DEAR FRIEND as you know,  your flowers are withering
your mother's gone insane, your leaves have drifted away.
but the clouds are clearing up
and i've come reveling, burning incandescently,
like a bastard on the burning sea.

To find a collapsed girl, exhausted golden pelt, was not such an uncommon sight in the Typhoon two years ago. That was the only sleep she'd receive, when her body gave out. It was an accepted truth to not disturb her, simply make sure she'd not injured herself in such a process. And it would take several months to truly break the habit, change the schedule she'd come to endure. It took a year and the arrival of children before one would see the female actually get some proper sleep, regularly. The worst of it all had been over for a long time, the only hints of a return being after Sam's passing. The golden girl had taken on a more healthy lifestyle, and she'd had to, for the sake of her crewmates, and for the sake of her family. She no longer lived in such a fear of sleep. Goldenluxury Roux wasn't afraid of anything. That's what interacting with her would come to make you believe, at least.

But, truthfully, the female has only ever had one real, genuine fear. No - perhaps two. But the second she'd claimed to have grown out of by now. The first, however, was perhaps even stronger now. Nonetheless, she has come to accept her disdain towards sleep and its necessity in life. So it wasn't a thought at all that one may find the tigress collapsed in public, unless she were to be injured. Especially these past few weeks, with her decision to be more laidback, take in the peaceful state of things at the moment. She'd no desire to change them, after all. There was no changes to be made to peace. And that's why it was alright for her to step into the tavern this afternoon. No plans to get drunk; it took a lot to get her to such a state in the first place, only to enjoy a light buzz, chat with her crewmates. She was feeling good about the work she'd done lately; plenty of fish caught, fruit picked, herbs gathered, and she was still enjoying the new addition of her tattoo. And so, she allows the leisure, walking along the tables, counter, and finally to the more living room space in the tavern, taking seat on a couch.

Amongst talking, there was a certain sleepiness coming over her. It usually wouldn't be so hard to fight off, but she may have drank a little more than she meant to, and the past few days she'd been trying to be more productive around the territory. Perhaps her body was simply worn out without realizing it until just then. Eventually, she simply slips from consciousness, without really realizing it. And, like she'd known sleep to be, despite its need to happen, it was a mistake.

Water surrounds her. The middle of the ocean she begins, first afloat above the waves. The sun was shining in a clear sky, and she swam in place, looking about. She feels that she could see a familiar figure in the distance, but she can't tell. Before she can try to investigate closer, she's pulled under.

And down her body goes.

She's buried, deep, deep, deep. And face to face, now, is a feline the captain has not seen in two years, neck slit open, eyes glazed, body branded with a snake, dropped as a gift to her at the gate. Perhaps neglectful, leaving her young brother and herself to themselves for weeks until Goldenluxury had infiltrated the life of her papa. Perhaps cruel, in a sense. But she could not bring herself to hold any anger, resentment, as her brother had. She could only be left to wonder, wonder why she'd gone, how she'd felt, and if she now blames her daughter for her death as Goldie does to herself when thinking of the situation. A mother stolen and killed in place of her murderous daughter, on the run, Stryker's former pet. But never could it be resolved. She was dead, left upon the gate to a crippled girl, memories stolen, mind compromised and brainwashed. And Goldie had known she likely would never get her chance to ask.

But still, here Guru was. They shared their cold, green eyes, their intense gaze. Her papa had always remarked how he loved her eyes, compared to his own icy, slit ones. And they were surrounded by the dark waters, but the temptation was too powerful to ignore.

Noises muffle, she watches as the female's mouth opens and closes - she's saying something. Something. But she can't hear past the water. The tigress stares for a few moments, frown present on her mouth. Please, say something, she pleads, begs. Please, say anything at all. Yell, scream, cry to her. Goldie would take any of it. It would be a relief to hear any of it. Closure was a rarity, however, and the truth was, it's hard to prove any of this was real. And she could only watch as her mama spoke out, no words exiting, only bubbles and blood. Her paw reaches out in its desperation. The tigress opens her own mouth, she tries to say it, I'm sorry for what I did. But it doesn't go through.

Why did you go away? And still, in muffles in falls. And she stares now, eyebrows knit together as she waits.

And finally, something breaks through.

You weren't enough, comes her voice. And that was all.

It's been two years, and the guilt still festers, and the questions still linger.

And that was all.

Her eyes shoot open now, wide and staring out in front of her. The female is still within the tavern, sitting on one of its couches as she had been when she'd dozed off. Her mind buzzes, she's breathing, heavy. And she stares out in front of her, where a caracal floated in front, staring back with those intense eyes they'd shared. The captain's panicked breaths is all she can let out, frozen in space. She opens her mouth wider, slowly, trying to muster something, anything, and all she can come up with is a weak "I'm ss-sorry..." desperate and pathetic. And quietly she stares, unable to say any more.

*IMPORTANT NOTE: guru is unintentionally being projected with goldie's mental manipulation and may appear in your character's vision too if you choose to have the power affect them

also tldr goldie fell asleep in the tavern, had a nightmare about her dead mother, and awoke with a vision of her projecting through her mental manipulation. can affect your character, up to you.

DEAR FRIEND as you know,  your flowers are withering
your mother's gone insane, your leaves have drifted away.
but the clouds are clearing up
and i've come reveling, burning incandescently,
like a bastard on the burning sea.

One she'd once called a friend had told her, just after it'd all happened, that the female's ghost lingered. That he could see it, he could hear her. But, he'd lied about what she thought, what she said. Her ghost, however, still followed. And perhaps that, in part, was why Goldenluxury felt how she did. Perhaps there was a feeling attached to her very presence that Goldie did not realize before. She couldn't say she was sorry anymore - it would be pointless to say sorry, for something she could not change, for something that, in the end, was not entirely her doing. Something that her young mind had not been able to foresee, her young mind had not even been able to recall until it was far too late, that her young eyes had to stare at, to smell. And the snake branding still sat within her slit pupils, slithering, writhing, evading her just long enough for her to lose grasp. But still, she made note, still she tried. The least she could do, she'd thought at the time, was live. Now, she's not so sure what she could give to make it right. She doesn't think she can give anything.

Perhaps if she pleaded, the Gods would hear her begging, grant her a wish to do the only thing she believes would set things right: give Guru a second chance at living. But, if they'd not cared to touch upon the subject before, they likely would not listen now. She isn't even so certain that's what her mama wanted. She has no idea what she would want. But, she wishes she could.

And there was no time to wallow in self pity. Though, the feeling, for now, still paralyzes her. Roan's voice reaches out, tells her to look at him, that it wasn't real. But, if he, too, could see her, surely it was real. Beck had not lied about the female's ghost following her. "How can you say -" she breathes out, her gaze now breaking to look at Roan, though the overwhelming guilt in her gaze does not falter, "- that's not real? You see her, too." She whispers desperately, gesturing to the feline. It was true - he saw her too. That meant it was real. They would not share such a vision. It would be too coincidental; Roan knew nothing of her mama, had never seen her. Very little that were still around had.

But it shatters as Aphra walks up, questioning their sights. She falls silent, looking to the white feline for a moment, teeth grit. Then her eyes go slowly back towards Guru, and there she remains still. "M' mama's ghost..." she answers softly. The female would need to listen carefully to hear. "Don't you see?"

And for once, the captain knew not what to do.