[OOC: ]

And where was he this time? Spiraling? No. His eyes were closed and this time, death did not grant him sweet sweet amnesia. He remembered everything. The failure he was to his people, that savage he let into his home. The betrayal and the pain. He was torn apart alive, he remembered the agony. Much worse and much more brutal than anything Aurum could have ever delivered. It was traumatic, so sudden and so so so brutal.

Still, his eyes were closed. Still as day he wished he never woke up. Never forced to give life a try again and again. Once was enough, but this second time? This third time? He wanted it to be over. It was exhausting, how bad was he at everything that he couldn't even die? Kydobi opened his eyes, staring at the dirt below him. He was not buried this time... There probably wasn't even anything left to bury. Little Aine... his son... the children.. he failed them all.

The weight in his heart was not the only heavy thing, after laying there for a couple hours the man would move his his leg only to see it far too short and a paw far too fluffy. Eyes narrowed, something was wrong. This was not the lean and built limb he knew it to be, the one he worked to carve from childhood. This body.. he raised his neck to look was too soft.

No. no. no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no!


This couldn't be happening, this wasn't his body? This child's body? Much to his dismay as he got up he was clumsy. His paws felt too big and his tail too heavy and his head was a looming weight. He should just know how to move, but something was clicking between his mind and his body. Muscle memory didn't work if it was a new set of them. God.

What about the powers he worked so hard to master?

He tried to phase in and out, become intangible but it only flickered for less than a moment before he was visible. No. His heart was thundering and he became quite aware. Is that me? The drumming rhythm was very loud... so was everything else. Suddenly all the noises became too much, his ears began ringing and he couldn't concentrate. In his attempt to inhale and calm himself he smelled things far too much and it was just overwhelming. Shutting his eyes he was cover his ears and slam his face into the dirt.

He would have to start all over again.

This was hell.


****************

It had taken a long while but one thing was for sure, he couldn't go back to the Pitt. There wasn't any point, and while he justified his reasoning for being that he couldn't be of much help. However the guilt seeping into his fur told another story. Deep down, even if he lied to himself, he knew he was too scared to go back. Too ashamed to face his failure. Fearful of Silentgrave. He didn't want to relive Aine crying because he had die. He didn't want to go back and try again.

The cycle was terrifying. When he died again... would he come back? Would he be forced to live life? Even if the events that occurred were to differ it all felt like a hopeless limbo at this point. His whole life- well his whole past two lives were spent trying to do what he felt other's thought was right. Trying to make sure everyone was happy and safe. Always trying to prove he wasn't a bad guy. Fighting every damn day to do what was just.

Well the man was tired.

And he couldn't even say he never asked for the throne. He had desired leadership from the beginning. To rule was in his blood. The jaguar couldn't even deny the ambition in his heart, even if dormant there was always a subtle end goal. That was why he didn't reject Goldie's offer.

Of course, his final chance to prove to himself, his parents, to everyone ended in utter failure. There was no noble cause like his first death, he was slaughtered like a cow and probably forgotten. Only remembered as a sob story... if anyone even knew.

And if they didn't? There was something in just simply disappearing that he liked. Starting over... no he didn't want to start anything. He just simply was to be. To exist. There no longer was a cause other than survival. Even then should death prevent itself he would like to think he would jump in its cold arms. But then he would have to start again.

Despite his spiraling mind, he did have to come up with a plan. Even if his mind was the same, its connection to his body or this younger version of himself was not. There was something different and he was oh so weak. To be slaughtered again in this youthful time was not ideal but very very real and likely possible if he didn't find a group soon.

Which was why he was here, slowly traveling among the twisting and winding confusion of branches. If he was in his old body he would've simply scaled the trees with ease, but he had to climb trees the old fashioned way and this baby body did not comply. Even trotting had proven a little difficult and running was a short lived endeavor. Creeping around? His round belly brushed the floor. It was perhaps one of the most frustrating things he had ever experienced. The idea of having to reteach himself and discipline his body all over again... it took years to carve it into that perfection it was.

There definitely was a group nearby and all he could do was hope they were kind enough to take him in.

[OOC: ]

It was quite frightening to realize that he heard the tiger coming but he didn't really hear him. Among all the other noises he couldn't quite decipher the footsteps. Thankfully he did see him. The world already seemed much larger than he recalled but to have this grown brute looming above him, he became ever aware of how exposed he was. How could he strategize a way to safely navigate without his powers or his size? If he couldn't even rely on his basic senses to protect him he could only hope he could defend himself. Anyone could tell what the outcome could be. Any moment he spent briefly denying his current size disappeared as he had to look up. Kydobi was forced to accept the truth. When they referred to him as "kid" he was offended.

He wasn't a kid and he wasn't lost. Kydobi did everything with purpose, and if he was he was confidently so. Eyebrows pulled down and his lip pulled up in irritation, "I'm not a ki-". This voice was not his, it did not match the deep masculine one in his head. The voice of his old body. Even though they couldn't tell the brute was embarassed. He quieted down..

Yet another larger feline would stride up, a fellow jaguar. Despite them calling him a child he was pleased to be in the company of his own kind.

Did he lose his parents? A brief detail he had forgotten emerged, he had been planning to go check on his home kingdom. To leave for however long it took to go see them... He failed that too. Never even got the chance to leave the Pitt. His ears pinned back as he looked to the floor, it was easier to hold his head down that stare up at the two. He only gave himself a moment to mourn before he started trying to decide what to do. Was there any point in explaining?

If they know who I am they might hate me just because of where I am from. It wasn't out of the question and he had no clue for how long he had been gone. For all he knew this Palm Clan was just another adversary of the Pitt. Kydobi did not want to start again. He didn't want to exist. But in order to not exist he had to become someone else to these people.

"I don't have parents and I am far from lost. I've come to join your clan.", he said confidently as he looked in both their eyes. He needed protection till he grew back to his former glory and if everyone here was of the same grandeur as these two then he should be okay. As long as they thought of him as a helpless kid.