He never liked the idea of being scared. Of letting ideas or dangerous thoughts slowly worm inside his head, drilling through his skull to bury themselves in his brain. He knew why fear was important, why it was important to cling to the fears you had despite the hunger need to lose them and push past them. They were needed for survival, for one to be able to look at themselves and realize that they were capable of living through whatever was holding them back. But Pincher had been deprived of that belief, that it was good to have fears even if they sunk you into a state of paralyzed defeat. But death was different. It was seen as deadly or beautiful, dangerous or accepting. What does he feel when his deep gaze fluttered to lock onto the calendar that was placed on the wall beside his bed. One more month. He felt every second slip away and Pincher remembered the feeling of dread he now held inside of him. It had been the same emotion that boiled within him when he had lived alongside his father and uncle.

---

"Fath-Archer? Boss? M...may I...may I come in?"
"No."
"But-but, I wanted..wanted to-"
"Pincher, do you not understand the damn meaning of no?"

---

Not everyone had wonderful childhoods and Pincher was just another victim of a heartless family, one that had created pillars of fear and power to raise themselves higher than everyone. To the young naive version of Pincher, he didn't see it as right. He believed everyone deserved equality, to be seen with the same respect his father had for his uncle and not the look of somber disappointed when he noticed Pincher struggling to keep up with the other trainees of the gang he led. He remembered it all, the glares and glances that were molded to represent the shame his father had for him. No wonder he had slept around. No wonder he had desired a stronger descendant of his bloodline, one that would hold the same unfulfilled ambition that burned inside all Rouxes except Pincher. Or so Pincher had believed. He had been humble and pleased with a simple life, one of him enjoying a warm day at the beach with not a single worry or concern in his life, to allow himself to relax. That was until he lost Kaiser.

---

"Please I can explain everything...it's not his fault, it's-"
"It's always been your fault, Pincher. Do you not get that?"
"I-I..I do. Kaiser didn't...he didn't...."
"PINCHER. I SAID LEAVE."

---

The slam of a door in his face. The cold wind of the force hitting his tear stained face and causing him to flinch. The disgusted look of his father, the expression finally replaced from the shame but it didn't make him feel any better. He closed his eyes and lowered himself to the cold wooden floor of the Tempest, trembling and trying to ignore the eyes of his crewmates that were locked onto him as soft shaky breaths escaped his aching lungs.

I'm so sorry, Kaiser.

His empty chest tightened and Pincher's head snapped up from laying on his paperwork, his scarred body tensing as he woke up, blinking furiously to let his eyesight adjust. Where was he? It took him a few minutes to gather himself, his jaws parted to release a low groan as he felt the odd tightness of his chest. Why...why did his chest fucking hurt? He glanced around at the empty submarine, wide glacier blue eyes fluttering to every inch to make sure nothing was wrong, nothing was out of place. Everything was okay. He straightened his slouched form, rolling his broad tattooed shoulders as the faint blue glow pulsed with the frantic beat of his locked heart. Did he have a nightmare? Was that it? He cleared his raw throat, a low ghostly frown beginning to form on his lips when he noticed that he had not finished his paperwork for the day. Fucking hell, he was an idiot. How could he let himself fall asleep when he had little to none time left?

Disgrace!

"S..Shit!" Pincher allowed the foul curse to bubble out of his lips as he suddenly stumbled out of his desk chair, suddenly feeling like his entire body was on fire as if he had finally arrived at his rightful spot in hell. He rushed to press himself against the cool metal surface of the submarine walls, ignoring the frigid touch that caused a few shivers to bounce down his spine as he closed his eyes, forcing himself to steady his breathing. His body didn't feel right, it felt like he was in a suddenly suffocating spot, as if he was buried under layers of dirt, miles away from everyone. It felt...it felt like he was back in the abyss he had woken up, the oozing darkness so expansive yet ready to cage him. His wide eyes glared at the ground as he counted. "One, two, three, four, fivesix, seven--". Seven.

Pathetic!

"S-STOP!" His pale claws unsheathed and he pressed them tightly to the ground to get a better grip as his body began to fold itself lower to the ground, eyes screwed shut and upper lip curled in a muted snarl. What was it? Why? Why? The hell was happening to him? He didn't know what was happening but all he felt was agony. There was a sun inside of him that desired to melt off his flesh and bones, to break out and rise to the moonlit sun and wreak havoc like it was doing so now. His jaws parted, the nauseating feeling beginning to overpower every muscle as he crouched lower to the floor, his ivory paws shaking as if he had the weight of the world on his marked shoulders. The voice. It was his father's. Taunting him. Where was he? Where was he? Was he back? Did he return? Fear. Pincher had feared his own father. He feared him than he feared Death. Because with death, there was a certainty. There was the idea that there would be an ending to a torturous moment, the body shutting down and going into rigor mortis. With his father, there was no room for a straight answer. There were twisted truths and deceitful lies.

Kaiser is alright.

"LIAR!" A sudden eruption of blue heated ribbons shot from his spine, the flames licking the air and clinging to whatever was flammable. His paper. His work. Pincher was paralyzed with the sickening realization that the flames that he had created were now devouring his work, gnawing at the edges without the idea of holding back. But instead of going forward to grab and save whatever could be salvaged, all he did was stare with glazed eyes. Work. That was all he had left wasn't it? A shell made out of words and orders for his crew, a leader with a pointed direction of what to do and believe in. But did he even do what he believed in? The belief of freedom, of being who you wanted to be? On doing what you dream of becoming? Was that even him? Or had it been...the crackle of the blue flames caused Pincher's conscious to sink back into reality as he noticed that the sapphire blazes were increasing and overtaking his desk, all the ideas and thoughts he had noted down on multiple little sticky notes. He watched as the colored sticky notes become black with the consumption from the flames and he forced himself to rise to his standing position, a look of apathetic emptiness gracing his sharp facial features.

"You're a fraud, Pincher."

He told himself that as he calmly stepped away from the rising flames, his figure slowly shuffling away from the desk and head towards the entrance. He was no freedom fighter. No. That had been Kaiser. The encouraging brave soul that Pincher had admired...and loved. But loved too much that Kaiser's dreams were burned out like a tiny dying flame, eaten by the darkness that his father held and the same darkness that Pincher had buried deep within his core. All along...was it Kaiser who Pincher sought in everyone? Freedom? His throat tightened at the self-made accusation, his figure halting behind his door as he simply stared at the wooden door. Same wood that came from the door that had been slammed on him in the Tempest, the Captain's Quarters. His father's quarters. He was tempted to look back. To see what his idea of Kaiser's paradise wanted to become. But Pincher didn't have all the time in the world to create that. He knew that there was little time left, the sand grains of the time he had were trickling away with each passing day and he could feel the roaring of the ocean inside of him demanding to return to its paradise. Never Pincher's paradise...never his dreams. He was just a puppet for everyone around to control, to persuade and use. But it was fine. It was his duty in life.

---

"I love you, Pincher."
"I love you...Kaiser."

---

He remembered the secure mint colored eyes of the other male flash with warmth and patience, one that Pincher had sought so hungrily for himself. He remembered the light crooked smile that Kaiser flashed before his father had stepped in and pushed him out of his Quarters, the fear that he had felt in realizing that once again, his decisions always impacted others. He didn't want to hurt anyone he loved. He didn't want to taint their hearts with his cursed ability to hurt everyone he cared and cherished. That was why he knew his dreams didn't matter, that his purpose was nothing but to be an echo for those he had loved, for the dreams that were left unspoken to the world. He was a messenger. He stepped out and was met with a frigid gust of wind from the night air, misty sea salt water striking his face, so similar to the gust of wind from his father's door. But there was something different to it. He was opening a door, not closing it.

---

"You care too much, Pincher."
"Is....Is that bad?"
"No...not at all, my love."

---

He didn't remember collapsing to the ground. He didn't remember how long he was out. The shrieking of seagulls slowly sharpened as his consciousness was forced to wake up by a sharp jab of pain on his skull and Pincher let out a low hiss as he forced his electric blue eyes to flutter open and be met by the bright tropical sun. It was morning. He was on the floor in front of his submarine, the door open and heavy thick clouds of ash smoke heaving out like exhausted lungs. He blinked, facial features smooth without a wrinkle of shock or horror because he may not remember anything after opening the door but he remembered every detail, every fabric of thought that had sewn itself into his soul. He had remembered his first love. He remembered Kaiser. He remembered it was his birthday.

Happy birthday, my love.

SUMMARY:
Pincher woke up to feeling like crap and remembering a repressed memory he had of someone and it caused his fire elemental power to awaken and the inside of his submarine is burning. He left but passed out in front of the submarine and woke up to realize he remembered Kaiser (his first love) because today is Kaiser's birthday. Just a little drabble about Pinch's past that I wanted to develop as it's a big part of him to realize he may not be achieving his dreams but he is representing the dreams of his loved ones that he has lost and not the dreams of his father so this is more of a positive development for him than a bad one. (:

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