out of my very own mouth | caustic

[Ivan]

[table][tr][td]

pixel by tricky

[/td][td]

[div style="width: 400px; max-height: 100px; height: overflow; overflow: scroll; padding-bottom: 5px; margin-top: -5px; font-family: georgia; font-size: 8pt; color: #152232; letter-spacing: 0px; text-align: justify;"]
He kept fancying that Ivan was absorbed in something — something inward and important — that he was striving toward some goal, perhaps very hard to attain.

— Бра́тья Карама́зовы

[/td][/tr][/table]

"Stupid bird!" Ivan's hiss of chastisement broke his silent watch.

If the golden eagle chick had looked ugly when she was born, at least she had looked consistent. She was rapidly growing, and her baby feathers were starting to molt away, giving her a disheveled appearance. It wasn't uncommon for Ivan to wake up choking on one of her feathers. "You're the symbol of empires, but you act like this." Ivan sneered, even as he realized it was useless to try to reason with her. The bird's mannerisms were very feline, a direct result of her unfortunate imprinting on Ivan. The black kitten was her primary caretaker, and he did not like it, because if he had been following his philosophies correctly, he shouldn't care about this bird that killed its siblings. It was another paradox that Ivan found difficult to reconcile.

And so was Caustic.

Ivan had difficulty accepting Caustic's scientific methods. The concept of sacrifice, whether voluntary or involuntary, was not something he was keen on endorsing.

This was why Ivan was sitting at Caustic's door a few hours after the sun had risen. A few days had elapsed since Ivan caught Caustic in his experiment and his goal of returning no matter what was going to be fulfilled today. "Out, out." Ivan muttered, using a hind leg to push away the dual-headed eagle. He hadn't named her (and he was 80% sure that they were a 'her') because that would give him emotional attachment. He couldn't have that. Ivan kicked a stone and the dual-headed bird immediately stopped in her attention-seeking and dashed after it in that strange zigzagged way that was typical for two-headed organisms.

Ivan almost laughed. Almost. Because he was finally rid of the bird of course. Not for anything else. He didn't want Caustic to open the door and see that Ivan was struggling keeping a bird under control. He straightened his posture and continued to wait regally.

[member=10990]CAUSTIC.[/member]

[CAUSTIC.]

Caustic was used to others annoying him, bothering him in his labs as he toiled away in his free time. It was one of Octavio's favorite activities. The speedster would come into Caustic's lion den of scalpels and noxious chemicals, move away papers and vials of liquids, sit himself pretty on the counter like a show animal to be judged. While he had complicated feelings about Octavio that Caustic distanced himself from, the speedster knew all the correct ways to poke and prod at a sleeping dragon.
He should visit the chee- the speedster soon. Octavio's letter from a few days ago was troubling, and unknown, hurtful feelings panged at his chest. Caustic wanted to see Octavio, inspect him and memorized him every time. He knows in the heat of passion that Octavio becomes his muse, focused and all consuming obsession. If the set up were different and the technology provided, Caustic would have been all too delighted to be in this dimension, as it would have been an opportunity to relearn Octavio's body in a new form.
Octavio was different from Luc in so many ways, but it was simple. He and Luc had plans to settle down, build a house together, and.... he rumbles, sitting up from his table. Caustic attempts to rub exhaustion from his eyes but hits himself in the face with a paw instead. The wire cutter falls from his paw, clattering onto the workbench and coming to a rest.
Octavio was simple. He didn't have any strings attached, he lived in the moment, he was fast and passionate and each understood their boundaries and parameters. Caustic sighs, realigning the wirecutter with the other tools and falling from his chair, catching on the floor.
His stomach pinged him, and a deep sigh leaves his throat in a cloud of green gas. Fine, then, that was his next task. Caustic moves up the stairs, pushing it open with his paws and turning around to lock it, the key hiding itself in his fur. The wolf makes a beeline for the front door, paw pulling down the latch and using his nose to slowly push it aside. Smells hit his nose immediately, feathers and herbs, books, scents that emanated from Selby and Moth's home. Why were they here? To yell at him about their children- oh. Caustic is halfway out his door as his gaze lands on Ivan, stepping out the rest of the way and closing it behind him with his hip. "Ivan," he has learned the name of this one, at least. His head tilts and his eyes narrow, focusing in the way a judge inspects a hound. "Do you need something? Walk with me." He turns, locking the front door too, then stepping down his stairs. Caustic stops to confirm the child is following him, hoping whatever discussions or questions he had were trivial.

TAGS • PLAYLIST • PENNED BY OWLIE

THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY OUT

© LEXASPERATED

[Ivan]

[table][tr][td]

pixel by tricky

[/td][td]

[div style="width: 400px; max-height: 100px; height: overflow; overflow: scroll; padding-bottom: 5px; margin-top: -5px; font-family: georgia; font-size: 8pt; color: #152232; letter-spacing: 0px; text-align: justify;"]
He kept fancying that Ivan was absorbed in something — something inward and important — that he was striving toward some goal, perhaps very hard to attain.

— Бра́тья Карама́зовы

[/td][/tr][/table]

He briefly wondered about Caustic as a father. At first glance, Ivan really couldn't see his fellow Tangler tending to a trail of wolf puppies. He hardly seemed the sort of person to be empathic. Or perhaps he was, in a strange sort of rational and intellectual way. There were many things he had to learn.

He leapt to his paws, expecting to be invited in. Instead, he was being forced to tag along for a walk. Ivan's features fell at this, because that meant he'd have to ditch the eagle at some point. She'd find him, in an hour or two. He might have enough time. Maybe Caustic didn't want him inside the house so he wouldn't see all the caged bunnies. Hmpf.

"Yes, I've been thinking," He said as he kicked another stone and heard the clip-clip of the eagle's talons as she raced after it, further away now. "About the ethical problem that has been raised on account of me accidentally finding you in your ... experiment. I love the world, at least, I am pretty sure I do. But I do not understand why there is suffering. Some of it comes with us when we are born, which might mean some greater power is the cause of it. But if that is the case, that greater power cannot be the Form of the Good which is all perfect, as Plato said. I think some people call that 'God'." Ivan had not yet actually read any raw philosophical texts, he could only retain the notes left behind by some scholar in these books. He hoped soon he would be able to grasp it for himself. He tries to make himself seem smart, but he really is just a child, a child with perhaps a highly functional mind for one his age. Still, his wording is admittedly muddy — even Ivan himself has a bit of trouble following his first arguments.

"But you're different, because you're mortal and thus 'imperfect' and you're causing suffering in ... what I am guessing, is in the name of science?" He raised a brow, hoping to trick the wolf down a mental rabbit hole.

[CAUSTIC.]

Caustic considered himself to be a good father. He had a particular softness for them, be it a natural instinct or something else. Alexander's parents were nurturing, so he likely picked up the fundamentals of his own skills from them. He had helped raise Natalie with Luc for several years. She was beautiful and magnificent, killing Caustic plenty of times in the ring. It was an honor to be vanquished by Luc's daughter.
He would never have another though, as far as he planned. Octavio was too wild and he had no intentions to settle down, ever. Caustic's heart was too closed for such things now, nor could he thrust that upon Octavio.
Octavio would be an awful partner to have a family with, and would probably make the same mistakes as Mr. Silva.
He trods along with every step, seemingly unaware to any noise he made, making a beeline for the Tavern. He idly wonders what food he would find in there today, knowing he would have to shoo the child away when he finally sat to eat. It was an unspoken rule of the wolf. While blood on his hands and teeth were a regular occurrence, he never had to consume the flesh of another in this way. His mind wanders at the morality of it, as they were animals, but they also ate other animals. What if the animals typically deemed 'prey' had their own language and society but they simply could not understand? He is pulled away as Ivan starts speaking. One ear tilts in the direction of the cat as he speaks. He grimaces, waiting for the boy to finish, "Ivan, I want you to understand a precursor to any philosophical conversation with me." He coughs, "I am an atheist. I do not believe in a God." The wolf rumbles, tumbling the ideas proposed to him over in his head. "Are you familiar with Darwin's theory of evolution? It's very simple. All species of organisms arise and develop-" His voice strains for a moment, a small cough leaving him, a pause in his walk, then he continues. "Through the natural selection of small, inherited variations that increase the individual's ability to compete, survive, and reproduce. Now," he raises a paw as if to accentuate his statement, then remembers he has to use that paw to walk, and continues his pace. "Very simply, the strong will filter out the weak. Suffering a part of the order of the universe. Prey suffers when we kill and consume it. My work requires the suffering of others in order to perfect it. And you... will face suffering in your life as a natural part of your growth."

TAGS • PLAYLIST • PENNED BY OWLIE

THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY OUT

© LEXASPERATED

[Ivan]

[table][tr][td]

pixel by tricky

[/td][td]

[div style="width: 400px; max-height: 100px; height: overflow; overflow: scroll; padding-bottom: 5px; margin-top: -5px; font-family: georgia; font-size: 8pt; color: #152232; letter-spacing: 0px; text-align: justify;"]
He kept fancying that Ivan was absorbed in something — something inward and important — that he was striving toward some goal, perhaps very hard to attain.

— Бра́тья Карама́зовы

[/td][/tr][/table]

Ivan's eyes, a strange mix of blue and green, gleamed. "How brilliant for you to bring that up, Dr. Caustic. I am atheist as well!" And there was such a strange conviction behind it that it would be difficult to decide if Ivan was lying or not. His beliefs would not stop him from making references to philosophies that tried to argue that God existed. In Ivan's mind, it was never about if such a deity existed, it was how said deity could exist considering how awful and unjust the world could be.

His intelligence was a shield. If he could make himself sound smarter than the rest, he'd find some delight in others stumbling over his philosophical paradoxes. Maybe it'd draw him closer to the rest. While he was quite reserved and known for being the brooding, quiet sibling, his soul was in constant restlessness — toying with ideas but always too fickle to hold on to them for too long. He felt noble defending innocents, but this was based purely on how he felt.

"Darwin's theory of evolution doesn't fit." Ivan paused to yawn, trying to calm himself down. "Because it does not account for an individual's rationality. It's a terrible life to just eat, sleep, and reproduce if you have the whole of your mind to discover. Not all animals are rational, I'm fairly certain that's obvious. No, the fact alone that we can think means that we are missing out on something that cannot be satisfied through just mere survival."

The young feline picked up his pace, trying to make sure he was sticking through with the elder wolf. "And I think that suffering inflicted on by rational animals is the worst of all, because it can be completed so artfully and so despicably that it just cannot be justified by it simply being a battle for genetic survival. Rationality opens the door for other motives, wicked ones, because they do not come from instinct, but free will." He tipped his head up, eyes never losing their inquisitive yet boastful glare. He chased the desire of being loved, of being respected, of being praised. This was no different.

[CAUSTIC.]

Caustic stops for a moment, turning his head, one of the dots above his brow raising and giving a small hum. It was a simple matter. Religion was dying as a whole in Caustic’s time, and he prided himself on being a logical intellect. Therefore, religion was a nuisance in all regards to science. ”A wise choice, at your age. Be sure to keep your mind open to other ideas though.” He is not encouraging an exploration of religions but he is congratulating Ivan on his current decision.
He continues walking, wondering how much longer this conversation would carry on. Caustic can see the tavern in the distance, and he weighs out in his head what he should eat. He wonders if he can shake off the child by then or if he would have to let this conversation persist. Likely, the latter; he wanted to encourage Ivan’s intelligence, just as he had done with Natalie for so many years. ”I’m walking to the tavern by the way, you can grab something to eat while we are there.” he knows that if Ivan tried to sit down and have breakfast with him that the eating would be one-sided. Caustic didn’t even eat in front of Octavio. ”Anyways, I find Darwin’s theory to be fundamental to life.” Caustic doesn’t find any nobility in defending the weak or innocent, especially when it came to the games. It just got you killed easier. The scientists mindset is different- he spent uncountable trials in the games. Plenty where he came out on top, but also plenty where he was killed himself. Caustic filtered out the weak, for he had evolved to be better. ”I do agree that constructs such as civilization and rationality can be an obstacle for it, as-“ he almost said humans, he coughs. ”When we civilize,  we have a natural tendency to protect the sick or weak of our herds. This, thereby, allows the weak of our groups to live, and eventually reproduce to create more weak members.” He doesn’t want to point it out to the boy, but Ivan’s sister Alice crosses his mind. Humans became an expert at such a task, stopping natural selection in its tracks for generations. He coughs again.

On the subject of rationality, Caustic pauses, mulling it over in his head. ”Ivan, you speak of Rationality and how it is more than a fight for genetic survival... but after all, is that what you need to do?” He had heard the Selby was a herbivore and such a trait could be passed to his children. "Fundamentally, no matter how we consciously detach ourselves from it, we are both animals.” It’s a sickening thought in Caustic’s head. He had no desire to be this way. He wanted snacks and bread, coffee or black beans. He nearly salivates, but quickly pulls himself back to reality. ”We are both carnivores, and we must eat the proteins of others in order to survive. This could be murder, in the case of one rational predator attacking a rational prey, but we must do these things for our survival.”
He’s getting off topic, he realizes, at that wasn’t the boy’s initial rebuttal.
”In this way, you are going to cause prey to suffer in your future. You are destined to by predisposed organs and bodily functions.” He pauses, stopping to give a few coughs, then continues the the tavern. It’s closer now. ”And I say that you are going to suffer in your life because, well, everyone does. Whether emotionally, mentally, or physically. It’s a haunting thought to loom over, but one that comes with an expectation of the future.”

TAGS • PLAYLIST • PENNED BY OWLIE

THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY OUT

© LEXASPERATED

[Ivan]

[table][tr][td]

pixel by tricky

[/td][td]

[div style="width: 300px; max-height: 100px; height: overflow; overflow: scroll; padding-bottom: 5px; margin-top: -5px; font-family: georgia; font-size: 8pt; color: #152232; letter-spacing: 0px; text-align: justify;"]He kept fancying that Ivan was absorbed in something — something inward and important — that he was striving toward some goal, perhaps very hard to attain.

— Бра́тья Карама́зовы

[/td][/tr][/table]

"We have a physical body. In that case, yes, eating and drinking is necessary. Though, I'm not quite sure why we must have a body." He could think quite well without it. If he was a consciousness and if the philosopher's notes were right in saying he has an eternal soul, then what was the point of a body? "Or even, why I am who I am."

At this point Ivan's seafoam gaze hardened and he noticeably stiffened. Oh, he loved Aurum as the way a good nephew should, but the more Ivan thought about this, the more he became angry that Aurum was able to transcend physicality to do the impossible, to be a male and be pregnant. That wasn't fair. How come Ivan was born a domestic cat — and a very skinny one at that! — while others had the ability to change their body on a whim? What a lousy lot in life he had been given!

Here, Ivan, He imagined his creator saying. We'll give you a loving family, and the best parents you can ask for, but you must suffer in a world full of contradictions and sufferings while being completely and utterly NORMAL. But let's add a little genius on the side, just so you specifically can understand these contradictions and be tormented by them. If Ivan could, he would want to be a human. He wouldn't care where, but he did have a lovely fantasy of Paris, France. Ivan spaced out for a moment, easily visualizing the images he studied from photograph books in the library.

"A lot of things don't make sense." He admitted with a sigh, shrugging his bony shoulders nonchalantly as he tried to enter into the conversation again. "Everyone has to eat, that is true. It makes it all the more difficult. If one's life must be given up, it should be done honorably as food and nothing else." As they neared the tavern, he felt weak to his stomach.

"But if I am going to eat with you, I'd prefer to switch to a different conversation." Ivan lowered his face as if in shame. That was one weak point, perhaps. He would rather not upset himself over food during eating, because he was, unlike his father, a carnivore. "It seems that bars can be crossed in nature here. I've seen many things that have defied nature and and physics." And maybe Caustic would pick up on Ivan's recent infuriation with what he called in his eyes, Aurum's cheat. He now was a bit at a lost and was now fishing for another one of Caustic's ideas to refute and debate.

[CAUSTIC.]

Oh, how philosophy and science butted heads. Why we must have a body was simple to answer- to survive. Bodies were made of uncountable molecules, cells and blood vessels. caustic debates his comment over in his head. The simple answer was that Ivan thought too deeply about it- he only asked if the boy wanted something to eat, and now he was listening to a lecture on bodies.
A topic that would be more interesting on a full stomach.
Besides, we didn't want to invalidate or criticize the boy's studies, so he keeps to silence for now.
He, too, desired to be human. It was who Caustic truly was, and the wolf figured a return to his former self would solve at least a few of his problems. He could work on the portal device with a far more steady hand. Caustic glances down at his paws for a moment, re-imagining them as callused, white hands. The dysphoria always stuck a nerve in him, because his human consciousness knew this was not his true self, and the wolf in the mirror was a monster on all accounts.
Not to say Caustic himself was not a monster, of course.
He listens to Ivan speak, ears perking at the tavern draws ever closer, to where he can stop outside and gaze down at the boy. "I do not mind if you eat with me, but I do mind if you stare." Thatw as Caustic's only condition, fur raising at the idea of someone getting too close to him. Caustic was an open bonfire, and Ivan needed to keep his distance from him. Eating bothered Caustic for more reasons than one, so giving Ivan the opportunity to watch him in the act made him uncomfortable.
"While I do agree with you, elaborate to me what you mean." It's leeway into the next conversation, as Caustic takes the steps up and into the tavern.

TAGS • PLAYLIST • PENNED BY OWLIE

THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY OUT

© LEXASPERATED

[Ivan]

[table][tr][td]

pixel by tricky

[/td][td]

[div style="width: 300px; max-height: 100px; height: overflow; overflow: scroll; padding-bottom: 5px; margin-top: -5px; font-family: georgia; font-size: 8pt; color: #152232; letter-spacing: 0px; text-align: justify;"]He kept fancying that Ivan was absorbed in something — something inward and important — that he was striving toward some goal, perhaps very hard to attain.

— Бра́тья Карама́зовы

[/td][/tr][/table]

Of course, Ivan had no qualms or insecurities about his body, much less eating. He was different in being a feline for all of his waking life. He had read a story in which souls reincarnated into various different forms based on the merits of their previous life. While Ivan himself did not really see reincarnation as a logical account of after death, he wouldn't deny that the thought experiment was a nice one.

His mind, he was beginning to realize, was a very lonesome place and he'd easily get lost in it if he didn't think to leave a little trail of breadcrumbs for him to follow out. Or perhaps it was more like the labyrinth in the Greek story of Theseus. His heart beat coldly thinking of what his mental Minotaur would be — the amalgamation of all that was deadly. Reason was deadly. Perhaps he'd happily get rid of his rationality to be a dead-eyed cow, simply living in the moment. It was scary that he thought too much. He was beginning to find himself less closer to the truth and more close to despair.

At least, Caustic understood, he thought, aligning his head to glance at him for a moment. Even if he didn't agree, or didn't fully understood, he listened. That was more than enough, to just be validated. Ivan wanted to feel like he mattered.

"Fair enough." He consented. Staring while eating wasn't considered good table manners anyway.

Ivan sighed, setting to work of unraveling the strings of wool that clouded his mind. "I mean that its not fair to change forms for the sake of some simple pleasure. I find it almost to be a slap in the face to those who suffer with deformities. Why can't they slip into a body? If one can change one's reproductive parts, why can't others change to a body with a better set of lungs?" He thought of poor Alice as he said this. He did not think illnesses should be normalized. Nobody should have to live with something they didn't ask for. Alas, he was discovering that the world was throwing a massive middle finger to all of them.

[CAUSTIC.]

[align=center]

[table][tr][td]

DR. CAUSTIC

[/td]

[/tr][/table]
[table][tr][td]

[/td]

[td]

[REDACTED]
TOXIC TRAPPER
MACKENZIE VALLEY WOLF
TANGLEWOOD
"Humanity. It's just a word."

[/td][/tr][/table]

[table][tr][td]

[table][tr][td]

Caustic thinks it over as he steps inside the tavern, the scent of food and spices filling his nose. He can’t help the way his tongue sticks out at the thought of feast, tail wagging and licking his chops at the thought of food.
It’s uncomfortably primal for him, really. Once assured that Ivan had followed him, Caustic goes onto the back, scanning over the various dead animals for him to pick. His paw hovers over them like an electrician choosing his tools, until he selects a raccoon and plunks it from the stockpile with his teeth.
He assumed Ivan would grab something too, and would lead the boy to a corner table, out of view of the others.

Finally deciding on his response, he speaks, ”Life is... often unfair, Ivan.” he thinks of Luc as he said this, remembering how the engineers body was limp in his arms, Alex breaking into tears. "Not everyone is born with such luxurious powers, such as you and I, it seems,” Caustic feels a sigh leave him at the sentiment. "Referring back to what I said about Darwin’s Law, the strong will filter out the weak," A quote he had said many a time before throughout the games.
Caustic envies the idea, shapeshifting away his bad respiratory system or even his wolf body away entirely.

”That’s the unfortunate end of the matter. Not everyone is born so lucky....” He coughs, and grumbles,  ”Turn away now, please. I’d like to eat."

[/td][/tr][/table]

[/td][/tr][/table]

Original code by lexasperated / artwork by @R_HillPrime