[shadow=darkblue,right]KILLUA[/shadow]

Feelings were never supposed to be reveal. Feelings were a sign of weakness in a time that they weren't needed to be shown. Feelings were just a distraction from the current mission at hand. Killua knew that most of the emotions that he felt were primarily destructive in the smallest means of the term. He was violent, and now those around him probably realized that too. The wildcat ever had a reason to try and talk about his feelings when he was younger. His family had trained to keep his mouth shut so that others wouldn't know when he was in pain and when he was actually feeling it. Showing pain to those that would probably get off on it wasn't the best idea. The assassin had known this at an early age where knives and other weapons were plunged into his body and had only stopped once he stopped screaming in from the pain of it all. The tortures were slow and painful in the very beginning, and he had wondered if dying would have been a better option for him instead of dealing with the gut retching pain that he was always going through. Killua had been taught pretty quickly to stuff his own emotions down his own throat. That the only emotion that he should feel was satisfaction when he killed those that were his targets. Nothing else, and he was also allowed to feel what it was like to have bloodlust going through as always. The assassin didn't have the need for feelings because he was only a tool. He always had been. Which was why when someone usually pissed him off, he slowly started to grow emotionless instead of wearing a face of rage. The wildcat had no reason to give them the satisfaction of showing him angry, as he would refuse to show something like that to the likes of an enemy. Thanks to the way he had been raised, this meant that Killua usually kept all of his emotions bottled up inside of him. Killua had no one that he was willing to talk to in any of Snowbound out of the simple factor that he didn't trust anyone. He knew exactly how they would react if he told them the truth. There would be no sympathy. They would look at him with fear and disgust for the things that he had done, the amount of animals that he had killed in the past. It didn't matter, he had already seen how the way clanners would react to someone that had been a killer before joining their group. They would never trust anyone again, and Killua couldn't afford that as he was actually starting to like this place after having almost been here for a month now. Killua had no one to vent to when it came to the voices that were constantly in his head or the urges that he thought he had snuffed out a long time ago. He felt guilty and disgusted with himself for the creatures he had killed recently, but he had still played it off as an accident. The clans really gave him no choice after all and this wasn't any different.

The only one that Killua had talked to about the issues he was going through was Koru, the albino black mamba companion that was seen around with him occasionally. The snake wasn't capable of communicating back with him, and Killua was fine with that. He just needed something, anything to listen to what he was going through and that he had hit a dead end. He had no idea where he was going to go from here. His original plan had been to get stronger so that he could face his brother and be able to take him out if he came too close to him and the clan that he was living in. But after what had happened, he wasn't sure getting stronger would be a great idea as it would put everyone in Snowbound in jeopardy if he his brother somehow started to control him again. He couldn't let that happen. Not now. They didn't deserve to be killed. Killua hated being even remotely seen as weak, and constantly hide the pain and the emotions he felt with those around him. It was easy for him put on the facade that he had been wearing his entire life, letting other's see what they wanted to see instead of what was underneath the bloodstained exterior of who he really was. He was a killer, and there was no changing that in the past. He didn't want to kill anymore, but would anyone believe him if he said that? Of course not. They would call bullshit on him and try to frame him as someone that was a threat, which he was. In the sense, Snowbound had every reason to hate someone like him. And yet they didn't, as they continued to treat him like someone that belonged in a place like this. It was confusing, and would always be confusing. Killua had just recently met up with Stark again after the old man had decided to come live in a place like this. With a companion that he couldn't really care about because Stark was the only one that he knew longer than anyone else in the group right now. Except Amorette, but the robot had been busy with Ross and there was a hard time to be able to communicate with one another. The relationship that the albino serval and the tiger had was definitely an interesting one. They always flung threats at one another, Stark being from an anti-clan meant that he could usually take them as a joke when he meant them. Most of the jabs that Killua made toward other's were to be taken as a joke and not really seriously unless he wanted them to but there were plenty of methods to do that. The last thing Killua had expected was the larger male to up and grab him. Both of them had been in the nearby area when Jacob had given out the call. Which led to Killua and Stark talking to one another, and the tiger had figured out that something had obviously happened since his absence. The other had told him that they should go to the therapy session, and Killua answered that he was fine and that there was no need for him to go there.

The assassin had no need to try and talk about his feelings when he was just going to lie the entire time. Didn't seem like the old man was going to take no for an answer as the tiger's mouth fit easily around the back of his neck. It had nearly put Killua in a panic feeling teeth at the back of his neck, as he was never carried by anyone in his family by his scruff so it was an unnatural feeling. If he was desperate enough, he could risk injury and try to rip himself away from the bastard. But he could bleed to death if he wasn't careful, especially with it being so close to his neck. He could always teleport out of the other's grasp, but he would reveal his powers if he did something like that and he couldn't afford that with so many eyes that were probably on him right now. Killua's metal claws were swinging at open air as he was trying desperately wiggle out of the apex predator's jaws. "You bastard! Let me go!" Killua snarled angrily, obviously a threat in his tone. The other was lucky that he didn't end up opening his stitches while he was struggling against him. He didn't have the strength to be able to do much in this situation, which was a hinder with the small body that he currently had. The assassin noticed where they were going, and it only made him struggle even more. He didn't want to do this. He REALLY didn't want to do this. Finally, he was dropped down onto the ground and he had been close to leaping out of the way before he was jerked backward when his short tail was being stepped on. Meaning he basically face planted onto the cave floor, an annoyed hiss escaping his jaws as he looked over his bandaged shoulder to see that the other was stepping on his tail. It didn't hurt obviously, and he knew that Stark was making sure that it didn't. Killua shoots a deadly glare toward the former leader, and there were claw marks to where Killua had been dragged backward. "Easy for you to say you bag of bones." Killua growled, as the other probably realized how closed off Killua was to literally everyone that he interacted with. If he could have, he would have been lashing his tail out of annoyance. What other's couldn't see though was that Killua hadn't been eating or sleeping. Keeping to himself in his own personal cave. He hadn't had anything proper to eat in the span of three days now and hadn't slept for around five days. He was nearing his limit for how long he could go without sleep, but he was too afraid to sleep. At this point, his only option was for him to pass out from exhaustion once his body could no longer stay active for as long as it had been. He felt the nudge on his back, which only made Killua look back over to give the other a glare. "Bite me." Killua said through clenched teeth, obviously not having liked being dragged around like he was some sort of kitten. He could make his own decisions. If Killua had really wanted to get out of the situation, he could just simply stab Stark's paw and have the other move his paw out of the way because of the pain. If he did that though, it would make him look bad, so Killua just simply sat there, irritated out of his mind.

snowbound -- snowseeker -- male -- 8 moons