mustard gas - goldenluxury

[brandykit]

It was no lie the thought of his mother losing her memory weighed harshly on his chest. It was a bitter thought. No memory of Sam, no memory of the golden sands, her father, all the history she told him as a child as a bed time story. Heavy were his paws as he padded into the temple- as he had spent as much of his time outside as possible- and started to search for her. Slowly, his green optics swept the temple floors, avoiding Roan and Rosemary as he padded along, still keeping off of his front right leg.

"Mom? Er- fuck. Goldenluxury, if you can hear me, let me know! I'd.. like to chat." His words were watery, withdrawn. A bitter tone, something about the way his eyes stung just forcing himself to be more formal, uptight. Something tight drawn to his chest and the way the bitterness of the thought alone.. he couldn't take. He just needed to set it straight, and hopefully, there'd be some way to push forward with all of this. Hopefully.

[member=48]goldenluxury[/member]

"SPEECH"

[align=center]♡♡♡
tags

[bubblegum]

DEAR FRIEND as you know,  your flowers are withering
your mother's gone insane, your leaves have drifted away.
    but the clouds are clearing up
        and i've come reveling, burning incandescently,
                                              like a bastard on the burning sea.

YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER,
BURIED DEEP UNDER THE WATER.

Now that Roan was back, Goldie was able to remain in the temple with less worry. There was a scare from her recent seizure, but he had assured it was likely something related to her head injury, and very well could be the only one she ever suffers from in her lifetime. Of course, they'd need to give it time to really see, but it was reassuring, and she could rest knowing that her cousin was safe once more. She'd still spent the majority of the days concerned, confused, and asking herself more questions than anyone could answer, detached and slightly aloof. She did get visitors, but it was never enough or for long, given that everyone was busy, and spending time with someone that didn't remember them probably wasn't the most fun use of time. But she could still appreciate the effort, even if she knew the grief they'd experienced she wasn't sure she ever could - at least, not in the same way.

She didn't quite know who their Goldenluxury Roux was. She'd ideas, and she had a feeling...they weren't really alike. She'd sounded powerful, fearless, and always had the answer. But Goldie didn't have any strength now, felt a constant dread, and never had the answers she or anyone else needed. She was somebody different now, and she was almost a little ashamed of it. But she didn't know what to do about it, and there wasn't much she could do, so she rested within the temple, staying out of the other's way, and minding her own business, staring at the walls. And that's what Brandy would come to find his mother doing now, curled up by herself in a bed, ears perking at his words. She hesitates, before turning her neck towards him.

"Right here," she'd call in response, head lifting ever so slightly, eyes carefully looking over the tiguar. Her tail tip twitches, a recognition to the voice, but everything else felt distant. But, she'd been given the title of mother, and with that it was obvious this was another one of her sons. "I'm still your mom." She'd determine with a slight nod. Just because she couldn't remember...didn't mean she wanted to erase what had happened. It still existed, and she still had a desperation to know her family, just as they'd known her. It pained her, to see her children be so distant, so hesitant to approach. Was the sight of her really that horrible? She didn't know, but she couldn't bring herself to push them on it. If that was really how they'd felt, she couldn't make them change, and she was grateful for any interaction they may offer her at all. "I wouldn' mind a chat."

[brandykit]

Brandy had heard much of his mother. The seizure, the battle with Stryker, the taste of hesitance in the air with every word they spoke of her. His heart twisted. Sure, he'd like to stroll in like he knew her, and say nothing, but every part of the child that still crying out inside of him wouldn't allow it. He stopped as he came upon her, his vision swimming for a long moment, breath held and ears lowered.

He just couldn't help it.

Brandyskies didn't know who he was meant to be. But he knew his mother. She was strong, fearless, yet had her own deep dark fears and insecurities- the perfect mother, tender and alive. Protection, the feeling of that three o clock sun against your fur and the sound of the crashing waves as your sunbathing. Light, in the absence of it, came from her- a beacon towards home. The freedom of seagulls as they called and soared overhead, laughing at each other and swooping for food in an endless cycle of live, breathe, fly. But she was still that prowling tiger, dangerous and wild if something she loved was threatened. Standing as a retaining wall against the sea- nothing could move her, nothing could break her.

He was ever confident, despite his fear, his bone chilling sadness, that she would move past this. Come back ever stronger. But there was still that worm of doubt that chewed it's way from the fear in his throat and chest, circling his brain. What if she doesn't come back? What if she never, ever remembers? His fur stood on end as that thought crossed his brain in the menial seconds right after she spoke to him. He swallowed thickly, stepping closer. "Sorry. I don't mean to.." His eyes turned away for a moment, before quickly returning.

"I know there's.. a lot of confusion about me and my twin, and it's.." He was hardly finding his words, his tongue feeling like a rag in a pipe. He shook his head. "My name is Brandyskies." He said. He looked back towards her, some kind of strange determination surging in his chest now. Perhaps it was the tiny traces of anger still lingering about his newfound twin.

"SPEECH"

[align=center]♡♡♡
tags

[bubblegum]

DEAR FRIEND as you know,  your flowers are withering
your mother's gone insane, your leaves have drifted away.
    but the clouds are clearing up
        and i've come reveling, burning incandescently,
                                              like a bastard on the burning sea.

YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER,
BURIED DEEP UNDER THE WATER.

In the past, if the boy had gone to her for advice, she would have taken the time to give him something productive, something useful. The female had always been sure to make it clear that if her children ever needed anything, they could go to her, that she wanted them to go to her. And she would still that same sentiment now, but she wasn't so sure she could offer what she had in the past. She didn't remember the life experience, didn't know how you were supposed to cope, didn't even know how to do most basic duties in the group anymore. Perhaps a muscle memory, some feelings still remained, some things were simply instinct, and others buried deep further with association, beyond any cut strings and burned directly into her core. But she didn't know how to retrieve them, they simply appeared when they happened to be relevant. She didn't know who she was, doesn't know who she is. And she shares the feeling, not knowing who she is meant to be. Will they resent her, for being someone different than they recall? She was afraid to know.

Regardless, the female would do her best still now, to listen, to hear the boy's words as he spoke up. He seemed unsure in himself, unsure of what to say. She decides then, that she will make it easier, make the words come more natural, less thought needing to be put into them. Make things not so awkward, as best as she could.

"I like that name," the tigress would respond lightly with a small nod, offering a slight friendly smile towards the other. "Is' nice t' meet you properly, then, Brandyskies." Admittedly, she'd not really heard much of the talk regarding the two's situation. All she'd known, was that suddenly a son she'd not had originally had appeared, according to others. It was strange, but she didn't know how else to take it but to simply shrug it off for the time being. She didn't quite know what it meant, exactly, and she wasn't too interested in finding that out, unless either of them thought it important to take the time to explain it. Regardless, they were her children, and she wanted to do them right, even if she wasn't who they'd grown up to know and love. At least, not from her perspective. Probably not from theirs either, though. There's a slight temptation to question what the other knew about her, what he made of her now, but she decided that the topic wasn't worth addressing at the moment. She was tired, of disappointing others' memories. Instead, she'd rather listen to someone talk about something else, other than her head, or who she was, or what she should or shouldn't be doing. "May I ask what happened...t' your leg?"

[brandykit]

Deep seated in his bones, Brandy felt loyalty to his home. Loyalty to his family, maybe not necessarily his soul-twin. But he couldn't leave his family rest alone like this. He had brothers and sisters- and he would argue he's the oldest. The biggest, the one that can run the furthest and throw the others out to sea further. Brandy would argue he was leaps and laps ahead of his siblings, and maybe even his aunts and uncles, if it was to prove that he was capable of fixing this. This problem in front of him, something like shattered glass of a mirror resting in his paws, bleeding from the gaps.

Slowly, his eyes lowered, closing for a long moment. He had to collect himself, inhaling deeply, before raising his vision again. Goldie would have been right- it was hard for him to keep himself together. He was sure, however, that even in a brain that rested no memories towards your family, friends, your claimstake, that you could understand this much- having to lose your closest love one, but not truly. Not death, but some kind of reset button that was bumped on mistake. Some kind of reset that caused them to turn their cheek and cause some kind of distress. A warning, that they didn't know you anymore, and that they were sorry but there was nothing else they could do.

It caused him to choke up, of course it did. It couldn't happen to her- The Goldenluxury, the captain of the Typhoon, princess of the sea, protector of the isles. But it did. It was some cruel reality that Brandy was going to be avoiding from here on out, he decided, even before he responded to her. "You named me Brandy. I chose the skies part on my.. return." He cleared his throat. As she paused, he could feel her thoughts wander, like his refused to keep doing. A soft sigh left his nose as her question brought them both back to focus.

He lowered his gaze to his still-splinted leg and grimaced a bit. "I ah- I fell from the sky. Kind of." He spoke, before shifting on his paws for a moment. Slowly, Brandy sat himself down, grunting softly from the effort of staying balanced on three legs. "I was hibernating in the sea, I think. I launched myself out and couldn't.. keep my wings together. New wings." He mumbled a bit, his eyes lowered. It was embarrassment now, not sadness, that riddled him.

"SPEECH"

[align=center]♡♡♡
tags

[bubblegum]

DEAR FRIEND as you know,  your flowers are withering
your mother's gone insane, your leaves have drifted away.
    but the clouds are clearing up
        and i've come reveling, burning incandescently,
                                              like a bastard on the burning sea.

YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER,
BURIED DEEP UNDER THE WATER.

There was something about the sea, that the Roux's could connect to so naturally. Perhaps it was Njord, or Aegir, themselves that'd chosen them. Goldie's title was not directly connected to the waters, but the thunderous clouds that traversed over them, used them for leverage. It was her papa, who truly was a minor God of the ocean, and in turn, they've found life, death, and chains to the waters in ways that could not be shared quite the same with any other. When she'd lost her memories before, when she'd died and been given life, it had been through the ocean, through the Gods that sewed her together, and in turn the fates that would cut her down. She'd emerged from the sea just as her sons, and their grandfather remained bound to it still today, not that she was aware of any of this. To her knowledge, voices had rang out, just before she was meant to be pulled under, telling her that she is Goldenluxury Roux, and that it was not yet her time. That they would help her, if she were to only listen. Well, it's been almost a month, and she has done little else but attempt her best to listen.

Still, she would offer nods as the other explained himself, responded to her own comments. She had one question, for all of her children, that she'd been tempted to ask in the midst of all of this, but she ultimately decided not to each time. It seemed that the answer would come to her as each interacted with her as they saw fit. Was she a good mother? Perhaps. It was clear, at least, that she'd tried her best, and that she loved them unconditionally, and that she still would. "Sounds painful," she'd state at first, obviously, though her tone is sympathetic. "I've not tried t' use these...not since 've woken up, at least. It's too risky for now." She'd continue, gesturing to her own wings, shifting as she spoke of them. If she were to get a headache, her head got overwhelmed, or anything else that could go wrong, it would be an immediate danger to herself and others. It was for this reason she couldn't try to swim or sail yet either.

She pauses for a few moments now, unsure of what exactly to say. She didn't want to keep things quiet, didn't want to force the other to do all of the work in the conversation, and she certainly didn't want him to go. No, she was desperate, desperate to be around the ones she'd raised, desperate for that interaction, something to split the times spent staring at the wall, feeling inadequate. This was something she needed to do right. Her features almost turn downwards, a frown almost presenting itself, before she catches it, looking back to the other, clearing her throat. She decided, she would be frank. Cut right to the chase. "Sorry if it's inappropriate, but I'd like t' know m' sons more...I don' wanna bring pain, every time you see me. I'd like t' know what you're interested in, what you like, everythin'. Would you tell me?"