LOVING YOU / aphra

[ROXANNE R.]

[glow=white,1,400]I LOVE YOU, CANNIBAL QUEEN ! — ｡+ﾟ.[/glow]

Roxanne had hit a low, it felt like she had sunk to the bottom of the ocean and she didn't seem to have much intent on resurfacing. Her eyes half closed finding herself within the tavern once more feeling nostalgia hitting her hard, bitter memories making bile rise in her throat though she swallowed feeling her throat having gone dry. The energy she emitted was a tired one, she wasn't ready to return here. She didn't want to be here and the person she had accompanied was one of her least favorite people, in fact, it was someone she loathed with a passion. Yet here she was anyways holding onto a glass of water between her paws feeling a single tear or two slip down her cheeks, she bit the inside of her cheek. Her voice weak as she would talk with fake laughter escaping her dark lips "Why are... you doing this? Why are we... here?" Her claws unsheathed scraping against the glass, her ears pressed flat against her head not really feeling the energy to even force a smile. Her eyes shifting looking at the stairs that led up to the tavern rooms, ah, she remembered going up there one night... with him. Her heart aching, Roxie finally lifting the glass to drink her water and lowered her head to her paws briefly hiding her face.

Just for a moment, she rested her head there only to glance up at the ceiling then shifted her gaze to the the person she had as company tonight; Aphra Cipher. Part of her was angry she was pathetic to even hang out with the stark feline but her other half was a bit relieved to get away from it all with someone familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time. Her mind troubling her. Unsure of how to feel. Aphra had invited her for drinks and well, Roxie was definitely drinking... a lot of water. [glow=COLOR,1,400] ━ ✧*:･ﾟ[/glow]

[APHRA CIPHER .]

[glow=white,1,400]OPEN YOUR EYES UP , STEP IN THE RING ! — ｡+ﾟ.[/glow]

Aphra knew what it was like to hit rock bottom, so to speak. At least, in her eyes, rock bottom was where she was at now. She wasn't terribly known throughout The Typhoon - at least, not nearly as infamous as her father. And maybe that was apart of the problem; she wanted to be powerful and adored, even if it wasn't positive, just like her father. And yet here she was, back in The Typhoon with hardly anyone except for a select few that knew her. It was humiliating. At Roxanne's question, Aphra couldn't help but laugh. "It's a girl's night out, darling!" There was cheer in her voice, almost as if she was trying to force her extravagant energy onto the jaguar beside her.

Of course, upon noticing the tired, dull gaze Roxanne had, Aphra frowned. "I was hoping to get your mind off things." She responded with a sigh. "Wallowing in self-pity isn't going to help you." Michael definitely wasn't going to help, either. Or at least, that's what Aphra believed; men were disgusting pigs and she was afraid that Michael was going to try and shoot his chance with Roxanne. How ironic, for multiple reasons. As the jaguar looked up at the ceiling, Aphra let her gaze follow. She let out a breathy laugh, recalling the last time she was here. Ironically enough, it was with Pincher. Or was it when she discovered she was pregnant? Ah, one of the two. Didn't matter now.

"You're the one who choose to listen to me." Aphra mused, looking back at Roxanne with her head tilted to one side. "You could've just said you didn't want to come." At least Rox was doing the adult thing here and drinking water, unlike Aphra herself. Maybe she's thinking about her kids and how they would react to her being drunk; some people had morality, even if Aphra didn't - and that was something she had to learn. "Truthfully, hon, you need a night out. That's why I'm doing this." Stress never helped anyone.[glow=COLOR,1,400] ━ ✧*:･ﾟ[/glow]

[ROXANNE R.]

[glow=white,1,400]I LOVE YOU, CANNIBAL QUEEN ! — ｡+ﾟ.[/glow]

Ugh.

The cheer in the other's voice made her muzzle scrunch up slightly, she was uncertain how to feel about everything right now aside the fact she was completely miserable and heartbroken, the tavern being one of her least favorite places to be. She only ever made a few exceptions for people when coming here even then she always felt uncomfortable but now, all she felt was like she was mocking herself and just letting herself hurt more than what she already had these past few months. The temptation for alcohol was strong, she wanted to drown herself on the strongest drink they had yet... She knew she shouldn't, she couldn't even imagine herself being drunk and coming back home to her children. She hated the smell and taste of it yet... It made her mind buzz pleasurably and everything was a drunken blur, she would only end up waking from a hangover feeling shittier than before she had drank. She let out a soft groan with her chin resting on the wooden counter watching as glasses of alcohol slid past her, a soft growl leaving her throat finally finding a stable enough voice to speak with "I guess... I guess it is," Her pupils narrowed into dangerous slits with ears twitching, she could hear the Piña colada song playing within the building. Now, it tempted her... She wanted a piña colada... Maybe she'd get the virgin... Just something aside from water.

She finally lifted a claw clicking it onto the counter catching the tavernkeepers eye only to raise her nonexistent eyebrows at them, soon the drink of her choice was brought over to her "Thanks doll," Roxie would mumble out to them turning her attention to Aphra once more, her whiskers twitched briefly only to listen to what Aphra was saying to her. A tired sigh leaving her slightly parted jaws and she stared at the feline through half closed eyes for a moment "This place doesn't exactly help. It keeps reminding me of... him," She would snort pulling her drink close only to stare at it for a moment not drinking it even if she had asked for the drink. Hearing the next thing made her growl in agreement "I know it ain't... Jus... Real heartbroken at the time, I'll move on..." Even if there was doubt within her mind, she would make the effort to move on from Greed for her cubs, family, Michael, and... Herself. She had gone two years without him plus these past few months, she was sure that she could very well get over it. She just needed some time... Especially with Natyli and Trygve being reminders of someone she had loved, someone who had been dear to her and he had been her object of affection. Now it had been torn away. It was neither of the cubs fault for resembling their father, she wouldn't love them any less. She would just love them more. She'd love all her children until her last breath.

She wondered if the other guy she had liked in the past would've done the same to her as Greed had, she shook her head knowing that Slys would never hurt her so badly. Michael, her adopted brother, had been such a help these few months and it made Roxanne feel horrid that he had seen her so broken laying on the beach. Now, she was wallowing in self pity with someone she detested, someone she had been afraid of losing Greed or Slys to but neither were here and Roxanne didn't have much to gain or lose now. Roxanne had agreed to come with Aphra to the tavern, she still wasn't certain as to why she had done so though she figured that a girls night out had sounded tempting... Almost comforting in a way. Finally, she would grumble "I could've..." Her mind buzzed with several thoughts, she hoped she wouldn't make anymore mistakes tonight. That was the last thing she needed right now, the last thing she needed was to pull a Pincher tonight. An amused snort left her at that thought, her gaze softening in that moment "Didn't think a coldhearted bitch like you cared..." Roxanne said in a murmur locking her mismatched gaze with Aphra's, she found a smile on her maw as she saying with a huff "I appreciate it nonetheless... I think I'd like to keep... doing girls night," It brought her comfort in a sense, she didn't need to worry about Michael or Goldie having to deal with her constant bullshit. This... This was different.

And Roxanne Roux welcomed it. [glow=COLOR,1,400] ━ ✧*:･ﾟ[/glow]

[APHRA CIPHER .]

[glow=white,1,400]OPEN YOUR EYES UP , STEP IN THE RING ! — ｡+ﾟ.[/glow]

Completely miserable and heartbroken wasn't something Aphra could relate to. At least, not in the sense of romance. At one point in her life, she was upset and distraught that her father never dared showed his face around; which was kind of ironic, given how Aphra prides herself on how she was a Cipher spawn. Truth be told, Caesar and her weren't as close as she made them out to be. Caesar probably didn't even realize Aphra had gone back to The Typhoon, even before he was exiled. It doesn't matter, though, Aphra learned to eventually come to terms with the fact that her father was a deadbeat. "I know it's hard." Aphra began, biting her tongue lightly to prevent her from adding on, Not really. "But you've gotta let go of him." Then again, the demoness didn't really have any sort of true relationship; just one-off flings. Of course Aphra wouldn't know what it's like to fall in love. True love, that is. Not lust.

"Accepting that fact is the first step." Aphra tried to give Roxanne a reassuring smile once the other girl said she would move on. Even if she didn't mean it right now, she would eventually. Aphra hoped, at least. She wanted to go back to their bickering, because quite frankly, she found their fights quite amusing. And you couldn't exactly fight someone when you're grieving, right? Aphra let out an amused snort at Roxanne's next comment, about how she was a coldhearted bitch who didn't care about anyone. "Hey now, give me more credit!" She laughed. "I know when to be serious."

Aphra paused, frowning once more. She stared at her drink, absentmindedly running her paw across the top of the glass. "You know," She began with a sigh. "I wish... I could be like you." Was it too early to start this shit? Maybe. Being sympathetic was what her goal was right now, and Roxie could certainly use some sort of sympathy that wasn't 'We're here for you.' Besides, when didn't a girl's night out involve some deep shit and coming out with secrets? "I mean. Happy, I guess?" She shrugged, not entirely sure of what she was getting at. "You've seem like you've got a happy family." Both in the sense of Roxie's own children, but also in the Roux family. They all seemed like they were tight-knit and were there for one another. Aphra was lucky if she even knew her siblings. It was sad. She should know those that are related to her and at least try to be close with them, but Caesar made it to where she had no idea who or where her siblings were. Sure, there was her twin sister, Fakhira, though Aphra hadn't seen her in forever. That was probably a good thing, though, given how Aphra had scarred her littermate.

Aphra felt almost guilty about that. Almost.[glow=COLOR,1,400] ━ ✧*:･ﾟ[/glow]

[ROXANNE R.]

[glow=white,1,400]I LOVE YOU, CANNIBAL QUEEN ! — ｡+ﾟ.[/glow]

"But you've gotta let go of him."

These were true words and even if she didn't want to necessarily hear them at the time, she knew that she would regardless, her ears twitching at that moment as the words echoed throughout her once full mind now empty without a thought. Roxanne would remind herself that she was capable of doing so and she would move on, she was determined. She would nod slowly "I know... And I plan to let go." Roxanne meant it even if her voice cracked slightly with emotion, she finally would take the drink in front of her and finish it in one go, her morality wincing in the slightest yet she felt like she needed at least one night to herself. She would not drink after this, she'd make sure of it. A soft breath escaped her as another glass was slid in her direction, she didn't hesitate in downing it like the first and would run her rough tongue across her lips. Her eyes half closed nodding to what Aphra said next, she had a point. She hated to admit it but Aphra was right, Roxanne would have to accept the fact that Greed wasn't coming back for whatever fate had decided. She supposed that would be easy to get over, another drink in her direction. They didn't do anything since they lacked any alcohol but fuck, they were good. It tempted her to get the actual alcoholic beverage to feel her mind buzz and let herself be free, forget everything for the night.

Ah yes, their bickering. Who could forget something so iconic? The mere thought made an amused snort leave her maw wondering if this is what the girls night had been about though she decided that it wasn't, it had been out of actual good intention. Roxanne hoped anyways though upon hearing the others snort followed along by a bout of laughter, Roxie would perk up with a nonexistent eyebrow raised only to find herself letting out her own laughter although a bit weaker than Aphra's since her voice was still somewhat tired from sobbing upon the beaches cool sand. "Fine, I'll give you a lil bit of credit." The draconic jaguar would say with a tilt of her head only to feel a glass touch the back of her paw did she bring it close to her and sat up slightly, her tail lashing to the sides slowly. It didn't take long before the drink had been finished off like the rest, her eyes closing in that moment though upon the others words did they reopen.

"I wish... I could be like you."

She was taken back and would frown at that given moment, confusion appearing on her expression and eyes. Aphra Cipher wished to be like her? Well, now Roxanne was certain that she was drunk or some shit. That had been something she didn't think she would ever hear slip out of the felines maw but before Roxie could ask the other had answered her unspoken question. Happy. Everyone in their own sense was entitled to a bit of happiness, were they not? As Aphra continued it made Roxanne realize that maybe, just maybe the snow coated femme wasn't as bad as she would've thought. Sure, she was an insensitive bitch sometimes but Roxie was sure that there was something more beyond that though it was hidden. Locked away. If only there was a way to unlock it though her thoughts didn't dwell on that for long as she would finally speak finding her voice once more "I do. I'm grateful to have my family, I don't know where I'd be without them." There was a pause before she would continue with a slow nod of her head "I wish I was kinda like you too... Moreso in the aspect of being as confident and y'know independent. Not as much of an ass, I got plenty of that." She would burst into genuine laughter not bothering to stop "Though in truth, I'm sure you'll be just as happy some day. Who knows, maybe there'll be someone brave enough to tolerate your ass." The last part moreso teasing than anything else. [glow=COLOR,1,400] ━ ✧*:･ﾟ[/glow]

[APHRA CIPHER .]

[glow=white,1,400]OPEN YOUR EYES UP , STEP IN THE RING ! — ｡+ﾟ.[/glow]

It was good to see that Roxanne was already accepting the fact that she needed to let Greed go. Aphra still couldn't understand why someone would hang on to a person that was long dead at this point. The only 'love' Aphra had was, of course, the fling with Pincher. There was no commitment, there was no attachment. Just two drunks being in the same room at the same time, alone. It didn't take a genius to figure out what happened after that.

Aphra couldn't help the amused snort that escaped her at Roxanne's reply. "The trick is not caring about anybody." It was the truth. Aphra never had any sort of connection with anyone, so she could easily go around flaunting whatever just because she didn't care what strangers did to her. Actually... maybe this girl's night was a bad idea; now she was almost forced to get to know Roxie. "I don't want anyone to know me more than what they already know." She went on with another frown, pausing for a moment to drink from her glass. Mm, fireball; the cinnamon taste of it was her favorite. It stung at first, but it was easy to ignore after a while. "Why get close to someone when they... yknow, just end up dying?" Aphra was not immune to death, unfortunate as it may be. She wasn't immortal, even if she acted like it. "Not to mention, I'm not even entirely sure if that'll bring me happiness." A laugh escaped her again, though it sounded more of a forced laugh than anything else.

"I don't think I've ever really known happiness." Aphra was rambling at this point, she knew. "Maybe when I was a kitten, I don't know. I don't remember much of those days. I don't even remember what my mother looks like." She shrugged, as if that was normal. "All I know is that she gave me this necklace. That's why I wear it all the time." There was just some sort of special bond she had with it, and it being a gift from her mother made sense. "I can't remember if I was happy or not when I was little. I was probably carefree, if anything. Like most kids, y'know?"[glow=COLOR,1,400] ━ ✧*:･ﾟ[/glow]

[ROXANNE R.]

[glow=white,1,400]I LOVE YOU, CANNIBAL QUEEN ! — ｡+ﾟ.[/glow]

She was letting go and even if it hurt a bit to do so, she knew that it would be better for her. Greed had been her first love and her first relationship, she didn't think she would ever find anyone like him again and that was alright. Love was still a foreign concept to her but she knew when she had felt it, the feeling having been blissful. She could still remember and hear the time he had told her that he loved her for the first time. Her heart ached. But she pushed the feeling away with a soft breath escaping her lips, her eyes half closed.

"The trick is not caring about anybody."

"Ah, I see. Guess that's something I won't be achieving any time soon," She finally said with a low chuckle, Roxanne had too many people close to her that she scared about. Just for her to suddenly stop caring about them would be odd to them and herself. Her ears pinned against her cranium for a moment trying to imagine herself being like Aphra and not caring about those near her yet she couldn't. Roxie could never imagine herself not caring about her cubs, family, and loved ones. Though her gaze lifted up as she continued to listen to Aphra speak and drink her alcoholic beverage "I suppose so," People died. Aphra had a point there but wasn't it thrilling to feel something so nice even if there was usually a bitter end waiting to be uncovered, her ears twitched with her head ducking slightly as she nodded in agreement "That's true. Though it feels nice being loved before they die off y'know. Before the bitter end," A better ending indeed. The thought of her former lover causing her heart to ache gently though continued to listen to what Aphra was saying. Happiness. That was always an odd thing to gain but Roxanne was grateful to have gotten it through her cubs when she had been sad, they made her much happier than she had been days ago. Even if she had broken down in front of them, she bit her lip at the memory though would nod to the stark feline "I guess. Though you'd probably get a little happy at best. It feels nice to be held in someone's arms and told that you're loved every night. And the basic cheesy shit is so endearing," Her own weak laughter would escape her maw.

Now, Roxanne wasn't expecting for Aphra to ramble about her past but the draconid jaguar wouldn't silence her but would listen as she got a few more drinks for herself. Ah well, it seemed Aphra had a much healthier relationship with her mother than Roxie did though to be fair, none of her parents had stuck around. Her father disappearing and her mother well, she had a brutal end. The jaguar would drink with a soft sigh escaping her maw "Glad to hear that you had a good relationship with your mother. Mine was the absolute worst, she was no mother of mine." Her claws would click against the glass of her beverage only to continue with a small shrug "I didn't have much of a life before the Typhoon in all truth. So, I'm glad I came here. This is home and my family is here." Her gaze shifted to look at the prized necklace, a soft smile on her maw. She wished she had been as carefree as a child like Aphra alas, their mothers had been different. She would finish her drinks with a slow nod "A very pretty and special necklace," Her smile growing. Yeah, this was nice.[glow=COLOR,1,400] ━ ✧*:･ﾟ[/glow]

[APHRA CIPHER .]

[glow=white,1,400]OPEN YOUR EYES UP , STEP IN THE RING ! — ｡+ﾟ.[/glow]

Aphra wasn't immortal, as surprising as that was. Or at the very least, she didn't think she was. She hadn't really died, unlike her father, so she couldn't say for sure. But most people, she assumed, were immortal and in the end, death would take them away, For Aphra, she just didn't see the reason in getting close to anyone if their lives were just going to get ripped away from her. Just like Momma. Maybe it was the alcohol here - she couldn't really tell - but she was just super emotional over this. As Roxanne went on, talking about how nice it was to just enjoy someone's life while they were alive, and how great it was to hold someone in your arms, Aphra's large ears went backwards a little and she let out a hum. Clearly she didn't like what Rox was going on about, but luckily Rox didn't remain on that subject for long.

"Ah, well, I can't really say whether she was a good mum or not." Aphra let out a small laugh, suddenly finding herself sympathizing with Rox in regards to having a bad father. Caesar hadn't been around for most of Aphra's (and Fakhira's) life, but she did remember him saying how she would always be his favorite. Sometimes she wondered if that was still true, especially considering how he hadn't been around often. Then again, he was exiled from The Typhoon, wasn't he? "But I'm assuming she was, since I have a good feeling whenever I think of her." There was a pause before Aphra looked back at Rox with a frown. "I'm really sorry to hear about your parents, though. I guess I'm not much different from them, huh?" She laughed, though it was definitely more or less an awkward one.

Aphra had no idea where her kids were now, or where they had gone; or hell, if they were even still alive. That was bad, considering she should care, but she couldn't find any closeness to them. Maybe it was because the litter was a fling she had with Pincher, who she met one night here at the tavern and never really got to know past his name and rank here.[glow=COLOR,1,400] ━ ✧*:･ﾟ[/glow]