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+---- Thread: you give love a bad name / open (/showthread.php?tid=9840)
you give love a bad name / open - Hope Arcanium - 07-06-2019
After the encounter with Ada at the border, Playerone did not know how to feel. Or rather, how to describe the feeling of someone repeatedly saying how much they loved you only to disappear for weeks to months at a time and play you and your heart like a fiddle, all the while you let them do so because you truly do love and care for them. You wonder if they feel the same as you do. When it wears you down to the point you feel trapped in some fucked up game the other created, wondering if their reasons for leaving were honestly the truth. Basically, the feeling of being left in the dark. The feeling of wanting to just drink the pain away. The feeling of unease and danger at every turn. The unwanted return of memories stored in the subconscious coming to the surface to play out their fucked up little games.
Play was sick of it all, but still, like a beat and lost puppy, she kept coming back to her. Still kept coming back despite the beatings she took emotionally in the process just to stay with her. Call her stubborn and stupid to keep trying, but her and Ada had a long history of this, a long history of becoming separated due to missions and such and being on the opposing side much to their dismay.
The world of bioterrorism was a harsh one- with Play being on the side of the war fighting against it and Ada... well, she had her own thing going for her. It was cruel, so cruel to see the things done by those possessing biological weapons. Player had both seen the effects and had been a victim as well. Play had been forced to join an organization of anti-bioterrorism due to them watching her fight her way through an infected colony she had called home, being one of the few survivors of it. In order to protect the few left, she had joined them.
With training she had become one of their best assets and to this day, still remained with them. She made tight friends along the way, even losing some in their battles together, wearing down on her heart slowly like poison. Who’s to say that love wasn’t some sort of sick poison all in itself? The thought sent the alabaster hybrid into a downward spiral.
Playerone would slink into the privacy of her home, leaving the door open a crack as she pulled out a bottle of wine, and with telekinesis, poured herself over half a glass of it before mixing it with vodka. Odd, but she wanted to lose herself for a moment in the quiet of her own home, to forget momentarily about what had recently happened. To forget the old memories that threatened to rise up and trigger her PTSD. To try and live in the here-and-now.
The scent of the alcohol was likely to draw attention as Play slowly began to drink it, the warmth flowing down her esophagus and finally stopping at the pit of her stomach. She would take care not to go past her limit or get blindly drunk. With the feeling of being under attack at any minute she still wanted to be as useful as possible.
“How could I have been so stupid!?” Her voice interrupted the silence sharply, her tone irritated and fed up. Lashing her tail, she finished the glass quickly, as she felt it wasn’t hitting her hard or fast enough. Everything was flooding back in a tidal wave that she was unable to control, and she slumped down in the corner, pouring another glass and placing it to the side.
“I can’t keep dealing with this anymore! I hate this!” A mix between sobbing and growling in aggression could be heard as she voiced her emotions aloud, forgetting the slightly open door.
“I’m done. I’m done. I keep sacrificing myself for her and everyone else and I can’t keep doing it all the time! I can’t! I can’t...” Player wished someone- anyone kind enough to lend an ear, would hear her cries for help and run to her aid, but her depression made it hard to believe anyone would care.
She fell slowly to the ground, covering her head with her paws.
Re: you give love a bad name / open - | KILLUA ZOLDYCK | - 07-08-2019
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[shadow=darkblue,right]KILLUA[/shadow]
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Coping mechanisms varied between each individual. Killua probably has seen each and every type of coping with all the different faces he ended up meeting during his journeys. From those hurting themselves to drinking, to drugs, and then to actual healthy coping mechanisms. Everyone had them, as it was impossible to not have them in a world where it was considered to be fairly cruel for the majority. This did not mean that he judged those that did have unhealthy coping mechanisms. He wasn't perfect either, and he wasn't entirely sure what could be considered his coping mechanism. Inflicting pain on himself wouldn't work as he wouldn't feel such pain unless he started to break his bones. He couldn't do that since it would stunt the training that he had been working on recently and needed to continue doing. He couldn't drink alcohol, because alcohol did not have the same effect on him as it did other animals. His body filtered it almost like that of poison, and having been tortured by poisons at a younger age his body simply would filter it out. Killua only ever had alcohol once, and he had to say that he hated the taste of the substance and would much rather deal with something sweeter at the end of the day. The same went for drugs, as drugs didn't have adverse effects to him, at least he would think it would work similarly to the poisons that he had ingested. Killua had never tried any drug before and would prefer not to because drugs could easily shape his personality and mental attitude at the time. He didn't want to resort to clouding his mind when he constantly needed to be on alert for his family and any other dangers to those that he cared about. Killua's coping mechanism usually ended up with physical exhaustion as he wouldn't let himself sleep and grow extremely exhausted. At a young age, he was forced to function several days without sleep, and he was well beyond this threshold. He wouldn't let himself sleep fully, and instead would take a couple minute naps where he had the time. He had all the time in the world in a place of peace, but he felt like he was slowly running out of time.
The albino serval also did not eat as much as he should. Several times he was thankful for his thick fur hiding any sign of malnutrition on his body. Most of the time anyone in Elysium or even Snowbound only ever really saw him eating candy and nothing else. He didn't have the best diet in the world, but it wasn't killing him and he could function just fine without as much meat in his diet. He hated the taste of it anyway and preferred to eat food that was mostly prepared by humans. Killua never talked to others about his problems or fears, and if he did it meant that he had no other choice to ask for help. He never wanted anyone to get mixed up with the family drama he was constantly dealing with, but sometimes that wasn't his choice to make as others stood by his side ready to defend him despite that. Killua had no idea who Ada was, other than that the Pittian member knew one of the Elysium members. The jaguars visit made little to no sense to Killua as the jaguar seemed to just come to Elysium to deliver a warning. This made the assassin think that the Pitt was planning something, and if they were he planned on stopping them in their tracks and killing them before they had a chance to do anything. He would easily kill in order to defend those that he cared about, no questions asked. Killua made sure to memorize the jaguar's appearance in case she ever appeared again. She had been given a warning, and if she was to return again, then she wouldn't be given a second chance to appease to the group and would be regarded with hostility from the serval. Having slaughtered dragons before in his current form, dealing with a jaguar would be an easy kill. He killed jaguars before, and he was fairly certain the last time he did was in Snowbound, a kill that he for once regretted. Killua did not live in a place that was designated as the camp for Elysium. He never lived in the camp when he lived in Snowbound either and instead opted to live by himself. This would protect those that lived in the clan from himself and also allowed him some form of privacy as well. Despite being here for a couple of months now he didn't exactly trust those around to be near him, at least not entirely.
The only times Killua was in camp was checking to make sure his friends were okay, and if there was anything interesting going on. He never came for food or to have regular social interactions with others. He wasn't the most social in the clan, and he probably would never be in this case. This time around, he had been looking for Stark, his father figure not having reared his head in a while now. He flicked his large white ears as he adjusted Koru around his neck. The albino black mamba was enjoying the newfound warmth of the season, while Killua hated it. A sigh escaped his jaws as he began to walk toward the exit of the camp when he heard a somewhat familiar voice. He didn't even know the domestic cat's name, as he had never seen her before in his life. The sound of shouting caught his attention, and to make sure that there was nothing seriously wrong, he began to make his way toward that direction. His pawsteps were silent and no scent could be detected from his body. As he neared, the smell of alcohol hit his senses, causing his nose to wrinkle in partial disgust to the smell. Well, he could deduce what was happening. Keeping to the wall of the home, he cautiously peered into the room where he spotted the domestic cat that he saw earlier today. He spotted several bottles of alcohol on the floor, and couldn't help but roll his sapphire blue eyes. Killua had never been perfect when it came to comforting those that were in distress. This was one of those situations, as he wasn't entirely sure what he should be doing. His mind told him that he should just walk away and continue with the rest of the day. A sigh escaped his jaws as he used one of his white paws to slowly push the door open a little bit. He didn't dare enter the house, and instead just stood outside of it. "Uhhhh... you okay in here?" Killua questioned in somewhat of an awkward tone. Obviously, she wasn't okay, but if she told him to go away he wouldn't hesitate to leave and let her finish drinking the rest of the alcohol that she had.
The albino serval also did not eat as much as he should. Several times he was thankful for his thick fur hiding any sign of malnutrition on his body. Most of the time anyone in Elysium or even Snowbound only ever really saw him eating candy and nothing else. He didn't have the best diet in the world, but it wasn't killing him and he could function just fine without as much meat in his diet. He hated the taste of it anyway and preferred to eat food that was mostly prepared by humans. Killua never talked to others about his problems or fears, and if he did it meant that he had no other choice to ask for help. He never wanted anyone to get mixed up with the family drama he was constantly dealing with, but sometimes that wasn't his choice to make as others stood by his side ready to defend him despite that. Killua had no idea who Ada was, other than that the Pittian member knew one of the Elysium members. The jaguars visit made little to no sense to Killua as the jaguar seemed to just come to Elysium to deliver a warning. This made the assassin think that the Pitt was planning something, and if they were he planned on stopping them in their tracks and killing them before they had a chance to do anything. He would easily kill in order to defend those that he cared about, no questions asked. Killua made sure to memorize the jaguar's appearance in case she ever appeared again. She had been given a warning, and if she was to return again, then she wouldn't be given a second chance to appease to the group and would be regarded with hostility from the serval. Having slaughtered dragons before in his current form, dealing with a jaguar would be an easy kill. He killed jaguars before, and he was fairly certain the last time he did was in Snowbound, a kill that he for once regretted. Killua did not live in a place that was designated as the camp for Elysium. He never lived in the camp when he lived in Snowbound either and instead opted to live by himself. This would protect those that lived in the clan from himself and also allowed him some form of privacy as well. Despite being here for a couple of months now he didn't exactly trust those around to be near him, at least not entirely.
The only times Killua was in camp was checking to make sure his friends were okay, and if there was anything interesting going on. He never came for food or to have regular social interactions with others. He wasn't the most social in the clan, and he probably would never be in this case. This time around, he had been looking for Stark, his father figure not having reared his head in a while now. He flicked his large white ears as he adjusted Koru around his neck. The albino black mamba was enjoying the newfound warmth of the season, while Killua hated it. A sigh escaped his jaws as he began to walk toward the exit of the camp when he heard a somewhat familiar voice. He didn't even know the domestic cat's name, as he had never seen her before in his life. The sound of shouting caught his attention, and to make sure that there was nothing seriously wrong, he began to make his way toward that direction. His pawsteps were silent and no scent could be detected from his body. As he neared, the smell of alcohol hit his senses, causing his nose to wrinkle in partial disgust to the smell. Well, he could deduce what was happening. Keeping to the wall of the home, he cautiously peered into the room where he spotted the domestic cat that he saw earlier today. He spotted several bottles of alcohol on the floor, and couldn't help but roll his sapphire blue eyes. Killua had never been perfect when it came to comforting those that were in distress. This was one of those situations, as he wasn't entirely sure what he should be doing. His mind told him that he should just walk away and continue with the rest of the day. A sigh escaped his jaws as he used one of his white paws to slowly push the door open a little bit. He didn't dare enter the house, and instead just stood outside of it. "Uhhhh... you okay in here?" Killua questioned in somewhat of an awkward tone. Obviously, she wasn't okay, but if she told him to go away he wouldn't hesitate to leave and let her finish drinking the rest of the alcohol that she had.
elysium -- apprentice -- male -- 10 moons
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Tags | Updated 05/13/19:
Re: you give love a bad name / open - london r. - 07-20-2019
Although London had never been in love before, she knew heartbreak like a dear friend. One she hoped no one would ever have to deal with. She could still feel the phantom pain of having lost her entire family way before it was their time to go; to see another filled with the same ache from loss and betrayal was awful. But what was she to do? London had yet to meet Play, so the albino clouded leopard had no idea how she could possibly make her feel any better, especially without knowing the kind of situation the other was in.
Was it better leave her alone, or offer some kind words of encouragement? If it were London, she wasn't sure if she would be particularly fond of a stranger offering their two cents to a private issue. Although then again, London would also not wallow in alcohol. But since Killua was there, offering support, she figured she might as well join him. Standing next to her friend somehow made her feel a little more confident. It made her want to stop being an ignorant bystander and instead become a concerned clanmate. "Hey, sounds like you've had it rough. If there's anything I can do to help, I'd love to." the girl offered sympathetically, her voice carrying a British accent.
Was it better leave her alone, or offer some kind words of encouragement? If it were London, she wasn't sure if she would be particularly fond of a stranger offering their two cents to a private issue. Although then again, London would also not wallow in alcohol. But since Killua was there, offering support, she figured she might as well join him. Standing next to her friend somehow made her feel a little more confident. It made her want to stop being an ignorant bystander and instead become a concerned clanmate. "Hey, sounds like you've had it rough. If there's anything I can do to help, I'd love to." the girl offered sympathetically, her voice carrying a British accent.
London