waiting on me to find myself ☆ introduction

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LAEGLIN NIAZAI LINGRÉ

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[div style="background-color:#BG COLOR;width:90%; overflow: stretch;text-align: justify; font-size: 8pt;"] Paws dragging through sand and snow, body heat melting shimmering snowflakes falling upon pelt. Gaze on the boardwalk far above, his legs leaving a broad trail behind himself. His contraption had been left behind on the boardwalk, his eyes barely open as he shuffled along. Scent giving him away with the obvious markings, he carried his meager mouthful of bitter greens alongside the pole., getting it down as h let his front legs stretch forward to lay upon the sheltered shore. Eyes sliding closed, he yawned as he settled under the fur stretched across his back. Slipping into the world between being awake and asleep, he found himself immersed in memories.

He remembered the looks and expressions worn, those who returned from the fight with the bandits and … those who didn’t. Taking a deep shaking breath, he pushed memories of the white lion from his mind, his friendly tone and gestures, carrying him when he needed the aid, even saving him from a pit of sand swallowing him up. Pressing his paws to his eyes, he grieved and cried in isolation, his heart aching with the memories of his loses. The sight of his sister’s soul so far ahead, disappearing as the rocks and dirt came crushing down on him. He had thought that would have been the end, where he would have been able to join them, join the family he had lost. How wrong he had been, his father having been the one to dig him out. The hours spent in his nest, unable to move … the hopeless frustration of s body that didn’t work the way it was supposed to, the embarrassment of his body betraying him, the shame of being looked after. How he wished that these memories would leave him alone, yet he knew that he needed to accept them, to stop letting them haunt him. Mindless of his surroundings, he drifted in the silent grief, knowing that eventually someone would come looking for him, or he would return before they searched for him.

After the battle, he had decided to stay in the Palm Glades, with the blessings of the group. He had nothing left to go home to, only a father growing more and more lost, a father who was sick and weak, a father who was as broken as he was. Perhaps he felt some shame – for running away like that, for staying here, reluctant to go home. He could have been a warrior … he could have helped his family drive the bandits out if that spying mission hadn’t gone wrong. Veris and Clover would still be alive if it had succeeded. He wouldn’t be here, wallowing in guilt and shame. Taking a shuddering breath, he looked at the herbs not too far from himself, bleary teal eyes watery with tears. He owed it to those who died, to survive, right? Surviving meant eating those horrible things.

tired brain but have a sad boy//
-

[W]isker

[rhosmari]

He knew what it felt like. The burden of guilt laying like a large slab of iron against his chest day in and day out. He tried to reason with it and the others had told him many words of encouragement that tried to get him to understand. But he just felt like he shouldn't have ran. He should have stayed and fought to save his mother's life instead of of running. He knew that she had told him too but her death had cut him deep. Deeper than anything had in his life, she was all he had. It was almost crippling but Medusa said she had sacrificed herself so he could live. Each day was becoming bearable as they passed and he was attempting to fit into this place. Now, he was a Gladiator and though he hardly knew what that meant he found jobs to do. He explored the area...he tried.

He slept less though and there were many reasons for that. The boardwalk was a calm place at times. Helping him to avoid tbe many reminders of his past. Where he came to get his medicine for wounds that were still healing from when he had washed ashore. That was when he saw it and his glowing figure paused there to look at the other, he almost felt the other's pain and hesitantly he walked closer. The young adult wanted to help but he wasn't sure how and the last time he tried to help a stranger they snapped at him. The hybrid sighed and wrapped his elegantly finned tail around himself before he stepped a bit closer. "Hey...is everything alright? Um, I'm Sorbet a Gladiator here. Not too sure what that means but I'm here to try and help if you need it."

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How, how much to light up my star again and rewire all my thoughts? Oh baby, won't you remind me what I am? And break, break my little cold heart. I'm living someone else's life. Suppressing who I was inside. I don't know if I can be alone again. I don't know if I can sleep alone again.

%u2014 Sorbet Monroe Roux

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LAEGLIN NIAZAI LINGRÉ

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[div style="background-color:#BG COLOR;width:90%; overflow: stretch;text-align: justify; font-size: 8pt;"] Gaze lifting from the weak greens within paws reach at the sound of a voice, his eyes finding the other standing close by. Dim surprise flitting across his gaze, the young male took a breath and released it, putting on a weak smile as he attempted to shift his broken body to be able to face Sorbet. Through cracked scaled lips, he would speak, “Hello Sorbet. My name is Laeglin, I ah … I've been here for a while, I just haven’t had much to contribute. A Gladiator? Wow. Lucky, although I'm not too sure what it means myself. You’d try and help me?”, he responded, keeping the pain from his voice. He shouldn’t be so jealous that another felt that they might have a place to belong. His hurting heart shouldn’t be cause to lash out at others who were nice and kind to him.

The feeling of a breeze on his face caused him to settle into his thick fur, gaze catching on his own back and legs with a look of resentment before exhaling heavily. Returning his drifting mind, he chuckled softly, “I’m afraid that the only thing that could help me is a chance to have closure with those I’ve lost and left behind. That, and regaining my health, but the last one is a feat not even the most skilled doctor can fix, and that much I know too well.”, he spoke softly. Returning his gaze to the male in front of him, “I apologize that you had to find me here like such, Sorbet. Normally, well, normally I’d be out of sight and minding my own business but the weather was nice today. I wanted to reminisce a little, you could say. The snow is nice right now, calming if anything.”, he murmured as he lifted a paw to the sky, catching a snowflake on the back of his paw. Ears flicking, the draconic serval would gently blow it away with a push of breath, “What’s brought you out this way?”, maybe he had been alone too long, making friends with others was far more tempting than just sitting in the dark with grief as his only companion. How alike they were, he had no clue but yet, he wished to try and make a friend in some way.
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[W]isker

[RHINESTONE.]

RHINESTONESTAR ❝ RHINE ❞ LEGATE
"TALKING" || "TELEPATHY"

The silence from Alithís Evgenis had grown to become deafening, as of late. At one point, the two groups had been as thick as thieves, and Rhinestone had been glad for that fact. He had been glad to work alongside Bai Shi, especially when it came to issues such as the bandits, or the Glades needing a new source of prey for a while. However, things had eventually begun to slow as of late, until eventually news of the other group had grown to a complete halt. The legate had begun to assume that the worst had happened, sending out smaller patrols to find any traces of the other group, and perhaps supply some aid. However, they had all come up empty handed. The patrols would end up meeting one or two members of Alithís, yes, but they were usually scattered and exhausted, tears welling in their eyes at the mere mention of their old home. Rhine wasn't sure that Palm would ever truly know what had happened, but he had known that he needed to say something. So, he had. He had let everyone know of the other group's disappearance, and then had told them to fully welcome any former members of the other group into the fold. Thankfully, it seemed as though his words had been heeded.

He had heard talk of Laeglin arriving onto the boardwalk very recently, and naturally, he had been intrigued. Not only because he had enjoyed the other's company during their brief talks in the past, but also because the other might be able to shed some light on what had happened. Of course, Rhinestone wouldn't force the other into speaking if he didn't want to, especially since he knew just how painful dealing with loss could be. It was because of this that he decided to just be casual and supportive as he approached where Laeglin and Sorbet were talking, his steps quick and light as he came to a seat nearby. His smile was slightly tired as he directed it towards Laeglin, able to see clearly just how impossibly sad the other's weak smile actually was. His words were no better, speaking of closure with the dead and miraculous healing for his injuries. It all made sense, but it still made the tom's heart ache, and made him want to pull the other close. To keep himself in place, Rhine dug his claws lightly into the ground, voice thick with emotion as he greeted, "...Laeglin. Hello. It has been quite a while since anyone here in the Glades has seen you. Still, it's nice. You look even healthier than last time." Truthfully, the legate was sure that Laeglin would never consider himself healthy, taking into account the state that he had been put into, but he was still better off than a lot of others. He was alive, and that should've counted for a lot, at least in the leader's opinion.

tags + roleplayed by stilly + the palm glades

[Grimm]

[div style="margin: auto; background-image: linear-gradient(to top left, #7e7488 50%, #5c5c79 50%); max-width: 475px; height: auto; padding: 2%; border: 1px #1d1d1d solid;"][div style="margin: auto; background-color: #1d1d1d; max-width: 475px; color: #fefefe; padding: 5%; min-height: 20px; border: 2px #1d1d1d solid; font-family: verdana; font-size: 9pt; text-align: justify; line-height: 17px;"]Too numerous the titles hung about fragile concept, understanding derived from words imparting meaning upon that which may not be held in such poor confinements. Fate some deem it, the hand cradling the dice, destiny others, strings set into frame and tended by hand bearing the scissors. Equal the measure, the give and take permanent, balanced even as want paints such as unnaturally cruel. And possibly it is, yet how might they, those of such fickle and simple minds, judge that they may understand only by breaking it and making it their own with trivial names and meanings.

Loss.

Easier the hold, pieces taken in wake, the hollow understood for how ragged edges may be defined. He knew it, if abstract and dark his own brush, heart full, yet adorned with hairline cracks. Memories held, treasured as both comfort and sorrow, his taken, too young then. May he deem himself worse for such, carry such aching hole pressed into the shadow of his heart and know not its cause, or may he be better, the crevice filled for no evidence may be found.

Basic his understanding of what had occurred, further striped back from even the meagre information gathered by those permitted travel beyond, thus confused had he been at the utterance of welcome. Home their own they held, what need may they have of another. Far pushed such thought, mind further occupied by pursuits his own, smoke in the wind until voices arose. Beneath the ceaseless clamour of the waves dying against the restless brine with a thunderous crash lost the words, enough their presence to pique interest at the least. Trajectory shifted, destination close and thus from his course Foam did not truly wander, confusion arising as momentum briefly stalled.

Face known, though poor the memory through which he waded, lips shifting, upward curl that paired well with sprightly step. Dimmed his optimism as distance closed, caught breath in throat closing, a tight grasp that choked, lips parting about gritted teeth. Harsh the removal, paws dragging at eyes and cheeks, aching as banishment of brimming tears was completed. Misunderstood still what allowed such transfer, brief those snippets, morphed his own disposition into that of other, invasive presence he may not escape. Shakey the final steps, tongue pressed against the roof of his mouth, jaw shifting as teeth ground together. No words he may offer, between vision turning, yet always back it drawn, Laeglin caught beneath gentle scrutiny.

"Don't you get lonely…" Hushed words fell from barely moving lips, slight the cant of head as the query hung. Far his own share of solitude, though enforced had it been, the notion of choosing such forgein.

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LAEGLIN NIAZAI LINGRÉ

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[div style="background-color:#BG COLOR;width:90%; overflow: stretch;text-align: justify; font-size: 8pt;"] gaze falling to others approaching, voices bringing his mind to the conversation at hand. orbs flickering to rhinestone, reading age beyond his years and exhaustion, his lip trembled. he knew that look. that look could make him go mad. inhaling a suddenly shaken breath, the tom drew his paws closer to himself, belly wet with the snow beneath him. ears flicking, he tried to find the words to speak, to avoid rushing to conclusions but by the gods, the look on the leader's face, it had him worried, more worried than he had the right to be. closing his eyes for a moment to isolate his train-wreck of a mind, he shuddered, "rhinestone ... i'm sorry that i hadn't come to camp directly.", he spoke quietly, feeling the guilt wrack up once again inside his throat.

oh what a joke, to call him healthy. they all knew that recovery from such an injury was far from realistic, he just had to ... get used to this new reality, or the farce that he was living. shaking his head in sarcastic mirth, he bit his tongue from the harsh responses ready to fall from his tongue. when had he become so angry, so violent against the world? was it watching his friends and family leave him behind? was it watching his father spiral into madness, helpless to stop them or aid them in some way. tears clustering in his throat, the tom turned his face away from those who came to gather, claws sinking into the ground as if it could open a place for him to fall into, shame and guilt burning hot beneath his pelt. mustering what breath and goodwill he had in him, he did his best to answer, "it's ... nice to see all of you too. the silence has been deafening.", he murmured in faint grief.

gentle the voice of youth, his attention called to foamkit, the other tom quiet and lingering further back from others. his question weighed heavy on the elder male's mind, his words worming their way into the depths of his brain. don't you get lonely?, the question in itself enough to set off the nerves that realized his claws were digging into the ground too hard, gripping stones that were too rough and sharp against him and the frayed nerves displayed from ragged use of his claws. stifling his light gasp of pain, he retracted his paws, pushing them into a pile of snow, praying the burning pain to leave him alone, returning his mind to the question. exhaling lightly, he mustered a stronger smile, it was not his business to shelter the other or to expose him to the cruel truths of the world, the other was not so young as to not understand the feeling of loneliness. hesitating for a moment more, he considered his true feelings on the matter, "i do get lonely, yes, but there are times that the feeling is better than to surround myself with others. there are things that make being lonely better, and things that make it worse, but it takes a lot to talk about those things, and i don't have that courage yet.", he would finally respond, gaze dark with sorrow of being the sole survivor. he missed his family and friends, he missed the bonds he shared with those around him.  -

[W]isker