CLARENCE ASTON

" i bear little resemblance to the king i once was "

DATE February 5
TIME Night
LOCATION Mountain, just outside camp
PURPOSE Thomas' death

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I didn't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I feel like I never do. I needed to get away, though, earlier today. I didn't know where I was going and I suppose that's a good analogy for my current situation. This was the day that'd brought everything to an end. The death of a friend. Accusations of witchcraft. Blackmail into the Navy. All of it from this one day. I can't be sure how much time has passed since that day exactly, but the calendars all read the same way. February fifth. Thomas' death.

My chest was tightening as I ran off, away from camp, away from anyone who might catch me. My entire body felt like it'd explode. My heart beat against the bars of it's cage and my head was sunk deep in icy waters that didn't exist. It was too much. It is too much. I'm supposed to be strong. A pillar of the community. A foundation for his mother and sister to stand upon. If anyone was up to the task, it was Clarence Aston. Those were the sorts of things everyone always said. But they also said things like, odd how he hasn't even courted a woman yet. Strange how he's approached by them but never seems taken by them in the slightest. Why haven't his sister and mother come out in a few days? The demons caught them, maybe. Poor man, all locked up in that house. They said so many things.Not a day goes by that I am not plagued by the things they said.

But today had to be the worst of it. I can still imagine Thomas falling through the ice, slipping through the cracks one last time. Not after he'd pulled some incredible heist, not after an upscale pub tossed him out, but through cracks in the ice. Good riddance, should have caught him sooner. Not sure why that Aston boy seems to care so much. Maybe he was with him. The way that family is, couldn't put any treachery past those three. It is too much.

It was so overwhelming, all those thoughts and all the pain and all of everything that I just ran until I couldn't anymore. I didn't even know where I was on the mountain or how far I'd gone as I tried desperately to suck in the gasps and tears that wanted to escape. I couldn't cry. It wasn't becoming. And what would I say if someone saw me? No, I would just gasp and wheeze in pain and pray that no one noticed. Vale would be the only one who understood these icy waters anyway. She would be the only one that understood why they wrapped around my legs and threatened to pull me under, even when I stood on solid ground. I couldn't explain this to anyone else. They didn't know Thomas. They didn't know the history. I am sure that no one else would ever understand.