rider of the storm ● kydobi

[bai shi]

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[color=#7E354D]BAI SHI
" my own illusion come to be "

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a tired breath left them, their jaw setting and ears flicking upright, relaxing against him despite the stresses that picked their mind. "his is the path of bloodshed and war that will consume every living thing. it's only fair that those with war in their veins face another tyrant. a commander is meant for battle, my dear.", they sigh, eyes dark with a faraway look.

"when it comes time to take the vulpine's head, I will entrust my children to you. when wars shatter these lands like disease, find my sister. hope alpenglow. she is next to take the title of general. tell her that the egg has shattered.", they gave a mighty breath before shaking their head and looking at him.

"I wish that I could rid these lands of war for you, kydobi, for you and all of the innocent children. for i will never know peace, and the least I can do for others, is to become the villain that all storybook heroes despise.", a quiet rumble, eyes soft for once in their life, for someone other than their own family. cautiously, uncertain, they moved to touch his muzzle with their nose, "I swear to you that someday, these lands will know peace. it may not be under my time of reign here, but one day peace will fall." they promise him, closing their eyes with a twitch of their tail.

"the young often show the older ones of things that we have long forgotten. they remind us of the sacrifices that we run from. she is a smart child, kydobi. be wary of the vipers that poison her. it may be too far gone but guide her right.", they murmur quietly, eyes holding a pain before it disappeared. "I miss moments like these, calmness in the ripples of the waters of life. it reminds me of the sound of laughing children and smiling elders, markets filled with wonderful smells and goods. it reminds me that I have a purpose. it reminds me that I have a reason to protect what I consider mine.", a silent glance and half smile.

[Kydobi]

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Better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie -
♕tags-powers♕

[OOC: *cough* lowkey shipping *cough cough cough* ]

Since he couldn't be comfortable, he would be as comfortable for the fox as he could be. Kydobi would shift against him, scooting till Lynn was safely cocooned inside the soft down of his chest.

He would listen, a heavy feeling in his heart as his dear friend continued on.

"Lynn.." he would then pause and sighed, there was nothing he could do to stop it. Nothing. He didn't know what else to say when his the fox spoke of their eggs. That he had no clue of. It never occurred to the jaguar that Lynn had children. With who? And for some reason, beyond himself, he was disappointed. An opportunity lost. But there was sorrow in his partner that even the stoic cat felt to his core.

It gave him a sense of hopelessness. That there would be no way out but blood.

"Just don't die in the process Lynn.", for him the dragon had lived forever and would continue doing so, but in this fox form Kydobi wasn't so sure. He closed his eyes, tail twitching in nervousness and heart fluttered briefly as he allowed there noses to meet.

"I will do my best to protect those children. But maybe that won't be necessary. There is other ways to take his head despite war.", if it took keeping them safe it would be him to do it then, "Subtle. Subtle Lynn. We don't always have to go big and meet Jervis at his game."

The cat side, and met the silver canine's glance and smiled, "You aren't the only one who has a duty to protect what's theirs. Besides," he moved his left paw over the fox and would pull him closer if allowed, "you are far from a villain. You have good reasons to do bad things. But don't let it be at the expense of yourself."

He allowed his eyes to close and he sighed, "You and Ramona are the only people I've bothered to get to know. Besides we always seem to find moments of peace and happiness together. Be a shame if I lost that."

[sub][W]isker[/sub]

[bai shi]

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[color=#7E354D]BAI SHI
" my own illusion come to be "

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ahahaha I have been for a while *wheezing laughter* //

leaning into his soft fur, they let their eyes close, enjoying the comforting warmth and closeness, something that filled a hole that they had let rot and stay open for so long. taking the moment to enjoy the relaxing presence of their friend, they gave a tender breath that sounded raw and open.

"death... death has a funny place in my lineage. if we die, we are granted life again, over and over and over. a curse, it feels some days. but alas, i will not die. i will return.", answered by a lopsided grin, pressing in as close as he would allow, comforted by the limb about them, head resting in his fur, listening to his heartbeat and lungs. they were lulled by it, calmed.

twitching their nose they gave a gentle sound, one of gratitude, "thank you, ky. if it comes down to it, I will bring war to him and he will regret his choices. my villainy comes from a long line, love.", a soft chuckle as they relaxed completely into him, just short of nuzzling him. "I'm sure that whoever is lucky enough to fall under such protection feels safe and cared for." they murmur, rolling slightly, heart skipping a beat as he allowed them to touch noses, eyes closing softly in enjoyment.

"do tell me what we could do aside from wage war, ky. please. ah. these moments are not things I would trade anything for, unless extreme causes called for such answers.", a soft murmur, an aching in their chest. a reminder that they were not what could be held and cherished for long. a wish for more than these passing moments, a want for what they doubted they could have. "these times seem to be quiet in my mind when I'm beside you ... if that makes sense.", shyness. he was someone to hold close and care for but to never admit to themselves that they had the capacity to care for him in this way, in the way that they felt they should. he probably wanted for one more suited to his size and species, but they would not ask that question for fear of ... denial?

[Kydobi]

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Better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie -
♕tags-powers♕

[OOC: haha! tbh i've been thinking about it for a cool minute I just never thought I would see it blossom XD and as much as I would love to make this easy it isn't going to be. Kydobi is scared of love. ]


He hadn't been touched in this way since... Since he was a cub. It was nice to feel the pressure and warmth of another. It was very very nice, so nice that a deep purr rolled in the back of his throat.

His tail would wrap around the fox's paws. It brought peace to him to know that he could not lose his cherished friend.

"It is a bittersweet thing I guess. You always have a chance to get it right.", he sighed opening his eyes to look at them. Noting the metallic theme, gold and silver. A treasure. "But what if it isn't unlimited? What if... This is your last life. You wasted it on the likes of Jervis. Who is most likely not like you and your family. When he dies he is dead.."
Right?

Huffing the cat would lose a little more tension as he licked between the plush ears, his tongue grooming the fur of their forehead. Chances were he won't be in the embrace of someone for a long time. And so he would try to enjoy it. While he cleaned their fur, his mind was focused on their words.

He would stop though and speak, "I'd hate to do it. But I would if it keeps you safe. And Ramona. And all the children..", he cleared his throat, "I would take care of Jervis. He wouldn't expect it. I've kissed his ring so much at this point that he probably thinks I'm a loyal servant."

A stern gaze would turn to the horizon, "And... Perhaps I could lead the Pitt, make an alliance with you and yours, change the ways, a new leaf. Or, we could conjoin the two groups and we can share prey. The jungle is so abundant, too abundant. The people there may or may not take for granted the prey." Kydobi cleared his throat, he had never ever genuinely discussed treason or the murder of Jervis. As said before he always considered it the fox's own doing or by someone else's. He had never ever killed someone either. Ever.

Thankfully Lynn said something that would redirect his attention onto him. Ears would perk and eyes would widen in a mixture of emotions. Pleasure. Relief. Lust. Excitement. But most of all he felt fear. His body tensed all over again.

"Yes..Uh.", but Lynn wasn't good for him, it wasn't that there was anything wrong with them. Kydobi felt they were wonderful, amazing even. But there was always this deeply rooted phobia of betrayal and hurt.

"I feel the same way.", well did he? Or was he being nice?

"But... I'm no good. I promise you that.", really the cat was protecting himself, he didn't want to put himself in a relationship. Purely physical, sure, but he had a feeling that the fox wanted something more...fulfilling and Kydobi knew he was incapable of giving them that.

His heart was pounding and some would want to flee. Escape this stress. But he was frozen, even his tail didn't move.

"Oh!", he gave a breathless 'ha', "I think I completely misread that." he meant their words. He was trying to make it anything but what he had initially thought it was.

[sub][W]isker[/sub]

[bai shi]

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[color=#7E354D]BAI SHI
" my own illusion come to be "

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aaaa,,, their whole family literally sucks at love rofl //
(jerisidie's father was considered the god of love in cannon lore for their entire story lol. the god hates his descendants lol)
sorry in advance for any angst this causes, I've got angst muse ///

relaxing at the deep rough purr and his touch, they breathed out softly, licking their lips and hesitantly moving to nuzzle him if allowed before they stopped short of it, pulling back. they gave their own awkward chirp and purr as he began to groom between their ears, tail faintly wagging in enjoyment. "if it was my last life, then I would still give it to protect my family and friends from a tyrant like him. I would give anything to keep them safe and I know you would do the same. it is not worth it to lose your life for him, either kydobi, not when you have ramona to care for. my children have others to rely on if they hatch.", they murmur, looking at him in return, painfully drawn in by his amber eyes.

they looked away as he spoke, saying that he was no good. they were careful to let nothing slip through their mask, gazing silently at the wavering sunflowers, sighing only and stretching slightly. "you didn't misread it, even if it's not what was wished. apologies.", they murmur faintly, eyes closing off once more to the world. they had something, something that they could never consider their own. someone that they could not call home, that they could not tell of their affections. he was within touching distance, but the way that their foolish heart yearned for, was a path closed to them. it was not theirs. swallowing a breath they closed their eyes and reopened them in a slow blink, contemplating words and actions. they were a piece of stone, wearing a mask that they had made their face a long time ago.

"its fine. perhaps joining groups would be helpful. one for war and one against it.", soft laughter, pushing past the hurt and insecurity as if it was just nothing, as if they were used to treating emotion like nothing, treating it as useless. emotion was just that to them, a weakness that would kill them eventually. he was not alone in his fears of not being enough, of not being good enough.

"if the clans join, we have other things to speak of. let it be further in the future to let wounds heal.", a warning? their voice was even, still, unaffected by the storm raging behind their eyes, the pain pressuring on their optics, wanting to be released. pushing back with a semi visible quirk of the lips, anger building up in their tiny body.

carefully breathing out, they cooled it down and molded it into something more useful, pushing back as their ears flicked in agitated thought, several sayings and words going through their minds but nothing could fix this situation. "let nature take its path and if he does not correct himself, let karma befall him. i have my own demons to kill before anything other than waging war comes to the front. and they all lay here, waiting.", they laughed, getting up and stretching their limbs, wading to the tall stalks of sunflowers, looking at the bright blooms above, tail flicking.

"would his pride be enough, little dawn? would his honesty keep back the memories? would his purity cast impurity? would his soul breathe life in his body again, little wisdom?", they wonder aloud, standing by a boulder with foreign characters and the translation of the name 'Asteri' beneath it, scratched into the weather worn surface. they reached up to behead a sunflower, laying the bloom upon the grave marker, nudging the scratches before sighing and shaking their body, "let this pass as a minor disturbance in the regular day to day routine. shall we continue as friends? or leave that path and treat each other as respected foreign companions?", they ask of him suddenly, turning to look at him with a quiet question in their eyes. had they ruined their only friendship with the very same emotion that betrayed them in the past?

[Kydobi]

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Better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie -
♕tags-powers♕

[OOC: ]


He had messed up. That was something he was becoming more and more sure of by the second. He needed to let them know that it really wasn’t them. That it was Kydobi. That the feelings were painfully mutual now brought to light. His mind kept wondering what they could be. What ifs and all that. That hurt the most.
Kydobi watched them carefully, he knew exactly what was happening. He did it so often, every day. Adding another layer to the shell. He needed to fix this, because he feared things would not be the same as they were before. Not that they could ever be, now that he knew that they both were attracted to each other he would forever see Bai Shi in a different light.

“Lynn. It’s not fine. Don’t pretend you aren’t hurt. This is hard for me. I swear on everything it isn’t you. I know that line is overused by people who are often not satisfied- but I mean it.”, a lump was forming in his throat and his mouth was awfully dry. He was going to finally open his book and turn so many pages for them, something he had never done before, “I… I find you very attractive. In both of your forms. You’re beautiful and amazing and so unique. Our conversations are of the highest quality and you give me peace. You make me feel… safe and whole. But when I said to you that I thought I was broken I meant it. I want to give you what you need. I do… I think I’m changing, back in my older days I wouldn’t have bothered with Ramona. I wouldn’t have even came to comfort you, I would’ve walked away. Because I lacked empathy. Compassion. I wouldn’t even be acknowledging that I want you too. Because I was a skeptic for so long, now I’m just a curious and fearful boy. I’m scared of love and relationships.”

He would swallow the lump and stare at the flowers, it was easier to confess without eye contact, ”I want to feel what everyone talks about. What love is. What romance is. But I don’t know how. I’m scared I can’t… love you or anyone for that matter… cause the people who I did and the people who should’ve taught me of it casted me away and betrayed me. Both of my parents. My family. Family is the first people we love… And they…” he closed his eyes in a slight wince, he wasn’t ready to talk of that to anyone or himself, a gentle shake of his head as if to wash away the memories, ”I don’t want to be hurt. Last time I fully trusted someone and loved them…opened my heart to them… They broke me. All of them. And now, even now, I pretend nothing hurts me. I act like I don’t care when I really do. Because it is easier to pretend you feel nothing and remain stoic because eventually you make everything so small that they can’t hurt you anymore. You fake it till you make it. And I’ve been doing that so long- my brain has ruled my heart since I was 11 months old.. That it doesn’t know how to loosen its grip.”

His voice lowered, ” Because emotions do nothing but hurt. Even happiness is bittersweet, because in its absence you think back on what you had and feel.. hollow. And I know I’m always going to look back on this moment and regret, think of what we could be. But then there will be times where I look back in relief, I protected myself again.”

[sub][W]isker[/sub]

[bai shi]

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[color=#7E354D]BAI SHI
" my own illusion come to be "

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a twitch of furred ears as they looked at the graves of the dead, the wind rocking through the field with an intensity that they felt in their very core, the air screaming with what they could not. "kydobi.", they murmured his name gently, eyes on the sky above, watching the bird become caught in a tangle of knots of air, their body impeccably still despite the heavy winds, fur lashing and tumbling, revealing silvery and golden marks, scars, made of scale. more pain, old pains, but memories they didn't want to remember.

"I dont wish to hurt you anymore than you already are, kydobi. I know it is hard, trust me, I have the damn experience of a thousand lives. you would think that emotion would cease to affect one so old.", slight laughter before their eyes finally turned back to him, calming the wind with their own elemental, reigning it in as the fields fell into a broken silence, many sunflowers bent over and stalks snapped.

their eyes held some degree of warmth, looking back at him, "I wish that i could change what they had done to you, ky. I wish that I could. but I cant, and I cant show you what love is, or what it does, because my family is cursed by it.", a soft murmur as they gently stepped away from the graves, picking up a few beheaded sunflowers, cleaning up an area around themselves and kydobi.

a momentary pause and slight smile, "if anything, pushing yourself to tell me of the way you feel, hurts both of us more. love is a poison, infecting those within it's touch. perhaps it's better this way, my friend, because loving you would kill one of us. it happens that way, for me at least. so call me greedy if I still care for you from a distance, letting the circumstance take from my own body.", an almost chuckle, eyes growing quiet. "things will be awkward at first, yes, but eventually it will stop hurting when we see one another. things will go back to normal. they have to, life has it's way. besides, my friend, I doubt you want much to do with a demi-god, or a family of ancient gods, at least in the way that would make you a target for those who hunt us."

they were accepting that this was occurring, had already accepted it and just had to push it down to mull over later. the pain was ever present, and throbbing in their chest and ears, making it hard to think or speak or even hear. it felt like it was going to consume them, and they could not afford to shatter under it, not even in front of their friend. the anger choked their throat, furious with themself and not him, he was innocent here.

"you are changing, kydobi, yes. you have changed. you've gained deeper emotions than what you know what to do with. I cant promise to be able to be a support for every emotion, but I am still your friend before anything else. you are changing, and I will support you the best that I can, kydobi.", they needed to change the topic before the misery crippled them, old words ringing through their mind, you unfortunate soul. love will never find you, as I have no use for you. there will be one that might find you, but he will never be yours for good. the words of the god that they hated ringing through their ears, tail flicking slightly as a throb began in their temple and rib, the wind whistling past them before they tamed it into a light breeze.

(sorry, just got off shift)

[Kydobi]

[align=center]

Better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie -
♕tags-powers♕

[OOC: ]

He watched them get up, shifting himself to lay on his stomach returning to his standard posture. A sorrowful but humorous smile painted on his face, "Well aren't we a hopeless bunch."

It was such a relief to hear them promise things will return to normal in time. He had so few friends as it was. It was a wonderful thing to look forward to. But a sensitive thing, so easily it could be ruined. How many times would they look at each other and remember this day? How many times until they both let it go?

"And I will always be a faithful friend as well.", he watched them pick up the fallen flowers so gently. With such care for something inanimate. How could you show such affection for someone that was not even here anymore? Kydobi could never understand that. But perhaps with time, if he keeps changing like Lynn acknowledged, he would.

"Would you like some help?"

[sub][W]isker[/sub]

[bai shi]

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[color=#7E354D]BAI SHI
" my own illusion come to be "

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a small quiet nod of the head, their shoulders giving in as they sat down, shaking their fur. they didn't want to give up, but hey, this wasn't their call. they would give in, they had no choice but to. turning their head back, they gave a soft tired smile, "well, kydobi, there are other things aside from personal pains to discuss. the next is that I am moving my group.", they sigh and lick their maw, yawning.

"I thought to discuss the move with you, my friend." they murmured softly with a tired and exhausted sigh. settling down, they gave a tired breath. they wouldn't give up. but they wouldnt pursue him, not until he was ready.

(they wont give up easily on trying to show him how to love. they are being greedy with wanting him tbh but they dont mind it. if he does end up being capable of loving, and they are not the choice, they will definitely act as an older sibling and make sure that this partner is good and safe for him)

[Kydobi]

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Better to be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie -
♕tags-powers♕

[OOC: I think Kydobi still needs to be sexually awakened? Like I think he is gonna have a couple flings that are purely physical and very short lived, he may even have a couple polyamorous/gamous relationships before he feels ready for Lynn (although I hope Lynn is his last if that's cool with you.) also! I plan on having someone killing Kydobi so he can come back to life, discovering his reincarnation power and his fire elementals along with it]

Oh right, there was more to this world than what we felt. More pressing matters than our emotions, it was something he would remind himself of everyday. The fact that he forgot it embarrassed him a little, "Of course, my bad."

He would return to his normal self, sweeping the previous conversation under the rug at the back of his mind.  He would tilt his chin up on the right side, his left face pointing downwards in the thinking fashion so common to him.

"May I ask exactly why and where you all will be moving?", he knew that they wouldn't leave him in the dark.

[sub][W]isker[/sub]