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Scars Collected All Their Lives // P, Killua - Kayn - 04-09-2018
I lost my dreams in this disaster
Kayn — Male — Snowbound — Warrior — Difficult
The black lupine followed the tracks of the young feline who had been injured in a fight with some lone animals in the territory. Killua hadn't been severely injured by any means, but that only meant that Kayn was more interested in following after the male. Not to fix his wounds, although he would gladly if allowed, but because things hadn't exactly added up. A small apprentice taking on two creatures much older and larger than himself, one of which being quite a large wolf. The wounds he'd sustained were minor for such an engagement which had certainly made the black lupine began thinking about things. Regardless of the actual reasoning behind the fight, it was clear that Killua was a particularly strong individual.
More importantly though, nipping at the back of his mind despite the fact that he'd tried everything in his power to silence it, was the whisper of lies he'd rather not listen to. Or perhaps they were truths he simply refused. And that biting hunger had only grown stronger when the wolf had arrived at the scene of the blood bath. Luckily there had been other people around, but now Killua was alone. Kayn didn't plan on hurting him though. Of course not, but... at least basking in the overpowering spiritual scent of an irresistible soul was allowed right? Merely being around Killua wasn't a crime. Nor was having repressed desires to eat the small feline. Kayn hadn't done anything and he wouldn't be any time soon. He promised himself that as he woke, repeating it calmly in his mind while searching for the cat in question.
As a matter of fact, despite the urges he felt that had awoken several minutes prior to invade this thoughts once again after months of moral freedom, Kayn actually wanted to befriend Killua. The feline was feisty, confident, and ready to challenge anyone who offered themselves forward. Honestly Kayn saw himself in the younger male. From a cursory glance he could tell that they were kindred spirits. It was more than obvious in the cat's eyes. The melanistic lupine had learned a long time ago that the best way to read someone was their eyes and the body language accompanied with it. Despite appearing and sounding so sure, Killua had a certain disinterest in his eyes most times. An emptiness. As for the cause of that Kayn was unsure, but he'd known that feeling for far too long. He'd held that very same gaze when he looked at others. For the demon-touched wolf though he had always been sizing someone up to kill them. What would Killua's reasoning be?
Finally, after a little bit of searching with his aura sight due to the lack of a scent and the feline's tracks disappearing as snow began to fall heavier, he honed in on Killua. When he found the serval though it wasn't quite what he had expected. Kayn had assumed he'd find the albino off on his own, licking his wounds in frustration for having been hurt in the fight to begin with. Or maybe he'd be off training despite the injures to prevent something like that for occurring in the first place. Neither of those things were reflected in the azure and crimson orbs of the black lupine. Instead, he saw remorse. Kayn could no longer sense emotions and eat them like he could when Fenrir had been twinned with his soul, but his mind was easily sharp enough to recognize an expression he held himself when growing up. It was entirely possible that the feline and himself were more alike than he had first thought, even though in all physical regards they were opposites.
As the wolf approached, scent and sound obscured and distorted by the howling frozen winds, Kayn's ears perked up at the sound of Killua's voice. The lupine couldn't exactly decipher what was being said, but it was obvious he was talking to himself. Or talking to someone. Usually Kayn had done that in his head when he conversed with his own demons. That was something he refused to do now since he knew the voices in his head now were entirely fake. The closer he got though the more panic he picked up in the unintelligable words, breath quick and ragged as he looked down at his paws which seemed to blend with the snow underfoot. This was not the reaction of someone who had simply killed in self-defense unless it was their first time killing. By the look of the albino felines eyes from the moment he'd first seen him, Kayn highly doubted that."Killua?" The large obsidian furred wolf called out tentatively, coat dotted with specks of white from the arctic precipitation. Then Kayn sat down on his haunches to show that he was no threat to the rattled boy. "It's okay... I promise," the midnight lupine assured, sympathy evident in his dual-colored gaze. The earlier desire to feast upon Killua had been entirely replaced with concern, genuine worry for the apprentice seeping from his musical voice. Maybe it was because when he looked at Killua he couldn't help to remember what it was like to be alone for so long with the weight of the wolrd upon his shoulders. No one else had tracked the serval down, and so Kayn had taken it upon himself with various reasons in mind. Now it was clear which one he wished to follow through with going forward.
More importantly though, nipping at the back of his mind despite the fact that he'd tried everything in his power to silence it, was the whisper of lies he'd rather not listen to. Or perhaps they were truths he simply refused. And that biting hunger had only grown stronger when the wolf had arrived at the scene of the blood bath. Luckily there had been other people around, but now Killua was alone. Kayn didn't plan on hurting him though. Of course not, but... at least basking in the overpowering spiritual scent of an irresistible soul was allowed right? Merely being around Killua wasn't a crime. Nor was having repressed desires to eat the small feline. Kayn hadn't done anything and he wouldn't be any time soon. He promised himself that as he woke, repeating it calmly in his mind while searching for the cat in question.
As a matter of fact, despite the urges he felt that had awoken several minutes prior to invade this thoughts once again after months of moral freedom, Kayn actually wanted to befriend Killua. The feline was feisty, confident, and ready to challenge anyone who offered themselves forward. Honestly Kayn saw himself in the younger male. From a cursory glance he could tell that they were kindred spirits. It was more than obvious in the cat's eyes. The melanistic lupine had learned a long time ago that the best way to read someone was their eyes and the body language accompanied with it. Despite appearing and sounding so sure, Killua had a certain disinterest in his eyes most times. An emptiness. As for the cause of that Kayn was unsure, but he'd known that feeling for far too long. He'd held that very same gaze when he looked at others. For the demon-touched wolf though he had always been sizing someone up to kill them. What would Killua's reasoning be?
Finally, after a little bit of searching with his aura sight due to the lack of a scent and the feline's tracks disappearing as snow began to fall heavier, he honed in on Killua. When he found the serval though it wasn't quite what he had expected. Kayn had assumed he'd find the albino off on his own, licking his wounds in frustration for having been hurt in the fight to begin with. Or maybe he'd be off training despite the injures to prevent something like that for occurring in the first place. Neither of those things were reflected in the azure and crimson orbs of the black lupine. Instead, he saw remorse. Kayn could no longer sense emotions and eat them like he could when Fenrir had been twinned with his soul, but his mind was easily sharp enough to recognize an expression he held himself when growing up. It was entirely possible that the feline and himself were more alike than he had first thought, even though in all physical regards they were opposites.
As the wolf approached, scent and sound obscured and distorted by the howling frozen winds, Kayn's ears perked up at the sound of Killua's voice. The lupine couldn't exactly decipher what was being said, but it was obvious he was talking to himself. Or talking to someone. Usually Kayn had done that in his head when he conversed with his own demons. That was something he refused to do now since he knew the voices in his head now were entirely fake. The closer he got though the more panic he picked up in the unintelligable words, breath quick and ragged as he looked down at his paws which seemed to blend with the snow underfoot. This was not the reaction of someone who had simply killed in self-defense unless it was their first time killing. By the look of the albino felines eyes from the moment he'd first seen him, Kayn highly doubted that."Killua?" The large obsidian furred wolf called out tentatively, coat dotted with specks of white from the arctic precipitation. Then Kayn sat down on his haunches to show that he was no threat to the rattled boy. "It's okay... I promise," the midnight lupine assured, sympathy evident in his dual-colored gaze. The earlier desire to feast upon Killua had been entirely replaced with concern, genuine worry for the apprentice seeping from his musical voice. Maybe it was because when he looked at Killua he couldn't help to remember what it was like to be alone for so long with the weight of the wolrd upon his shoulders. No one else had tracked the serval down, and so Kayn had taken it upon himself with various reasons in mind. Now it was clear which one he wished to follow through with going forward.
Re: Scars Collected All Their Lives // P, Killua - | KILLUA ZOLDYCK | - 04-11-2018
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[shadow=darkblue,right]KILLUA[/shadow]
.
Killua didn't know a whole lot when it came to souls. He was pretty that they didn't exist even if he heard a couple animals in the clans talk about what htey were here and there. After all it had never really part of his job description for something that he would need to learn. There were plenty of ways to figure out how to track someone down other than just scent, and he could usually track down those that he wanted to. Few animals thought about hidnig their scent on a daily basis. Sure, if they were to wash themselves constantly it just meant that their scent would be harder to find, but if they didn't do anything about the prints that they left on the ground, subtle or not, he could still track them that way. Killua just knew that souls probably existed, but beyond that he had no idea what they looked like. He didn't possess the power to look at ghosts or even souls like some of the other animals had in his life that he had come across. The assassin didn't even think a power like that would even be that useful if someone couldn't look through the likes of a wall to see if someone was there. How could someone even identify souls? Did they all look the same? It was because of Killua's lack of knowledge that he didn't realize what was happening to his own soul while he walked around the clans. He had no memory of anything happening to him to that extent, and he had no memory of what he had been doing several months ago thanks to having his memory erased by the likes of his brother. The brother that woudl do everythign in his power to make sure that he would reach the potential that the family knew that he had inside of him. Killua called bullshit. He didn't care about meeting up their expectations anymore, in fact if he wanted to, he would rather just spite them in some way or another. Just to piss them off. It was the least that his family ended up deserving at least that much done to them. Did he wish that all of the Zoldyck family was dead? Not exactly. He wouldn't mind if they got crippled from injuries because it would be their own fault if they got themselves that injured. They were still technically family to him no matter how far he decided to try and get away from them. Even despite this though, the assassin couldn't get away from his family completely. Even if he was a several months journey away from where the Zoldyck mansion was, he could still feel their damned influence all around him. Every step that he took, his limbs moved in the way that he didn't want them to move. He wasn't sure if he could blame it on his instincts anymore for what he had done. That was a far too easy excuse to use, and one that others could wiggle their way around to find the actual truth for the way that he had actually reacted. He was their puppet. The strings that are used to pull him to do whatever they wanted still attached to every part of his being. His emotions. His fears. His goals. His life. They were all tied to them, and he had no way to cut them. He didn't KNOW a way to get rid of the ropes that held him down so that he couldn't reach out and figure out what it felt to be a clanner. At least somewhat like a clanner. There was no one in the distance for him to reach out to though. He was lonely. He had always been. He had realized after he had taken the life of those two animals just a couple minutes ago. The feeling of their blood pumping underneath his paws as he stood over their corpses. There was nothing there for him in the clans. At least not something for the Snowseeker to be able to physically see. Maybe it was his mind constantly playing games on him to create an illusion of lies that were just waiting to be uncovered. He still didn't trust the group. He didn't feel accepted anywhere that he went. He didn't BELONG anywhere. That's what his family had told him, and he had a feeling that it was true. It was so frustrating to admit that they were right though. To the point where he just wanted to rip his own flesh to FEEL something. Anything that was geniunly his own feelings and something that wasn't crafted to be what his family thought he should be feeling. After having killed the two animals and walking away from the scene that he had committed. Melantha, Kayn, and London being left in the dust behind and he didn't really care if anyone had followed him. If they tried, they were bound to get themselves in danger in the condition that he was in at the time. As Killua had walked through the snow, the numb feeling that he had during the assassination slowly started to drift away from his mind. He came to, feeling the wounds that were on his body, while at the same time feeling how physically exhausted he felt for some reason. He had blinked his eyes over and over again, stopping in the middle of the snow-covered pine tree forest to look down at his paws. He was finally allowed to feel his own emotions against, and a wave of regret went over to his head. The feeling so strong that he could feel bile rising up in his throat as he nearly buckled over from the realization. It had nearly been three months. Three months since he had last killed anyone. Killua had thought that he was getting better with managing his actions over the months that he grew up. He sank the anger that he constantly felt directed toward others and buried it. He hadn't killed the Typhoon member that had killed London. And yet, here he was, covered in the creatures blood. Were they even innocent? He wouldn't be surprised if they were all things considering. The assassin opened his mouth to scream but nothing had came out. This was his fault. It was more than just his own fault though. That bastard. That bastard had done this to him. He knew that when he turned his switch, he was able to control most of his actions. This time. This time it was completely different.
The albino serval knew that if he didn't get the blood that currently was sticking to his body that it was bound to stain his whtie fur, and paint a picture for all to see what he was capable of. Having memorized the entire territory, Killua knew where the next body water actually was, and rushed in that direction. It only took Killua a couple seconds to arrive in a panic, struggling to keep his breathing in check. There was snow everywhere, not like it mattered to the assassin bc he could conjure up anything he wanted that was warm. Killua didn't wait a second as he leaped into the creek, and watched as flesh and blood washed out from in between his claws and paws. "Kuso!" Killua snarled to himself in his own language, out of pure frustration. How pitiful was he? He couldn't even figure out when he wanted to kill and when he didn't want to kill. He was DISGUSTED with himself. He had failed the teachings of the one that had nearly taken him in and try to teach ihm what it was like to feel emotions. Circusclown. How disappointed the other would have looked at him. "You're too afraid of what others think of you Kill. You don't think you would belong in a place that you're afraid to be yourself right?" Hearing his brother's voice made him stiffen. Killua dug his metal claws into the rockbed of the creek he was standing it. The cold liquid almost making his paws feel numb. Killua was quick to respond to the way the other was speaking to him. "Shut up! Fuck you! What did you do to me? That wasn't ME!" Killua shouted angrily. Frustration. Fear. Confusion. Loneliness was all prominent in the way he spoke. He was trying not to feel choked up about what he was saying. Illumi's teaching had been right after all. He didn't want to reveal to those in Snowbound what he was out of consideration that he knew they would be afraid of him as soon as he opened his mouth. He couldn't have that. Illumi's voice didn't ring in his head as he used his paws to try and rub out the blood from his paws, at least getting the victim's blood off of his paws instead of tending to his own wounds. Luckily the clotting of his blood had stopped the bleeding from his own wounds. Killua's snapped up from what he was doing as he turned around, almost defensively in the paw high water of the creek as soon as his name was called. A cold look appeared in his eyes as he sank his claws into the bank. Someone had followed him. Why? He wanted to be alone. The much larger wolf could easily break one of his legs if the other wanted a fight. He didn't know Kayn other than the time the other had appeared on the border with his strange family. Killua had been about to open his mouth to question what the other was doing here, when the other spoke again, saying that everything was going to be okay. Shock spread across his features, and all aggression seemed to melt away. Until it came back just a second later as he hissed at the other, the fur that wasn't covered in blood bristling along his body. "Okay? Okay?! How the hell is any of that okay?! Look at what I did, they're dead because of me!" Killua shouted. Didn't the other get it? He was dangerous. Dangerous than anyone else that was probably in Snowbound at the moment. Killua made gesturing motion with his arms toward the direction where the corpses probably still were. However, he made it seem like he didn't kill them in cold blood, and still went along with the story that the animals had attacked him first. The look in his eyes, looked completely different than when Kayn had first appeared on the gruesome scen.
The albino serval knew that if he didn't get the blood that currently was sticking to his body that it was bound to stain his whtie fur, and paint a picture for all to see what he was capable of. Having memorized the entire territory, Killua knew where the next body water actually was, and rushed in that direction. It only took Killua a couple seconds to arrive in a panic, struggling to keep his breathing in check. There was snow everywhere, not like it mattered to the assassin bc he could conjure up anything he wanted that was warm. Killua didn't wait a second as he leaped into the creek, and watched as flesh and blood washed out from in between his claws and paws. "Kuso!" Killua snarled to himself in his own language, out of pure frustration. How pitiful was he? He couldn't even figure out when he wanted to kill and when he didn't want to kill. He was DISGUSTED with himself. He had failed the teachings of the one that had nearly taken him in and try to teach ihm what it was like to feel emotions. Circusclown. How disappointed the other would have looked at him. "You're too afraid of what others think of you Kill. You don't think you would belong in a place that you're afraid to be yourself right?" Hearing his brother's voice made him stiffen. Killua dug his metal claws into the rockbed of the creek he was standing it. The cold liquid almost making his paws feel numb. Killua was quick to respond to the way the other was speaking to him. "Shut up! Fuck you! What did you do to me? That wasn't ME!" Killua shouted angrily. Frustration. Fear. Confusion. Loneliness was all prominent in the way he spoke. He was trying not to feel choked up about what he was saying. Illumi's teaching had been right after all. He didn't want to reveal to those in Snowbound what he was out of consideration that he knew they would be afraid of him as soon as he opened his mouth. He couldn't have that. Illumi's voice didn't ring in his head as he used his paws to try and rub out the blood from his paws, at least getting the victim's blood off of his paws instead of tending to his own wounds. Luckily the clotting of his blood had stopped the bleeding from his own wounds. Killua's snapped up from what he was doing as he turned around, almost defensively in the paw high water of the creek as soon as his name was called. A cold look appeared in his eyes as he sank his claws into the bank. Someone had followed him. Why? He wanted to be alone. The much larger wolf could easily break one of his legs if the other wanted a fight. He didn't know Kayn other than the time the other had appeared on the border with his strange family. Killua had been about to open his mouth to question what the other was doing here, when the other spoke again, saying that everything was going to be okay. Shock spread across his features, and all aggression seemed to melt away. Until it came back just a second later as he hissed at the other, the fur that wasn't covered in blood bristling along his body. "Okay? Okay?! How the hell is any of that okay?! Look at what I did, they're dead because of me!" Killua shouted. Didn't the other get it? He was dangerous. Dangerous than anyone else that was probably in Snowbound at the moment. Killua made gesturing motion with his arms toward the direction where the corpses probably still were. However, he made it seem like he didn't kill them in cold blood, and still went along with the story that the animals had attacked him first. The look in his eyes, looked completely different than when Kayn had first appeared on the gruesome scen.
snowbound -- snowseeker -- male -- 8 moons
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