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+----- Thread: It's a start (p, Moon) (/showthread.php?tid=6658)
It's a start (p, Moon) - MirrorEdge - 10-04-2018
The day that she had realized exactly how bad her crimes were, and that they were even crimes in the first place, was when Thea's world fell apart, and after Roy's return, she had barely been seen, preferring to stick to the comfort of her room, slinking out to grab food at night rather than face her clanmates. Her 'friends' were gone. She had learned exactly how badly she had ruined any attempt at any chances of bonding with the other Ascendents, as being seen as somebody who could be trusted and depended on, and even taken one of their lives, all for something that proved to be false.
Yet, a small part of her wondered if she was at fault, and if she was even wrong. All she had known was Bucky had hurt people she cared about at some point in time, although, all she could recall was a few images of people so bloodied, she could barely put a name to them. And the anger and grief that came with them, so strong it almost physically hurt. So was she right in killing Roy to try and frame Bucky? No, you weren’t. Murderer. Liar. For now she shook her head, as if that would clear her head.
"Moon?" Dulled blue eyes could be seen as Thea poked her head into the control room, no trace of the usual smile on her face. "I have something to say, about Roy's murder. And who did it."
She probably, no, she did deserve this. Whatever was coming to her. Death, exile, anything. Even if death meant the cycle started all over again for her, with those little whispers influencing her in the next life. She just wanted to stop hurting. Feel less guilt every time she saw Roy, or Oni, or anybody else she hurt.
[member=1549]moonmade[/member] rushed and tired but here it is
Yet, a small part of her wondered if she was at fault, and if she was even wrong. All she had known was Bucky had hurt people she cared about at some point in time, although, all she could recall was a few images of people so bloodied, she could barely put a name to them. And the anger and grief that came with them, so strong it almost physically hurt. So was she right in killing Roy to try and frame Bucky? No, you weren’t. Murderer. Liar. For now she shook her head, as if that would clear her head.
"Moon?" Dulled blue eyes could be seen as Thea poked her head into the control room, no trace of the usual smile on her face. "I have something to say, about Roy's murder. And who did it."
She probably, no, she did deserve this. Whatever was coming to her. Death, exile, anything. Even if death meant the cycle started all over again for her, with those little whispers influencing her in the next life. She just wanted to stop hurting. Feel less guilt every time she saw Roy, or Oni, or anybody else she hurt.
[member=1549]moonmade[/member] rushed and tired but here it is
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Re: It's a start (p, Moon) - MOONMADE - 10-05-2018
[size=9pt]All scarred body and disheveled fur, the lion picks himself up from where he’d been leaning, limp, against the blank walls of the room. He hates the place with a fucking passion; the flickering screens and numerous computers have long since been turned off, but still, the control room hangs on to that coldness that has Moon uneasy whenever he’s forced to be there.
But he figures he needs to spend an hour or two, here and there, in the kip, or it’d look bad or something. Not so Astral Seraph-y of him. Thea just so manages to catch him on one of those hours. ”Shoot.” Says the lion, and though he sounds nonchalant as he always does, there’s a gentle pinch to his guess, lips parting to portray an expression of someone who knows somethings off. He has a bad feeling about this.
/rushed + mobiles yikes
But he figures he needs to spend an hour or two, here and there, in the kip, or it’d look bad or something. Not so Astral Seraph-y of him. Thea just so manages to catch him on one of those hours. ”Shoot.” Says the lion, and though he sounds nonchalant as he always does, there’s a gentle pinch to his guess, lips parting to portray an expression of someone who knows somethings off. He has a bad feeling about this.
/rushed + mobiles yikes
Re: It's a start (p, Moon) - MirrorEdge - 10-06-2018
"I was the one who did it." To be completely honest, it felt like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders, replaced with a heavier one, and she could feel the strange wetness welling up in her eyes, still unused to crying, especially over something like this. "I killed him, I mean. I don't know. My friends-" No, not friends. They hadn't been friends. They were just the burden she was stuck with, most likely for eternity, who had influenced her in this life, and would continue this cycle as she reincarnated again and again. For Thea, just knowing this was hell enough for her.
"Not friends. Voices. Little whispers." She corrected herself, paw raising to tap against her head. "It was kinda like a lot of people talking as one, so they were a bit hard to understand sometimes, like when I did something wrong and they got angry. I don't actually know exactly what they were, to be honest." What had her past self called it? Darker essences mixed in her aura? Yeah, something along those lines. "They suggested it, and I listened. Like I always did. So I killed him. To blame Bucky." The frustration was beginning to bubble up in her, forming a danger concoction with the anger, hatred, and sadness. "I don't even know exactly why they wanted that done. It's just a bunch of memories that don't fit into my life." All she knew was those blurred images that she had been shown, and those feelings and brief memories of family and friends dead. And all she knew was that Bucky had something to do with it. That he was to blamed for the loss she felt, even when those memories had no place in her life. Like extra puzzle pieces in a box. A mistake. Yes, that's what she was. A mistake. Something that needed to be dealt with. Disposed of. Yet killing her would only start it all over again, unravel what little progress she made with keeping those darker essences in check with whatever the hell her past self did.
And a small part of her still felt it was right. There would probably always be a part of her that justified her actions, a part she would do her best to not acknowledge.
"So there it is. I'm a murderer. I killed Roy. I hurt Oni. I hurt others as well, because I wasn't strong. Strong enough or smart enough to put a stop to it." It was ironic, really, this whole time, she thought she had been strong, but she was finally realizing how weak she was, mentally and emotionally, and how much of a handicap that was. That strength was nothing if it hurt the ones you cared about. Everything she believed, that she had killed others over was a complete lie, and Thea felt like a fool.
"Not friends. Voices. Little whispers." She corrected herself, paw raising to tap against her head. "It was kinda like a lot of people talking as one, so they were a bit hard to understand sometimes, like when I did something wrong and they got angry. I don't actually know exactly what they were, to be honest." What had her past self called it? Darker essences mixed in her aura? Yeah, something along those lines. "They suggested it, and I listened. Like I always did. So I killed him. To blame Bucky." The frustration was beginning to bubble up in her, forming a danger concoction with the anger, hatred, and sadness. "I don't even know exactly why they wanted that done. It's just a bunch of memories that don't fit into my life." All she knew was those blurred images that she had been shown, and those feelings and brief memories of family and friends dead. And all she knew was that Bucky had something to do with it. That he was to blamed for the loss she felt, even when those memories had no place in her life. Like extra puzzle pieces in a box. A mistake. Yes, that's what she was. A mistake. Something that needed to be dealt with. Disposed of. Yet killing her would only start it all over again, unravel what little progress she made with keeping those darker essences in check with whatever the hell her past self did.
And a small part of her still felt it was right. There would probably always be a part of her that justified her actions, a part she would do her best to not acknowledge.
"So there it is. I'm a murderer. I killed Roy. I hurt Oni. I hurt others as well, because I wasn't strong. Strong enough or smart enough to put a stop to it." It was ironic, really, this whole time, she thought she had been strong, but she was finally realizing how weak she was, mentally and emotionally, and how much of a handicap that was. That strength was nothing if it hurt the ones you cared about. Everything she believed, that she had killed others over was a complete lie, and Thea felt like a fool.
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Re: It's a start (p, Moon) - MirrorEdge - 10-08-2018
nudge for when you have time
Re: It's a start (p, Moon) - MOONMADE - 10-10-2018
[size=9pt]Moon sits and listens through it all. Initially, the words hit his ears and he's shocked, angry, confused. But it fades quick and something replaces it; distanced, indifferent, numbed. So fucking what? She was a murderer. He was all too familiar with those. It was part of life. You live yours and you end others'. And it happens like how this had just happened; shock, anger, confusion. But then in comes the numbness and indifference, and in the whole run of things, it doesn't matter whether or not the body left lying on the ground still has a beating heart. So fucking what?
But then he remembers that it's wrong. He remembers learning that, somewhere along the line after the reign of his Pride came to a shuddering halt. Someone had taught him. Someone who hadn't grown up with corpses piling up on their doorstep and a family of contorted, cruel creatures.
"You can't stay here anymore." He says, after a long pause where he sits, staring Thea down with an empty gaze. "This means exile, Thea."
But then he remembers that it's wrong. He remembers learning that, somewhere along the line after the reign of his Pride came to a shuddering halt. Someone had taught him. Someone who hadn't grown up with corpses piling up on their doorstep and a family of contorted, cruel creatures.
"You can't stay here anymore." He says, after a long pause where he sits, staring Thea down with an empty gaze. "This means exile, Thea."
Re: It's a start (p, Moon) - MirrorEdge - 10-10-2018
"Exile." The word has a bitter taste on her tongue, and she doesn't like it. Deep down, some part of her was hoping this was enough grounds for death, and the more logical part, the part that knew what would happen if she died, clashed with the other. Before, she couldn't care if she lived or died, was exiled or not. But now? She did, and it hurt, caring this much.
Look at what you get, child, for telling the truth. Feel any better now? Thea shook her head, trying to get rid of those annoying little whispers. "Yes, actually, I do. It hurts, though. I don't understand why." She muttered under her breath, saying nothing to Moon as she turned, heading out the door, her paws itching to reach up and grasp the cord around her neck, either to rip it off or to find a source of comfort in it, she didn't know.
Look at what you get, child, for telling the truth. Feel any better now? Thea shook her head, trying to get rid of those annoying little whispers. "Yes, actually, I do. It hurts, though. I don't understand why." She muttered under her breath, saying nothing to Moon as she turned, heading out the door, her paws itching to reach up and grasp the cord around her neck, either to rip it off or to find a source of comfort in it, she didn't know.
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