//for the cdc prompt: cemetery

For a while, Feza had grown used to the nightmares that plagued her at night. They tormented, taunted, and mocked her. They raked against the shaky foundation that allowed for her to smile day in, day out, no matter what came across her path. She forced herself to be joyous so other's could be. It was no surprise. She was the self appointed party thrower of Tanglewood. Every time she emerged from her home, chaotic events ensued. She strove to make everyone happy so that she, too, could make her happiness genuine. All the energy spent in the day left her exhausted at night. She didn't fight her nightmares. She couldn't. Her nightmares were always one and the same. Being mocked and taunted and tormented over and over again. It wore on her. She did her best to hide it. Feza's excitable energy could only go so far. It could only last so long before she broke down. It had happened once before. The surprise of it happening again would not be grand.

Today was not that day. Today was the day where her nightmares took a different turn. When she stepped out into the cemetery that always resulted in her being slain, that crystalized lion was not there. Feza was less unnerved by such a thing than she probably should have been. She sat down and heaved a sigh of relief. Finally. Finally there was no claws sinking into her pink fluff, and her eyes being pried from her head, to die over and over again and again. It had been exhausting. Perhaps her punishment for failing the cardboard boxes had finally come to a close? She deeply wished such was the case. Her interest was raised by finally being able to look around the cemetery that surrounded the mansion. She trekked around, not able to read the names. Reading in a dream was impossible. It simply was a thing that could not be done. One of the graves, though, seemed to be open. Her paws kneaded at the edge. How strange. Then she felt a shove, and her face slammed first into the dirt. Her paws pushed her up into a stand. Feza's back was smacked into by dirt. Her wing raised to protect her face from the shower of soil. There the lion was, snarling at her, throwing dirt into the hole. Feza tried to flap her wings to flee, but she couldn't. It was similar to not being able to run in a dream, she couldn't get out. "Stop it, stop it, stop it stop it stop it!"

She awoke with a sharp gasp, breathing heavy. Her chest hurt, and she flung herself from her makeshift bed. Feza's paws rubbed against her head to banish the feeling of dirt coming and coating her eyes. Her hard breathing form hunkered down, shaking and trembling furiously. "Dirt is evil," Feza said when she finally caught her breath. "Filthy and dirty and, and, hah, and," she stammered. Yet she had plans for today. She had been planning to go and get some food herself for once. She barely hunted considering how absolutely terrible at the task she was. Her skills were party throwing and party throwing alone. That was the one thing that she believed she excelled at, and she tried not to grow otherwise. She wasn't about to let that deter her, though. Feza swiftly set to work to come up with something that would prove efficient to get around- at least until her faith in her wings and the ground beneath her was restored.

Feza came hobbling out of her home with a bag that was far too big for her body slung around her shoulders. Within it was melted plates of jellybeans. The vibrant feline set them out, using them as if they were stepping stones to cross a torrent river. A grin was on her face - they were freshly hardened, and not super sticky. The feline grabbed a tile, set it down, bounded forward, and then set another. She, again, was not cleaning up her mess. It was slow and tedious due to Feza's small size. She was only going a tail length at a time, and leaving all the jellybean tiles behind her. Feza hopped all the way back to her home, coming out with even more of the absurd, sticky tiles. Hunting this way was likely going to be a nightmare of it's own right: not that Feza truly was thinking of such a thing at that point in time.

The snow leopard curled in on herself when she noticed Wormwood approaching. She was having another post nightmare day - she didn't think she could be blamed for being worried about a lion striding over when it was only in her previous dream where one had tried to bury her alive. She swore that she could still feel the dirt showering into her fur, covering her, blocking away the light and starving her lungs of air. The snow leopard was hoping that he would just walk on by and not question what she was doing. He came over anyways. She could feel the annoyance coming off of him in waves. Her ears lowered and expression fell, but she set down another plate and hopped onto it a moment later. Feza took in a deep breath, firming her voice to hide it's shaky state. "I'm not trying to cover the territory, Wormwood. Some people are allergic. I think." Her blue eyes squinted. Was being allergic to jellybeans a possibility? Even if they were heated and purified of all the nasty germs? She wasn't sure. Allergies were a loss on her, they were not something that the vibrant feline grasped. Feza wasn't even sure if she had any, and in truth she deeply hoped that such was the reality. Allergies would stop her festivities, and she couldn't stop for them.

"They're not abused, they're heated. And I... I'm.." Feza trailed off. She didn't have a reason for what she was doing other than the truth. Her feet nervously shifted her weight to the side and then the other. "You see, they're for the.. the.." What excuse did she have? Her expression grew frantic. What sort of festivity could she create out of the jellybean plates? Feza absolutely hated lying, but she wasn't about to admit to her nightmares. There had to be something! There had to be something festive about jellybean plates. "They're for eating! Yes! That's what they're for!" Feza loudly declared. No. That didn't sound right either. "Wait, no, no, they're not for eating, they're all dirty now." Her ears had raised during her delcaration, and her expressions swiftly fell once again. What reason did she have? Did she even need to lie, a part of her questioned. Would the other even care? She doubted it. If anything, the snow leopard assumed that he would merely mock her for such a thing. Silly little weak and pathetic Feza, not able to take a stand against a dream of all things. The cardboard boxes surely would be disappointed in her.

Her tail sweeped behind her, and released a heavy exhale. "Look. I'm not..doing anything festive with these. I..I just don't trust the ground to not cave in right now or my wings to save me if it does. Okay? I was gonna go hunt. Pull my weight or whatever. Maybe some feathers for necklaces." For a moment, Feza's sporadic thoughts burst through. They always did, always coming up with something absurd in the midst of her rambles. "I just don't want to touch the ground is all. And they.. smell nice and would make people happy." The snow leopard wanted to smack herself. Dang it! That would have been the perfect excuse to use. Her expression and gaze lowered, kneading the plate she stood on with her paws once again. She'd said it though. It didn't feel relieving in the slightest, to say her worries. It was not festive nor was it joyful, and it didn't belong in her mentality. Feza couldn't just shove it to the side, which only worsened her pathetic expression. A sniffle sounded, her feathered wings pulled tight to her sides. It aided the downcast countenance that she portrayed, of how her previous joyful demeanor was ever so swiftly extinguished when she admitted to the fault. Feza didn't want to. She fought it with parties, sporadic thoughts, a never ending quest to make everyone happy and smile around her. This was cracking at that mentality, saying it aloud, and it showed.

"You can't even let me have this, can you," Feza muttered. Her tone broke away from the shaky and false attempt at delight. It had already dissipated when she had admitted to her true reasoning behind setting up all these jellybean plates. It gave way to some sort of near emotionless tone, a broken one, one that did not sound like the voice that Feza always used. Her voice was always light, delighted, a source of neverending joy and delight. It cracked and shattered as the plates would under stress. She shook, tensing, wings folding in on herself as if they would hide her if they touched her ribs. "They are sugary treats, and they smell nice, and they will make everyone happy." Feza repeated. Her voice shook, a sob breaking into her words, making her blue eyes squint shut. For a moment she had wanted to ask who Red was. She had only met the gorilla once to her knowledge, and he hadn't given his name. He had asked if her kazoo class was a joke, to which Feza had heartily answered that it was not. Her solid and undying joy had been present then. It was giving out now, it was breaking and unraveling and her face scrunched up as if it would somehow keep it all in.

Her ears raised upon hearing Crowley's words. The jellybeans wouldn't protect her from falling, and her attempt to hunt this way wouldn't work. It tore at her further, that even her attempts to keep her own self from falling into despair were a complete and utter failure. She couldn't even help the group be happy, nor could she hunt for them. "You don't know that, you haven't tried, I'll be the first to try and I'll- I'll," There her resolve gave way. Her mind was failing to supply her an alternative other than the truth. She sputtered and felt the tears in her eyes swell up and her head lowered as if it would keep her from crying. Gravity could easily pull on her tears when she was positioned in such a way. Feza shook horrifically, as if it would free her of the outrageous amount of fur that the snow leopard possessed, as if the shaking would free her from the pain that was clawing at her lungs and throat.

Her tail curled around one of her ankles, as if that would somehow comfort her. "You don't really care about what changed. You just, you just, just want me to curl up and die, don't you? You're waiting for that, aren't you? The day where I can't take this anymore and rot away in my home?!" Her voice was shaking and stammering, breaking apart the facade of ever present joy. It was pain filled, broken, distorted, tired, fearful, nearing the opposite of what Feza always presented of herself. She let her claws dig into the plate that she was standing on. "You're waiting for when you can catch me alone and kill me, aren't you? You can't lie to me! I know it! I've dreamt it night after night! You're, you're, you're waiting for me to be alone so you can kill me and get rid of me! It's happened before! I, I know it will happen again!" Feza's broken voice raised into a scream. Her ears lowered, the tears freely able to come from her eyes.

"I'm tired of having nightmares every single night about a lion killing me every night! I'm tired of having my, my wings ripped off, being impaled, my eyes ripped from my skull, my tail severed, impaled, bleeding, beheaded, ripped apart, and dying over and over again! You would do that to me, wouldn't you? Yes you would. You're just like her, you'd kill me because I'm just trying to make people happy." The snow leopard's chest heaved, as if she was about to vomit. She was vomiting up words, only words, which only made her chest tighten more to finally be saying it all. "I've never been buried and suffocated in my nightmares until last night. You'd do that if there weren't other's around. I know it. It's happened too many times for that to not be the case. You're trying to convince me otherwise so you can bury and suffocate me. Because you hate me and want me to die. I don't know a lot of things, but I know that. You sigh every time you come around! If you don't like what I'm doing, then, then, then just don't come! But instead, instead, instead," she sputtered and trailed off, her blue eyes squinting shut. More tears, more breaking, more tearing at her lungs and heart and a sudden realization that if such was true, she shouldn't be saying this at all. What if that was what would trigger the nightmares to become a reality? What if her admitting was only blowing the cover? It wasn't the most bizarre idea that had ever presented itself in Feza's mind.

She wasn't looking up anymore. Instead, the snow leopard was curled in on herself yet still standing as if she would be able to ease the aching in her chest - or perhaps disappear entirely from sight. Her vibrant colors refused to allow such a thing. "It's sickening to every night live out a life that I know I've had once. I don't know where it was, or when. It's so sickeningly similar. Someone of the same position of me wants me dead. Just because I want to make everyone happy. You'll kill me too." Feza's voice quieted, only worsening how terribly her voice shook. "How many times do I have to die in my sleep before my punishment is done? How long do I have to put up with this before it happens in the waking world? Or until the cardboard boxes say that my punishment is complete? What have, what have I done to invoke their anger?! I've done everything to make everyone happy and, and," The vibrant feline's paws raised, covering her head and her lowered ears. She shook furiously, sobbing, crying, her wings sticking away from her sides. Terrified summarized her posture, terrified and broken down.