seem to like you, correct? Oh, my dear, I'm positive I'll be fine." The smirk that formed upon her lips was devastatingly malicious. It cut deeply and widely, and the bear hoped her words cut Margaery's actual core. She needed to hurt just as badly as Suiteheart was hurting.

As Margaery began to speak of Caroline, the bear listened (though not carefully). Her mind would not allow her to believe anything that poured out of the chocolate point's lips for the simple fact that Margaery was labeled as a liar in her mind. Trust was nonexistent. "Oh, yes, that sounds so convincing. Thank you again for the lies." Her dark eyes rolled mightily.

Before Margaery spoke again, a scent reached her. It was so familiar... It smelled like home, like a part of her home. She halted momentarily as the smell wreathed around her, but she could not pinpoint what it was. Had the Suite that everyone knew and loved been there, she would have easily recognized Lil by scent alone. Her discord persona knew no such ability as they had only met a few times - and too briefly at that.

"Stop lying to yourself. You've left and forgotten her. You left her and forgot about her every time you turned your emotions off. She begged and begged and fucking begged for you to stay, to remember that there was a chance, but you walked out in those departments. She wanted nothing but to help you work through your fucking problems, and you told her to fuck off in that oh-so queenly way of yours. And you may claim that you needed to be alone, but we know that's not true. You can't work through your problems on your own. After all, wasn't it you that always crawled back to Suiteheart, and never the other way around? Was it love, Margaery, that made you do that? Or was it because you were using her for you own gain?"

Her words were cold, calculating. She knew how to hurt Margaery, and she would not hold back. Not like last time. Not now. Not ever again. Destroy. Destroy. Destroy.

Though this personality was an extension of her own, their opinions on things were so incredibly different. Suiteheart, in her heart and mind, believed none of the words that spewed forth from the creature of strife. She was fighting now. She was fighting to get back, to tell her wife that she didn't believe this. The waves of grief and sadness that washed over her (courtesy of Margaery), almost drowned her normal side. She felt everything at once, the control her feral side having slipped momentarily. She wanted to reach out, but her consciousness was sluggish, like she was treading through mud.

The next words from Margaery caused a breakthrough. The bear's attack-like stance softened, and fear and distress and sadness burned in her eyes like the stars in the night sky. "No, Margy, I didn't mean for this. This isn't me. Please, go. Get away. I'm s-sorry. I love y-" Her words were spoken a mile a minute. They were quick as she was afraid she was going to lose control again. As fate would have it, as soon as she apologized and before she could complete her final thought, she was pressed down again.

I will protect you, Suite. You'll be okay. I know it. Trust me. Trust me. Trust me.

Again, Suiteheart fell into the lullaby of her other side. She fell heavy and hard, and she was so exhausted from the momentary control she had possessed. She let go of her control unwillingly though. This was not how it was supposed to be... In three heartbeats, her appearance had grown sharper, angrier, deadlier. Fury reigned supreme once more.

When her primal side fully returned to the world of Margaery, she was pinning the other to the ground. The scent of the strange yet familiar feline was closer and stronger than ever, but she was too distracted by Margaery's words to act upon that. In fact, a sick grin laced her maw as Margaery gave her the right of way for taking her life. Lowering herself so that she was mere inches from her wife's face, she said, "I'll take care of her. I'll care for her more than you ever did or ever would've done. And don't worry, I'll make this quick."

Inwardly, the Suiteheart that loved Margaery screamed. She yelled and fought and begged for control. She pleaded with her other side to spare her wife's life, to let her go, to let her live. The begging fell upon deaf ears, and time seemed to slow to a crawl. Everything within her -- her usual self -- felt like it was exploding, shattering. Outwardly, there was nothing. However, when the message reached both Suites, her outward appearance grimaced which was a sign Suite had somewhat surfaced.

'I love you. I love you. I love you. Please don't accept this. Please fight. Fight back! Don't give up! This isn't what I want, Margaery. I want you, imperfections and all. I love you, dammit! Please... Please go. Don't let yourself be killed... I don't want this... I never wanted this. This isn't me... Please, I love you... Margaery...'

The bear growled, silencing Suite again. "Goodbye," she raised a large paw, and her obsidian claws glittered in the sunlight, "Margaery Mikaelson." She purposely left out 'Folie,' which was one last insult toward the other. With that, she began to swing her claws towards the other's throat. However, before she could commit the act of murder, the scent of the strange engulfed her.

"Both of you are making bold claims about me. It's funny, actually. You seem to know me by name, yet I can't say the same of you."

Her massive paw halted midway in the swing. The polar bear's head turned, eyes locking with irises of lilac hue. Something stirred within her chest. She knew this feline... Dark eyes narrowed as if to better remember the other, and then, it hit her all at once. "L-L-i-...i-l."

The voice she spoke with now was broken. It was the combination of Suite's two sides trying to speak together; both sides were attempting to take control, and it was a mess of inner conflict. The sight of the young girl had momentarily broken whatever hold either of them truly possessed.

Crowborough. The name rested oddly within her mind, and both Suitehearts fought over what it meant and who would address it. Both were so confused. The kind side of Suite was equal parts heartbroken and worried about her daughter, who seemed to not know who she was. She could not wrap her mind around this new revelation. Meanwhile, the more malicious side of Suite was bound and determined to protect Lil but kill Margaery.

"I don't want to kill Marg -... in y-yo-ur name." Again, the broken voice sounded. "I - do-n't! - want to kill her for you. I'm doing this for me. For Suite. She m-m-mu-st not die, Lil! Please! She can't - sh-she must! - die!" A softer voice spoke and then was overtaken by something darker. Back and forth they went, not making much sense unless one listened closely to the minute changes in the vocal tones.

The incident could be likened to listening to a radio that was losing its signal. Different voices from different stations cut in and out. Each demanding to be heard over the other, and all parties were fighting. Fighting to be heard, to be understood. It was about control. 

The bear shook her head quickly a few times. "Answers! You'll have them when Margaery - s-stop me, L-L-Lil! - dies." All would be revealed shortly, that much was true. In what way, shape, or form though? The answer was hidden.

The next words Lil spoke were to spare Margaery. Everything in the normal Suiteheart agreed to this. She would spare Margaery whenever and wherever she could; she wanted no harm to befall the girl she loved dearly. At the same time, the primal anger version of Suite would not allow herself to be stopped, even at the expense of Lil.

"It has to be done, child. There's no other way. Margaery has hurt and hurt Suiteheart. She's also hurt you, or have you forgotten? She left you to fend for yourself. She's the reason your sisters are gone. She abandoned you in your darkest hour. And she'd do it again in a heartbeat. I'll kill her and make sure nothing like that ever happens again, kiddo. I promise. I'll keep you safe. I'll make sure of it. I-

"Lil... Pl-plea-se... Don't le-t me do this! Th-is isn't really me... He-help me. Help Margaery! I can't. I can't. I can't."

The real Suiteheart was fading in and out, causing the malicious side to do the same. The sudden appearances and disappearances put a large strain on the polar bear, causing her hold on Margaery to all but cease. She was weakened, tired, confused.

All was not well.