IF I BELIEVE YOU / open

[bubblegum]

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goldenluxury "goldie" roux — female — the typhoon — tags

//wheezes absolutely no need to match + tldr: goldie is panicking in the sub, forces herself to awkwardly walk out on the beach, and is sorta just laying there, shaking and looking at a seashell

it had been several days by now since the event. she remained within the submarine, once again cut off from the world she worked so hard to be a part of. she hated it. she had just gotten caught up, why did she have to lose all of her progress now? because she was stupid. because she had failed. she deserved to feel like this.

it really did feel awful. she had simply wanted a glimpse into her future. that's what he had promised - to help her see. that's all she had wanted from him. perhaps it was selfish of her to request that of him. perhaps it was selfish to expect him to follow through. maybe this was her punishment, for being selfish. she deserved it.

no matter the reason, it had happened, and it was bad. she has put her entire family at risk. all of them. she could not fend the wolf off, no matter how much she may desire. she did not dare let her family deal with this. she did not dare utter anything but what he had told her to. she was a horrible liar, she knew, but what other choice did she have? none. this was the only way. this was the only way she knew how to protect her family now.

she hadn't slipped up yet - not as far as she knew, but she still couldn't help but fear. fear for what may happen if she did. fear for if he did it anyway. when was he going to strike on deldrach? how could she save her? she needed to come up with a plan. she had already attempted small warnings, but they could only go so far. she couldn't tell her what was going on, not unless she wanted to hurt her family too. she needed to find a way to protect them all.

these worries, these fears would leave her injured body shaking, even after being taken care of. she was filled with these terrifying images of her crewmates, her family, staring down at her - just like he said - cut up into pieces, hanging from a tree. so, despite having no choice but to rest, she still got little sleep. she was actually trying to now, too. it hurt to be awake. she felt the same panic upon just being conscious than she would waking up, and she couldn't move anyway, so why bother taking it away?

but, nightmares were rampant. it didn't matter what she tried. there was no safe place for her mind now. she was trapped within a paranoia that she could not escape, nor could she explain, 'less she wanted to bring her worst fears to life. she panicked often now, much more openly than before. she was within the submarine, anyway, so it's not like it was public. the most to see it now was her family that passed through, mainly her papa and mister dad. she didn't wish to make them worry anymore, but she couldn't help it. it was so scary. it was so overwhelming.

today was no exception to those nightmares. nobody was within the submarine as she woke up, though, and she was beginning to hallucinate. she was seeing things, hearing things. the blood that had stained her mind the morning her papa was found dead, decius' words repeating within her head, and things her mind seemed to create on its own. the eyes, staring at her. she felt the absolute horror settle in. she wanted it to go away. she wanted all of it to go away.

how could she make it go away? she was all alone. sharp breaths and small cries escaped her as she tried to ground herself on something. but, she couldn't. it wouldn't go away. the feline kicked at her bed. "st-stop," she would weakly cry, accidentally pushing herself off of the bed and onto the floor. "stop i-it."

goldenluxury stared at the ground below her, legs trembling. she had lost most mobility in her hind legs since the attack, due to his direct damage onto her spine. she hadn't walked at all the past few days, because she had no choice. she needed to get up, though. she needed to get off of the floor. she needed to find somebody. she needed to know that it was okay - that she hadn't messed up anymore.

the girl inhaled sharply, her front legs pushing her upward first, and then slowly, painfully, her hind legs. the weight caused her to stumble back onto her butt, her legs shaking harshly. she repeated, now getting balancing herself. she slowly and painfully pushed herself outside of the submarine, lynn following behind her with concerned caws.

she would awkwardly and clumsily stumble onto the beach, hind legs low and slow as they struggled to move and head head low as she tried to breathe, to see the world. she needed to see that it was okay. goldie felt the sun against her damaged, bandaged back as she moved slowly, stumbling back and forth as she tried to just find something familiar that she could hold onto.

but, she found nothing. nothing but the territory. so, she looked to the trees. there was nothing there. there were no pieces staring down at her. the girl pushed herself towards the shore, letting herself collapse once she reached it. she let in sharp breaths, body aching and quivering. she stared out to the waters, blinking at them, her expression a mixture of fear, sadness, and wonder. the feline slowly picked up a seashell and looked towards it, just finding things to ground her now.

what she'd do now, she wasn't sure. she slowly calmed down a little by herself, body still shaking. at least she knew she could move her legs still, she guessed. she wasn't so sure how she'd get back. she didn't exactly want to get back. not yet. she wanted to breathe.

[no more]

[align=center][div style="width: 470px; font-size:9pt; font-family:calibri; text-align: justify;line-height: 110%; color:black"]For one to be deemed selfish made it necessary for the person in question to think solely of themself, thoughts revolving around the course of their own life with little regard to those about them, simple background characters to their own heroic actions. There was nothing with Goldie which spoke of such, her actions spoke of one who cared deeply and well, giving her all though it pushed her to limits which worried many for she seemed to hold no idea on how to stop. No, there was nothing selfish about the child and none would readily dispute the fact.

Yet there is nothing if not the flip of the coin, another face to match the first. It had been a harrowing experience for all involved, each clamouring to assist in anyway, and then there had been Aita. Wrapped within her own thoughts it had been fear which had controlled her, tightened about her throat so like a fist seeking to crush her, barely able to do anything. Inward had her own thoughts been turned, towards guilt for she could do so little, small paws barely suited to the work, shaking as she had made each attempt to help, and regret at coming at all, for daring to think she was of use. She remembered the taste of tears and blood as she had torn open her lower lip in worry, doing all she could to stop it, to appear competent for she was needed, caring only that the work went well.

She wasn't prepared for this and yet she had pushed on, daring to think she had done well when slowly everything was breaking apart, each night touched with nightmares of Goldie laid bare, skin parted around her back with the spine fragmented, beyond any sense of repair, screams falling upon deaf ears as she struggled to reach her, to help. For the first few days Aita had refused to allow herself to sleep, forcing herself to keep moving and to learn more, to be sure such would never happen again, never once daring to get close to the submarine. Some part of her knew in time she would need to go, check on Goldie to quieten the fear she had passed within her sleep if nothing else, but she was terrified.

A shaky breath escaped her lips and slowly she set aside the herbs she had been organising, busying her paws in hopes it might prove a useful distraction but there was no such luck, her mind continued to wander back to those worn paths. For a time Aita wondered if it might be best to simply stay, ask one of the others if she was alright for they had been taking turns on checking on her, making sure the wound was clean and changing bandages as needed. “No...” She ground the word out between clenched teeth and pushed aside that line of thought, refusing to let it rise once more. It was time she went and say Goldie on her own, make sure she was okay, her guilt be damned.

Quickly the young sage grabbed her satchel and filled it with a few herbs and rolls of bandages in case it proved necessary – busywork, that was all it was, wasting time – and a small candle after some thought. She remembered jasmine was meant to help calm the nerves and hoped the small scented candle would help in some small way, tucked away in the bottom of her bag. Swinging it over her head and setting it under one arm she took some time to adjust the strap, ears pinned against the back of her head as she drew a few deep breaths. It took another minute of this for Aita to finally raise, leaving the tree house with a quick, clumsy gait, never allowing her thoughts to wonder back for she knew if she allowed it she would never go through with this.

All too familiar was the trek from the jungle to the beach, a path she had walked most days and some nights when nightmares had pushed her to move, drawing back to the ocean for it offered some sense of comfort and peace nothing else seemed to, hurried steps given little thought as she moved. Rather than focus on the journey it was the steady and rhythmic movement of the satchel as it moved with her, gently hitting her side with each step, her breathing quickly becoming synced with it.

“Goldie,” the name rose unbidden, surprising Aita for a time as her tone took on a shaky edge, touched with fear as she found the one in question. For a time she could only watch, movement stilled with a paw hovering above the sand, mouth working yet no sound rose. Blinking a few times she finally forced herself to move closer, gaze drawn to her back as she looked for blood upon the bandages, hoping to find none for her paws shook as she took small, tentative steps, unsure now that she was here. “Ya should be restin.” Speaking softly in hopes to not startle her it took sometime for the words to leave her lips, a paw raising only to stop before it could reach Goldie. Seemingly thinking better of the act Aita placed her paw upon the sand once more, shuffling a little closer.

“Is pretty,” once more her voice proved soft and she motioned towards the shell with a tilt of her head, a soft smile lacing her lips as she watched the reaver for a response, unsure of how to proceed. She had only been alive for four months, had seen only a few hurt in such severe ways and those had been enemies she had no care for, but this was her family, someone she cared for deeply though the words seemed to escape her when she tried to express such.

[goodsprings]

CAPTAINPAW

✯ — YOUNG LOVERS AND THEY ARE NOT SLEEPING

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//gonna try rlly hard to match but if i dont itll be something worth replying to dfghj

captainpaw had been battling a cold in the recent couple of weeks. a bad night of not getting dry quick enough, and getting caught with a chill while coming home from the beach had struck the young tom's body with a reckless cold. it had him sneezing, and coughing. his throat had felt sore and his head felt heavy. most of his time had been in his room, sipping on soups and tea's that were given to him to feel better. it had begun to work pretty well, thankfully.

for the first time in what felt like forever to the little striker, he had seen the sunlight. the rays shined in his face, and he blinked a few times to adjust to the lighting. he had been in a dark room for so long, burying himself in books. on the bright side it had given him enough time to perfect on his literacy. now he knew basic spellings of small words. though his speech was perhaps a bit bigger now, he felt like he hadn't been completely useless while sick. the writing books that vandal had given him from her visit to snowbound had been a great help.

the boy had followed the path in what seemed like ages ago to the beach. his paws moving over the grooves of the roots that lifted from the dirt. purring at the familiar crunch of dead vines underneath him. he missed being outside. he had been too excited to wait until being one hundred percent ready for him to see the sun again.

the beach was where he always went without fail. though today instead of looking for treasure, he practiced more writing in the sand. using a small stick that had been discarded by the waves, he used it to form words in the sand. random letters to see what words they could be or form. he was in the middle of writing down the entire alphabet, remembering it by heart by now when he caught a glimpse of golden fur in the corner of his eye.

captainpaw lifted his head, pushing his captain's hat up from his forehead and approaching the girl. what was she looking at? maybe it was another crab; he wondered if they had their own language too.

"goldie?" he brushed up against her side as he came closer, his gaze following hers at the seashell. "are you alright? i don't think its gonna move or anything..." maybe she thought it was a hermit crab shell, he innocently believed it was nothing as serious as her nightmares. he would never think, even fathom, something so dark could appear to her.

he suddenly became aware of aita when she mentioned goldenluxury needing to rest. was she still sick? "if you're not feeling well, i can send you some of the tea i had that made me start to feel better. it doesn't taste so good, but dad put a lot of honey in it for me so it was sweeter." he purred, his gaze going back and forth between the two sisters. "aita! you should try some too, it makes you all big and strong! dad told me that too."

space

✯ — male. the typhoon. easy. REF. BIO. — ✯

#psychosocial.

[CAESAR CIPHER.]

ALL ALONE HE TURNS TO STONE !

CAESAR CIPHER. MALE. THE TYPHOON. OFFICER.

The actions and decisions you made was something hard to forget, and Caesar always had to deal with them the hard way. The demon was always forced into his memories of the past at night, and no matter how hard he tried pushing them away, he couldn't. During the day, it was easier to, with him being able to distract himself with his Crewmates and being snippy with them. The night was when it was hardest, due to him purposely shutting himself off in his room. Honestly, he was quite surprised he hasn't Corrupted by now, but he definitely wasn't going to complain about that.

Caesar regretted destroying his Home Dimension a lot, no matter what he told people and how he looked on the outside. He told people he was proud of it, and he was honestly lying to himself by that extension. He believed that lying to others and lying to himself would help his cause when, in fact, it would hurt him. Not facing his past properly and constantly fighting back emotions is what would eventually lead him to Corruption if he wasn't careful. But that's what Caesar felt like he had to do: lie to himself and lie to his Crewmates because he didn't want to be seen as weak or worthless because he felt remorse for his actions.

It was no secret that Caesar often visited the beach just to watch the currents, despite his wariness of them. He came across the group slowly forming around Goldenluxury and decided to stand next to Captainpaw as he walked closer. Caesar frowned down at Goldie, although it was a look of disgust rather than empathy. "Don't fucking start your crying again." He growled, narrowing his eyes at the Captain's daughter now.

#psychosocial.

[bubblegum]

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goldenluxury "goldie" roux — female — the typhoon — tags

a voice, softly uttering her name, would reach her ears and cause them to twitch lightly, the familiar voice filling her with a mixture of relief and guilt. she didn't react immediately to her sibling's presence, gaze only shifting once they got closer, breaths now becoming quieter. nothing bad has happened yet. everything was okay right now. she looked away, back to the shell.

she seemed to zone out slightly, only coming back - sort of alarmed, as she felt a presence brush against her. her breaths quickened slightly, only to slowly relax again as she realized it was only cap. the girl listened to his words, not responding immediately. for once, she couldn't come up with something to say.

her tired, striking green eyes turned back to aita as she commented that she should rest, thinking about her response. "i-i've been...tr-trying," goldenluxury would say softly, her voice shaking. she truly had been attempting to. "i just n-needed some fr-fresh air." she needed to see that everything was okay, too. so far, it seemed that way, at least. this knowledge would calm her at least a little bit.

she shifted at cap's words, offering a small, struggled smile. "thas' ni-nice, cap. ya c-can if y-ya want. rosem-mary is real g-good at makin' t-tea." the feline said with a small nod. she actually had been drinking some more tea - the kind that rosemary had taught her to make. it helped her fall asleep, even if it didn't last. "i'm g-gonna be bi-big n' str-strong." she'd say with a light giggle, though it seemed half-hearted.

goldie had truly never been like this before. the change was clear. she wished it wasn't, but she couldn't help herself. she still tried, though. she looked back to the seashell as aita commented on it, nodding slightly. she didn't say anything, though. everything about her was quiet.

she tensed slightly as caesar approached, her distracted gaze becoming irritable as he spoke. he was right, sort of. she was on the verge to crying. she had been the past several days, but there was no way she'd do it in front of caesar, and certainly not in public. "don' st-start your bi-bitchin' ag-again." she hissed towards him. she wanted him to go away.

she looked towards the submarine quietly afterwards. "to be h-honest, i dunno' hh-how i'm go-gonna get ba-back. my l-legs still ar-aren't wor-workin' well."

[Verdigris]

  [font=trebuchet ms]It was hard not to be concerned for his crewmates. Though Cleo seemed to have mostly recovered from being attacked, he still wasn’t sure why the boa constrictor had attacked her. Snakes may have had a reputation for untrustworthiness, but so far as he could tell, the constrictor had been her pet before it turned on her. Never mind what had happened to Gold, and how he still didn’t know who her attacker was or who they answered to- or, for that matter, how to convince her that it really wasn’t her fault.

  Aita and Cap seemed to have the same goal in mind; Caesar was, of course, doing his level best to do exactly the opposite; and Gold was taking no names. Maybe things hadn’t changed as much as he thought. ”What’s the phrase- those in wooden huts shouldn’t start fires?” Paper asked as he drew near, twitching his tail. He’d probably said it wrong, but the phrase still made enough sense to him.

  Glancing back towards the submarine, he frowned. It was a long way to travel for someone who could barely walk. ”Well, if you managed to get out here, you should be able to get back, but we can help if you need it,” he added. The words felt strange on his tongue, offering to assist someone with basic movement- but these were unusual circumstances.

  /ish ending

[CELESTE G.M.]

[align=center][div style="text-align:justify;width:55%;font-size:8pt;font-family:verdana;border-bottom: 1px white solid;padding-BOTTOM: 3px;"]Goldie did not deserve the fate that life had dealt her. It was a phrase that Temulin found herself thinking far too often, a mantra that she says in the darkest of times and she tells it to her gods when the sun is gone and she has only the stars for her company. For all of her life, they have remained silent at the statement, a silent condemnation of fate and it's fickle follies. Or rather, they ignored the pleas of the mortals that asked for fairness, for those who deserved their due to get them. Life, Temulin had discovered long ago when they took her brother's head and married her sister's to strangers - life was not fair.

That didn't mean that she wouldn't try to make it better. Twas why the Gods anointed shamans and tribes ordained healers. Why there were stories to tell, miracles that can occur and why the world kept spinning, so that the cruel hands dealt can be rectified as much as they can. It seems to be that way to Temulin, and she will always believe in that way, no matter what faith she loses and no matter what happens to her.

[b]"Caesar, leave the child alone." She snaps, the one presence in this clan that she truly despises. He is the antithesis of everything that she has striven to be, and he will not help Goldie one bit. She wonders sometimes why he is allowed to stick around and not have to deal with the consequences of his words - she would love to see him dragged into a fight and knocked down a great deal of pegs. Unfortunately, Temulin is not the one to do it.

[b]"...I can get you some tea if you'd like, and something to help you sleep should it be troubling you." It's the most that Temulin can offer towards Goldie, and she regrets that she can't take away her pain. After all - Goldie doesn't deserve this. She is but a child, and children deserve to be happy. Or at least, that was what she was lead to believe.

[CAESAR CIPHER.]

ALL ALONE HE TURNS TO STONE !

CAESAR CIPHER. MALE. THE TYPHOON. OFFICER.

"I'll start my bitching if I want to." Caesar snapped back, more annoyed at the way Goldenluxury spoke. It reminded him of Jacob too damn much and it was highly irritating. The demon's lips were curled back in a snarl as he spoke, clearly not pleased at having been talked back at. "There's no reason to be crying, is there? Grow the fuck up." Of course, she was crying yet but she definitely looked to be on the verge. Caesar rolled his eyes upon hearing Temulin's comment and he retorted, "What, am I not allowed to make her a stronger person?" If he could hear Temulin's thoughts, he probably would have said he's been in a couple of fights before. There was no way in hell he'd admit he lost, though.

#psychosocial.

[bubblegum]

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goldenluxury "goldie" roux — female — the typhoon — tags

she quietly looked to the submarine, knowing it was probably foolish of her to have gone out all this way. it was a bit too late for that thought, though. her body was screaming at her for forcing herself to move so far and so much already. but, she couldn't help herself. when she moved out, she hadn't had time to think, she just knew she needed to move, to find something to ground her.

the girl's gaze quickly turned as paper's familiar voice arose, blinking at his words. she didn't say anything, glancing back towards caesar and shifting slightly. his offer would cause her to look down for a moment. she'd hate to ask for more help - she'd already been given so much through all of this. she waited a moment before replying, thinking over her words. odd of her to do, for such a small thing. "i...w-won't worry 'bout it f-ff-for now. i wa-wanna sit 'ere for a l-lil' b-bit."

temulin's voice entered her ears next with a snap and then an offer. she looked to the female, twitching her ear. "a-ah, thank y-you, but i've alr-already got ss-some. just b-been havin' nightm-mares," goldie would explain softly, her voice sort of fading as she got towards the end. hopefully they wouldn't read too much into those last few words. she didn't want to cause any more trouble.

her tired eyes shifted back to caesar as he replied, rolling her eyes and huffing. "does it l-look like i-i'm cryin', caesar? i'm n-not." sure, it did look like she was about to cry, but the fact still stood that she wasn't doing it, and she certainly wasn't about to.

[CAESAR CIPHER.]

ALL ALONE HE TURNS TO STONE !

CAESAR CIPHER. MALE. THE TYPHOON. OFFICER.

Caesar noticed how tired Goldie looked of course, he just didn't care. To him, this was all just weakness and Goldie should be executed for it - but who was he to make decisions? "Stop your stammering, it's getting old." The demon snapped again, irritating showing in his tone. "You're on the verge of crying, are you not? Don't give me the I'm not crying bullshit, because it's clearly written all over your face." Or well, it did to him, anyway. Then again, since when has he been known to read emotions properly?

#psychosocial.