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Maybe there's a reason // open+return // to believe you'll be okay - jacob w.c. - 04-15-2018
Jacob could remember it all. He wished he could forget. He'd tried so hard, especially at night, when it was the worst. Once he had let himself fall into habits of drinking with Jerseyboy but that hadn't lasted for long. It frightened him too much to have his mind stolen from him, especially after all that'd happened. Tonight was like any other. He couldn't sleep. Even with the problems with Typhoon resolved and having made a friend there, it'd all dug up memories he didn't care to relive. He could still remember the anger in him. It'd burned worse than the fire that'd consumed his flesh and fur. He'd been furious and, though he knew he had a right to be, he hated the thoughts that'd come to him. That was why he ran. He knew now what he was capable of, or at least what his mind was capable of dreaming up, He was just glad the woman hadn't found that, that she'd only latched onto the fire. Since then, the smoke had come to him more frequently and in greater amounts but he was used to that by now. No, what was worse was what he saw before him. Being kidnapped had dragged up something worse than memories; the guilt that ate at him for being a coward.
Whether or not it was true, he blamed himself for all that'd happened. If he had paid more attention, he might have been able to predict the fire that took his flesh and took his Pa's life. If he hadn't been so proud and left the city sooner, his Ma would still be alive. Then there was the fact he couldn't even bear to tell his Babbo of all that'd happened. All he knew was that Jacob had moved due to his Pa and Ma's deaths. He didn't know of the bandages or his limp or the hallucinations and night terrors that plagued him. Then again, no one knew of the hallucinations. He knew Jersey must suspect the night terrors. They'd lived together for quite some time now and Jacob was sure his lack of sleep and the mumbling and sleep walking was obvious. He supposed his brother was able to dismiss it easily. After all Jacob had been through, such things were to be expected.
Tonight, though, the fire didn't plague him. No, instead he saw the man that he'd told to run. That he'd threatened, that he'd held on the ground and wanted to choke the life from. He hadn't done any of it and the thoughts terrified him but that didn't make it alright. At least his figure didn't speak. Sometimes the others would. His Pa and Ma would beg for help or cry that they loved him. His Babbo would hurl insults at him about running away rather than facing their enemies. His Babbo wasn't a cruel man, at least not to Jacob. He'd always been gentle and kind but the hallucinations brought out Jacob's deepest fears and he wouldn't be able to stand the way Vito was sure to look at him when he saw what he'd become. A coward, dashing from one place to the next in a desperate attempt to find sanctuary.
The fire burned around him and he hadn't been able to bring himself to go outside all day. He needed to move but the burning figure of his Pa stood at the entrance and he couldn't bring himself to face it, not after being captured, not after having his bandages and sweater torn from him. Those were the only things that brought him any peace. He'd seen the way she looked at him. She'd been disgusted. He knew he shouldn't base his value off what a woman who captured him thought but he'd seen the look on her face. How many people would look at him like that? The only one he could trust was Jersey, he was sure of it.
He couldn't do this. He couldn't just sit here and feel bad for himself. He couldn't let the fire consume him. Not anymore. He needed to make it go away. He let his eyes flicker to his Pa, who still stood at the entrance. He forced himself up and let his paws wrap around the guitar. He'd seen a song some time ago that he'd told Jersey he wanted to sing with him. Maybe he'd practice that so he could play it a little better the next time they decided to try it. So, he began to strum the chords. It wasn't meant to be preformed that way but this was all he had so it would do. As he closed his eyes and listened to the music, the roar and heat of the fire began to fade. It wasn't gone, it would never be, but it was more manageable with his eyes closed and a guitar under his paws. "We may not yet have reached out glory, but I will gladly join the fight and when our children tell our story, they'll tell the story of tonight..." he sang the words, soon replacing the words Jersey would need to sing with chords before he'd continue, "Well, let that lonely feeling wash away..."
Whether or not it was true, he blamed himself for all that'd happened. If he had paid more attention, he might have been able to predict the fire that took his flesh and took his Pa's life. If he hadn't been so proud and left the city sooner, his Ma would still be alive. Then there was the fact he couldn't even bear to tell his Babbo of all that'd happened. All he knew was that Jacob had moved due to his Pa and Ma's deaths. He didn't know of the bandages or his limp or the hallucinations and night terrors that plagued him. Then again, no one knew of the hallucinations. He knew Jersey must suspect the night terrors. They'd lived together for quite some time now and Jacob was sure his lack of sleep and the mumbling and sleep walking was obvious. He supposed his brother was able to dismiss it easily. After all Jacob had been through, such things were to be expected.
Tonight, though, the fire didn't plague him. No, instead he saw the man that he'd told to run. That he'd threatened, that he'd held on the ground and wanted to choke the life from. He hadn't done any of it and the thoughts terrified him but that didn't make it alright. At least his figure didn't speak. Sometimes the others would. His Pa and Ma would beg for help or cry that they loved him. His Babbo would hurl insults at him about running away rather than facing their enemies. His Babbo wasn't a cruel man, at least not to Jacob. He'd always been gentle and kind but the hallucinations brought out Jacob's deepest fears and he wouldn't be able to stand the way Vito was sure to look at him when he saw what he'd become. A coward, dashing from one place to the next in a desperate attempt to find sanctuary.
The fire burned around him and he hadn't been able to bring himself to go outside all day. He needed to move but the burning figure of his Pa stood at the entrance and he couldn't bring himself to face it, not after being captured, not after having his bandages and sweater torn from him. Those were the only things that brought him any peace. He'd seen the way she looked at him. She'd been disgusted. He knew he shouldn't base his value off what a woman who captured him thought but he'd seen the look on her face. How many people would look at him like that? The only one he could trust was Jersey, he was sure of it.
He couldn't do this. He couldn't just sit here and feel bad for himself. He couldn't let the fire consume him. Not anymore. He needed to make it go away. He let his eyes flicker to his Pa, who still stood at the entrance. He forced himself up and let his paws wrap around the guitar. He'd seen a song some time ago that he'd told Jersey he wanted to sing with him. Maybe he'd practice that so he could play it a little better the next time they decided to try it. So, he began to strum the chords. It wasn't meant to be preformed that way but this was all he had so it would do. As he closed his eyes and listened to the music, the roar and heat of the fire began to fade. It wasn't gone, it would never be, but it was more manageable with his eyes closed and a guitar under his paws. "We may not yet have reached out glory, but I will gladly join the fight and when our children tell our story, they'll tell the story of tonight..." he sang the words, soon replacing the words Jersey would need to sing with chords before he'd continue, "Well, let that lonely feeling wash away..."
★ though the scars remain and tears will never dry, i'll bless my homeland til i die ━
Re: Maybe there's a reason // open+return // to believe you'll be okay - melantha - 04-16-2018
[div style="max-width: 600px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 9pt;"]trauma. everyone has some in varying forms. some people, like jacob, are permanently scarred--mentally and physically--from theirs. other people barely even recognize their own. melantha is one of those people. the girl refuses to admit to herself that her fear of the water is born from the terror of being ripping away from all that she holds dear and spirited away to a harsh life in solitude. she thinks that because she survived this long relatively unscathed, that she does not deserve to feel upset by her present situation. mel is only lost. no one died. no limbs have been lost thus far. she can find her way back, eventually. compared to what has happened to other people, better people like jacob who do not deserve to suffer, melantha does not possess the right to be afraid of something or to wake up with tears in her eyes because the homesickness is almost unbearable. mel is not a good person. she has killed and stolen and lied and cheated to survive this long on her own. she will do it again if she has to, and she hates it. mel wants to be a good person. a good, loving person. but making it home is all that matters now. she will deny her pain to herself every single day because maker-forbid that she displays an ounce of weakness. because if she acknowledges it...she isn't sure she will be able to keep it together. melantha tells herself that she is not worthy--that she has yet to earn the right to feel traumatized by the events in her life. it's worked thus far. but for how long?
the creature is drawn closer towards camp at the sound of soft music being played. most nights, the young mountain lioness roams the snowy plains and dark forests to escape all the things inside her head which she adamentaly ignores. melantha is chagrin to relinquish control, so it is understandable that she is bothered by the fact that she struggles to control her emotions. wandering helps. as does working. the less time her mind has to be idle, the less time she has to think about the more unpleasant aspects of her existence. a love for the arts is one of the girl's best kept secrets. very few know this about her, save for her stella and her father. melantha cannot resist the urge to investigate--her paws move of their own accord. is that jacob? singing? melantha is intrigued, both by the singing and the healer's presence. she could have sworn that he went missing. when did he get back? due to her solitary nature, mel is behind on who got captured by who, but she is not so oblivious as to completely miss the boy's absence. she will never admit it, but she is glad to see him returned. "you have a pretty voice," deadpans melantha once jacob finishes. her expression does not convey it, but it is meant to be a compliment. she settled down a respectful distance away to listen earlier, and now regards him with her piercing green gaze. "did you write it? the song, i mean." where she comes from, everything is passed down orally; the songs are as old as the bloodline. but there are also those capable of creating their own. it's always intrigued her; hence, her curiosity.
the creature is drawn closer towards camp at the sound of soft music being played. most nights, the young mountain lioness roams the snowy plains and dark forests to escape all the things inside her head which she adamentaly ignores. melantha is chagrin to relinquish control, so it is understandable that she is bothered by the fact that she struggles to control her emotions. wandering helps. as does working. the less time her mind has to be idle, the less time she has to think about the more unpleasant aspects of her existence. a love for the arts is one of the girl's best kept secrets. very few know this about her, save for her stella and her father. melantha cannot resist the urge to investigate--her paws move of their own accord. is that jacob? singing? melantha is intrigued, both by the singing and the healer's presence. she could have sworn that he went missing. when did he get back? due to her solitary nature, mel is behind on who got captured by who, but she is not so oblivious as to completely miss the boy's absence. she will never admit it, but she is glad to see him returned. "you have a pretty voice," deadpans melantha once jacob finishes. her expression does not convey it, but it is meant to be a compliment. she settled down a respectful distance away to listen earlier, and now regards him with her piercing green gaze. "did you write it? the song, i mean." where she comes from, everything is passed down orally; the songs are as old as the bloodline. but there are also those capable of creating their own. it's always intrigued her; hence, her curiosity.
Re: Maybe there's a reason // open+return // to believe you'll be okay - | KILLUA ZOLDYCK | - 04-16-2018
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[shadow=darkblue,right]KILLUA[/shadow]
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Killua remembers vaguely those that he had tortured in the past. Those that he morally wounded in order so that they would get the picture to what they were getting themselves into and be quick to leak the information that he needed in order to complete the task that he was doing. Every time that he had tortured someone, he felt nothing in doing so. It was just a job, and he was a weapon, a tool that was being used for other's so that they could get whatever the hell they wanted. It didn't matter to him at the time because he was going to get paid and that was all there was to know. The assassin knew that the clans had tortured other's before, and even if their means of torture were quite weak, it just meant that most of them got some form of emotion out of torturing others. Whether it be revenge for someone that ended up getting hurt and they were taking their anger on someone that wasn't even remotely related to the issue or someone that had done the deed. He had seen it plenty of times before where they would usually go overboard, but in the end, they decided that killing someone in a torture probably wasn't the best idea and would deliver them. Which made no sense to him because, considering the clans that went this route, they already had sent a message with the way they would constantly fight against the clan so leaving a survivor wouldn't help their case. Some may say that Killua wasn't a savage in the regard that he didn't feel enjoyment when he tortured others. Not much could be said about the rest of his family though, as there was no telling how they would end up torturing someone. He never interrupted their torture session because it would have changed the atmosphere of the dungeon that the victim was in. He never did it in order to pay someone back for what they did, and he wasn't someone that got off on it like Guru did. Killua wasn't that sick in the head when it came to causing pain to others. Now, emotionally scarring someone was something that Killua wasn't afraid of taking part in, especially if someone ended up pissing him off. Usually, it would just take one glare to shut someone up if they were making him angry, but threatening their lives would also help shut them up because they didn't know what he was capable of. He had already proved himself to be quite dangerous after the corpses that had fallen on the border. If the situation presented himself though and he needed information, would he torture someone to get it?
Right now, probably. He wasn't killing someone, and he probably wouldn't give them fatal injuries as that would mean he would lose his lead. Instead, he would attack the most painful parts of the creature that he could find and go from there, and probably probe the inside of their head a little bit to gather memories that he could use against them. When had been the last time he had used his telepathy? He can't quite remember, maybe it had been when he was getting attacked by his brother and he had used it in a vain attempt to try and get away from him. Killua had been struggling with his temper recently, thanks to the lack of sleep that he had been having. It was almost a week since he had last slept, having been trained to go a week without any form of sleep. He was nearing his limit, but he was too afraid to go asleep. Like Jacob, he suffered from night terrors, but instead seeing fire and those around him that he cared about dying, it was usually his brother. The tiger usually bringing up those that he had simply interacted with and slaughtering them in front of him. Despite him being in the clans, he never wanted any harm to come to the clanners that he was living with no matter what sort of attitude he had toward them. None of them deserved to be killed by the likes of a Zoldyck, especially with the way that his brother killed others at the same time. His brother would always end up bringing the first friend that he had ever made while he was a kitten, which had been a husky puppy that hadn't really been given a name back then. He had found the pup while he was running around the mountain that the Zoldyck's owned, and found the other lost and confused. Killua took him in, but looking back he probably should have left the puppy to fend for itself. In the end, the pup would have probably died anyway, as he would constantly relive moments of him cutting the throat of his only friend that was several months ago. On top of that, he would be forced to watch the scene if he had refused to kill the dog himself, and his brother would have been forced to kill the canine. Watching the torture session over and over again. Or a recent nightmare that was plaguing him, was the eventual death of his adopted sister Amorette who was currently in a defenseless body. She was a robot, and there was only one way she could have gotten a body like that if her raincoat was just laying there. She probably died, and it was because he left her that she died. He should have been there for her. That's what family was for after all. The ivory-hued assassin had been staying in the cave that he considered to be his own. Completely separate from the rest of the camp. One that would ever randomly find the cave would notice that in one corner there were claw marks in the stone, in several different directions.
Killua usually lashed out at anything that was around him when it came to his frustration. Which came with the voice that whispered in his head all of the time when he even got remotely happy about something. It pissed him off, and he couldn't help but feel even more frustrated with the situation with the Typhoon. The deputy couldn't possibly look at them as allies after what they had done. He didn't care. If the place was willing to harbor someone like that in their ranks then they couldn't be trusted. Especially with the white canine that was there, he wasn't sure if he should trust her or not. Both of them had done terrible things, and on top of that she was willing to try and get the voice out of his damned head. Was that even possible? He didn't know. He was pissed off at the Typhoon basically, and the more violent side of him wanted to take out his frustration on Guru himself. The other had been cocky toward him, and he wanted so badly as soon as he started to speak to slit her throat. It would have been easy. It was always easy. Killua knew it would be a mistake to have so many creatures around to just simply end up attacking the female who didn't realize that she was outmatched. Killing was wrong, he knew that, but he had no one to vent his frustrations toward, and that usually resorted to him going back to his bad habits. There was no one around to stop him, and he wasn't willing to share his emotions with just anyone either. Indeed, he had killed two animals while Jacob was away, meaning that the healer may not know what the deputy had done, and he planned on keeping it that way. Although his injuries would be difficult to talk about and if there was anyone around that had been at the scene they would realize that he was lying. Why did his brother have to put him into such a terrible predicament? The healing serval flicked one of his large white ears as he walking through the snow heading toward the camp. His limbs almost seemed to drag as he walked, his eyes directed in a tired manner toward the ground. What he would give to have some peace for like a day. He wouldn't mind killing for some peace. As he neared camp, his ears were able to almost pick up a familiar sound in the distance. He had heard it once, and that had been when he was around Jersey when he was playing guitar and singing. Huh, was he playing again? Immediately becoming alert to his surroundings, the bandaged male began to make his way into the cave of the camp, and he was able to slightly recognize the voice that it did belong to. Jacob. Familiar scents filtered their way through his nasal cavity, picking up scents for both Melantha and Jacob. Interesting. He finally came across the two, noticing that Jacob had been the one playing guitar. Huh. Like brother he guessed. Killua sat himself a little bit of a distance away, before laying himself down, and a yawn parted his jaws. "So you can sing too huh? Pretty cool." Killua said in a tired tone as his sapphire blue eyes were looking toward the canine. Although he regarded the cougar with a simple glance before looking toward Jacob again. "Its uhh... good to have you back." Killua stated calmly this time. It was nice to have another creature that was positive and willing to deal with all the feeling stuff. When he wasn't around, Killua had to figure out how to be nice to others, which wasn't the easiest task to accomplish.
Right now, probably. He wasn't killing someone, and he probably wouldn't give them fatal injuries as that would mean he would lose his lead. Instead, he would attack the most painful parts of the creature that he could find and go from there, and probably probe the inside of their head a little bit to gather memories that he could use against them. When had been the last time he had used his telepathy? He can't quite remember, maybe it had been when he was getting attacked by his brother and he had used it in a vain attempt to try and get away from him. Killua had been struggling with his temper recently, thanks to the lack of sleep that he had been having. It was almost a week since he had last slept, having been trained to go a week without any form of sleep. He was nearing his limit, but he was too afraid to go asleep. Like Jacob, he suffered from night terrors, but instead seeing fire and those around him that he cared about dying, it was usually his brother. The tiger usually bringing up those that he had simply interacted with and slaughtering them in front of him. Despite him being in the clans, he never wanted any harm to come to the clanners that he was living with no matter what sort of attitude he had toward them. None of them deserved to be killed by the likes of a Zoldyck, especially with the way that his brother killed others at the same time. His brother would always end up bringing the first friend that he had ever made while he was a kitten, which had been a husky puppy that hadn't really been given a name back then. He had found the pup while he was running around the mountain that the Zoldyck's owned, and found the other lost and confused. Killua took him in, but looking back he probably should have left the puppy to fend for itself. In the end, the pup would have probably died anyway, as he would constantly relive moments of him cutting the throat of his only friend that was several months ago. On top of that, he would be forced to watch the scene if he had refused to kill the dog himself, and his brother would have been forced to kill the canine. Watching the torture session over and over again. Or a recent nightmare that was plaguing him, was the eventual death of his adopted sister Amorette who was currently in a defenseless body. She was a robot, and there was only one way she could have gotten a body like that if her raincoat was just laying there. She probably died, and it was because he left her that she died. He should have been there for her. That's what family was for after all. The ivory-hued assassin had been staying in the cave that he considered to be his own. Completely separate from the rest of the camp. One that would ever randomly find the cave would notice that in one corner there were claw marks in the stone, in several different directions.
Killua usually lashed out at anything that was around him when it came to his frustration. Which came with the voice that whispered in his head all of the time when he even got remotely happy about something. It pissed him off, and he couldn't help but feel even more frustrated with the situation with the Typhoon. The deputy couldn't possibly look at them as allies after what they had done. He didn't care. If the place was willing to harbor someone like that in their ranks then they couldn't be trusted. Especially with the white canine that was there, he wasn't sure if he should trust her or not. Both of them had done terrible things, and on top of that she was willing to try and get the voice out of his damned head. Was that even possible? He didn't know. He was pissed off at the Typhoon basically, and the more violent side of him wanted to take out his frustration on Guru himself. The other had been cocky toward him, and he wanted so badly as soon as he started to speak to slit her throat. It would have been easy. It was always easy. Killua knew it would be a mistake to have so many creatures around to just simply end up attacking the female who didn't realize that she was outmatched. Killing was wrong, he knew that, but he had no one to vent his frustrations toward, and that usually resorted to him going back to his bad habits. There was no one around to stop him, and he wasn't willing to share his emotions with just anyone either. Indeed, he had killed two animals while Jacob was away, meaning that the healer may not know what the deputy had done, and he planned on keeping it that way. Although his injuries would be difficult to talk about and if there was anyone around that had been at the scene they would realize that he was lying. Why did his brother have to put him into such a terrible predicament? The healing serval flicked one of his large white ears as he walking through the snow heading toward the camp. His limbs almost seemed to drag as he walked, his eyes directed in a tired manner toward the ground. What he would give to have some peace for like a day. He wouldn't mind killing for some peace. As he neared camp, his ears were able to almost pick up a familiar sound in the distance. He had heard it once, and that had been when he was around Jersey when he was playing guitar and singing. Huh, was he playing again? Immediately becoming alert to his surroundings, the bandaged male began to make his way into the cave of the camp, and he was able to slightly recognize the voice that it did belong to. Jacob. Familiar scents filtered their way through his nasal cavity, picking up scents for both Melantha and Jacob. Interesting. He finally came across the two, noticing that Jacob had been the one playing guitar. Huh. Like brother he guessed. Killua sat himself a little bit of a distance away, before laying himself down, and a yawn parted his jaws. "So you can sing too huh? Pretty cool." Killua said in a tired tone as his sapphire blue eyes were looking toward the canine. Although he regarded the cougar with a simple glance before looking toward Jacob again. "Its uhh... good to have you back." Killua stated calmly this time. It was nice to have another creature that was positive and willing to deal with all the feeling stuff. When he wasn't around, Killua had to figure out how to be nice to others, which wasn't the easiest task to accomplish.
snowbound -- snowseeker -- male -- 8 moons
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Tags | Updated 03/26/17:
Re: Maybe there's a reason // open+return // to believe you'll be okay - melantha - 04-17-2018
[div style="max-width: 600px; text-align: justify; font-family: arial; font-size: 9pt;"]wow. refraining from verbal greetings when handling strangers on the border is one thing, but in a domestic setting? melantha furrows her brow in annoyance. she did not miss the brief moment of eye-contact and the complete lack of anything that even resembled a greeting. "'hey mel,'" she mutters under her breath, dropping the pitch of her voice to mimic killua's monotone. "oh, hi, candy boy, good to see you." clearly the cougar is mocking killua, passive-aggressively pointing out the fact that he more or less ignored her. almost-friends don't do that. or maybe they do. melantha is not entirely sure what their relationship is, but some part of her wishes that he made an effort to acknowledge her. perhaps its the loneliness of her separation from home that's beginning to slip through the cracks of her emotionless mask. the girl craves any ounce of companionship that she can get, even if it's just people recognizing she's alive and in their presence. as much as she used to complain about never being able to get a moment of peace in her household, melantha certainly misses the hustle and bustle of her home life. she misses the arguments between her and alison, competing with dearlea for quality father-daughter time, and constantly having to rescue corbett from the world. and most of all she misses stella. her sweetest, most loving sister. they were inseparable. at least, they were inseparable until the universe tore them apart.
Re: Maybe there's a reason // open+return // to believe you'll be okay - jacob w.c. - 04-17-2018
Mel. Jacob could remember her from just before he left. She was a little weird but he liked her. She was just sort of awkward sometimes but that was alright. He was like that, too, especially on his bad days. He smiled towards the woman, finishing the song before looking up at her. "Oh, thanks. I really jus' do it ta' relax though. When I still lived in the city, Jersey n' I would play some shows n' stuff for extra money but it jus' calms me down when things get real bad, ya' know? I take herbs n' stuff too but when those don' work, this usually does, even if i's just for a li'l while. N', no, I didn'. I wish I could write stuff this good. 'S jus' one I found not too long ago. I thought it'd be nice ta' sing with Jersey sometime," he explained. He decided not to specifically mention his lack of sleep, the nightmares, or his hallucinations. Those would all be too concerning to put on a stranger. Then again, his thoughts drifted to Pincher. The man had seen him in his weakest, most helpless moments. Jacob had screamed in terror about things that weren't there, any conversations they had were only between episodes of panic. He told him everything. He wasn't sure why. Maybe because, even after it all, he stayed. When he saw him without his bandages, Pincher hadn't left. He hadn't left during the first episode he had, nor when he was shouting about things that weren't there or when he told him about his family. Not when Jacob shared his whole name or about what'd happened leading up to him coming to Snowbound or why it was so important he was a doctor now. The captain had stayed and listened to it all. He'd told him more than even Jersey knew. He certainly told him more than what his Babbo knew about. Yet there was never look of disgust or disappointment or anger. He'd just promised Jacob a safe place to stay for a few days and stayed by his side as often as he could. While he'd never forget the look of disgust Guru had given him when seeing him without his sweater and bandages, he'd also never forget the many kindnesses Pincher had lavished upon him.
Then Killua arrived and his attention was forced to the serval. "Thank you. 'S good ta' be back. It sounds like things were pretty crazy while I was gone," he answered. He hadn't gotten all the details yet but he'd heard rumors of murder. He wasn't sure what it was all about but he'd decided he'd tackle the problems in a few days. He wasn't sure if he could try that after all that'd happened. [color=#2954d0}"Killua, I wanted ta' apologize ta' you. I know why ya' didn' agree with me earlier n' I shouldn' ah' snapped at ya' or anythin' but after everythin' that happened while I was there... I... I jus' don' think I coulda' accepted that it'd all been just some kinda' scheme, ya' know? Besides, I like ta' believe in people, generally speakin', n' they seemed like a good bunch while I was there. I jus'... I wish I wouldn't ah' fought with ya' so much. I coulda' been nicer 'bout it n' 'm really sorry,"[/color] he stated, concern in his gaze. Killua was one of the few people in Snowbound Jacob had actually thought he'd be able to connect well with. In a lot of ways, he reminded him of the people that he used to live with. Even if that wasn't a good quality, it was familiar and therefore comforting in an odd way. His eyes moved back to Mel when he heard her voice and he quickly added, "Uh, I wasn' feelin' too good yesterday n' I made a buncha' cookies n' stuff if either of ya' want anythin'."
Then Killua arrived and his attention was forced to the serval. "Thank you. 'S good ta' be back. It sounds like things were pretty crazy while I was gone," he answered. He hadn't gotten all the details yet but he'd heard rumors of murder. He wasn't sure what it was all about but he'd decided he'd tackle the problems in a few days. He wasn't sure if he could try that after all that'd happened. [color=#2954d0}"Killua, I wanted ta' apologize ta' you. I know why ya' didn' agree with me earlier n' I shouldn' ah' snapped at ya' or anythin' but after everythin' that happened while I was there... I... I jus' don' think I coulda' accepted that it'd all been just some kinda' scheme, ya' know? Besides, I like ta' believe in people, generally speakin', n' they seemed like a good bunch while I was there. I jus'... I wish I wouldn't ah' fought with ya' so much. I coulda' been nicer 'bout it n' 'm really sorry,"[/color] he stated, concern in his gaze. Killua was one of the few people in Snowbound Jacob had actually thought he'd be able to connect well with. In a lot of ways, he reminded him of the people that he used to live with. Even if that wasn't a good quality, it was familiar and therefore comforting in an odd way. His eyes moved back to Mel when he heard her voice and he quickly added, "Uh, I wasn' feelin' too good yesterday n' I made a buncha' cookies n' stuff if either of ya' want anythin'."
★ though the scars remain and tears will never dry, i'll bless my homeland til i die ━
Re: Maybe there's a reason // open+return // to believe you'll be okay - | KILLUA ZOLDYCK | - 04-22-2018
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[shadow=darkblue,right]KILLUA[/shadow]
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Killua hadn't always been argumentive when it came to dealing with other's that he interacted with. When he was a kitten he didn't dare think about raising his voice to his parents at any time of the day. He knew that if he did he would just be punished like he always did. If he failed to meet their expectation he would then again be punished for what he had done. He had an image of his mind what the perfect son could possibly look like and he tried his best to match what his parents had wanted him to. Killua hadn't gotten accustomed to pain and he didn't want to feel any sort of pain either, as he would rather go through his life just studying the textbooks that they constantly gave him and nothing else. He was a good kid and would eat the food that was presented to him. Even if he didn't know if it was going to be poisoned as a practice that his family enjoyed doing when they ate together. Which was rare in itself but still. The wildcat would often sit around the table that the Zoldyck family had, which gave them a sense of sophistication. They were an incredibly rich family and usually got whatever the hell they wanted by simply stating their name alone as they were that famous around the area that they lived in. Killua would sit there and be presented with some type of food that the butlers had gotten out for them while they were hunting. There were a couple chances that poisoned substances had been injected into the body of the animal that he was about to eat and thinking that his family wouldn't trick him made him trust them a little bit too much. Killua would bite into the food without a second thought, and soon the wildcat would begin convulsing in pain as the poison was quick to spread through the rest of his body. The family almost didn't seem to react as Killua began to vomit up everything in his stomach onto the ground before. The young male had no idea what to do at that point, but he was gagging so much that he couldn't possibly call out to the rest of his family for help. When his struggles became too much ignore, he was taken out of the room and instead thrown into one of the dungeons that were there. Occasionally, he could see the sad glances that the butlers had given him, knowing that they didn't have a choice to do what they were told. They would either do it or be punished for it afterward if they didn't do their task. Sometimes they could even get themselves killed by not following an order from another Zoldyck manner. Killua only began to become the type to argue against other's when he grew up and after going out on a couple jobs to realize what the world was like. And at this point, he had realized that his family had lied to him, about everything that was out in the real world that was there. They had done it to keep him from wandering off on their own, but that only pissed him off even more. Killua was quicker to lose his temper at the age that he had just reached, and when his family got on his nerves, he could easily argue against what they said. Until he realized what he had just done and was filled with nothing but regret.
He knew what was going to happen next and usually saw himself out, heading straight to the dungeon room that he had been in several times before. He did the other's a favor by chaining his own paws down onto the ground, and depending on what his parents wanted, would depend on the number of lashing that he would get, that would be extremely close to his spine. The butlers that did this though were usually extremely skilled and weren't even close to snapping his spine in half with the force that they swung the whip against his body. Killua just thought of it as part of his training, and he stopped arguing with his parents a bit less just to avoid having to go through the bloody work of patching himself up and cleaning his fur from all of his own blood. The anger in him only seemed to be build even more as his time in the mansion progressed. He knew exactly how much he could get away with, and now he didn't care if he was whipped as a punishment because he could barely feel any sort of pain on the top layer of his skin, which was all scarred up anyway. They couldn't do anything to him anymore that would make him want to stay unless Illumi was involved, but luckily for Killua when he finally did leave his family, Illumi hadn't been there as he had been off on a job. If he had been, Killua wouldn't have been here as there was no way the wildcat would have been able to take on his brother, and part of him believed that he would never be able to take on the likes of his brother no matter how strong he ended up getting while he was living in the clans. What Killua would have given to let himself pass out right now on the ground. He just wanted to fall asleep but knew that his body wouldn't let him with all the stress that he was going through. His large ears did finally angle themselves toward Mel. He, of course, knew that she was there, it was practically impossible to miss the wildcat as she was literally the only species in the clan right now. He had a small frown spread across his jaws before he sighed in response to what she said. "Oi, I'm not ignoring you. I'm just.... tired is all." Killua muttered under his breath but made sure it was still loud enough for the mountain lion to hear him. He honestly hadn't meant to be rude at a time like this. He had thought the other knew that he knew she was there, but obviously, she didn't. Killua didn't even really seem to react to the nickname that the other had used, making it obvious to the condition that he was really in right now. "Gomen..." Killua stated as he puffed up his cheeks a little to eat his pride to apologize. Doubting that the other knew what the word meant, but he wasn't going to bother to translate. He glanced at the female from the corner of his eye so the other wouldn't think that he was giving her the cold shoulder. Although, he honestly gave everyone the cold shoulder nowadays. He raised one of the paws he had been resting his head on and adjusted his shoulder bandage, feeling the stitches tugging underneath the medical supply. His sapphire blue eyes directed themselves toward Jacob when he said that Snowbound got pretty crazy when the other had decided to leave. That was an understatement, but he hoped the other didn't know what he had specifically done. Killua knew what Kayn had done, although he hadn't seen the black wolf in a while.
While other's still believed that he hadn't done anything wrong, and he wanted to keep it that way. He wasn't in the right mental condition to try and reveal why he had done it to others. Not like they would understand and instead only focus on the surface of the situation. That's how most clanners were anyway. "That's one way of putting it." Killua shrugged his shoulder's, a neutral expression spread across his facial features. He had honestly hoped that Jacob would stop talking and just continue with the music so that KIllua could just listen to that and nothing else. It would make his life easier. The canine did continue to speak though, and what the other said next surprised Killua the most. The assassin even raised his head from his paw and his sapphire blue eyes widened slightly. The other was... apologizing? That didn't make enough sense to the wildcat considering that they had only exchanged a couple words on the border. What? Killua seemed to become confused as he processed the other's words for a couple of moments. How the hell was he going to respond to this? He had never reacted to someone that had apologized for him. No one had ever apologized to him his entire life. Killua seemed to be a loss for words, which led to him raising one of his paws and rubbing the back of his neck. "It isn't your fault. You were voicing your opinion and I was voicing mine. I've honestly been yelled at a lot worse so I didn't think you were actually snapping at me." Killua stated with a short chuckle escaping his jaws. Killua wasn't going to apologize what he said though, as everything he said made logical sense until proven otherwise. But he didn't think ill of Jacob at all. Considering the other was probably going through a form of shock and that Guru could have potentially messed with his head a little bit too much, they could have easily made the other say such things and Killua wouldn't have been able to figure that out. "I just look at things more logically than I think other's do. And I'm not that quick to forgive either." Killua said with a shrug of his shoulder's again. It was true. He didn't hold grudges, but the lack of trust that he had for the Typhoon would probably always be there. If he had wanted to, he could have gone to the place and assassinated her, but he didn't exactly want to start a war if the scene wasn't cleaned up enough. Killua's depressed demeanor seemed to change completely though at the mention of cookies. God, he could really use one right now. Moving up to a standing position, his shortened tail moved side to side in a lazy manner. "Sure, I could use one of those." Killua stated calmly, offering the other a tired grin.
He knew what was going to happen next and usually saw himself out, heading straight to the dungeon room that he had been in several times before. He did the other's a favor by chaining his own paws down onto the ground, and depending on what his parents wanted, would depend on the number of lashing that he would get, that would be extremely close to his spine. The butlers that did this though were usually extremely skilled and weren't even close to snapping his spine in half with the force that they swung the whip against his body. Killua just thought of it as part of his training, and he stopped arguing with his parents a bit less just to avoid having to go through the bloody work of patching himself up and cleaning his fur from all of his own blood. The anger in him only seemed to be build even more as his time in the mansion progressed. He knew exactly how much he could get away with, and now he didn't care if he was whipped as a punishment because he could barely feel any sort of pain on the top layer of his skin, which was all scarred up anyway. They couldn't do anything to him anymore that would make him want to stay unless Illumi was involved, but luckily for Killua when he finally did leave his family, Illumi hadn't been there as he had been off on a job. If he had been, Killua wouldn't have been here as there was no way the wildcat would have been able to take on his brother, and part of him believed that he would never be able to take on the likes of his brother no matter how strong he ended up getting while he was living in the clans. What Killua would have given to let himself pass out right now on the ground. He just wanted to fall asleep but knew that his body wouldn't let him with all the stress that he was going through. His large ears did finally angle themselves toward Mel. He, of course, knew that she was there, it was practically impossible to miss the wildcat as she was literally the only species in the clan right now. He had a small frown spread across his jaws before he sighed in response to what she said. "Oi, I'm not ignoring you. I'm just.... tired is all." Killua muttered under his breath but made sure it was still loud enough for the mountain lion to hear him. He honestly hadn't meant to be rude at a time like this. He had thought the other knew that he knew she was there, but obviously, she didn't. Killua didn't even really seem to react to the nickname that the other had used, making it obvious to the condition that he was really in right now. "Gomen..." Killua stated as he puffed up his cheeks a little to eat his pride to apologize. Doubting that the other knew what the word meant, but he wasn't going to bother to translate. He glanced at the female from the corner of his eye so the other wouldn't think that he was giving her the cold shoulder. Although, he honestly gave everyone the cold shoulder nowadays. He raised one of the paws he had been resting his head on and adjusted his shoulder bandage, feeling the stitches tugging underneath the medical supply. His sapphire blue eyes directed themselves toward Jacob when he said that Snowbound got pretty crazy when the other had decided to leave. That was an understatement, but he hoped the other didn't know what he had specifically done. Killua knew what Kayn had done, although he hadn't seen the black wolf in a while.
While other's still believed that he hadn't done anything wrong, and he wanted to keep it that way. He wasn't in the right mental condition to try and reveal why he had done it to others. Not like they would understand and instead only focus on the surface of the situation. That's how most clanners were anyway. "That's one way of putting it." Killua shrugged his shoulder's, a neutral expression spread across his facial features. He had honestly hoped that Jacob would stop talking and just continue with the music so that KIllua could just listen to that and nothing else. It would make his life easier. The canine did continue to speak though, and what the other said next surprised Killua the most. The assassin even raised his head from his paw and his sapphire blue eyes widened slightly. The other was... apologizing? That didn't make enough sense to the wildcat considering that they had only exchanged a couple words on the border. What? Killua seemed to become confused as he processed the other's words for a couple of moments. How the hell was he going to respond to this? He had never reacted to someone that had apologized for him. No one had ever apologized to him his entire life. Killua seemed to be a loss for words, which led to him raising one of his paws and rubbing the back of his neck. "It isn't your fault. You were voicing your opinion and I was voicing mine. I've honestly been yelled at a lot worse so I didn't think you were actually snapping at me." Killua stated with a short chuckle escaping his jaws. Killua wasn't going to apologize what he said though, as everything he said made logical sense until proven otherwise. But he didn't think ill of Jacob at all. Considering the other was probably going through a form of shock and that Guru could have potentially messed with his head a little bit too much, they could have easily made the other say such things and Killua wouldn't have been able to figure that out. "I just look at things more logically than I think other's do. And I'm not that quick to forgive either." Killua said with a shrug of his shoulder's again. It was true. He didn't hold grudges, but the lack of trust that he had for the Typhoon would probably always be there. If he had wanted to, he could have gone to the place and assassinated her, but he didn't exactly want to start a war if the scene wasn't cleaned up enough. Killua's depressed demeanor seemed to change completely though at the mention of cookies. God, he could really use one right now. Moving up to a standing position, his shortened tail moved side to side in a lazy manner. "Sure, I could use one of those." Killua stated calmly, offering the other a tired grin.
snowbound -- snowseeker -- male -- 8 moons
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