--
When Izuku had woken up, the first time, he'd been a kitten. All wide eyes and soft, downy fur. He'd been covered in blood, then, and sobbing in confusion and loss. He was alone, then. The world was against him, and he'd lost everything. The day he shed his morals was the day he almost drowned. He was still a kitten. He'd been five months. Two months after he woke up. Two months of being hurt and thrown around and starved. She'd tried to drown him. He'd .. thought he could trust her, because she'd taken care of him while he recovered. But then she had shoved his head under the water of the river. And that's when Izuku understood. He understood that, no matter what he did, people still wanted to kill him. He couldn't prevent it, the only thing he could do was truly fight back. No more fleeing. He had to take charge. .. He was still a kitten when he met Locket. The little Shrike had just appeared one day, landing on his shoulder. She talked, sometimes, but she was generally quiet. Izuku .. didn't trust her. She may be small, but anybody could hurt him. Izuku wasn't strong enough to defend himself. But Locket stayed, and Izuku adjusted to her presence. He didn't have a choice, anyways. .. She was the only friend Izuku had, then. .. It'd taken a while for him to adjust, of course, but there was something soothing about having a quiet presence there.
.. Locket had been there to witness Izuku's shift. Had been there to see Izuku change from a scared kid to something else. It hadn't been something slow or subtle. It was like a switch had been flicked, really. She'd watched as he started mercilessly tearing people down. His paws were bloody and so were his teeth. And Izuku? .. He hadn't cared anymore. All he cared about was getting out alive and intact, and who the hell cared if he had to threaten or hurt people just to do it? It was the same thing that they'd always done to him. And Locket? Well, she didn't leave, but she grew wary of what this damn kid was shifting into. Something dangerous. Maybe this was how the monsters of the wild were formed. They understood that there was no way out, and so they became what they hated because they had no other choice. They adapted, or they died. And Izuku? He adapted.
Locket stayed, through it all. She understood that he didn't have a choice. He was still, somehow, good. It showed in the little ways. The way he'd share with her, even when he was starving. The way that he'd defend her, if she swooped too close to a battle. Izuku, despite what the wilds was turning him into, was not a bad person. Until he was. Until, in that post-battle hysteria, he'd turned on her with sparking claws and snarls. He'd apologized, once he'd come back to his senses. She hadn't cared. She'd seen. She understood.
And then Izuku was alone. It'd been hard to adjust to. Maybe things had gotten worse, then. Without a grounding force, a reasonable voice telling him what was right and what was wrong. A moral compass. .. Izuku fell further down that pit of heroic and villainous and he doesn't understand why he's practically a villain, anymore. .. Locket watched, all the meanwhile. How could she not? She couldn't just abandon the fucking kid, even if she was .. disgusted. Disgusted by what that soft kid had turned into. Maybe it was morbid fascination over the exact process of what changed people, in the wilds. In the region of the wilds, really. Not all the wilds, despite what Izuku may say, were the exact same. .. She'd left when he joined her first group. She wondered what sort of havoc the brat would wreck on things, there. It wasn't her problem, anyways.
--
.. Izuku hadn't ever expected to meet Locket again. Her hatred had been clear when she'd flown off, and Izuku didn't fault her for that. He didn't fault her for anything, really. It was his fault. His damn fault. He hadn't meant to. Izuku had never meant for anything, though, and that was just .. weak. He was weak. Weak for giving in to instincts, allowing that to happen at all. He was weak for finding solace in Snowbound. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve to stay here after the shit he'd done, he didn't deserve .. whatever damn happiness he'd found here. He didn't. There was something distinctly guilty in his chest whenever he looked at his classmates, or his friends, because he wasn't the person they thought he was. Or at least .. he didn't think he was. He remembers days of blood and crackling and "Hey, you can do this for me, right?", ice and promises thinly veiled under a kind voice and a sharp grin. He wasn't .. as good or as pure as they made him out to be. Sometimes he missed those days of bloodshed. Those times were far and few, but they still existed, and he always wanted to vomit after them. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve it. He'd lost the damn right, so why was he here?
.. Today is a bad day. Today is a day where he doesn't want to get up. Today is a day where he wants to do anything but spend time with people because he feels vile and like there's still blood covering his paws. His talons. Whenever he looks, it's not there. And he doesn't understand. His claw covers his snout and he feels vile. Even curled up tight like this, it's not enough. He's not good enough. He can't make up for it. He can never make up for it.
"Now what're you doing in a place like this?" A harsh chirp alerts Izuku to a presence. It's not one of his clanmates. He knows who it is. He knows. She can't be here. She can't. His ears fall back, but Izuku opens his eyes anyways. And there she is, a bitty little bird perched on his talons. She'd been small when she was a kitten, but she was absolutely tiny in comparison now. Izuku -- well. Izuku's stomach is churning, seeing those familiar downy grey feathers and he wants to vomit. He can't -- speak. He remembers. He remembers red-tinted vision and swinging. He hadn't meant to and oh god he's going to vomit and cry. "You know as well as I do that you don't really belong here. A passive group housing a murderer, huh?" She snorts, and the tiny bird swings a wing in one of his eyes. Izuku flinches, but says nothing. She was so much smaller than him, but he can't do anything. He knows she's right. He still remembers. How could he not? He hadn't meant to. He'd never meant to. Killing was -- look. He could .. he could hurt people how he liked. But he couldn't kill people. Until he did. And he did it again. And again. .. Only one was intentional, a burst of rage in the midst of battle and then his claws were in their throat and digging and then they were on the ground and he was bloody and it was over. Izuku wasn't a good person. He'd never claimed to be. But it still hurt to hear again, breath hitching as he buries his face in his claws. Undaunted, Locket merely shifts on his claws.
"You fit in fine. You're pretty popular. You've got people to rely on here. But do you deserve it?" She's still striding over his talons and Izuku knows. He knows, he knows, he knows. There's tears in his eyes, spilling down his cheeks. He's burying his face in his talons with a softly whispered "No," and Locket wordlessly flies from his talons to his head, where she perches next to his ear. Izuku can't see her, but he knows she's grinning with that smug little grin of her's. Izuku's breath hitches and he doesn't know why he's here. He knows his crimes. Why had he thought he'd ever be allowed this, when he's still got trouble following him from the wilds. He wants to .. dig his talons into something. Preferably Locket. .. Preferably himself. God. God.
"I could tell them, y'know. It wouldn't be hard," Locket chimes, motioning with a wing again. A threat. She was threatening him. He could hear how smug she was, at the thought of ruining him. He didn't mean to. He didn't want to. He didn't .. understand. He didn't understand why Locket was here or what was happening and he didn't mean to. Izuku is shaking, and he's breathing too fast and the world is spinning. Please dont. Don't. Please. He's practically sobbing, and he feels dizzy. He can't just forget. He'd wanted to. He wanted to forget stuff so bad but it always came back to haunt him. No matter what he did, he just wasn't allowed to forget. It wasn't fair. "Pl -- don't. I don't .. I won't .." He's so dizzy, and he can't breathe. He doesn't know what he's trying to say. Either way, it's wrong. He can't .. "I won't d --.. Do it again .." He pleads. Don't. Don't. Don't take this away from him, too. He's already lost so much, not this, too. Not when he cared and he didn't mean to. He was trying to get better. He really was, and it may not be enough, but he was trying. Lock huffs.
"C'mon, Ku, get the hell up. This is just pathetic," Locket groans. Damn. The kid may resemble something more similar to what she remembers from the earlier days of knowing him, but that doesn't excuse jack shit. He'd done terrible things even before she'd met him. It was just hidden under a layer of 'unstable confused kid'. Fuck, he was annoying though. It takes a few minutes of chattering to encourage the damn dragon to his feet, and it's frustrating. He'd always either shut down or straightened out in stressful situations. She snorts. She wasn't going to bring it up all at once. Nobody would believe her. Maybe some comments on Izuku's shit when she got the chance, but .. well. Why not take advantage of this? Locket had always loved being in the center of attention. There was no doubt about that. And, well, there were more chances for that here, wasn't there? Locket ruffles her feathers as she smugly settles onto Izuku's head. Izuku looked .. tired. Still maybe a little teary-eyed, but mostly just sort of .. beaten-down. Resigned. I mean, Locket hadn't done shit, but he'd always been a little prone to crying, anyways. Nothing new.
//i finished this thread at 1am so the quality dropped pretty fast rip.
this is like,, nearly 1.8k  words long rip

.. Even if Izuku kind of wants to die, right now, Cry's presence is .. comforting. The gross feeling in his chest strengthens, because he doesn't deserve it, doesn't deserve her friendship. Whatever sort of friendship it was. His ears are ringing, and his talons are digging into the ground. He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't be here, because he didn't even do anything. He upset people and he wasn't good at hunting or actual fighting. Sure, he was the Frosthealer, but he was replaceable and he got injured enough that it didn't even matter.
.. So he feels pretty awful. Maybe a little out of it. Doesn't really react as Cry perches herself on his shoulders, either. Just turns his had to absently take note of the situation. His ears are just sort of .. flopped. He's tired. And he's just .. really sick of all of the shit he's had to go through lately. Sometimes he's just .. he's not sure. Sometimes he wishes he could go to sleep. Maybe for a year, maybe never wake up again. But even just actual rest would be excellent, because he's not sure how much of this shit he can take when he's running on no sleep. And this appears to becoming a trend where his stresses pile up, so .. he's in for a ride.
"Oh, you're kidding," Locket flourishes her wings dramatically as she squawks. How insulting. Locket hadn't interacted with a ton of people besides Izuku before, but part of her is thriving at this attention. Even if the implications are pretty awful, at least to her. Negative attention was better than no attention at all. As long as that negative attention wasn't .. fighting attention. She couldn't fight. Like .. at all. "For all you know, he let me in! How the fuck was he allowed to get in here then, anyways?" Dramatically, the shrike turns up her beak. Ick. How rude. .. Not that Locket really knew what 'rudeness' was. She'd never experienced it. She'd been pretty much secluded since she was young. But she thinks she'd consider this rude. Rude, rude, rude. A fantastic word.

Locket, despite her tendency to pick whatever fights she could, was absolutely useless in all of the fights she did get into. She had no good comebacks, and while Locket had endurance, she was weak as hell. The little shrike's feathers ruffle at Cry's laughing, and she lets out an indignant squawk. Or -- more like an insulted chirp. Locket did not have that strong of a voice. Even when she did speak, her voice was pathetically soft compared to Cry's. Locket did not have the voice to be the wicked little thing she wanted to be, and that was awfully frustrating.
"I'm not a freak!" Locket argues back, spreading her wings to wave them in frustration. She sounds more like a frustrated kid than somebody trying to actually argue. The annoyed little shrike follows after Cry without a second thought, diving after in what is intended to be an aggressive motion. She fails miserably, and face-plants. Locket recovers very quickly, hopping back to her face and brushing herself off as if nothing happened. "Wh -- excuse me. What, do you think I -- he's not a kid, fuck you --" Locket proceeds to fail miserably at some sort of comeback. The poor bird is clearly flustered and very insulted. Though, Cry was .. ridiculously close to the truth. Her mom did care a little bit, at the least. Still, as the little Shrike puffs herself up in attempts to make herself seem bigger, she gives up on whatever argument she was trying to come up with. Instead, she hops one step closer, as close to the raven as she could, and turns her chin very high up. And then she screams. She stiffens up like a board, and literally just screams at the top of her damn lungs. She appears to believe this makes up for her failed comeback, even though it was, at best, very puzzling, and very hard on the ears.