Help. I lost myself again.
But I remember you.

Once upon time, Margaery had been happy.

Life had been good.

Her family had been intact.

It was in those moments that she so ignorantly believed nothing bad could ever happen. She would never lose her wife. Her children would never disappear. Her clan would still be there, and she would be the head of it all, a queen in her own right. Oh how she thought she was living the absolute dream. And, in a way, she supposed that she was. After all, no dream lasted forever- she was bound to wake up eventually... wake up and face a reality where she was completely and utterly alone.

The very realization made her sick to her stomach.

She was not made to be this empty. She was not made to be such a purposeless creature. Then why? Why was she like this? Why could she not even find it within herself to laugh much less smile or enjoy the warmth of the sun on her back or the flowers that she had once loved so dearly? Who had taken that away from her?

[color=black]"Suiteheart."

Her voice cracked.

It was selfish to blame her wife but it was true. Suiteheart had stolen what felt like Margaery's soul when she disappeared.

And she was tired. Tired of running from repressed memories, repressed feelings, tired of looking for Suite. She wanted to close her eyes and sleep until life righted itself but she couldn't. She had promises to keep to herself, so many promises, and perhaps she would never rest until each and every one of them was fulfilled.

She just wished she wasn't so damn alone though.

"Are... you real?"

Honestly, who knew?

She had wandered for so long, a forlorn soul with nothing but aching memories and heavy paws, that she certainly questioned how real any of her life was. She would not be surprised to discover that she had actually perished and that this was some sort of twisted purgatory she was doomed to spend the rest of eternity in and yet, here she was- breathing air that she felt real and inhaling the all too familiar scent of something that she had lost oh so long ago.

Margaery's eyes had once been the windows to her soul- her every emotion displayed proudly, sometimes even wildly, within them. They were empty now, borderline bloodshot from countless nights of little to no sleep. Yet, when they fell upon the pale form of Suiteheart, something brightened within them, a little glimmer of life almost. Something stirred in her chest, a feeling that she had fallen out of acquaintance with after months of bitter, bitter solitude.

Was this real? Were these feelings, this figure before her, real?

Or had her imagination simply decided to play tricks on her?

[color=black]"Isn't that the question, love?"

She finally droned in response, though she could barely mask the hope that laced each word. Had she not known better, had she not been disappointed or falsely led before, she would have ran and embraced her wife. But she was a weary individual, a former thing of power that had been stripped of everything including her trust for others. She would not blindly hug this stranger.

But is she truly the stranger here? You're the shell. Not her. Not her.

She swallowed hardly at that thought, and then, reared upon her haunches, gray blue eyes staring intently into baby blue ones.

In reality, she supposed that neither of them truly were to blame. It was fate that had pulled them apart and, in a way, it was fate that had brought them back together. She was vaguely aware of the fact that she should be feeling something right now, whether that be immense sadness or relief, but there was nothing. Nothing but that dull flutter that had become unfamiliar, foreign even, to her. [color=black]"Suiteheart.. I..." She didn't know what to say. Did she apologize? Did she explain how bad things had been? Or did she continue sitting there, expressionless, confused at best, wishing so dearly that she could experience this bittersweet moment wholly and completely?

[color=black]"Don't cry," She finally managed, her voice even, [color=black]"It's not your fault." She tried to sound tender, gentle, understanding, but she lacked the very means to do so. If anything, her words sounded awkward and forced causing her to frown. [color=black]"My powers are gone too... and I can't feel you and I... I..." She trailed off, unable to meet her wife's gaze any longer.

[color=black]"I can't feel anything."

She was not this way by choice and she was nearly 100% certain that this had been an extension to her losing her powers and, more importantly, her bond with Suiteheart. Malfunctions such as hers had happened before, and, though she hated remembering it, malfunctions such as hers had happened to her before. As unfortunate as it was, she was not unfamiliar with this state of emotional apathy, the only difference this time being she had not brought it upon herself willingly.

[color=black]"I'm trying. I'm trying so hard. But I can't... I haven't in such a long time... And it isn't your fault! None of this is your fault. If anything, I'm glad the bond broke so you wouldn't have to experience this.. this... emptiness. I love you too much to ever wish that upon you."

She wanted to cry. She wanted to cry so badly. But no tears would come and she released a low sigh, shutting her eyes momentarily.

[color=black]"I love you..."

At least I think I still do.

"But it seems you bring something out in me."

Was that... Was that warmth she felt?

Quite frankly, she'd describe the sensation that burned in her chest similarly to indigestion. It was uncomfortable, unfamiliar, and even a bit distressing. But it was something and without meaning to, she smiled. Genuinely. Suiteheart's disappearance was to blame for her lack of emotion yes, but her reappearance had to have the power to teach her how to feel again... right?

Perhaps it was not their missing bond or her absent powers that mystically stole away her sense of fulfillment and life... perhaps she had repressed her emotions herself, afraid to deal with the trauma, the true pain they had the capability of inflicting.

[color=black]"Stop apologizing," She whispered, her breath catching in her throat, [color=black]"P-Please." Her voice cracked and she began to cry. The tears that fell from her blue eyes were not false in nature either. Their purpose for existence was not for show or for sympathy but rather a new understanding of everything topped off by the reappearance of her wife, her love. There was something there, dull, yes, but overwhelming for the girl who hadn't really felt much anything for the past year.

It was the mention of their children that broke the wall Margaery's subconscious had so carefully crafted, bringing her to the ground as her legs gave out from under her. The souls, her daughters, were gone... Jack, her sweet, sweet angel of a boy was gone... Every child she had grown to love unconditionally... gone.

She let a wail, praying it would be answer enough to Suiteheart's condition.

She didn't want to feel this suddenly. She didn't want to be burdened with this sense of failure. She was a disgraceful mother and because she could not have been better, her children had suffered.

[color=black]"I... I didn't mean to let you down."

A pause.

A sniffle.

[color=black]"I didn't mean to let them down."

Admittedly, Margaery didn't know how she would react were Suiteheart to embrace her. Much like her wife, the limited physical contact she had shared with others in the past year had been for more gruesome reasons- never from affection. She had vowed to never so much as lay a finger upon her love, but after permitting her primal instincts to rule her for far too long a time, she didn't trust herself. What if her restrain lapsed? What if she panicked under the pressure of another creature's gentle touch? She could hardly stand the thought.

So instead, she resigned to putting more space between them, her grayish blue eyes still brimmed with tears. Everything was so different now and everything was so bad. This sudden development of emotions didn't help either and for a moment, she almost regretted wishing for them so dearly. Things hurt, to put it plainly, and there wasn't anything she wouldn't give to disappear for a few moments simply to reacquaint herself with the things she had repressed... the things that she had run from.

But she couldn't do that, not when Suiteheart was telling her that they both let their children down, that they both had some part to play in this. For some reason, that left a bitter taste in her mouth. She'd rather carry that burden on her own, knowing entirely that it was her fault that her family had splintered and shattered. Suiteheart didn't have any part in that, not when she tried so hard to be a good wife, a good friend, a good mother. It was Margaery who didn't try hard enough... if only she had put more of herself in looking for what remained of the Tyrell-Folie's... if only she hadn't shut down.

The tears came harder and harder still as their children were brought up. Dead. She knew they were dead... She, herself, had barely survived this.

The sob that emitted from her trembling form was now strangled and that feeling in her chest, that dreadful, dreadful feeling was twisting and knotting more and more with every passing second.

[color=black]"I don't want this... I don't want this new life... I don't want this new home... I don't want this new us..." She whispered, [color=black]"I want our old life."