so if i threw it all away — p, izuku

[guts]

[member=183]izuku[/member]

Things between them were tense, at best. Though it wasn't apparent, Aizawa avoided him whenever he could, but it was difficult since he just had to go and get sick. With Jacob out doing whatever the hell he did, he was the only medic he could turn to. It wasn't that he was afraid of him--it was just..awkward. He was a pretty emotionally constipated person, so any kind of situation like this was way out of his league. He kept things to a professional level.

Anyways, it was as if being ill wasn't bad enough. No, he just had to have an estranged connection with their only currently active healer. It was as if life was totally against him lately. Heaving a deep sigh, he forced himself to walk to where Izuku usually did his check-ups and what not, glancing around for said male. He figured he wanted to make sure his health didn't decline any more than it already had.

"Midoriya, I'm here for a check-up," he still couldn't shake the habit of calling him by his last name. It was strangely formal, considering their relationship now. But he didn't bother to make an effort at changing it. After a moment of silence, he frowns, bowing his head to cough. His heart stuttered when he saw red drops spatter against the rocks at his paws.

"SPEECH"

⚝⚝⚝
tags

[arcy]

Despite what anybody may believe, Izuku was not quick to trust. On a surface level, certainly -- he'd be happy to trust people with his life, if needed. But with him? His feelings? Trust them with his trust? No, absolutely not. And it was ridiculously easy for somebody to lose his trust, at least some of it. The good news was that Izuku was quick to forgive, whether it was deserved or not. His forgiveness wasn't limitless, of course, as he could tell with the absent bitterness he felt towards Bakugou, but that wasn't here nor now. Sure, Izuku was still incredibly bothered with Aizawa's earlier treatment of him -- did Aizawa know anything? He didn't mean that in a particularly cruel way, but Izuku clearly needed at least a breather till the effects of the electricity subsided enough he wouldn't need all four of his legs to balance. They'd have needed to check for other side-affects aside from the shaking, too -- Izuku recalls how strange everything had been, his heart, his breathing. And that kind -- he's not sure, peeved him. He tries to let it go -- Aizawa didn't have any real medical training, and Izuku sure got into some bullshit, anger was deserved. But ... he's not sure, with the way Aizawa had been avoiding him after it all ... Couldn't even take responsibility. (just like everyone else just like everyone else just like everyone else)
Still, it's professionalism that keeps Izuku calm when he hears Aizawa's voice. He could be passive aggressive if he wanted, bare his teeth and grin, just like he did everyone else. But that wouldn't be fair -- not only was that petty, but Aizawa was here for a check-up. As one of the only doctors consistently here at the moment, he couldn't do that. Besides, Aizawa had only ever been his teacher. Only that, not a friend, not anything else.
"Hi, Aizawa," Is all Izuku says as he turns, offering what was intended to be an easy grin. It's a little tight, though, and Izuku's tail sweeps to curl around his paws. Being called 'Midoriya' again is strange -- Aizawa is really the only one who did that, anymore. He supposes it must be stranger to everyone else, though. He's just gone completely local, first name and all. Right, but the check-up. Izuku blinks, a little jarred as Aizawa coughs, and it's only after so much experience with fretting over All Might that Izuku catches sight of the blood droplets. Concerning -- very concerning. That meant it was ... internal, right? Something was causing that blood? But what? His head is spinning, so Izuku just stands up, and after a little wobble as he steadies on three legs, drags him and his limp, burning leg closer. "Okay, there's that. What other symptoms are there?" Izuku asks with a tilt of the head. His chest feels tight with concern, as Izuku's head spins with what he could possibly give Aizawa to help ease whatever symptoms there were? Tea? Definitely tea, that was a fallback, especially since it was, y'know, internal. But what else? Blood, coughing? Seriously, Izuku didn't know a lot, but it should be enough to keep Aizawa from getting any worse, at least till Jacob could get an actual look at the lion.

☀ what was i worth

[guts]

There were a few other reasons why he was avoiding him, of course. Aizawa wasn't the type to not take responsibility, after all. He knew and accepted when he had done wrong. But that was only a minor problem when he was possibly dying. None else had died yet from being bitten, yet his insides felt like they were caving in on themselves all the time. He knew his body better than anyone, and he had a feeling he wasn't going to be well. So, what better way than to isolate yourself to try and ease the pain of the others around you?

After his call received a response, he sat back on his haunches, his breath ragged. It was hard to stand for too long, much less move. "Vomiting, coughing, feeling like my insides are falling apart--just to name a few," he says and grimaces at the slight iron taste on his tongue. The air between them is tense, though he can't tell whether it was the same reason as before or if it was because of his poor condition. Either way, he can read the other's expression, and can see the concern in his eyes. It only makes him more frustrated.

"I'll be fine. It's just a bad sickness, it will pass," he goes on to insist, though even he can't really speak with confidence. Izuku was the doctor here, but even he couldn't determine for sure whether he would make it through or not. But it didn't matter, because either way--whether he lived or died--he wanted to make amends.

Now if only black spots would stop appearing in his vision.

"SPEECH"

⚝⚝⚝
tags

[arcy]

Ah, that wasn't ... great. Oh god Izuku didn't know how to work with illness. Especially an unnamed illness from getting bitten. Did this sickness even have a name? Or any cures? Izuku doesn't know!! But he'll be damned if he doesn't make stuff up on the spot. What herbs should he take into consideration for this? He had a very vague idea, but since Izuku wasn't sure on what was causing any of this, or why or anything, he was kinda stuck.
"I think I'll be the one to decide that for you," Izuku says dryly. He's the doctor here, and he's had enough people try and tell him stuff is gonna be fine. But they don't know shit. Don't go telling Izuku what to do, he's had enough. ... Okay, that was kind of upset. It's fine. He's fine. Also, he should stop calling himself a doctor, since he was a medic at best. Izuku didn't have a degree. Nobody had a degree. Izuku wasn't gonna get a degree. Both because of his situation, and also because Izuku wouldn't want to be a doctor if he got back home, and -- okay, that was enough. Why was he rambling that was unprofessional. Had Izuku been mumbling? He's not sure anymore. He'd like to think no because he'd gotten out of that habit, but it was only barely, and with the comfort of Snowbound came the return of habits everybody else hated. "Anyways, not gonna lie, things aren't looking great, and I have no idea what I'm doing. But I do have some things we could test till we can ask Jacob," He decides to explain, rather absently. With going into the zone of medical ... stuff, came a lack of care about whatever the hell he was saying or thinking. It's not like it mattered -- it was Aizawa, and he only came to Izuku because he was the only one here, who cared. Right, right -- tea. A syrup, maybe? No, that was a little much. Just a strong tea, then. It's not like Izuku could give much else for illness anyways -- unless Aizawa just wanted to eat the herb as it was, but Izuku doesn't think thats necessary. "Okay, a tea, um -- ," ... How does he make a fire. Wait no a fire wasn't even precise enough. ... Right, he had a little tea thing somewhere in here, didn't he? God Izuku had been dealing a lot of stealing lately, but he needed it. Where was it in this mess, anyways? Who was he kidding he can conjure it. So Izuku quickly sets about this, though it's kinda hard with his paws. Right, what herbs -- nausea herbs, coltsfoot? He can't do anything about the organs, though. Uh, that should be good ... Double for the dry herbs, keep in mind that it's a strong dosage ... what temperature was this supposed to be at again? Simmer? Five to ten minutes. Oh god Izuku is stuck with Aizawa till this thing is done.

☀ what was i worth

[guts]

Needless to say, Aizawa is a bit taken aback by the other's sudden authority. But he isn't surprised for long. He knew that would come eventually, as it usually did with age. The angst stage of teenagers and what not. As annoying as it is to deal with, it's probably a good sign--in Izuku's case, anyways. Plus dying must have changed him in some ways.

He would have reacted more, but because of the sudden pounding in the back of his skull and the pain riding throughout his body, he can't do much besides narrowing his eyes and huffing like a frustrated child would. His energy is sapped and he's decided to just let him handle it. Obviously he knew what he was doing, or at least, was trying to act like he was. The lion wasn't too sure how accurate the act was. Maybe he just needed to put more faith into him.

Tea..actually didn't sound too bad right about now. While he did enjoy some coffee now and then, he was mostly a tea kind of person. Who knew how long it had been since he last had a nice cup of it? A while, that much was for sure. Too bad it was under such circumstances.

As silence falls between them, he's puzzled. He knew that Izuku had the power to conjure things (somehow), but he didn't know much else other than that. He was unaware of how long it took. Bowing his head with a sigh, he closes his eyes and tries to will away the oncoming head-ache. Of course, though, it doesn't work. "Look, Midoriya,"

It's an awkward start, but a start nonetheless. He has to confess sooner or later. "I was wrong, and I've come to realize that. I don't know the extent to the effects your powers have on your body, so it was rash of me to speak like that," he stops for a moment, eyes still closed. Then he lifts his head and finally meets his gaze. "I was frustrated. With all the recent events, I lost sight of things. So, I apologize," he made sure to be blunt with it, as all that was needed was the truth. With the sudden weight off his shoulders, he didn't mind if he forgave him or not--it wasn't even really why he apologized in the first place.

"SPEECH"

⚝⚝⚝
tags

[arcy]

Izuku wouldn't even consider any of what he was doing 'authority'. Mostly it's just him gently bullying people into listening to him because literally nobody wanted to admit they were hurt ever. I mean, it's been less of a problem since recently -- people didn't protest as often for some reason. Either way, Izuku has kept that frustration pretty pent up, so it's kind of nice to actually tell somebody to deal with it. Even if Aizawa was acting like a spoiled child, apparently. Izuku was the real child here, thanks. Oh, right, he should stop getting upset. What was with that, anyways? It's not like Izuku verbalized it often but it was happening more frequently and that was concerning. Also, it should be noted that it was less of dying that got Izuku to where he is now and more of everything that happened after dying. Oh. Maybe that was Izuku's problem? He hadn't ever talked about his experiences in the wild before, and that messed with him pretty bad sometimes. Did Izuku trust anyone with that information now? Absolutely not.
... Had Izuku added enough herbs for the blood? That was internal bleeding stuff he's pretty sure, and Izuku has enough experience with that. Thanks All Might. Izuku considers the brew for a long few moments before, slowly, reaching to his herb pack again. It's not too late. Even if this thing is jam-packed already. Did he put honey in it? Not enough, no. He'd only ever made herbal teas for himself and Natasha, and those tended to be kind of redundant so Izuku didn't have ... a ton of experience with this.
"... I mean, it's not as bad as it is with my quirk," Izuku offers, ears falling back as he hears Aizawa ... apologize? Was that an apology? Izuku wasn't really expecting one, but it was really, really appreciated. So he could admit to his mistakes. And then promptly became one of the very few people to have ever apologized to Izuku -- which was honestly the reason he wasn't expecting one. So he's a little flustered, but Izuku finds he's a little more relaxed when he turns to Aizawa. "Thank you, though. Um -- apology accepted," Is that what he says?? Izuku doesn't know!! He was told that was what he was supposed to say, but only once, and then she nearly drowned him so that was great. Oh, should he ramble about his power, now? ... No, no thanks. Even the concept of his electricity was making him nauseous right now. Unless he wants to explain what happened? Yeah, that worked. "I guess it was ... mostly my fault, anyways. My electricity is generally pretty safe, but I was testing something out. I remembered something and actually overloaded it, and I guess I ... kind of deserved it?" ... What's he spouting off about this time? Izuku doesn't even know how related to the conversation it is. He'd probably be sweating nervously if he weren't, you know, a cat.

☀ what was i worth

[guts]

Aizawa may have been acting out of place, but at least he knew how to apologize and realize when he was in the wrong. He quickly takes note of how flustered he is, though it isn't too odd. He figures he was never on the receiving end of an apology, considering certain things and people he's dealt with. Katsuki, for one. A problem child the fire-ball was--a problem child with potential. If only he could get along with his peers. But he digresses.

He nods as his apology is taken well, thankful he's forgiving. Hopefully that doesn't end up being his downfall. Nevertheless, he listens as he goes on about his new power, nodding. He isn't surprised, really. Izuku always seemed to have a knack for getting himself hurt. It was something he had gotten after him for in the past, multiple times. It was funny how only now did he realize how wrong he had been about him.

"Remembered something?" he asks, raising an invisible brow. He isn't going to push him to elaborate if he doesn't want to, but he is still a bit curious about what he means. Memories of his death? Maybe other things he had no idea about? Either way it was probably personal, and he wasn't about to dig at him to tell about such things.

"SPEECH"

⚝⚝⚝
tags

[arcy]

Somedays, Izuku wouldn't be surprised if his tendency to forgive and forget really would get him killed, someday. It'd nearly done so quite a few times -- as it was with the drowning incident. Seriously, if he hadn't accepted it, he'd probably have been fine. And so would she, honestly. ... He hopes she's okay. She'd been breathing when he left her, but the burns could've gotten infected or something. Oh, he should really stop thinking about this stuff. ... Or not, considering Aizawa's new questioning. But does Izuku want to tell him? The Maine Coon eyes the lion a little guiltily. Trust? Don't trust? Yes or no? Because telling the truth could just spiral into a mess of 'pre-clans izuku' and damn if that wasn't a huge, traumatizing mess Izuku didn't want to remember. More traumatizing than death, he means. Very shocking, he knows.
"... About an hour after I woke up like this, I met a tiger," He says, softly. Like, you might have to lean in to hear him softly. He's being a little vague -- it'd been an absolutely terrible experience. Plus, how could he possibly admit to this when all he can possibly remember is how bad the burns had been? He couldn't be a hero if he hurt somebody like that. "Well ... more like she stalked me, then attacked me. I ... didn't know what was going on or how to defend myself, since my quirk wasn't working." How many scars did he have from that incident, he wonders? More than he did from his other encounters, at least -- he'd reopened them so many times that it would be impossible for them not to scar. Still, a little self-consciously, Izuku raises his uninjured paw to his ear, the tattered one. Then quickly realizes what he's doing, if only because of the pain in his other leg, and then puts it down. Oops. "... She tossed me around for a little while til I managed to get it working. The electricity used to be attached to my quirk, back then -- I latched onto her without knowing that, though, and ..." His gaze falls back to his leg. His leg was in worse condition than her burns had been, but that's no grounds to judge it, and it was awful. He wonders if she'd managed to patch up her injuries, at least? Better than Izuku had managed to, at least. Seriously, it'd taken a month or two for them to heal, and they'd probably nearly gotten infected once or twice. "She was okay, but it wasn't good. I managed to get away, but I guess I just sort of ... forgot about it till then?" Good, vagueness was key. No need to spill how much the entire encounter had absolutely terrified him, or how bad it'd been. Aizawa could probably get it from key clues -- Izuku's electricity level was always based on how emotional Izuku was, especially if he felt threatened or just .. scared. Unless Aizawa didn't know that? Izuku would assume so, seeing that he'd literally spark when he was startled. Right, but still.

☀ what was i worth

[guts]

Aizawa has definitely thought about what it was like for Izuku to wake up in a new body, alone and petrified. He couldn't imagine it, and the fact that he couldn't have been there for him is frustrating. Though he would have had to die earlier than he did...and that was something he would have skipped out on. But the guilt of not being able to protect him is still there--even when he was around to do it. So, he listens closely as he begins to tell him, grateful he felt at ease enough to share such things with him.

He watches him with piercing eyes, jaw clenching as he grits his teeth. Like he had with villains, he just couldn't understand why someone would attack an innocent bystander like that. He could understand doing it to survive, but from the sounds of it, he hadn't done anything. He was just passing through and some tiger decided it would be fun to toy with him. Damn anyone who thought they could hurt his students like that.

It was like when he had gotten news of Izuku's death. His anger had been unimaginable. Sure, there were some certain people who were angrier about it than he was, but still. As much as he had wanted it, too, he still tried to stop the group that went out to try and get vengeance. That was a thing only villains did, let their emotions get the better of them. But he couldn't and they died. He really couldn't do anything, could he?

"I see," that's all he can manage, the darkness that suddenly fell across his expression enough to say that he was pissed. Yes, he knew about his emotional bond with his powers; it was hard to not notice. Even with the vague way he spoke of the event, he could still tell that it must have been hard for him. You couldn't just get through something like that without the emotional burden. "I'm sorry that happened to you," really, what else could he say?

"SPEECH"

⚝⚝⚝
tags

[arcy]

It'd honestly taken a while for Izuku to get used to survival, back then. He'd just been one confused little kitten after all, and for the first few weeks it'd all just been ... He's not sure, terror and confusion and all he'd wanted to do was go home or at least not be alone. He'd adjusted in time, of course, and now Izuku could say that he'd prefer his classmates didn't show up. Maybe it'd have been better if Izuku had been the only one. Izuku would rather be alone than see everyone knowing that they'd died. Like Izuku was -- a domino, maybe. He tipped over and everything else came crashing down with it. But that was kind of self-centered, wasn't it? Just a coincidence, maybe.
Izuku doesn't find the violent whims of others strange at this point, though -- it was a vicious cycle out there, really. You get attacked enough and you start considering everyone you meet a threat, and some responded to that with, well, violence. And then there were the people just doing it for fun. Or because you didn't deserve to be in the cycle or something. He still didn't get that one.
"... S'pose it is. It's --" in the past now, though. But it wasn't, really. Like that one person who showed up and injured his eyes. That was literally only like ... a month ago. And he had run into another person, once. God knows Izuku pissed off enough people that they decided to seek him out or something, even though he didn't really even do anything!! He barely even knows who any of them are!! "... Wasn't a great few months, but I got through!" Even though it ingrained some pretty bad habits into him and also left him like this. By 'this' he means traumatized and unsure of how to live his life anymore. Seriously, he's just sorta ... blindly stumbling around.

☀ what was i worth